Setting Realistic Goals in the New Year

​[00:00:00]

Kevin: Welcome everyone to another episode of the reframeable podcast, the podcast that brings you people's stories and ideas about how we can work to reframe our relationship, not just with alcohol, but with stress, anxiety, relationships, enjoyment, and so much more because changing our relationship with alcohol is about so much more than changing the contents of our glass.

This podcast is brought to you by the reframe app. Reframe is the number one app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you. My name is Kevin Belak. I'm a certified professional recovery coach and the head of coaching at the reframe app.

Steph: I'm Steph Prangley. I'm a nutritional therapy practitioner and a thrive coach at reframe. Is that all that's all I need to write out my intro. What the hell? I'm a fellow [00:01:00] of the society of actuaries too, dammit. And that's, what's new with me. There you go. Well, that's not that new, but. I did accept a part time actuarial job, which is somewhat new.

I haven't announced it on the podcast yet, so that's really exciting for me. I love, love, love coaching. I do not love it full time. I am an introvert and that is so hard. So I get like part time spreadsheets and part time coaching and it's a lovely, lovely balance for me.

Kevin: That's an excellent balance of anytime.

Yeah. How do you, how do you balance spreadsheets though? Spreadsheets are wonderful. I know. I know. I got spreadsheets and more spreadsheets. That's one thing I still do. Try somewhat is work on analysis of things and use, still get to use my formulas and all that stuff for my accounting days.

Steph: yOu caught off a little bit, but I am assuming you talked about the glory of Spreadsheeting . [00:02:00]

Kevin: I did. Yeah. You were cutting off before too. I didn't hear your intro. Oh.

Steph: Yeah, well, it was it was the wild one.

Kevin: I laughed appropriately afterwards. So we might Yeah, maybe we'll keep this in. Maybe we won't.

Steph: Yeah, I build a spreadsheet for everything. I even on my my last Thursday meeting, I Like gave people a spreadsheet for the, I like, I call it the ideal work planner. I got it from my full focus planner and adapted it. And so I'm like, okay, here's the spreadsheet. And I made a PDF of it so you can fill it out and color it in.

I can't help it. It just makes so much sense.

Kevin: Hey, it does. iS that your, what's new? Are you

Steph: going to. Oh, there's so much new because we haven't talked in a long time. But yeah, I just got back from Philly. So that actuarial job, we did our holiday meeting at top golf. So we had one of the conference rooms there and went [00:03:00] over just some.

Things bringing everyone together. It's a fully remote company now. They used to be headquartered out of Philly. So that was pretty cool to meet the team. But I, I don't love traveling and I was just in Michigan last weekend to visit my parents. So it was like Michigan and then Philly. And I just, I haven't had a day off with my husband since.

I don't know, like in four weeks, probably. So it's been hard. Like our, we need to decorate the tree and stuff. There's we want to spend time together. It's just kind of a never ending. I don't know. We can relax now. Like we're not traveling for the holidays or anything like that. So yeah, Philly, Michigan.

My dad's really sick. I haven't really talked about it a ton. But he's very, very sick. We don't, he's got a very healthy perspective on death. Like he's in his late seventies and so this was, my sister flew in from Boston to up to Michigan and we like decorated their tree there. Like we think it might be our last, like whether [00:04:00] my dad, no matter how long he survives, they're planning on selling that house.

So we think it's our last, christmas in our childhood home. So that was really cool. Yeah. And then the puppy Archie stepped in poop this morning and brought it all over the house. So that's why the 8. 15 start time for us was good because I was like, it just kept appearing. It's like all over our bedding and it's on our area rug.

And then there's it's just everywhere.

Kevin: Nice. Yeah. Gotta love them. YEah, at least, yeah, that's, that's never fun. It's easy, it's a little easier whenever you have a five pound chihuahua who will feed her like this. Although, maybe it's not easier because then you just, she does it and what trips it through the house.

It's harder to see. Huh.

Steph: So yeah, Archie's paw is like the size of an adult male hand. Like he's there's just and I was trying to wipe his paw and it's just kind of like, where [00:05:00] is this? Is your paw producing your shit, you monster? So, yeah, it's, it's like

Kevin: everywhere. Why won't this, yeah, why won't this towel get cleaner?

Why is this getting worse and worse each wipe? It's so gross,

Steph: it's it's everywhere. Oh my god. Ugh.

Kevin: I felt the need it's Obviously it was a podcast and somebody isn't going to just jump in at that. It's not like an Instagram live. And because I was like, if it was, I would have been like, okay, just so everybody knows we're talking about a dog's paw, not anything else.

Like I just stepped in poo. That's funny. Uh, well, yeah. Thanks for sharing that. Sorry to hear about your, your dad and but that. Sounded special, like to be able to I don't know, to, to kind of go into it with that thought and just, enjoy it more or embrace more, just. Reflect on it there.[00:06:00]

Um, yeah, yeah, it was good.

Yeah. So that's good that you have that you're done basically with travel too. I don't think we have anything coming up. I have family, a family out this week and I guess, yeah, I guess next week's already. We're recording this on the 16th, I think next week's already the weekend for Christmas. Time flies heading into the, to the new year.

So yeah, we're just chilling at home, so nothing Nothing crazy. Last year we went to we did Hamilton down at Playhouse Square in Cleveland on the, on Christmas Eve. And that was cool. It'll it was different, right? It's, we never did that before. And I thought that was a cool way to, I don't know.

Change things up and enjoy that. And then I remember coming home. It was a Saturday. I remember coming home and using one of the songs from that as my topic for the Alcohol Free Saturday meeting that night. So [00:07:00]

Steph: Wait, which song?

Kevin: What Comes Next? From, from the King you, you've been freed. Do you know how hard it is to lead you're on your own.

Awesome. Wow. Like just thinking, sometimes we, I believe the thing, the thought was, is, sometimes we. We're going through this journey and we get to a certain point and it's just huh, all right, well, now what what, what, what's next? What do I have to do? Like where and it was, the end of the year too, for, going into the new year.

So that was kind of the theme, I think. Oh,

Steph: I love it. I love that you brought Hamilton into your meeting. And yeah, that's, that's a good song. I love that show. We've seen it a couple times. That's a lovely little way to bring in holidays though. Do something different like that. I could do a lot of musicals.

I, I love them.

Kevin: Yeah. I feel we do them so few and far between, the last time I, the last one I did was Book of Mormon for my 40th birthday. When I was about four months alcohol free, [00:08:00] I turned 40 and I was like, okay, what am I going to do on my 40th birthday? Because what I had planned for the first, maybe the last 10 years of what I was going to do for my 40th birthday is a lot, there's going to be a lot different this year.

So my wife uh, I got tickets to, you know, it was like four of us went and, went out to dinner beforehand, went to see that show. YeAh, that was cool. It was awesome.

Steph: Oh, that's really nice. Yeah. Oh my God. My 40th was so uneventful, but I was still drinking at the time, but it was COVID. So yeah, I was just like, ugh.

And then I quit in my 40s, so, or in my. And my, when I was 40, I quit like a few months later. So cool, cool, cool. What else is new with you?

Kevin: Kev? I haven't drank in my forties. So I've got that going for me, I guess.

Steph: No, that's kind of cool to say.

Kevin: What's that?

Steph: That's kind of cool to say.

Kevin: Yeah. I [00:09:00] don't know. Yeah, in my, the way my mind works, I, you know, it's, I'm going to do dry January.

And then what happens on February 1st? It's what happens when I turn on my 50th birthday? Is it like, all right, 40s are over. Yeah. But we'll have to have to figure out something cool. Like we just did for my brother's 50th birthday, the. A couple of us went to like my brothers and our wives went to Charleston down your neck of the woods.

That was a fun little trip.

Steph: Oh, it was for a birthday. I went to a 50th birthday in Charleston too, but I was not sober. That was a mess.

Kevin: I could see that. Yeah, that was a, yeah, it was fun. There was a lot of just, I just focused on the food, a lot of good food. We walked. Like 20, 000 steps a day everywhere. It's very walkable in that area where we were at by the college of Charleston and by the Harbor and all that.

Steph: Yeah. And [00:10:00] Charleston kind of reads like a college town.

I mean, I know they have college there, but like it's whenever I go there, it feels like a college town to me. I mean, I know it isn't like Ann Arbor or something, but I just, I don't know. I partied hard when I was there and I was right, right before COVID that was early. Early 2020.

Okay. So you want to get started on shop talk?

So on to shop talk in this segment we'll talk about a recovery related topic that's on our mind and yours We hope to cover the topic from all angles and land somewhere actionable and helpful if you have a topic you'd like us to cover in the podcast, please send us an email at Podcast at reframe app.

com, or if you were a reframe user, when you're in the app, you can give it a shake and just let us know. So today we're going to talk about setting realistic goals for the new year. I know that this time [00:11:00] of year is a really important time for reflection and kind of setting ourselves up for success.

In our next year of life and after everything calms down from the holidays and stuff like that, a lot of us are just thinking about, okay, what's next? And I know in our community, we think about that a lot. Anyway, we're kind of always thinking about what's next for us. What's the next goal? We're setting things like that.

But for whatever reason, the new year always makes it feel like a little more pressury and. I think we want to help you today just be really smart and realistic about what you put on your plate when it comes to your expectations and the goals that you're going to set. So, Kevin, do you have any what is your experience with New Year's resolutions or goals or words or whatever you use for?

The kind of the turn of the new year.

Kevin: My personal experience. Yeah. [00:12:00] Well, everybody needs to create at least three resolutions that they're going to carry. No, I absolutely hate resolutions. I hate new year's resolutions. I hate the phrase. It's it's it's. There's certain things that just I'm turned off to self care, meaning like the, the word, like everybody just generically uses you just got to do self care and what, how that's become like it feels like it has to be like some luxurious thing or some.

Positive, we always have to be doing the right thing to do our self care. We have to meditate and we have to do all this. It's no, I can just, there's a lot of things that fall into that. I'm trying to blank on all my other pet peeves but but like the Resolution New Year's resolutions.

Right. I mean, it's. It's, it's, it's become a joke a lot of times, like you think about all the people, the, the disempowering memes and stuff like, Oh, I, I can't wait [00:13:00] till January 15th when, the gym clears out again, or, when people share stuff like that, because, it's, there is that tendency to dive in to, to something, Head first, because it is the new year and a lot of times I don't think we set ourselves up for success there.

Like we don't, we think I'm just going to start on January 1st and then that's hard, right? That's hard to, when we, cause when we do that, we can couple that with this big goal. And that's what I would do. I would be like, all right. January 1st. What am I doing? All right. I'm going to start this workout program.

I want to run this half marathon in March, so, or May, so let's work back and okay, what do I need to do? So I need to start out running my, my first run three miles. I'm going to do a 10 K in March and then I work my plan. I set up this whole plan. I'll do practice for 10 K I'll practice for a half marathon, [00:14:00] carry the one and here's my plan.

Here's my like perfect. I was a planner. And. And then I would start and then I would, but I wasn't ready to start, just jump into something like that. Same thing with gym, like I'm gonna do this workout or this, this workout program or whatever. And I would dive in, I would go hard and I would go after it.

And then, I didn't last long because I didn't set myself up for success. And that can be, it's not that I didn't, when I say that, I feel like it's not like I prepped like for months in advance, leading up to it. And I did all the little things, right. And all that. It's like prepping yourself mentally and, and going in with reasonable expectations.

And, and realizing that, asking, is this too much? Cause I never did that. And I was like, it's just always big plans. Right. And that's the problem is we try and we try and hit that home run instead of just trying to get on base and just trying to, that's my new [00:15:00] analogy that I keep, that keeps coming into my head.

A bunt is good too, if we get on base, right? And, sometimes I think with New Year's resolutions, we swing for the fences. I know I did, and that never worked for me. So, um, what about you? How did, how does that show up for you?

Steph: Yeah. I mean, I feel similar to you on the words. The syntax, like the New Year's resolution thing has, I feel like has been just built up as.

Yeah, this big lofty goal that doesn't hold a lot of meaning that people just peter out on and then feel like massive failures. That's the big thing for me. It's just so common to set this big goal. You aren't mentally prepared for it. It might not even be really what you want to do. That's a huge thing.

Um, you know, maybe you don't even want to run a marathon, but you're like, I feel like I should for whatever reason, and that can extend all these other places [00:16:00] too. So I don't remember being a huge resolution person ever. I think I'm more into organized goal setting now. But I do it quarterly.

So, and I start preparing for it. Like I created my, my first quarter plan like a couple weeks ago and I shared it. That's like the, the planner thing that I shared in my meeting a couple weeks ago too. So it's like a work in progress, but I. I've gotten to the point where I like to set goals in these four different categories.

And we talk about this all the time, but I'm, I have a hard time balancing. I love physical activity. And so so many of my goals always fall into this, like nutrition physical activity goals. And I'm really good at productivity too. So like household projects, things like that things, whatever. But I tend to so those are two of my like four categories that I like to set goals with, but the mental, [00:17:00] emotional, spiritual, I'm not great at that.

Social relational, it's my fourth bucket. I'm not great at that. So, I, what I started doing was. Kind of figuring out a way to feel a little bit more well rounded because I know when I focus too much on myself, like my husband feels neglected or I, it's easy for me to neglect my social relationships, like even my girlfriends and stuff like that.

So, um, that's big for me, but yeah, resolution wise. I don't remember. I'm sure in the past I used to set myself up with a new like diet and workout routine. I haven't been shy about my like diet culture relationship with, disordered eating, disordered workouts. So, I know I used to set goals around that.

And I still do. They're just, they're different. And that's like how we're gonna, like what we're going to talk through today is. is really how to engage with our goal setting in a healthy way and in a way [00:18:00] that will set you up for success. And I know a lot of people have shifted to like picking a word of the year, which I think is really cool.

It's cool to step back and check in with that. I've done that. It's not my thing either. I don't even remember what my word was last year, but I had one. I'll have to go on Instagram and find it.

Kevin: I did that. Yeah. And that was actually my topic for last night.

Cause it's for, for the six month meeting last night was word of the year. Just as a, some, another reframer was, was doing that. And a couple of people were I think it's just a good exercise to think about whether you carry that through, it's a good reflection. So I asked people like, well, what would you say?

Your word was for 2023, and what do you want it to be for 2024? And it's funny, like I, before the meeting I was like, all right, well what's, what would my word be? And, I, for 2024 and, the first thing I wrote, and I, as I said usually like the [00:19:00] first word that comes to your mind, it's probably it and and then maybe the the first and last, because once I got to, after I wrote a bunch of other words down, I kind of came up with another one that was like, okay, that's probably a two But the first word was balance.

So that kind of plays in with what you were saying earlier about balancing, things out, but yeah, balance was what, what I came up with. I used 2020, I did this for the first time and my word was patient. Because I felt I needed that. I was about entering 2020. I was about eight months alcohol free but my patience was definitely still not anywhere there.

So with myself or other people, and that's that's kind of what I did. And I like that from the standpoint of having a word kind of takes the pressure off of having like setting these goals and plans and that, it gives you that focus without making it maybe [00:20:00] overbearing. And it's okay, you can look at it from the standpoint of continuing to work on this, but you have to keep that word in front of you, like patience.

Like, how am I going to incorporate that into my days? Like I could say. Patience, my word, but what do I do with it? Right. And that's the important thing. So how do I sit there and reflect every morning on, gratitude or read and read affirmations related to patients to keep that in the forefront of front of my mind.

And, and continually ask myself like every week or month, how do I do this month, what, what, what am I going to face this coming month, how can I improve all that? So. Words are good, as long as you do something with them, right?

Steph: Just every Yeah, I mean, everything, everything you just said, I was like, yeah, there's no way I would sit and reflect on a word every day.

I, I love it. Maybe next year. Maybe next year I'll do that.

Kevin: But it's like This year I'm going to get balance tattooed on me, on my arm or [00:21:00] something, so that I have to look at it every day and remind myself.

Steph: There you go. Well, I mean, even going back to my comment on, how I realized that full time coaching isn't a good fit for me just because of my personality type.

And you brought up reflection too. And I have that's kind of what I want to You know, guide people to start with is the self reflection. And I brought in a quote for us to kind of think about for that, for that part of it, before you even go into goal setting or anything like that. So self reflection, okay, quote, self reflection entails asking yourself questions about your values, assessing your strengths and your failures, thinking about your perceptions and interactions with others and imagining where you want to take your life in the future.

And that's from Robert L. Rawson. Because it, you talk about this a lot too, like allowing yourself to suck at things or whatever, like trying things and then adapting, [00:22:00] right? We don't know what's going to work for us until we try it and then quote, fail at it or whatever. Like we're talking about how like word of the year doesn't work for me and that's, whatever.

But the self reflection kind of, and like specifically that first statement, self reflection entails asking questions about your values. Really like dipping into, there's like online values assessments that you can do. I actually we can include one in the show notes too that I would encourage people to do.

But you know, figuring out like your top five values and setting goals around that because one of my values is like my relationships and I was just talking about how that's one of the first things I let go, let go of when. I'm setting these goals for myself. It's very, very, I can become really self focused and self centered and that would be assessing my strengths and failures.

Like when I commit to something I commit all the way, but the failure [00:23:00] side would be, it's pretty easy for me to fall out of balance with that. And so. That's kind of why I came up with those four categories for myself. That's why I choose to evaluate how I'm spending my time and how I'm showing up in the world on a quarterly basis so that I can, do some analysis and make some adjustments and say yeah, I've been like.

pretty bad at, quality time with my husband or, whatever. So I would encourage people to do some self reflection exercises, some values assessment. And this is like in the spirit of the podcast too, right? Like this, isn't just about I'm not going to drink in 2024 or I'm going to cut back in 2024.

We always talk about how it's. About so much more than what's in our glass. So like getting solid on your value, like I want to be the kind of person who can be fully present for my children or my family. And in order to do that, I need to [00:24:00] reduce or eliminate alcohol. That is. Different than just saying, I'm not going to drink starting January 1st or, whatever.

That's like the lofty goal versus something that you can kind of set yourself up for.

Kevin: Yeah, it's the, it's the answer to the question. Well, why aren't you going to drink on January 1st? What, what is the reason? Because yeah, that was, I think that's where we fall short on resolutions, I think, is because we just, we look at the end result and we don't think about how we're going to get there or why we want to get there in the first place.

And that's, we could have that abstract thing like, oh yeah, I want to be healthy, so I'm going to. Do this. Do this thing. But okay. Wow. Have you thought about it? Because I can't remember who, I can't remember where I got this from. It might be Atomic Habits. It might be one of the other countless books that I, that are stuck in my head.

But basically, we [00:25:00] don't think about it. What? What's the who do we have to become to do that? Sometimes I'm only doing it for a month. Yeah, but for a month you have to change who you are, change how you go about things at least a little bit. If you're going to do something different, you have to do something different, so what? What does that mean? What does that look like to remove alcohol to reduce alcohol to go home. To the gym, to do this thing, to start meditating, to start journaling, to, what, what does that look like to me and, and how can I do that in a little more realistic way?

Steph: Yes, realistic way. That's so, so, so key.

Yeah. And you talk about, yeah, I want to be healthier. Like, why do you want to be healthier? And how, and what does health look like to you? Because that's highly individual, right? Like I'm moving through the world with chronic illness. I am no longer the elite volleyball player I [00:26:00] was a decade ago.

And so. That's like a very different conversation than what I would be having. And I can't compare that to, what someone else is doing either. Like they don't have they're different than I am. So it's like coming up with things that are unique and individual to you and even defining that and and getting very, very specific on whatever that thing is like health in this case is what we're talking about, but what that means to you.

Because. My mobility is a thing. I have the knee surgeries and all of this like long term damage. I have the chronic fatigue. So like, you know, I'm not going to be doing box jumps no matter how hard I want. If I really want to, which I do, I love jumping. That's fun for me, but it's that probably won't be realistic for me.

ever again,

Kevin: yeah. And, and yeah, I'll say same for me. Cause I don't like him. Cause yeah. Yeah. Nor do I think my, yeah, I don't know how my doctor would feel about me doing box jumps. [00:27:00] I'm good with walking right now. Let's, let's work up to jogging. But again, right. It's what does that look like?

That's so. Important to, remember that it is unique. It is individual. Even if you're starting like, Oh, I'm going to do this with the team and we're going to go do this. You're all different people. Right. So, and it's, or I'm looking at people online who are, who are successful with their resolution or whatever.

And they're, they're still going, they're still doing this. We compare, even if it's like early on, we look and be like. I'm not doing it like that, right? So part of this is, for comparing to others and looking at that, on social media and different things, it's going to be. Even harder if we don't remember that this is me against me.

It's not, me against the other countless people on Instagram doing X, Y, [00:28:00] or Z doing box jumps, they're already on the 20 inch box jumper, they're already on the two foot one, or, I'm still on the six inch one.

Steph: Oh my God. Now I'm salivating because I'm like, I want to do a box jump.

Damn it. I used to be able to jump out of the gym. I got glory days problems going on in my brain. Sometimes

oh God. Yeah. Me living in the past. It's, it's hard.

I mean, being an athlete was a huge part of my identity. So I'll give another, like besides the like balancing between coaching and and doing my introvert job.

Another example of my self reflection when it comes to. An annual goal is someone on one of my meetings shared about doing this 52 hike challenge in 2023. And I looked into it and I was like, oh, my God, I think that's what I want to sign up for. Because I was thinking 2024 is going to be a year when I.

like commit to something physical activity wise that [00:29:00] will help me with injury prevention and strength, but give me a goal to reach for. And I was originally thinking of doing, we talked about like the aqua bike where it's the first two legs of a triathlon, like swim bike. I already spin a ton. I'm a pretty strong swimmer, but I, I was, I started to think reflect about myself, my personality traits and my history with.

Becoming very obsessive about and disordered when it comes to a training schedule and exercise diet and everything. And I just thought, I'm still. Recovering from that part of me, and I don't know that I can engage in a training schedule for something I'm going to go compete at in a healthy way.

Again, going back to those four categories I like to talk about, if I'm getting up to train at six in the morning, then I'm going to bed even earlier than I already am. And that means like last time with my husband, less opportunity for, [00:30:00] things I tend to, to let go of when I. Start getting like that.

So this 52 hike challenge seems like a really good fit for me. Right? Like I, I don't care. I'm not winning anything besides actually committing to this and a hike a week. I have some really like low impact local ones that I can mix in if I don't feel like driving, if my energy level is low, whatever, it's a great way where I can honor my body and still follow through on this commitment that I made to myself, but that.

That takes this radical honesty and self acceptance too, right? Like my mindset, I'm not quite ready to train for something where I'm going to be competing against other people. I'm not ready to engage in that in a healthy way, but there is something I can do that still gets me feeling like I'm.

Kind of competing at something, yeah, it gets me out of my comfort zone. That's a

Kevin: lot of hiking Yeah, I mean because again, yeah what I said before is like you [00:31:00] have to figure out okay Who do I have to become to do that? Well, where am I gonna hike like is it is it 52 different places or it can it just be the you know The same one over and over again, or you know I don't know if that was a goal like to go to different areas to hike

Steph: Yeah, I have a spreadsheet for that.

I

Kevin: was like, yeah, it's funny, but it's also probably true.

Steph: No, I have a database of hikes in Western North Carolina and South Carolina that I want to do. I have them with distance and elevation gain and how far they are from Greenville. And then I have my first six planned out in a different spreadsheet or a different sheet.

Yeah, it's organized as

Kevin: I would have assumed. However, yeah, I mean it's that's uh Right, and that's the planning that goes into it and and level setting it's not you know, are you? Are you [00:32:00] setting? yeah, here are you researching like the the top speeds for that hike that part of that section of the trail and And, looking to get that every time, are you setting unrealistic goals or you're just like, no, I'm going to go out and, hike new places and, go at my own pace.

And, over time that'll increase because, as I do it, I'll get stronger, but I can also take into account when I'm not feeling that I'm assuming that's more of the, the way you're going into it versus the competitive, like I need to. How fast can I get this done?

Steph: You're spot on.

Yeah. I, so I have the spreadsheet that is part of my planning and I have, yeah, this little database of of hikes to pull from and my, like right now I do have like week one, this is where I'm going to go, this is the date I want to do it, like generally it's going to be Saturdays, I think, and, but then.

I always have the permission to check in with myself and [00:33:00] say, do I want to go drive two hours and do this hike or am I feeling kind of tired and I can do, I have a whole nother sheet in my spreadsheet that like one of the tabs that's just like easy local hikes that aren't planned in there, but they're kind of my depending on energy, time constraints, life happening, I can still check that box, but without without it feeling so forced.

So. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is probably one of the healthiest ways I've approached a goal like this ever. Like I don't think I've ever done it in a way that has like a. Backup plan, that meets in the middle. So I'm, I'm pretty proud of myself with it. Like I really am. That's awesome.

Kevin: And good luck.

Yeah. On executing that we will check back in.

Steph: I will probably post about it on Instagram because I want to get posting again. I know. I always

Kevin: say that too. I do stories now, that's, that's about it. But yeah, that's a, and I kind of have come to that same space [00:34:00] where I have, I'm doing thing. I got to the point where I'm checking off the box every day for movement, two boxes really.

Cause I, for me, I'm walking outside every day because that's easy for me. The, the only challenging part is mental for me. It's oh, I didn't walk outside yet today and it's eight o'clock at night. I'm not suggesting people do that but for me, it's that consistency helps me to keep that going and I feel better every time I get out and I, if it's eight o'clock at night, I might.

Take out, take out my headphones and use that time for reflection and, or I put it in and I listened to some meditations as I'm walking to check that that box off because I started, meditating now to try and add that in, consistently. So I use, I try and use these different things for just as ways to.

[00:35:00] Also accomplish other things. So I'm going for this walk, but I'm also listening to a book or I'm doing a meditation or I'm just sitting there in stillness and kind of just walking and thinking that helps me, right? And my other workout yesterday, I stretched in right here next to my desk for 45 minutes and I just, but I felt so much better after it.

But my energy was so low yesterday I wasn't going to go and do a big workout or anything like that. So I adjusted and I said, nope, I feel I need to just, be a little bit lighter today and stretch and help my body. And I feel good today because of that. I feel better because I stretched. And just, kind of going with that ebb and flow of our energy and what we are feeling like.

But having that fallback when you don't feel like going out and driving an hour to go hike, right? How can I just go to this place a couple minutes away and check the box still?

Steph: Yeah, [00:36:00] exactly. And I like that you brought in like the meditation and even listening to audio book or whatever, because, not everyone is gonna again, health looks different for everyone.

And so if it's like meditation or stretching or something like that, that you want to, build into your routine. The same thing, like the same stuff applies, this extends to everything because you're, talking about doing a guided meditation while you're moving your body, that might be like how you start, meditation is supposed to be in stillness, right? But I'm kind of like you, like moving my body is part of my meditation. And maybe you're like building up to being able to sit and meditate or something like that. Or you are running low on time. And so that's the best option that you have for that day. So just having that flexibility while still You know, moving forward on your goals and honoring what your body really needs.

That's really what it's all about. And I would say the same thing for even emotional things that we try to tackle. Like I, I see [00:37:00] people coming into the recovery space and, realizing that there's these, all of these underlying issues that sort of need to be tackled. And it's we don't need to do all of that at once.

And it might not even be a good idea to do too much too soon because, we only have the capacity to rip off so many band aids and tend to those wounds. You know what I mean? So if like therapy or like addressing past trauma or something is one of your goals, just, keep that, that gentleness in mind as well.

Kevin: Yeah. Yeah. Keep that gentleness in mind. Yeah, definitely. That's a good, I like that word because gentleness, because I mean, it's a good way to level set and balance our a New Year's resolution, too. Remembering to include that because we might have that motivation or pull to do something big, but we still have to be gentler with ourself or be open to, looking at the [00:38:00] how we feel.

At any given moment because yeah, I mean, you're never, you're not going to feel like you do on January 1st or January 2nd, all year, like if you're motivated, if you're, if you're super motivated, it's not going to stay motivation doesn't last. So it's like, how can I put some, a system or something in place that I can show up.

Even when I don't feel like it just a little bit being, being more gentle with yourself. Oh yeah, I didn't get out for that. I said I was going to run every day and okay, well you, but you woke up and you did yoga, for a couple of minutes. Or you so you can still say you check that box or you needed to rest because, whatever reason being mindful of, what we need and saying No, I'm still doing this.

But I'm just I'm taking care of myself. Now that goes back to like the, the reason you're doing it. If your reason you're doing it for health, then [00:39:00] to push, push, push, whenever you're not, Feeling it or whenever your body is saying, stop, stop, stop that's not good either. Right? So, so looking for that balance and remembering why you're doing this and reflecting back on that, I think is something that we definitely need to include.

And that goes back to that reflection that you talked about. Self, that self reflection that you talked about earlier. And he said I'm not gonna do it every day, but we have to do it like at some point, like we have to have a time each week or whatever each month, at least each month, to say well, how did this past month go?

What do I want to do is come on. And I feel it's, it's good to kind of early on the shorter that it, like the daily reflection I think is, is good. I'll give you a quote that I always read in my affirmation, like block of time that I, when I started out and it's, John C. Maxwell, like you will never change your life until you change something you do [00:40:00] daily.

The secret of your success is found in your daily routine. But that doesn't mean that we have to go full go all day, every day and, and be totally consistent with showing up perfectly. But how can we still show up for ourself?

Steph: Yeah, I think I saw like a meme or something on Instagram that was like, if you if you wake up and you have 40 percent to give and you give 40 percent then you gave 100%.

Yeah, it's like that same thing. It's that gentleness. It's that and I don't know, just like self acceptance and awareness about your limitations as a human being as well. Like we're not robots. Yeah.

Kevin: Yeah. You can't just pull yourself in and charge yourself up to 100 percent each day. Expect to even, even my phone battery dies and needs, some replace replacing after a while.

It's only 80 percent at some point or whatever. No, that's a great thought, right? It's like [00:41:00] just remembering that. Just because you showed up and kicked ass last week, doesn't mean that that's where your body's at this week or, or your mind, with whatever you're doing and,

Steph: Yeah. And well, I like what you said too about how yesterday your energy was low.

You stretched for 45 minutes. That was your non walking movement for the day. And today you feel really good because you honored your body. Like you could probably go crush some weights and blast some pecs.

Kevin: I don't know what I'm blasting, but I'm going to do it and pushing play after this call on my chop wood, carry water workout might be leg day.

I already blasted the packs leg day, bro. That's funny.

Steph: Yeah, well, but that's, but that's exactly the point. Like when you do honor what your body is asking for, then it. It rewards you. Like it tells you that that was the right decision because you have the energy today. And this is I battle with my nutrition clients about this [00:42:00] and well, and recovery clients.

But like taking breaks during the workday, I'm like, you're like, well, I don't have time to leave my desk. I'm like. If you leave for five minutes, five minutes outside, you'll come back so much more productive. I guarantee it. Just try it. We all know that all hours aren't equal when it comes to productivity and brain capacity and stuff like that.

And it just gives you a little reboot. So yeah, you're leaving, but if your productivity is increased during the time after, then it's like a net positive for literally everyone involved.

Kevin: Yeah, absolutely. Challenge yourself to, to look for that time because it's there, right? I mean, we say Oh, I, I don't have any time during the day.

It's like you do, I'm sorry. Like everybody does. I feel there, there are days I know, and I'm sure there are people who in certain professions who you're, you're just on your feet all day, or you're just go, go, go for a, for a block of time. And I get, I get that. So, um. You know, I don't want to say like everybody can do it.

[00:43:00] And because I get that there are those instances, but my point is to challenge yourself to look for those, those little moments where you can get away, even if it's, especially if it's just for five minutes, like if you, if you can only get away for five minutes, get away for the five minutes because you need it.

If that's all you can have, like go, go just breathe somewhere. I would, my own job, I would I, I, I knew were all the little. Cause we had an open office plan. They redid our offices and they included all these little huddle rooms and little mini conference rooms are inside. And I would find, I knew where all like the hidden ones were and I would just go there, shut the door.

And just close my eyes and breathe or pull out my phone and just talk, call somebody or scroll scroll somewhere, even though I do know that we think we're taking a break and we're scrolling social media, but our, our mind is still engaged. So it's not really giving our [00:44:00] minds a break. That's where putting that down can be helpful.

But yeah taking that time, even if it's just for five minutes to, yeah, I would go down. Down to the first floor of our building, maybe grab a cup of coffee, maybe just walk around the loop there if it was bad out or go outside and just take that break. But if you don't do that.

If you don't, Oh, well, I, I always have meetings all day. We'll put in your own meeting for yourself, right? Block out your schedule and do those types of things. We're just, and sometimes if we're at home all day with the kids, all right, take the advantage. You can't always just be like, Oh.

All right. My, my 1-year-old just chill. I'm gonna go take a break. We can't do that. Right. When we have the opportunity, how, how can we just like when they're, it's like that bullshit, when they're napping, you should be napping. Well, there's a lot of other stuff that to do and pressure.

We chill. Right. So, but still we do need to put in. Just again, I'll keep saying, [00:45:00] breathe, breathe is like, should be my word of the year. Yeah,

Steph: yeah, that's so true. I like that you said, challenge yourself to find those moments because I mean, seriously, the phone I was, oh my God, I was reading about the dopamine effect of our notifications and our social media apps and stuff like that. And so you're really just like, you know, you can. If you have a few moments in between meetings, instead of picking up your phone, which I know a lot of us are doing, like you can stand up and stretch and move your body a little bit.

It doesn't even have to be like getting outside. That takes what? Five seconds. I mean, Yeah. I like that. You said just challenge yourself to find those moments and understand that every day is going to be different. Like, you know, you don't have to like, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't, my goal is once an hour, get up and stretch and move.

And that usually happens sometimes and it, it happens some hours and it doesn't happen other hours and [00:46:00] that's okay. Yeah.

Kevin: Yeah. It's all right. Yeah. Like yesterday I was 10, 10 o'clock until eight at night. I was basically in. Wall to wall meetings, except for I found a gap it in the middle of the afternoon, I was like, Oh, I can go for my walk now.

So, so I ran out, went for my walk. I was listening to some messages. I was listening to my meditations and I just kind of hit reset in the middle of the day and I didn't plan on it, but I took the opportunity when it presented itself. Yeah. That I can sneak that in and I felt so much better afterwards, kind of helped propel me into the rest of the day.

But I didn't get a lot of time to stand up and stretch. I didn't get a lot of time to do that. And, now I need to do that today. I need to, work more today on, on helping with that, but I didn't, bring my computer downstairs last night after I was done, like I normally would, I just went downstairs and.

Sat and kind of edged out with the TV.

Steph: Well, and you also opted for a [00:47:00] 45 minute stretch session instead of a hard workout. Like your body was probably all angry from sitting there for so many hours. And you tapped

Kevin: into that. Yeah, I did that first thing in the morning. Cause yeah. Yeah. Oh. That helped.

That helped. Remember me up for my SIT session all day SIT.

Steph: That helped prep you. Yeah. So, okay. So, I mean, I think like we've covered a lot of really good information here. Like kind of starting with the self reflection again, getting really. clear on your goals, why and what some of your limitations might be, what some of your strengths are and what's really going to set, like, how can you set up, like we talked about my spreadsheet for the hikes, what can you do to prepare for these goals and how can you add in a plan B or.

That gentleness that we talked about as well, I think those are are kind of the highlights. What else do you want to cover with this?

Kevin: Well, yeah. How do you, [00:48:00] how do you want to do those goals? Definitely. I love that you brought in the values like first and taking a look at that and our why.

And I know when we were talking earlier, Obviously smart goals are, out there that, are smart as are they, coming up with a goal and making it specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time based, where that's just the way I see sparkles and things is, how do I bring this into something that's going to keep me accountable?

How, how do I make this? I like the a, the most, is it attainable? Because if we, this goal, if we have this. Stretch goal that I'm going to do something and it's not really in my. Realm of possibility now, like that can be a good motivator for the future, but how can I, okay, but what's my goal for now?

Like breaking down, I think goals that we have into smaller pieces, to make them like, okay, I want to run a marathon. Well, I can't run a marathon now. That's not really attainable for [00:49:00] me, but what can I do? Okay, my goal can be, let's run a five K and I can do a couch to five K program or something like that to start me off and see how I feel.

See how my knee reacts. Do I need to adjust along the way once I do that? Or once I start? And that's where that reflection comes in and, or, and if I start and I, and I, if my knees like, nope, you probably shouldn't do this and, because it's not ready for that yet, or it's just not ever going to be ready for that.

Well, then should I beat myself up that I didn't run a marathon this year, or can I just stop that and shift to, well, what can I do? Can I shift to the bike? Can I shift to the aqua bike, like you said, or can it be something else? Or, you know. You know, I think I would, if I couldn't do the marathon, if I couldn't do the big goal.

Then for me, it was never worth it to do any of the goals is how I felt because I just set that [00:50:00] resolution. I set that big goal without looking at, is it smart? Is it do I have a specific way to get there? Is it attainable? But overall, I think I'm not big on. Goal setting as the way to how I go about achieving something.

I look at that what do I, what do I want? I look more at the overall value of the Y and I want to be healthy. Okay. Well, what things can that, what things can I do each day to be more healthy? And that's where, that's where. Going for a walk every day, some people might be like, Oh, that's boring.

That's not, that's not good. But my, my wife's doctor actually told her like, well, if you're not doing weight training, like walking doesn't help with, with, with anything like that, literally she said that and it's okay, do you need to stop going to this doctor ASAP? They clearly have zero clue what they're doing.

Cause it's not like they expanded. Like walking doesn't [00:51:00] help for that because blah, blah, blah. They're like, they were adamant. If you're not doing weight training, you're not doing anything. And that's good. Yeah. Getting stronger is better for us, in, into our older years and all that, I agree.

But to say stuff like that, it's okay, walking is going to make me healthier, moving my body in some way, whether that is strength, whether that is stretching, yoga, anything like that. And what else can I add in? And I just look at that and I say okay, well, let's start small and let's start adding in one thing at a time.

And, it's not like I'm going to revamp my entire. The everything I eat and be restrictive and all that, it's well, what can I add in? What can I add in this nutritious? And so every day I want to check a box that says, yeah, I added something in that was nutritious today and start there.

And that's where I kind of go with the, with the goal setting. Now it's I want to add things into my days because [00:52:00] I know if I keep adding this into my day and checking it off, even when I'm I don't, I am not ready to show up big, then I know I'll meet that goal. Eventually. It just might not be in the original timeframe that my mind concocted, which it never is.

Those timeframes are never,

Steph: yeah, it never is because I don't know. We plan, but I mean, life happens and yeah. I don't know. We just have to have that flexibility. Yeah, I guess the like I I'm going to echo that because the one last thing that I would add in is like starting with goals that are so tiny, they don't feel like goals. And I'll also note as someone who used to be very obsessive about this stuff and a lot of high achieving people will probably resonate with this, but you can feel burned out on goal setting and that kind of stuff.

So use a different [00:53:00] word, but your goal might be just to allow more ease in your life. It might be learning how to slow down. And that is something that you need to plan for in practice. But this doesn't always mean doing more, I guess is what I'm saying. There is a flip side to that, because Someone actually brought that up in my meeting where I talked about like the goal setting with the ideal week planner and all of that stuff.

And I was like, yeah, that's a good point. There was a time in my life when it wouldn't have been that healthy for me to set like a workout goal. Like I need to be very mindful of not triggering past disordered behavior. So it's like, you know, setting a small goal like 52 hikes is a big goal.

But it's also, like I said, I have that backup plan and I can, I can do the same exact little nature walk every week if I want to, like I don't have any rules around that. And that's very important for someone with my kind of personality too. So yeah, yeah. The smart goals, [00:54:00] very good values assessment. We'll include that in the show notes.

And yeah. Is there anything else that you want to cover before we sign off?

Kevin: Well, on the smart goals, the T time based, I always think that one of the problems is we're so unrealistic with our expectations of, of doing something maybe not fair, but I think it is because, When we set out to do something, we feel like it's going to be, it's that straight line theory, right?

That I'm going to start and I'm going to go and I'm going to get there and there's not gonna be any hiccups or anything around it. So just remembering that just because you didn't get to a certain point. It's like, it's like you said, breaking that down into small attainable chunks is easier, but if you don't get there at that time that you set out to do, then that doesn't mean that you're you're failing.

Look at the progress that you've made [00:55:00] along the way, because if you stop and look back and be like, Oh, I didn't, I didn't do what I said I was going to do, and that was 30 days, like I didn't get to the 30 day mark and be and was successful. Okay, but what did you do? Oh, well, I whatever it is, I don't, want to keep bringing up working out and that it's, it's the easy one, right?

Yeah. Oh, I said I was going to, I said I was going to journal every day for 30 days and I, and I didn't, well, how many days did you journal? I only did 15. How many days did you journal last month? I didn't, I just started. You journaled 15 days, give yourself the credit and, and think about what you learned from that and what can you, what can you move forward?

Do you set another goal? Maybe, maybe this month you say, I'm going to journal 20 out of 30 days. And. And just that incremental change, right? But taking away the pressure of the time based the pressure of achieving something by a certain date, I think is important because. Again, if [00:56:00] we're, what are we basing that that time on?

What are we basing that date on? Is it something realistic? Is it just because that's what everybody else is doing? Is it just because I saw it over here on this is someone recommended I do. I think taking that into account is important just to make sure that we don't get discouraged, we can still get discouraged if we, if we, oh, I didn't make it.

Okay. But look at how good I did. I think that needs to be the follow up if we go that route.

Steph: Agreed. Yeah. That's my least favorite in the, in the smart acronym. But it is mine's a year and it's a hike a week for 52 weeks. Like. You know, whatever, but I can also do two hikes in one week if I, if I need to skip a week or whatever, it's just, I don't know, I, I'm not a huge fan of the time bound either, but I know like it, it can be a useful tool, but this just goes back to your recommendation to pick at least once a week, once a month, once a day to [00:57:00] reflect on your day, your week, your month.

And. See if you need any adjustment to that timeline, I think, but just, yeah, that realistic and reasonable and making sure that you're celebrating your wins and your successes along the way. That's just like what we talk about with, if you go alcohol free or you're cutting back, celebrating those milestones, celebrating your, your week, your month, your thousand hours dry, all of that stuff. It's it's the same thing with any kind of goal. Yeah, making sure that we're tracking those gains, bro.

Kevin: Not even the streaks, right? The totals like, Oh yeah. On day one, but you've had a hundred days hitting targets or being alcohol free out of the last 150, again, it's just, I'm making up numbers, but progress, progress, progress, that's all it is we're never going to be perfect. So we just need to keep making that progress and keep working on it.[00:58:00]

Steph: Yeah. And keep reminding yourself that you're not a robot like that.

I don't know why that language really helps me because God, there's so much advice out there that just makes it seem like you're a robot, have X number of calories a day and walk X number of steps. It's a day and all of that. And it's just you don't need to do that. And you're different day to day, and so, yeah, it's not just, we're not, we're, we're complex. It's not as simple as like input and output. And that's consistent day to day, week to week, year to

Kevin: year. Thank you for that about the robot. Because I, as soon as I said at the end, they're like, just keep going, keep working, right? Sometimes working is resting.

So, yeah. I, as soon as I said that, I was like, I wanted to throw that in, but yeah, you said we're not robots, right? We can't just keep going and keep working and doing working doesn't mean always go, go, go. It can also mean sleep, sleep, sleep, or whatever.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah. When I was like, when I was first [00:59:00] in the depths of my chronic illness, I was, I was couch bound, I was like primarily couch bound.

I had to take disability, like me trying to. Go train for something at that time would be the worst thing for my health. So yeah, I mean that's Another thing that we've kind of covered to death in this episode is that tuning into your body and that takes some skill too, because we are sort of trained and conditioned to think that we are robots, and I even think about the work week, where it's it's just unreasonable to think that we can Have the same level of productivity, the same days and the same hours, like at week, week, it's just that's weird.

Like I, we don't work like that. And being forced in that kind of schedule, it's no wonder we're all burned out. . All right. So do you have a tip of the week for us?

One tip that our listeners can take action on?

Kevin: Yeah, I was just say that I'm looking at the things I have written down my thoughts before this. And [01:00:00]my number two was a screw your perfect plan. And yeah, I think that's the tip is try not to make it so, so perfect.

So, big that it's either, unattainable or, once something happens, then we kind of, have that tendency to say F it, right, break it down and the third thing I wrote was small, small, small steps, right? So breaking it down and making it more granular so that it's okay, why do I want to do that thing?

Okay. Well, what is going to help me do that thing every day? What can I add into my days? Like we talked about, like that quote, what can I add into my days that that's going to help me? With that and just going small right. If I want to be healthier, okay. If I'm eat something green today, like that's actually a bad thing.

I can find plenty of probably unhealthy things that are green. But eat something green, move, move my body for five minutes. Like those small things it doesn't have to be perfect. And. [01:01:00] We just have to show up.

Steph: It all counts. Like all of that counts. It's it doesn't have to be the huge thing. Yeah, I agree. I love it. There is no perfect plan. Again, not robots, so stuff will happen and get in your way and what's going to keep you, going beyond when that wrench is thrown in or whatever, just keeping like being very realistic about that and understanding that there is going to be an ebb and flow to whatever that.

That goal is so well said, Kev.

Kevin: Thanks. That's debatable. That's

Steph: debatable. You had four times to do it.

Kevin: Hey, you were supposed to tell people that.

Steph: Kevin practiced like six times to get that out. Well,

Kevin: I, I have a tendency to go off on tangents and. My, my one tip became six and I just, I had to stop myself.

Thank you, Steph, for bearing with me.

Steph: I like it. It got better every time.

Kevin: Good. See, practice makes better

all right.

Steph: All [01:02:00] right. Let's wrap

Kevin: her up. Yeah. Thanks everyone for. listening to this week's episode of the reframeable podcast brought to you by the reframe app. Reframe is the number one app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you.

If you're enjoying this podcast, please like subscribe and share with those you feel may benefit from it. And if you have a topic you'd like us to cover on the podcast, send an email to podcast at reframe app. com. Or if you are a reframe app user, feel free to open up the app, give it. Give your phone a shake and when the box pops up, let us know what questions you want to ask.

I want to thank you again for listening and be sure to come back next week for another episode. Have a great day. Bye.