Lynne Doom

​[00:00:00]

Kevin: Welcome everyone to another episode of the Reframeable podcast, the podcast that brings you people's stories and ideas about how we can work to reframe our relationship, not just with alcohol, but with stress, anxiety, relationships, enjoyment, and so much more because changing our relationship with alcohol is about so much more than changing the contents of our glass.

This podcast is brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one. App to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you.

My name is Kevin Bellack. I'm a certified professional recovery coach and the head of coaching at.

Today we are talking with reframer Lynne Doom. Lynne is a retired nursing home administrator with a passion for all things rugged outdoors, canning foods from her garden, and tapping into creativity through scrapbooking and journaling. She started on Reframe in [00:01:00] March 2022 on the cutback track and switch to the alcohol free track on June 3rd, 2022, Lynne has navigated an alcohol free lifestyle while being surrounded by alcohol.

All of the people she loves still drink alcohol, including her husband. She successfully navigated vacations, weddings, funerals, and countless social gatherings surrounded by alcohol. By fiercely protecting her journey and making it her top priority. Lynne credits much of her success to the ReFrame app, regularly attending ReFrame community meetings via Zoom, connecting with her sober community on ReFrame and Instagram, and having accountability partners.

Lynne would love for you to connect with her on Instagram at Lynn. That's L Y N N E dot living dot life. Lynne famously says, what began as a journey to re evaluate my relationship with alcohol has become one of the best years of my life. I am [00:02:00] living fully again, and I am loving every moment of it.

And with that, let's go chat with Lynne.

Welcome, Lynn. How are you doing?

Lynne: Hey, Kevin. I am great sitting here with a cup of coffee in your honor and looking forward to just chatting with you. Cheers.

Kevin: Awesome. I'm doing the same. Cheers. Uh, I know I was, I was, uh, realizing earlier as I was yawning this afternoon, I'm like, Oh, when was the last time I had coffee?

And And then I was like, well, we're recording this at four 30. So I have to wait a little bit to get that last cup in. So, um, yeah, got to make sure it hits at the right time. So, uh, but yeah, love my coffee. So, uh, but yeah, how, how are things going with you as we're transitioning from summer into fall here in the U S.

Lynne: Yeah. It's going great. Um, fall is one of my favorite times of the year and I'm a huge [00:03:00] gardener. So this is the last month of the garden season for me. So, uh, real busy with any free time canning my vegetables, which is a, passion of mine.

Kevin: Yeah. I love seeing that on your Instagram too. Um, and then checking that out.

That's very cool. Um, Yeah. I'd be interested to see how that, how that goes in the winter when you get to enjoy those. Let's just, uh, hop right in if you want to. And if you want to, you know, share a little bit about your story, uh, you know, wherever you'd like to start and we can go from there and, and chat.

Lynne: Sure, sure. Sounds good. So, um, my name is Lynne on reframe and on Instagram, I'm known as Lynne D. And so I found reframe actually. Over a year and a half ago in March and it kind of found me, you know, it was one of those flipping through Facebook or Instagram I'm not even sure no it wasn't [00:04:00] Instagram because I hadn't had an Instagram account yet but probably Facebook just flipping through and and It was kind of eerie because I had been, the last few years, I had been really sober, curious, Kevin, and to the point where I had done some searches on, you know, uh, reducing alcohol intake.

So we know how those algorithms work and somehow Reframe found me. So I downloaded the app in March and thought that I was going to cut back and be really successful at that. It was at the beginning of March and After about two months, I just disregarded the app altogether I ended up drinking more. Um, I was fixated with alcohol and.

I actually was, was very, became very depressed about it, and I realized that I had probably a, a more serious problem with alcohol than [00:05:00] I had thought prior to, to beginning this journey. Um, and then let's fast forward to June 2nd. I had a doctor's appointment and much like your story, Kevin, mine, uh, ended up being, a blood report that came back that said that, you know, some of my numbers were elevated and I was concerned about that.

And so I just decided, you know, I'm sober curious. I have been for years. This is the time to get serious about quitting drinking. And so, I knew that Reframe had another, another track that I could try, which was the Alcohol Free. And I spent the whole night on June 2nd really contemplating this, and I knew that if, If I was going to be successful at not drinking anymore that the first thing that I was going to have to do was to really make that decision that I wasn't going to drink anymore.

And I bring that up because I have a [00:06:00] father in law who just passed and he was like a father to me and he was sober 17 years and he always told everybody. The hardest part for him in his sobriety was making the decision. So I ended up deciding June 3rd will be my start date. Uh, I, I decided to make a list of all the reasons why I should drink and all the reasons why I shouldn't drink on a piece of paper.

And I drew a line down the middle on the left side. I wrote all of the reasons that I should drink, why I should continue, and on the right side, all the reasons I shouldn't. And of course, it was really lopsided by the time I was done. So that, that side of the paper that, that really spoke to me, that said, it's time to, to make a change in your life became my why statement.

And I've added to it and I've, I've recreated it, but it's been, it's been a really important part of my journey. My why statement is so strong that in the [00:07:00] beginning of my journey, when I, when I would sit back and think, gosh, is this really the decision, did I really make the right decision? I look back at that and, and I realized I did on the back of that paper.

Then I wrote down all the things I could do instead of drink. Um, I needed to keep my hands and my mouth. Busy and my mind busy. And so I started thinking of things that I enjoyed doing as a little girl or as a young adult, and I began incorporating those in my life. Um, so that those, those 3 things, the why statement, the, the toolkit that I created.

Things to do to keep myself busy when I, when I had the urge and then also just making that, that decision that I definitely wasn't going to drink anymore. Those were the three things that really have been, um, important for me and the success that I've had in my sobriety. I [00:08:00] wouldn't say that I, I was, I wouldn't tell other people that I was an alcoholic.

I consider myself now that I've learned more about it, that I was a gray area drinker. And so, you know, everybody I know, everybody I know drinks, um, and the older I got, the more I drank. So What used to be just drinking in social situations began to be drinking in social situations and then coming home and drinking alone because I didn't want the party to end.

Um, so, yeah, that's kind of how I found reframe and how I got started.

Kevin: Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. And, um. Yeah. Not wanting the party to end. I, I feel that that was a, uh, and that's where I always think to, like, whenever we try and compare to other people and all that, it's so tough because we don't see the full picture.

Right. We never do. We never see that. Um, you know, maybe people saw my outward appearance, but they didn't know [00:09:00] that, uh, I left that party or left that get together and went home, like you said, and kept going. Um, Well, you know, and it wasn't every time, but right. It was there more often than not.

Um, right. And so looking at it and being like, oh, well, everybody else seems to be fine with it. And you don't know who's going home and. And not fine with it. Um, so yeah, I mean, that's important to, I think, recognize, uh, one thing I'm curious about is, you started, on the cutback path like many people and.

You said that it didn't go well, right? I mean, what do you feel like, what was a big reason for that? It was just like, you said you felt miserably, was it unrealistic expectations, not knowing maybe the full picture of how it really was showing up. And then when you look at it, it's many more layers to that onion than, than you anticipated.

Lynne: Yeah. [00:10:00] Yeah. I think it's a lot of things for me. Um, I'm very black and white in a lot of ways. I'm colorful in other ways, but I'm much like you. I've heard you say, when you start something, you go in full force, you know, you've got a, you've got a spreadsheet and you've, and I'm the same. It's all or nothing.

And so I just don't think that it was that part of it worked for me because. Um, there were too many areas that it wasn't black and white. It was too many areas where I could say, Oh, well, I can drink, you know, X number of nights and I can have X number of drinks and, and, um, I need, I needed something more confined.

But more importantly than that, I think just generally the inability for me to follow through with what I said I was going to do, which was I was going to only drink on weekends and I was going to have two drinks a night. The realization that I couldn't do that made me really rethink my alcohol and my relationship with [00:11:00] it.

Because I thought to myself, if I can't even drink responsibly when I'm still allowed to drink a few days a week. Then your body is trying to tell you that there's something else going on. And so I just felt like for me, um, a detox and a complete cleanse, if you will, um, was what was going to work for me.

And I have to say, Kevin, I know plenty of people on reframe that are on the cutback and, and they do fabulous with it. You know, I have friends that, uh, that I know from, from when I started and they're doing fabulous with it. And kudos to them. I just know for me, it didn't work.

Kevin: Yeah. And I agree. I very similar to what you said, I started off to cut back, um, well, I started off to address alcohol. I knew I was drinking too much and as part of that, I was like, okay, I'm not going to drink for a little period of time here. Um, but I always knew that I would be reintroducing it. It was never a forever thing. I knew I just, [00:12:00]there was no part of me that said, I'm going to remove this thing from my life because this thing was so big in my life.

So, you know, I get that where. It's going in, going into it with a certain expectation and then evolving along the way. Um, and I think that's important, like you said, like, you know, I, I coach people. I see people, I talk to people all the time who are successful on cutback track. But it's just about being honest with yourself, right?

How is it showing up? But also, if you go into it, don't be discouraged if, like you said, you know, hey, black and white, I'm going to do this. I'm going to have weekends, only two drinks, you know, because it's not just about a number. It's not just about alcohol. It is taking a look at You, you said it before all the reasons why I drink all the reasons why I don't want to, but it's like taking a look at all those reasons why I drink [00:13:00] and listing those out and.

You will find new ones that you didn't even realize that were there, um, because, you know, you might think like I drink this way and then you try and reduce or remove it and boom, you're hit all of a sudden with, Oh, I also drink for this. I also drink for this. I also drink for this. So it's, it is much more involved.

Lynne: One of the big surprises for me with reframe is I came to reframe to. re evaluate my relationship with alcohol. Never in my wildest dreams did I realize how much I was going to learn about myself. You know, so, whether you call it a journey or a safari or whatever you want to call this trip that we're all on, um, it's so much greater and bigger than I had ever imagined.

And it's such a gift. It is such a gift, not only to myself, but everyone that knows me.

Kevin: Thanks for sharing that because it is [00:14:00] that thing that can have huge impact throughout our entire life because we see, I use the, I mean, it's a coping mechanism, right? Sure, we, you know, you can look at it as you used it for fun and excitement and we went out and we went, you know, we watched a game and it was there and all those things.

Um, but over time. It becomes also a tool that we use to cope and by addressing that coping piece, we see where it really is showing up and how by addressing that okay, I'm stressed out. I want to drink. Okay. Well, what else can I do? And we have to go down those roads to cut back or quit either way.

I love the safari. That's the, I think that's the first, like I evolution I like journey. They don't like just because I use it so much, but it's so true. I mean, it works. Um, it's not that I don't like [00:15:00] it, but path, you know, all that stuff. But yeah, safari. I like that.

Lynne: Yeah, I stole that from somebody on reframe.

That's not mine. He uses that in his name. So,

Kevin: yeah, I figured that's that. I went there too. , so moving forward to June 3rd. You know, or June, early June, whatever that date might've been. Um, how did you, having failed miserably, as you said, right? Was it the, was it simply the, oh shit, numbers from the doctor that really was like, I need to do this.

Or, you know, was it something else? How did you, cause going from, okay, I tried this. I don't want to look at this right now to, okay, I need to just stop.

Lynne: Right. It was several things. Uh, like I said, I had been sober curious for years. I had, I had always wanted to experience life through [00:16:00] the lens of sobriety.

Right. But I, I wasn't strong enough to do that until I found reframe besides the doctor's report. There were things that led up to that. The reason for my curiosity and sobriety. And one of them was I love to cook. Cooking is a passion of mine. And I make a, I've made a homemade meal every night, almost, um, since I've been married.

And towards the end of May, it was probably. In the springtime before I stopped, I remember waking up in the morning, I had planned the day before to make this fabulous meal and I woke up the next morning and I had to, I had to wonder if, if I made that meal the night before, because I couldn't remember.

And that was a scary feeling. I had had that before, but not to the [00:17:00] extent where it didn't jog my memory. Kevin, I had to actually get up out of bed, and I, I sprinted because I was so concerned at this point, to go and see if, if I had made the meal. My kitchen was cleaned up, so I couldn't tell if I had made the meal or not, but that was my norm to clean my kitchen at the end of the night.

And I had to open the refrigerator to see if there were leftovers in there, and there were. And that... It was shocking to me that I would not remember making that meal. So I had, I had a few of those moments that was the most poignant. And, uh, it still, it still shocks me to this day to think that, um, and I get very emotional when I think about it because I think to myself, that's a blackout, you know, that's a blackout of a whole night.

Um, thank goodness. I was at home. Thank goodness. I wasn't driving. You know, there's so many. Thank goodnesses. Yeah. So that was, that was part of the reason to things like that, that it happened.

Kevin: Yeah. And those are things that [00:18:00] aren't, like you said, you thank goodness you weren't driving. You hear DUIs and people changing or being forced to, and you hear these other things. Thank goodness. But I would say more often than not, it's these little things that kind of just chip away at us, eat away at us that, um, shock us that are seemingly mundane.

Like, did I make dinner last night? Or, you know, but the fact that, yeah, I didn't remember that at all. And that can be that reason, right? And that's so important, I think, because everybody thinks there needs to be a reason to not drink, right? And, and yes, there, there, there might have to be, I guess, to, to make that, but that could be a reason, right?

It doesn't have to be because it hit the fan and I wrecked everything and I, I did all this stuff. Yeah, I mean, rock bottom is relative to what, we're willing to [00:19:00] see and, and stop and, and change.

Lynne: Um, yeah, I also had, uh, I also realized that in the evenings I wasn't very kind to my husband sometimes.

In the evenings, I would get short with him. Uh, in the mornings, sometimes I would wake up and feel bad for things that I had said to him or made him feel. Um, I also realized that sometimes when I was with other people while I was drinking, my speech was beginning to slur. And I just was becoming this person that I didn't want to be.

So I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful that there was no, some people might call this rock bottom that I hit, but it was jarring enough to me to realize that in order to be the best person for myself. My husband, my friends, my family, just the best person that God intended me to be, that I needed to make some serious changes.

And I knew I wasn't able to do that alone.[00:20:00]

Kevin: Nor should we, right? I mean, any, anybody out there who's, uh, thinking like, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to do this. I can do this myself. I can take, and that's what I used to say to like, I'm just, I'll just stop drinking this month. Like, as if it was that easy, um, and sometimes it might have been, uh, you know, if I had nothing going on, everything was aligned, all the stars were aligned and, um, I was doing it with somebody and it was a challenge and all these things, like, maybe that, that would have worked.

But, yeah, I mean, just knowing that it doesn't have to be alone. Exactly. With that. Go

Lynne: ahead. Yeah, I was just going to say I really was alone in that if I was going to take on this, this task, this huge task of reevaluating my Relationship was with with alcohol of the sobriety journey.

I knew that there was nobody around me, um, [00:21:00] that could join me on this journey that I really needed to find community. And I really needed to find help. So reframe when I that day, when, when I came across on my Facebook, I'm, I'm, it just, it just made sense to me to download the app.

Kevin: Well, I'm glad you saw that.

And with that, you said like, nobody's there in real life, right? And that's something we hear often because, you know, we're a virtual community, right? So, it's a lot of people don't have in real life support or just drinking is so prevalent that it's hard to find a friend who knows what you're going through because either because like, for me, like my wife doesn't really drink, but she doesn't really drink on not on purpose. She just doesn't really drink. She doesn't like it, right?

Um, not because she chose like, okay, I did this before and now I stopped doing it. Um, so, you know, it doesn't, it's not like she necessarily understands what I went through, but she [00:22:00] was supportive of me there. So that was good. But if you don't have that, that can be. Tough, uh, at least, but also to talk with people.

That support? How did you find that? And what did that look like to you? And how did that help you? And how, how has that gone? Like, in real life versus virtual.

Lynne: Yeah. So, um, so. My husband and I have always been drinking buddies. Uh, the routine has been a little porch that we have.

We call it the morning porch. And that was where we had our 530 hour, 530 cocktail hour. Nightly hasn't changed for my husband and we can talk about that later. But where I find my support now is. Through the people that I've met on reframe, um, as important as the daily lessons were to me on reframe, and I did them [00:23:00] religiously when I began fact, I think 186 days in a row, um, as important as those lessons were, because I really learned about the Neuro science behind.

alcohol and you know how it changes our brain chemistry and just how it really changes so much in our life. I found that the the daily meetings for me were what kept me from getting off track. It was the relationships that I formed and the people I met and those that I looked up to that had been on the path longer than I and For a few meetings, um, I just sat and listened and I was in awe of these people.

Um, and then I began to, to turn my camera on and to just, um, get to know some of these folks. I started an Instagram, which I never would have done before. I think it was day 76 that I started that. And I didn't start it so that people would follow me. I [00:24:00] started it so that I would have some sort of diary of my journey.

Because by then, I realized that I made it through the first 30 days, which... We're so hard for me. I can't even believe I made it. Um, and I realized by then that I was really doing what I said I was going to do. And I wanted to document it because I began to feel really proud of myself. Um, so I, I met people through my Instagram all of a sudden people, you know, cared about my journey or commented on it and I felt supported there.

I could really relate to each and every one of the coaches, you know, you guys have a great coaching staff and they're so diverse. So, you know, no matter what meeting you're on, you're getting a different perspective. And these are trained professionals, you know, that, gosh, it's a drop in the bucket what we're paying for this app, according to what we would be.

You know, paying for a therapist. I'm not saying they're therapists, but they certainly, you know, help us work through how we're feeling. Um, yeah, and, and [00:25:00] I have to say in my real life, then all of my, all of my friends and family have known that I'm on this journey. I've never hidden it from anybody. Um, and everybody still continues to drink, which, which is fine with me.

Um, you know, Kevin, I almost, when I look back, I almost am grateful that, that I'm on this journey alone, that my husband isn't on it with me. And that may sound odd, but I don't have to, I'm the kind of person that I want to take care of everybody. I want to make the meals. I want to put the produce up for the winner.

So we have produce to eat, you know, just everything. And this is the one thing that I can be really selfish with. My journey is not dependent on anybody else's, and I've seen couples go through this together, and that's awesome. If you could do that, that's great. But I didn't ever want to tie the success of my journey to somebody else, and I'm the kind of person that if Scott would have joined me and [00:26:00] then fallen off.

I probably would have fallen off with them. So the other thing that I'm grateful for is with living with somebody who drinks. I was in shock when I first started, because I heard these people on the zoom meetings that would say, Oh yeah, you know, the first thing I did was clean alcohol out of my cabinets.

And I thought, wow, that wasn't even an option for me because. You know, Scott made it clear that he supported me, but he was still going to drink. So I've always had alcohol around me. I've always been to function where there's alcohol because everybody I know drinks. Um, and it was very difficult at first, but sometimes I'm grateful for that because, um, I can go anywhere now.

Um, and I can attend events where there's alcohol and people come to my house and drink and it just doesn't bother me. Um. You know, and, and I can't say that it's always been that way. The first few months were terribly hard.

Kevin: Yeah.[00:27:00] And that's tough I'm glad you got through that with that.

Cause I mean, like, you can look back and say, okay, well, that probably made me stronger there. Right. Or that helped me get through things. Um, or maybe it accelerated it. Right. Because, I mean, ultimately, you know, for the most part, we eventually have to learn to deal with it around us, like, you know, make yourself do what you can, what you need to do and what you can do in the beginning, I do think, like, to the extent you can don't go to that event, try and take stuff out of your house, and things like that, but.

We can't always avoid everything, whether it's at home, work, other functions, eventually we will have to, come in contact with it or come and contact people who are drinking and all that. So, um, Yeah, I mean, it is and it's different, right? So if you, if you take everything out of your house and do that, well, okay, well, that that sets up a good environment for you to remove alcohol.[00:28:00]

Sure. But what happens then if it gets reintroduced there, or if you go out, like, there's eventually that thing that you have to just be mindful of, uh, the different scenarios, the different, uh, circumstances that come up in your life. And. Just plan for it. Right. Um,

Lynne: Yeah. And that's, you know, that's something that I really appreciate with ReFrame.

There's other, there's other avenues for sobriety. And I know other people who have gone to other programs and they found success in them. I, I never felt comfortable going, um, to a community held meeting and standing up and saying what I am or I am not. I'm, I'm very proud of my father in law who did that and who changed his life.

Oh, it's, it's been helpful for many people. I just knew that wasn't for me. And so that's one of the things that I like about reframing. It sounds silly. Cause I just said I'm black and white in regards to a lot of things, but [00:29:00] I love the looseness, right? So, you know, what worked for me worked for me. What worked for Kevin worked for Kevin.

You know, um, I didn't have a big choice in regards to, Oh, I'm going to go in and get rid of alcohol in my house because I needed to honor that it's my husband's house as well. Uh, And that's when I really began to focus on it's my journey and that's been my mindset. It's my journey, but I also wanted to share Kevin that the first few months.

I did not get on the morning porch and have a cocktail with Scott. I didn't have a mocktail. I couldn't do any of that. Um, and I told him that. I said, here's the deal. I just can't sit here and watch a drink. I don't, I don't care if it's in the house, but I'm not ready for that. And he respected that. And so for a few months, I'm sure he was mourning the loss of his drinking buddy.

Um, But I needed to protect my journey, and it was my journey, and I needed to be selfish, so I did. Um, I remember [00:30:00] on a call, I was probably, I think I was 57 days in, I don't know why I remember the number, but I was 57 days in, you were the, you were the, you were hosting it, and I think you were probably maybe just tired of me complaining all the time about stuff, but

Kevin: I said, you know, Never.

First of all, let me just interject there. Never. You weren't complaining about anything. Oh,

Lynne: I felt like I was complaining all the time, but I told you, I told you, I said, I am just so tired. You know, I've been at this almost two months and now I'm tired all the time. And you said, then just go to bed. And it's, it's so silly that it was such a simple comment, but I needed, I needed to hear that I needed to know that my gosh, alcohol does such a number on our body.

I'm not young, you know, I've been at this 40 years drink. And so my body needed to detox and it was exhausted and it was 737 that night or some, it was really early. I went to bed. I slept like a baby and I remember thinking to [00:31:00]myself, that's when I realized I just need to really listen to my body, you

Kevin: know?

So I thought you were gonna say, that's when I really realized that Kevin knows what he's talking about now. But, but no, I love that. Yes. I need to listen to my body. Right. And, and stop fighting it. I think we try and, you know as I sit here and drink coffee at five o'clock on a Tuesday or a Monday, but like stop, uh, forcing.

It and recognize those, those signs that because, you know, we talk about halt, right? All the time. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, but like things like that. Like, what is my body telling me that can possibly be confused for a craving for alcohol? And it's like, well, I'm tired. Right. Then go to bed. Like, and I said that to you and I was able to say that to you because I don't know how many times I had to tell myself that, you know, and it's, uh, it's that thing that's just, it's not necessarily, it's so intuitive, but [00:32:00] it's not at the same time.

We just don't think about it in that way. And you talk about being selfish and that, and, and, you know, I always say, look at How were you before when you were, you know, when you didn't remember if you made dinner that night, was that a selfish night? So, we feel take away like that feeling of like selfishness because we were probably selfish before in a different way.

Exactly. Just look at it as, Hey, I'm being, I'm taking care of myself.

Lynne: Exactly. That's exactly right, Kevin. And I've gotten really good at that. I've gotten really good at listening to what my body needs and, and putting my journey as my priority. Um, and it feels good. It feels good to finally. Jeremy,

Kevin: yeah, I love that.

I love that. You said to that. Well, I don't know that. I love that. I say that a lot, but I'd love that. But I think it's important to note. I want to go back and just mention, like, you said that you're [00:33:00] glad that you didn't do it. With your husband, because that, that can be tough, that can be, whether you feel responsible for the other person.

And it's great if you're both feeling strong. It's great if one of you is feeling weak and the other strong, although that can be annoying too, because you're like, if you're the weak one, you can be like, shut the hell up. That can cause friction there too. Um, but yeah, what happens when you're both feeling weak and you can.

It can be easy to rationalize that now it's always it's good to do it with someone else, but that someone else can be on a community meeting that reframe or or in a in person meeting somewhere or whatever. Right? It can be, um, someone else out there doesn't have to be a partner or a close friend or anybody like that.

I think it's good to just recognize, like, I don't have to. Yeah. It's not like we have to do it together. And then also to that was a good call out on the fact that [00:34:00] you weren't going out to the morning porch. Um, yeah. Okay. It was in the house, but there were still those boundaries that you had to put in place.

Uh, because yeah, I totally get that where that's too close. It's too close. It's too close to home. Probably it's too close to that old, um, way of doing things that, it would be hard. So. Yeah. Do you go out there now with a mocktail or her, uh, alcohol free drink or something like that? And is that okay?

I'm just curious.

Lynne: Yeah, so I'm, what, 466 days into this journey now, um, no alcohol during any of those. And I'm very proud of that. And my husband is so proud of that. When I first started this journey, he used to tell people and I'm like, I'm not ready to tell people. He'd be telling everybody, Oh, yeah, shut up.

Um, so, uh, but yes, now I feel like I can, you know, I can do that and enjoy my time with them. But I have to back up and say that the reason I. [00:35:00] The reason I decided that it was best that I was on this journey alone and all of that was because I was in survival mode. I felt like even though I had ReFrame as a community, off of the computer, off of the app, off of ReFrame, I was on an island by myself.

And so, um, I needed to, I needed to figure out ways that I could stay on this island and stay afloat when I was surrounded with alcohol. And when you have a partner who drinks every night, that, that was a challenge, especially my first few months. And I was a raving bitch for the first few months. You can ask him, he'll say, he'll, he'll say I probably wasn't, but I felt like I was.

And a lot of it was because I was mad. I was angry. You know, I see people post on the forum, gosh, I'm angry all the time. And I'm thinking, I get it. I was so angry. I [00:36:00] remember thinking, not that I wanted, not that I expected him to quit when I quit, but I thought to myself, the least you could do is not have as much or, you know, maybe just go out there some night without.

Without a drink and I I was so angry and that's when I realized I'm wasting so much time Focusing on somebody else's journey and not my own every single time Kevin that I've taken my eyes off of my journey It comes to bite me in the ass It really does. And, uh, there have been a few times that I've talked to Scott about his drinking and it's not gone well.

Um, there have been some times when out of anger, he will throw at me, well, you spend so much time on the reframe app and that's always now retaliated with in a loving way, but still I say to him. I spend a lot less time on reframe than I did drinking alcohol [00:37:00] and there's nothing he could say that you know, he agrees I mean, that's the truth so um I do go out on the morning porch with him.

We do have and he he's he's wonderful He always has a frosted mug in the freezer for me. I used to hate beer and in love with athletic. I'm not

I'm not a paid sponsor or anything, but that's my beer of choice with some olives and a big frosted mug. And that does it for me. And I've realized it's not about what's in my glass. It's about the time that we're spending together.

Kevin: That's great. Um, and that's, I think that's important to remember overall is that these experiences that we have, Alcohol's there, alcohol's has been there for a lot of this stuff, but if we actually look at it, it's not the point of it isn't the alcohol,[00:38:00] and it's the point of it is that connection and that, and yeah, you can make arguments for different, you can pull, I can, I can pull out that one time that, yeah, alcohol helped me do it.

Blank, whatever. Right. But, but overall, it's like, you know, the, the connections I've, I've forgotten more of those connections and things that I would have said, you know, alcohol helped with, I forgot those nights more than I remember them and. And now I just remember them. And yeah, so recognizing well, what's the point here? I love that. But that takes time. Like, that's not you weren't you weren't loving that connection, in day 56 or, whatever you are.

Lynne: You know, that was another thing that I wanted to bring up too, is that besides my blood work, besides the blackout, I came to realize that.

Most of the times that I went [00:39:00] out of the house for social gatherings, be it a birthday party, an anniversary, a wedding, a vacation, I was more focused on my alcohol consumption. I was more focused on, okay, how am I going to get my martini shaker and my Bombay? And how am I going to get my olives? And if I'm in a country, do they have the right olives that I want?

Do I have to bubble wrap them, put them in the suitcase? I was crazy. I mean, I was. I always had what I needed when I was out of the house and I, I came to realize that it was more for me about the drinking than it was the connection anymore. And I love my family and friends to death. So that was a real, I, I just thought to myself, that's crazy, Lynn, you're to the point now where you just want to hurry up through the event so you can get home and drink some more.

And so that's, there's that there.

Kevin: Yeah. Yeah. That's a good realization too. Or you're at the event and you're [00:40:00] talking to somebody, but yeah, the time or that one corner of the eye, like, when's that, when's that server coming back through here? Uh, I need, I need one and, or I'm going to

I mean, all those things. Take away from the reasons why we're getting together.

Lynne: Exactly. And you know, I've, I've done in the last 15 months. It's uh, I've done so much traveling and I've had such a blast. That's that's nothing new. I've always, I've always loved to travel. But when I started this journey, I told myself that I was going to live my life.

Alcohol wasn't going to be the reason that I did all these things. I was going to live my life and enjoy it and find happiness outside of alcohol. So that's why my, my Instagram is named the way it is because I'm really just living my life. You know, I have to say that the first time I go to Mexico often, when I went to Mexico, the first time I always have, I always [00:41:00] host a girl's week up there in November and it was harder than crap by day four.

Let's see. It was my four and a half month. I think when I was there by day four, I was so angry. I thought, why did I even plan this trip? Why everybody's drinking what, you know, and then something happened. I woke up on day five and. I think it was because I was the only one who made the morning sunrise walk.

Everybody else was in bed still. Um, and it just clicked, things just clicked. And from then on, it just feels like things have really been clicking. It's almost like a payday for me. I've just been really, um, blessed to, to have family and friends that understand what I'm going through.

And even though they may not be on the journey with me, they're still

Kevin: supportive of it. That's great. And that, that being on day four, going into it before the click, right? Because I want to touch on that real quick, [00:42:00] because you talked about like being angry there. You talked about like seeing other people talk about being mad at the, at the situation they might be in or, or whatever.

How did that show up for you? How do you feel? Um, you've gotten past that or grown past that, um, you know, what, what, how did that anger show up for you? Because sometimes, sometimes it's just. We get angry and we might have used alcohol to calm ourself down in the past, but it can also be so that can be like just the emotion it might be new to handle without a drink, but also you have the the thoughts about is it the why why am I the only one out of my friend group that has to do this right type of anger, which I know I had to um, But, yeah, how did that show up for you and, uh, how do you, how did you get through it?

You kind of just alluded to it there with, uh, with that trip. Um, but, yeah, what are your thoughts on that? [00:43:00]Yeah.

Lynne: So the 1st, few days I was, I was angry because I was the only 1 who wasn't drinking and it was poor me, even though I realized I've never told anybody that I can't drink. I can't have a drink.

I always say I choose not to. And I, and I still try to use that verbiage, but. Yeah. By day three and four, I realized that I was angry at myself. I was angry that I let alcohol be so consuming in my life that I felt like I couldn't have fun without it. Here I was in this foreign country, in this lush resort, with the people that I love the most, some of my girlfriends that I love the most, and I was more upset because of what I was putting in my mouth than I was...

I mean, here I was living the life and I couldn't enjoy it because alcohol still had its grip on me. And so that's when I just realized, you know what, I'm going to win. I'm going to, I'm going to get over this. Um, I'm going to, I have to remember that [00:44:00] this was my choice. It was nobody else's choice.

It's not my friends. It's not Scott's. It's my choice. And I'm going to find happiness in it. And it was, it sounds simple, but it was just that mindset, that shift of mindset of, I can drink. Lynn, if you want to get up in the morning and have, you know, margarita for breakfast, you can do that. You choose not to.

And so by day five, it was just that, you know, that. That reminder that this was my journey, and I needed to protect it fiercely, but this was my journey, this was my choice, nobody else's. And again, that was where I came into trouble, was because I was focusing on everybody else's journey. I was focusing on everybody else's journey, and I took the focus off myself.

Kevin: Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Focused on other people comparing and you said alcohol still, you know, you realized alcohol still had that grip on me. That's, that's a powerful, like, kind of, uh, acknowledgement or thought there. [00:45:00] Instead of what was me, why can't I drink, everybody else is doing it. Why can't I, um, they're going to jump off a bridge later.

Literally, they're going bungee jumping. Why can't I do it? But instead of that, what was me recognize like, oh, no that's that hold. It has, wanting to put this addictive substance get to have it come back in. It's important to process that. It's hard to process that, you know, but, uh, to work through that and come up with, like, you had, like, those reasons, like, you know what? Everybody else is sleeping. I'm up and seeing the sunrise and it's beautiful. And I have my coffee or I have whatever. And I recognize the flip, the differences, like the things that I am doing now that I never would have done before, the things that I'm doing that they aren't.

And, um, the fact I [00:46:00] remember everything last night and, you know, all that stuff. Uh, that's. We need to keep focusing on those positive things that we see in the, that are, we're getting out of it too, instead of looking at, I'm deprived, this is what I'm losing, this is what, you know, I can't do when other people can.

Mm hmm.

Lynne: Yeah. I think for me, just really focusing on, it's my choice. I made this choice. It's all about me, whether I succeed or fail, it's all about me. It doesn't matter if there's booze in the house or booze not in the house, if I'm on a trip or I'm not on a trip, if I'm at a wedding or not, it really comes down to, it's all about me.

This is my journey. And, um, sometimes it's just a matter of. Looking back at that piece of paper with my wife statement and just gives me that [00:47:00] it also the day count day counts big for me, you know, I know that's a big thing for a lot of people, you know, when they slip, if they're going to start over or not.

And that's personal, whatever you want for me, it's big for me. I knew that if I slipped, there's a good chance that it wasn't going to come back. And knowing that about me, because I'm black and white, knowing that about me has kept me on the straight and narrow, but That's just me, you know, that's the beauty of reframe.

We're all different.

Kevin: Yeah. And, and yeah. Start over. Don't start over. Yep. Day one or day, you know, day 60 with one slip in there, or, yep. However you wanna look

Lynne: at it. It, whatever you wanna say. Whatever works for you. Just do what works for you. Just do what gets you to the next day.

Kevin: Yeah. 'cause regardless of what you do like in that situation, like, I always just think, don't forget that it's,, you still have in my example of 60 with one slip, like you still have those 60 days, [00:48:00] right?

If I went 60 days without alcohol and I drank today and, it's not day zero or day one, it's still day 60 or 61 it's the, those days didn't disappear. I mean, I mean, while they did, because they're in the past, that's a whole philosophical debate discussion that we can get into later. Um, but, uh, you know, it's.

You did things in those 60 days to get you through, so you didn't lose that knowledge. Um, even if it's some of them, you just gritted through, you know, you still did that. Carry that, carry that forward. If it's motivating to go back to day one, do it. If it's not.

Lynne: Right. And you know, gosh. 60 days of sobriety.

That's 60 days of sobriety. That's huge. You know, gosh, that's huge. Whether you make it to 61 without drinking or you don't, like you said, 60 days is huge. Well,

Kevin: I mean, it's back up to, seven days, I think [00:49:00] in my adult life before this, I think I did that one other time. Just, any of that is impressive because if you have to do things differently, it's, this is changing something that is so ingrained sometimes in our day to day life that, um, it's not easy.

Lynne: No, it's not easy. It's not easy. And you know, some of us that are, that are past a year now, you know, I think sometimes people look at us and think, Oh, you know, they make it look easy. It wasn't easy. Sometimes I think I should. There are more about how difficult it was the first few months, because Kevin, I, I just, I thought I was, I thought I was nuts for a while there.

I really did. I just, like I said, I was, I was a raving bitch at times and I'm a positive person by nature. I'm an optimist by nature. So that was, I was really out of my comfort zone. Um, but in an odd sense, it made me work harder because. I knew that I had [00:50:00] made the decision on June 2nd that on June 3rd, I was going to quit drinking and I knew I wasn't going to go back on that promise to myself.

So I really just dug my feet in the sand and people say, Oh, sometimes you just go day by day. Sometimes it was hour by hour. Sometimes it was minute and that's okay. However, you have to do it as long as you can get, you know, get to another day

Kevin: and, and what, so with that in mind, I know you said reframe, uh, community, the daily tasks, all that when you got off of reframe island and went on to your island there, where you didn't have that what are some of those things that helped you, uh, get through?

Sure. Yeah.

Lynne: Yeah. So, um, I'm, I'm very creative. I love being creative. And so I was able to go back to some of the things in the evening that I could do creativity wise that alcohol had stolen from me. You know, I, [00:51:00] we began with that five 30 cocktail hour, but it didn't end at six 30. Yeah, the rest of the night was shot.

Lynn was no longer productive. She was in party mode. Um, so, you know, I, I have in my basement, we, when the kids all moved out, I got rid of the game room and turned it into a babe cave. So in the babe cave, I've got my sewing machine. I've got my jewelry making my, my crafting. Um, you know, I, I had never journaled until I came to reframe, and I kind of bucked that for the first few months too, even though I heard you speak so highly of it.

And I, and I remember reading your, your journal's, um, entries and I was just so impressed with them. They were so real and they really, um, I could really relate to 'em. Um, but I just wasn't called to journal early on. Uh, about month three, I, I found that for me, journaling was huge and I was able to release some of that anger on paper.[00:52:00]

I was able to release some of my frustration with being on the island by myself on paper. And then, About month six, I, I decided to make my own form of journaling. So I call it creative journaling and I just focus on a few words and I might put those in my journal and then I do creative scrapbook journaling around that.

So that's something I do, like I said, I make jewelry, I love just all sorts of things that I used to love doing as a kid that now I have the time to do. Um, I'm not sure if I answered that question or or what the whole question was, Kevin.

Kevin: Yeah, well, I mean, it sounds like creativity.

Uh, yeah. It sounds like using that creativity in those, let's say 5 32, right. X whatever, 8 30, 9, 30 10, whatever time frame that is, that was a big thing to put into that space.

Lynne: Yes. And then also I, I was really big into quit lit in the beginning. I, I still read Quitlet, [00:53:00] uh, but, but I always had to have at least one book going.

I usually had two and I mean, I've got all the books, I've got them underlined, highlighted, and then I've got to, then I ended up doing a journal to, you know, write down my takeaway. Yeah. My thoughts. Um, so, so Quitlet was huge too. Um, but I also. found groups of people that I could relate to, reframe friends.

So I, I joined a few, um, Instagram groups and then. I've also had so much fun with the challenges on Reframe and this September challenge. I have the dream team. I have the dream team. And if I told you the names, you would recognize every single one of them. And we are at the top of the list, by the way, working hard for that.

Challenge I even, shook my phone so I could ask a question on a reframe and I said, why aren't the 7 day checks all in everybody else's name? And it's just showing on mine. And they said, oh, well, [00:54:00] that's just a weekly thing. Lynn you're okay. So. Anyway, um, it's, it's been really important to me to find, uh, people that, that are on the same journey as I am.

And this dream team that I'm on are, are amazing women who are, um, they just continue to inspire me daily. Um, and so, yeah, those are some of the things that I've been doing instead of drinking at night.

Kevin: Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah. And I think it's important to find those things that. Are meaningful to you, uh, uh, yeah, I love the way you journal too.

So your, your Instagram, if you will, will be posted in the, in the podcast for people to check out. Yeah, definitely go check it out. Uh, it's very, uh, it's different. Let's just use the word creative. It's creative, right? I mean, it's, it's you, it's doing it, doing it your way. And that's, what's so important with it.

Lynne: Go ahead. [00:55:00] It's just very meditative for me. I told myself after about the first six months of reframe that I would allow myself to be on more than one meeting a day because I still love going to the meetings. But if I was on more than one meeting a day, I had to be doing something productive. So oftentimes I have the camera on because I just want to be accountable.

Um, and I might be journaling or I might be canning vegetables or whatever.

Kevin: Yeah, finding those things that you enjoy finding them in the way that you enjoy them. Right. And, uh, again, we talked about journaling there, but it could be anything, right. It could be meditation. It could be, what books you read or how you, you just plow through them, listen to them, or you can sit there and take copious notes on what you learned.

And, and, you know, it's, but, but finding the, the, the way that works for you, that makes you want to do [00:56:00] them is the important thing. Right. Exactly.

Lynne: Yeah. Making it your own. Like I said Canning vegetables, baking, creative journaling. I almost find meditative. I know that sounds odd. Used to be all of those things I used to do because I felt like I had to, like it was a chore now because I want to.

And, and that is one of the surprises that I have found in the last, uh, probably about the last year, about the last nine months is this. Is this sense of peace, the sense of happiness that's constant and by constant, I don't mean I don't have bad moments, but by constant, I mean, you know, there's no up and down anymore.

My mood swings are gone. , I don't start arguments with my husband. I'm sure he's happier too because I'm just, I'm just more at peace. I'm more even keeled. Um, I have finally found this true sense of happiness and I do believe that there's some neuroscience behind it, but I also believe [00:57:00] that part of it is just because I've done what I've said I'm going to do.

I've held myself accountable. I'm proud of myself. Um, and I know that I have support. I know I have friends and family and reframe community that, that are there for me. And so there's just this overwhelming sense of peace that has been one of the biggest blessings on this whole journey for me.

Kevin: Yeah, that's, that's amazing.

Uh, and yeah, I mean, by removing alcohol, that's going to go a long way to allowing that even kill to happen versus the, what I always look at as a seesaw, right? Like I'm anxious or I'm stressed or whatever. So I'm going to drink and that's going to bring that down. But tomorrow, I guess what's going to happen, it's going to go back up and then tomorrow I'm going to bring it down again.

And it's just that constant seesaw versus, you know what, I'm just. Yeah, I'm going to have bad days. I'm going to have good days. I'm going to have ups and downs, but [00:58:00] my mood to address them is a lot more even keel as well. Content peaceful. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for sharing that.

That's um, and that's 1 of those things that we pick up along the way. Right? You have your, you had your list of wise on January 3rd that you wrote and. Sorry, I keep June 3rd, January 3rd. That's okay. And I said, sorry, I keep throwing out the day because I don't know if it's June 2nd, June 3rd, whatever. I should just just say in June that year.

Um, but, you have those, that list, and I think everybody should do that list. Why? And why not? But keep it, like you did, and add to it. Because you're going to pick up new things along the way. You're going to see things that you weren't expecting. The, because we can't know all of the ways this is going to impact us, when we look to cut down on our drinking or cut it out completely.

So, [00:59:00]

Lynne: yeah, like you said, I'd look back at it and can't believe some of the reasons that I thought I should continue to drink. I look back and I kind of laugh now, but. Not that I'm trying to plug journaling, but I wish I would have started journaling earlier in my journey, because I really love going back and looking at, when I did start, I love going back and looking at, you know, my entries and how I felt, and it's a jarring reminder of how far I've come, and so I'm just very grateful for that, and I would encourage anybody who, you who is just starting, I'd encourage two things besides the three ideas that I came up with that worked for me.

I wished I would have read the alcohol experiment the first month that I was going through this journey. I read it about month three and it was still, it was still very powerful for me. Um, but I really wished I would have read that earlier. And the other thing is I wished I would have just wrote down all those feelings I had the first few months because they were powerful and, uh, [01:00:00] and I wish now I could go back and really reread it because I, I know I've come a long ways, you know, so.

Kevin: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. And that, and that is, that's one of the. Again, not to plug journaling all the time. I hate doing it because everybody rolls their eyes at me, but yeah, it's and I love, because I used to, I started with better help, with a therapist and I would message her. And I went back and those were like my first journal entries.

That's where I started. And so I went back whenever I got off of BetterHelp. And I just went through and I copied. I went copied each day out and I marked it on that day. That way I could, I could have them because exactly. I mean, it's having that. Uh, so if you're starting, if you're starting on this safari right now, start, start, start writing some notes down each day.

Uh, because in just cause it helps you see how far you've come to, even because. A lot of times we feel like we Maybe haven't far I [01:01:00] should be farther along than this. And then we look back and we're like, oh, you know what I've done. I've done a decent amount here. Um, yeah. So 1 more question I have for you before we wrap up, is just any advice, since you've, obviously, we've talked about this somewhat already, obviously, so with living with, your husband and him drinking any advice for people in similar situations where maybe like, um, obviously some people are like, Hey, we'll do it together. And we've already talked about that and, and I kind of agree with you too.

It's like, you know what, this is maybe for me, I would like support, but maybe not to do it together, but. That's good if you can do it too. Like it's, there's good and bad with both of these things. Right. So, but. The way you, uh, have your experience with, um, someone who still drinks [01:02:00] and, and still drinks sounds like pretty much the same as before what advice would you give someone who's dealing with a similar situation there?

Lynne: Yeah. So to Scott's credit, I can say that, um, his drinking has subsided over the last year and he still drinks daily. Um, but it has subsided in the amount and he's, he's very proud of that too. And I'm proud of him for it because that's his journey. Um, I would say that it, and it took me, it took me quite a few months to really realize that again, and I preach this, but that I just really needed to prioritize my journey and make it my own.

It's not just with Scott, but anytime I take my eyes off of my own journey and look at somebody else's, whether they're abstaining, Or [01:03:00] whether they're drinking heavily, um, it's just, it's just not been, it's not been good for me. I, I realized that I am my own gatekeeper. I'm nobody else's gatekeeper and I don't need to be responsible for anybody else anymore, ever again.

My kids are growing and gone. Um, this is all about me. This is all about me, Kevin. And it's the first time, even my career was all about giving and, and guiding and leading. And this is truly all about me. So, I really suggest, as Easy as it sounds, it's hard, but to continue to say to yourself that this is my journey, it's my priority, and I need to focus on it.

Um, you know, it'd be great , if because of where we're going in our sobriety that other people might be inspired, or Feel the call to reevaluate the relationship with alcohol, but in the end, that's not why I did this [01:04:00] Again, I'm being selfish in the in the best way of saying, you know, I'm focusing on myself.

So I know it's strange for a lot of people to think gosh that you would support a partner who continues to drink and allow alcohol in the house, but we have a very Loving relationship of 39 years married now. And you know, my goal in life is to, is to make sure that he has the happiest life he can.

And so, if I'm able to help that, I certainly want to be his helpmate and not hinder it. And so, um, I, I just choose not to, choose not to focus on how much he's consuming and I choose to focus on my own journey. And for us, it's worked. It's not been perfect. There's times when I've been angry and I've blown up about it and, um, it's never had a good outcome.

Um. I also try to step back and think to [01:05:00] myself, had anybody told you before June 2nd that you needed to cut back or you needed to quit drinking, you would have, you know, I would have had a few four letter words for them because it's nobody else's business, but their own. And so I happen to be ready on June 3rd.

Um, you know, everybody's journey is, is unique. So, um, that's, what's worked for me anyway.

Kevin: Yeah, because a few months earlier in March of that year, right? Yep. If someone said to you, well, maybe you should, okay. Yeah. You're trying to cut back there. Maybe you should just quit. Yeah. Yeah. I would have had, I would have had a four, four letter word, three letter word.

Um, you know, and.

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a great, I'm glad you brought that up because right. It's like, we can't, we can't force that change on anybody else. And, and [01:06:00] it's easy to maybe want to healthy. I want them to do this. But then if we, if we look back and look at ourselves and, and see, well, you know, what? If I didn't have that click myself, I'm sitting on my couch down there that I can't keep doing this and it just all hit me all at once.

And I had my click. You know early on there and I ran with it Yeah, if I didn't get to that point like I wouldn't have it wasn't working Yeah,

Lynne: do I wish Scott drank less do I wish? You know that that he removed alcohol from the house. Sure, you know sure I do But I I tried to spend early on in my sobriety a lot of my time thinking about that.

I began ruminating about it. I began thinking, gosh, you know, is he going to live to [01:07:00] be a healthy old age because he drinks too much? And yet he's really good about exercising every day. And that's something I need to work on. So, you know, I'm, I'm certainly, I certainly have my challenges that he's already exceeded at and he does well with.

Um, but I, again, I just realized I was, I began ruminating about the things that I had no control over and I just, I don't want to live the rest of my life that way. So I have my journey. He has his, uh, we love each other dearly and you know, it's just not his time right now and it's my time and I, and I'm taking it.

Making the most of it and he's benefiting

Kevin: from it. Yeah, I was gonna say like, you know, I don't it's rare that I hear someone saying like, oh, yeah, I stopped and they drank more. It's always it always brings whenever the person listening who's looking to address, you know, their relationship with alcohol, whenever we do that.

It has a natural impact on those around us, [01:08:00] either, either because we no longer hang out with them because a friend and it's just, Hey, we were drinking buddies. Um, and, and maybe it doesn't bring them down because I had to step away from that friendship. Uh, or maybe it's a friend who I'm, I want to continue on with and I'm not the one I really, I, I recognize that I was always the one like, Hey, let's get one more now I'm like, Oh, wait a minute.

Nobody does this. Yeah, I noticed that real quick. It was me. But yeah, that's, we have an impact. I mean, what are the, you're the average of the five people that you hang out with the most or whatever that, that phrase is, or that thought is like, you know, if you change, like you're naturally going to change those five people or those people around you, um, In a certain way, so, yeah, I mean,

Lynne: I don't want to discourage those, though, that have a partner who still drinks and find that maybe they start drinking a little more because [01:09:00] Scott did that.

And we've talked about this. He knows, you know, that he's part of the discussion today. He's totally open with it and okay with it. But, you know, I think. The first few months, because I really was so difficult to live with. I think he probably drank more and that was his coping mechanism, but, um, it's slowly, you know, turn the other.

Which I'm

Kevin: grateful for. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. Um, and thank him for, being okay with you sharing here today, because yeah, I mean, and it's, you just want that kind of dialogue at least, right. To, to be able to talk about it, to be able to be open to like, for me, it was, I'm doing this.

You know, you're, I know you're not doing this, um, please respect that I'm doing this.

Lynne: And that's, that's key, Kevin, is communication. And we've talked openly about [01:10:00] my sobriety. We always have. And um, the, the key is really communicating, uh, we've, you know, and setting boundaries. Like I've said, okay, um, I, I can't go out with you on the morning porch.

The first few months I didn't, he was okay with that. Um, we've also set a boundary of. After five o'clock, which is when he might start drinking, we no longer have conversations that are serious, something that is life changing or discussion that, that is of a serious nature because I know that alcohol changes the way we, The way we might express our feelings with one another.

And so he's totally agreed with that. So, you know, I have set boundaries and it's working for us. Is it ideal? No, it'd be great if I didn't have a partner who was drinking, but I do. That's life. And, uh, you know, it's working for us.

Kevin: Uh, and I love those boundaries too. Like, I love that talking about that and setting like, you know what, [01:11:00] after five o'clock after this time, that's a good one.

Yeah, everybody write that down. Um, there's a certain point of the night too, that I get to that point, but it's just because I'm like, I'm worthless right now. It's yeah, it's been a long day. Like, well, let's talk about this tomorrow.

Lynne: Exactly.

Kevin: Well, thank you so much for, um, all the time you've given us today and coming on here to share.

Uh, really appreciate this. It was a. Great discussion. Uh, thank you so much.

Lynne: Thank you. You know, it's, it's a reframe. I can honestly say, and I've told people this, that reframe has saved my life. And I can go back and think about the blackouts. And, you know, thank goodness I stopped it when I did, because who knows where I would be today.

You know, you never know when you're going to get a blackout or what silly decisions you think you might make. So, um, anytime I can get back to the [01:12:00] community, I'm very grateful for the opportunity. And, I don't know if anybody's going to be able to relate to what I had to say, but even if I can just.

Speak to a few people that that are going through the same thing. I just want to encourage them and let them know that it does get easier. It does get better. And it's a beautiful journey. I, I have a friend in reframe who coined it best by saying all in, in love with the journey. And that's what I've done.

I've fallen in love with the journey. I love my life. I love my journey and I never want it to end.

Kevin: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. And, and yeah, there will be plenty of people who will Appreciate and resonate with what you had to say here. Um, yeah, so thank you for that again. Um, all right, Lynn. Thank you.

Appreciate you. All right.

Lynne: Yep. Okay. We'll talk to you later. Talk

Kevin: to you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Thank you all for listening to this week's episode of the reframeable podcast brought to you by the reframe app. Reframe is the number one app to [01:13:00] help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you. If you're enjoying this podcast, please like subscribe and share with those that you feel may benefit from it.

If you have a topic you'd like us to cover on the podcast, send an email to podcast at reframe app. com. Or if you're on the reframe app, give it a shake and ask a question there and let us know. I want to thank you again for listening and be sure to come back next week for another episode. Have a great day.

‍