How To Set Healthy Boundaries in Friendships
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Life is a fascinating journey, and integral to that journey are the relationships we build, particularly our friendships.
These connections can be like the sun, bringing warmth and light into our lives — or like a heavy storm, creating unexpected challenges. Consider that friend who always insists on ordering cheeseburgers when you're trying to eat healthier, or the one who monopolizes conversations without lending an ear.
Or maybe, like James, a diligent college student, you find that your friendly study sessions often morph into late-night benders. The delicate balance of maintaining our friendships while also prioritizing our well-being can sometimes feel like a tightrope walk. Can you relate?
If you’re wondering how to set boundaries with friends, read on! Let's understand how we can draw upon principles of neuroscience to set healthy boundaries in our friendships and make lasting improvements to our well-being.
Did you know that our brains actually thrive on strong social connections? The quality of our friendships can have a profound impact on our stress levels, mental health — and even our habits.
What’s more, our brains are equipped with mirror neurons. These are involved in ‘emotional contagion,’ which is the tendency of one person to ‘catch’ the feelings of another. In friendships, mirror neurons can play a role in emotional bonding and empathy. When we observe our friends experiencing emotions, our mirror neurons fire in a way that allows us to feel those emotions too.
While mirror neurons can help us to better understand and empathize with our friends, it's also important to set healthy boundaries in friendships to avoid emotional exhaustion and burnout. This makes us inherently susceptible to the influence of our peers, contributing to the phenomenon known as peer pressure. This is why it’s important to surround yourself with people whose values and goals align with yours.
What’s more, the act of creating boundaries has a profound effect on the prefrontal cortex (PFC), a critical brain region involved in our decision-making process, social behavior, and personality.
Through healthy boundaries, we can effectively reduce stress, improve our decision-making, and strengthen emotional regulation. In the meantime, we might cultivate deeper and more meaningful friendships — those in which both of your needs are met and each of you is seen.
Healthy social interactions can lead to the release of oxytocin, a hormone that reduces the effects of the stress hormone cortisol, fostering feelings of relaxation and trust. This means that strong social relationships can actually lower stress levels, contribute to longevity, and enhance our overall well-being.
On the other hand, unhealthy relationships can become a source of stress — especially if they steer us towards behaviors that are detrimental to our health. For example, our drinking habits could escalate if we're frequently around people whose main form of social bonding is heavy drinking.
How do you know if your boundaries with friends are unhealthy? Look for the following:
If a friendship once brought value and joy to our lives but does no longer, it’s worth establishing healthy boundaries or patterns.
Remember, setting healthy friendship boundaries is not about creating distance or ending the friendship. It's about creating a positive and mutually beneficial relationship in which both of you feel respected and valued.
Remember, friendships should be mutually beneficial, and they should align with your values and goals.
Asserting healthy boundaries in friendships centers on decisions that safeguard our well-being.
This is where our fascinating brains come in: neuroplasticity is our brain's remarkable ability to rewire and adapt itself in response to experience.
Every time we make decisions that prioritize our health — such as refusing an additional drink or choosing sleep over late-night social events — we're building new neural pathways in our brain.
With repetition, these new pathways grow stronger, making it progressively easier for us to stick to these healthier behaviors.
Our brains, friendships, and well-being are interconnected in complex ways. But the beauty of it is that we have the power to use this understanding to make lasting changes.
Let's start here:
We all have the power to transform our well-being. The science backs it up — our brain is a powerful ally in this journey.
So let's set those healthy boundaries, reduce stress, and make lasting changes together!
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