A team of researchers and psychologists who specialize in behavioral health and neuroscience. This group collaborates to produce insightful and evidence-based content.
Certified recovery coach specialized in helping everyone redefine their relationship with alcohol. His approach in coaching focuses on habit formation and addressing the stress in our lives.
Recognized by Fortune and Fast Company as a top innovator shaping the future of health and known for his pivotal role in helping individuals change their relationship with alcohol.
April 26, 2023
·
22
Reframe Content Team
April 26, 2023
·
22
Relying on willpower to change your relationship with alcohol is like trying to hold back a wave. It’s exhausting. Lasting change isn't about brute force; it's about understanding your own programming. The urge to drink is often a response to a trigger—stress, boredom, or even celebration. By applying an atomic habits alcohol framework, you can rewire those responses. Instead of just fighting the old habit, you build a new one. If you're looking for ways for how to stop drinking, you're in the right place. Here are five science-backed tips on how to quit drinking and build a happier life.
Get Clear on Why You Want to Stop Drinking
One of the most effective ways to quit drinking is to acknowledge the negative impact that alcohol has on your physical and mental health. Alcohol consumption can lead to a range of health problems, including liver disease, heart disease, and cancer. It can also worsen existing mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression, and increase the risk of developing new ones.
To help you quit drinking, take stock of these negative changes. Do you deal with the dreaded “hangxiety” after a night of heavy drinking? Do you get into arguments more often with your partner? Has your sleep been messed up for a while? Think of what you want to improve in your life as a result of going alcohol-free. This can serve as a reminder of why you're making the decision to quit and provide motivation to stick with it.
Understanding the 80/20 Rule in Alcohol Consumption
When it comes to changing your relationship with alcohol, it’s easy to think you need to rely on sheer willpower. But trying to force change often fails in the long run. A more effective approach is to focus on the 20% of actions that will give you 80% of the results. Lasting change isn’t about white-knuckling your way through cravings; it’s about fundamentally shifting your perspective and habits. The most powerful way to do this is to focus on your identity. Instead of thinking, “I’m a person who is trying to stop drinking,” you can begin to see yourself as, “I’m a healthy person who values my well-being.” This small but profound shift makes your new choices feel natural, not like a constant battle.
This identity-based approach is built on small, consistent actions. Just like saving a little money each day adds up, making a 1% improvement in your habits daily can lead to incredible results over time. You don’t need a complete life overhaul. The key is to change your routine in small, manageable ways. If you typically pour a glass of wine the moment you get home from work, keep the ritual but change the drink. Try a flavored seltzer, a cup of tea, or a non-alcoholic cocktail instead. Each time you make this small swap, you’re casting a vote for the person you want to become and reinforcing your new identity. These tiny wins build momentum and make the process feel empowering rather than depriving.
Ultimately, your beliefs and behaviors are deeply connected. What you believe about yourself influences how you act, and your actions reinforce what you believe. By taking small steps that align with your desired identity, you provide your brain with proof that you are, in fact, a person who makes healthy choices. This is the foundation of mindful drinking and the core of sustainable change. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. By focusing on these high-impact habits, you can create a positive feedback loop that makes your journey toward a healthier relationship with alcohol feel both achievable and authentic to who you are becoming.
How to Build a Support System That Works
Quitting drinking can be challenging, and it's important to have a support system in place to help you through the process. This can include family members, friends, support groups, or a therapist. Having a support system can help you stay accountable, provide encouragement and motivation, and offer a safe space to discuss your challenges and successes.
Research has shown that social support is a key factor in helping individuals quit drinking. Individuals who receive social support from family and friends are more likely to quit drinking than those who do not receive support.
Join a Community Where Your New Habit is the Norm
It’s incredibly difficult to change your habits when everyone around you is still doing the thing you’re trying to stop. Humans have a powerful, innate desire to belong, so when your social life revolves around alcohol, not drinking can feel isolating. Surrounding yourself with people who support your goal is one of the most effective strategies for success. When you’re with people who don’t drink, it becomes much easier for you to not drink, too. It removes the pressure and normalizes your new choice, making it feel less like a sacrifice and more like a shared lifestyle.
Finding a group of non-drinkers, whether online or in person, provides a powerful sense of accountability and belonging. This supportive environment reinforces your commitment and makes the journey feel less lonely. Connecting with others who understand your challenges and celebrate your wins can make all the difference. This is why the supportive community is a cornerstone of the Reframe app; it offers a space where thousands of people are actively working toward the same goals, sharing their experiences and encouragement along the way.
Ultimately, your environment plays a massive role in your success. If your home, social calendar, and friend group make it easy to drink, you’ll likely find yourself drinking. But if you intentionally create an environment that makes it easy *not* to drink, you will succeed more often. By actively choosing to engage with a community that promotes mindful drinking and healthier habits, you are setting yourself up for lasting change. You’re building a world for yourself where your new, healthier choices are the default.
Apply Atomic Habits to an Alcohol-Free Life
One of the challenges of quitting drinking is finding new ways to cope with stress and other emotions that may have previously been dealt with through alcohol consumption. To help fill this gap, it's important to develop new healthy habits that can provide stress relief and improve your overall well-being.
Some healthy habits to consider include exercise, meditation, yoga, journaling, or engaging in a hobby that you enjoy. These activities can help reduce stress and improve your mood, while also providing a positive outlet for your energy and emotions.
Atomic Habits by James Clear provides a practical framework for building and breaking habits. The book emphasizes the idea that small changes can lead to big results over time, and that habits are the key to achieving long-term success. Using the method discussed in Atomic Habits, consider the following.
Start with a small habit. The first step in building a new habit is to start with a small, achievable action. This is important because it allows you to develop momentum and build confidence in your ability to make changes. For example, if you want to start a daily exercise habit, start with just five minutes of exercise per day.
Connect the habit to a specific cue. Habits are often triggered by specific cues in our environment. To build a new habit, you need to connect it to a specific cue that will remind you to perform the habit. If you want to start a daily meditation habit, you could connect it to a specific time of day, such as first thing in the morning.
Make the habit easy to perform. Another key to building a new habit is to make it as easy as possible to perform. This means removing any barriers or obstacles that might get in the way of performing the habit. When starting an evening reading habit, make sure you have a book waiting for you on your nightstand.
Create a visual reminder. Visual reminders can be a powerful tool for building new habits. This can be something as simple as a note or a picture that reminds you of the habit you want to build. If you want to start a daily gratitude habit, you could create a visual reminder by placing a sticky note on your bathroom mirror that says "What am I grateful for today?"
Track your progress. Tracking your progress is important because it allows you to see how far you've come and provides motivation to keep going. You can do this in a variety of ways, such as using a habit tracker app (like Reframe!) or marking off a calendar each day that you perform the habit. For instance, if your goal is to start writing daily, you could track your progress by keeping a log of the number of words you write each day.
By following these steps, you can create new healthy habits that will help you quit alcohol with confidence.
Focus on Changing Your Identity
Instead of focusing on the single action of *not drinking*, let’s zoom out and think about who you want to become. The most powerful shifts happen when we change our identity. Think about it: it’s one thing to say, “I’m trying to quit drinking,” which implies a struggle against your nature. It’s another thing entirely to say, “I’m a non-drinker” or “I’m a person who prioritizes my health.” This isn’t just a word game; it’s a fundamental change in how you see yourself. When you adopt this new identity, your actions will naturally start to align with it. Every decision becomes a vote for the person you are becoming, making it easier to choose a sparkling water over a beer because that’s simply what a healthy, clear-minded person would do.
Make Your Environment More Important Than Willpower
We often think of changing habits as a battle of willpower, but that’s an exhausting and often losing fight. A much more effective strategy is to design an environment that does the heavy lifting for you. Your surroundings have a massive influence on your behavior, whether you realize it or not. If your home is stocked with alcohol and your social life revolves around bars, you’re setting yourself up for a constant struggle. The goal is to make the right choice the easy choice. By creating a space—both physical and social—that supports your new identity, you conserve your mental energy for more important things. This means your success depends less on how strong you feel on a given day and more on the supportive systems you’ve built around yourself.
How to Break a Bad Habit
Breaking a habit isn’t about sheer force; it’s about being strategic. Using the principles of behavioral science, we can dismantle the cues and rewards that keep the habit of drinking in place. The key is to systematically make the old habit less appealing and more difficult, while making your new, desired habits obvious and attractive. Let’s look at a few practical ways to do this.
Make it Invisible and Difficult
The easiest way to avoid a temptation is to not see it in the first place. Start by making alcohol invisible in your daily life. This could mean removing all alcohol from your home. If you live with others who drink, ask them to keep it out of sight. The next step is to make it difficult. Increase the number of steps between you and a drink. Don’t keep it in the house, forcing you to make a special trip to the store. Change your daily routines, too. If you always reached for a beer after work, keep that ritual of going to the fridge but grab a flavored seltzer or a kombucha instead. By disrupting the old pattern and adding friction, you give your brain a chance to pause and make a different choice.
Make it Unattractive and Unsatisfying
Your mindset is a powerful tool. You can break a habit by changing how you perceive it. Instead of viewing alcohol as a reward or a stress-reliever, start to consciously associate it with its negative consequences. Remind yourself of the “hangxiety,” the poor sleep, the wasted money, and the empty calories. When you feel a craving, don’t just fight it—reframe it. Acknowledge that what you think you want (stress relief, fun) isn’t what the drink will actually deliver. Over time, you can shift your brain’s association with alcohol from pleasure to dissatisfaction. Calculating the real cost of your habit with a tool like an alcohol spend calculator can also be a powerful way to make the habit feel much less attractive.
Replace Your Old Routine
A habit is often just a solution to an underlying need—like boredom, stress, or a desire to connect. Simply removing the habit leaves a void. The key is to replace your old drinking routine with a new, positive one that serves the same need. If you drank to unwind after work, what else could help you de-stress? Maybe it’s a brisk walk, a 10-minute meditation, listening to a favorite playlist, or calling a friend. It’s important to be patient with yourself. You won’t be perfect right away, but every time you choose the new routine over the old one, you’re casting a vote for your new identity and strengthening that neural pathway. Practice makes progress, not perfection.
Control Your Inputs
Just as you curate your physical environment, you need to curate your mental one. The media you consume, the accounts you follow, and the conversations you have all shape your beliefs and desires. To support your new identity, you need to control these inputs. Unfollow social media accounts that glorify drinking and make you feel like you’re missing out. Instead, follow people and communities that celebrate sobriety or mindful drinking. Listen to podcasts and read books that reinforce your goals. Immersing yourself in supportive content helps normalize your new lifestyle and keeps you motivated. The community and resources within an app like Reframe are designed to provide exactly this kind of positive reinforcement, helping you build a world that champions your success.
Use Mindfulness to Manage Cravings
Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Practicing mindfulness can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being, making it a valuable tool in the process of quitting drinking.
A 2018 study found that individuals whose substance misuse treatments incorporated mindfulness had a higher success rate than those who received standard treatment. This suggests that mindfulness can be an effective strategy for preventing a return to bad habits and maintaining sobriety.
To use mindfulness techniques to help you quit drinking, you can start by setting aside time each day to practice mindfulness meditation. This can involve sitting in a quiet space and focusing on your breath, while being aware of thoughts and emotions that arise. If you’re a beginner or do better with a bit of prompting, you can try out a guided meditation. We have several on our app you can choose from.
You can also try diaphragmatic breathing. This involves taking a few deep breaths and focusing on the sensation of your breath moving in and out of your body. An excellent way to do so is to try out the box breathing exercise:
Place one hand on your abdomen as you inhale through your nostrils for a count of four.
Hold for a count of four.
Exhale through your nostrils for another count of four.
Finally, hold for a count of four again. This completes one breath cycle.
Repeat the exercise for 5 minutes, or until you feel noticeably better.
Managing Expectations and Common Challenges
Deciding to change your relationship with alcohol is a huge step, but the path isn't always straightforward. It’s completely normal to face bumps along the way, from dealing with cravings to navigating social situations without a drink in hand. Understanding these common challenges ahead of time can make all the difference. Instead of being caught off guard, you can prepare yourself with the right mindset and tools. Think of this not as a list of warnings, but as a guide to help you stay compassionate with yourself and resilient in your commitment to a healthier life.
Progress is Not a Straight Line
It’s easy to think that success means being perfect from day one, but that’s rarely how meaningful change happens. Your journey is more likely to look like a series of ups and downs than a straight line to the finish. As one expert puts it, "Success comes from many small, daily efforts, not from one big perfect change." Some days will feel easy, while others will be tough. You might have a drink when you didn't plan to. Instead of seeing this as a failure, try to view it as a data point. What triggered it? What can you learn from it? This mindset shift is crucial. It’s about celebrating the small wins and offering yourself grace when you stumble, which is a core part of building a sustainable, mindful approach to drinking.
Quitting is a Skill You Practice
Think about learning any new skill, like playing an instrument or speaking a new language. You wouldn't expect to be fluent after just one lesson, right? The same principle applies here. Changing your drinking habits isn't about flipping a switch; it's a skill that you develop over time. You're essentially retraining your brain and building new neural pathways for coping, socializing, and relaxing. Each time you choose a non-alcoholic drink or use a mindfulness technique to ride out a craving, you're getting in a rep. "Like learning a new language, quitting drinking takes practice. You won't be perfect overnight, and that's okay." Be patient with yourself as you practice. The more you do it, the more natural it will become.
Drinking as a "Keystone Habit"
For many of us, drinking isn't just a single habit; it's a "keystone habit" that holds many other routines together. It might be the cue for socializing with friends, unwinding after work, or celebrating a win. When you remove it, it can feel like the whole structure is shaky. This is why simply "not drinking" can be so hard. The most effective approach is to focus on identity. The goal isn't just to stop an action but to become a different type of person. As one coach explains, "The most powerful and lasting way to stop drinking is to change who you believe you are." Instead of thinking, "I'm trying to quit," try framing it as, "I'm a person who prioritizes my health and clarity." This small shift in self-perception makes it easier to build new habits that align with your new identity.
Why Life Can Seem Boring Without Alcohol (At First)
If you find yourself thinking, "This is so boring," in your first few weeks or months without alcohol, you are not alone. Alcohol hijacks the brain's reward system, releasing a flood of dopamine that makes activities seem more exciting. When you remove it, your brain needs time to recalibrate and find pleasure in things without that artificial stimulation. "Many people feel life is boring after they stop drinking," and it's a completely valid feeling. But this phase is temporary. It's an invitation to rediscover what truly brings you joy. What did you love to do before drinking became a central activity? This is your chance to explore new hobbies, deepen connections, and build a life that is genuinely fulfilling. The Reframe app has a supportive community and resources to help you find new activities and connect with others on the same path.
When Is It Time to Seek Professional Help?
Finally, it's important to recognize that quitting drinking can be a difficult process, and professional help may be necessary for some individuals. This can include therapy, medication, or other treatments that are tailored to your specific needs.
Professional guidance can help us work through detrimental behaviors and thought patterns in a safe and supportive environment. And having extra accountability will help us stay true to our long-term goals.
If you believe your alcohol use has led to health problems — physical, mental, or both — please reach out to your physician. They can perform necessary screenings and refer you to appropriate treatment so that you can experience optimal well-being.
Ready to Start? Let Reframe Help
No matter what your reasons are for quitting, the Reframe app is here to support you as you end your relationship with alcohol. We’ve helped hundreds of thousands of people ditch the booze for good, and we’re here to guide you every step of the way, too.
Each person’s situation is different, and that’s why we don’t presume to tell you how to live your life — we simply present the neuroscientific facts in daily readings to help you sort out the impacts of alcohol’s presence in your life. When you join the Reframe family, you also gain access to our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in calls. We’re a diverse and engaging community from across the world full of people who are asking the same questions you are, and wrestling with the same challenges. Remember that you’re not alone!
Best of all, you can try Reframe free for 7 days, so there’s no risk and a lot to potentially gain! Think about what it would feel like to finally live with the mental clarity, vitality, and confidence you deserve. We want you to live your best life, so if you feel your body telling you it’s time to give up the alcohol, you’ve come to the right place. Say goodbye to alcohol and live more with Reframe today! We look forward to seeing you in the app!
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I have a drink after deciding to cut back? Have I failed? Absolutely not. It’s important to see this journey as a skill you’re practicing, not a switch you flip. If you were learning to play the piano, you wouldn’t expect to play a song perfectly the first time. A slip-up isn’t a failure; it’s a data point. It’s a chance to get curious about what triggered the choice without judging yourself. The goal is progress, not perfection, and every day is a new opportunity to practice the skill of making choices that align with the person you want to be.
My social life revolves around drinking. How can I change my habits without losing my friends? This is a huge and very real concern. The key isn't to isolate yourself, but to start intentionally curating your social environment. You can suggest activities that don't center on alcohol, like going for a hike, trying a new coffee shop, or seeing a movie. It's also powerful to find a community where not drinking is the norm, whether online or in person. This helps normalize your new choices and provides a space where you don't have to constantly explain yourself. You might be surprised who in your circle is also looking for alternatives.
Why is changing my "identity" so important? Isn't it enough to just focus on not drinking? Focusing only on "not drinking" frames the entire process as an act of deprivation and constant struggle. It implies you are fighting against your true nature. Shifting your identity to something like, "I'm a person who values my health and clarity," changes everything. Your choices then become a natural expression of who you are, not a battle you have to win every day. Every time you opt for a healthy alternative, you're simply acting in alignment with your identity, which is far more sustainable than relying on brute force.
I've tried to cut back before using willpower and it didn't last. Why is this approach different? Willpower is a finite resource, like a muscle that gets tired. Trying to white-knuckle your way through cravings is exhausting and often leads to burnout. This approach is different because it’s not about force; it’s about strategy. Instead of fighting your urges head-on, you learn to design an environment that makes your desired choices easier. By making alcohol less visible and accessible, and by replacing old routines with new, positive ones, you do the heavy lifting upfront so you don't have to rely on sheer willpower in the moment.
Life feels kind of boring without my usual glass of wine. Will it always be like this? That feeling is completely normal, and the short answer is no, it won't always feel this way. Alcohol creates an artificial spike in dopamine, and your brain needs some time to adjust and find pleasure in everyday things again. Think of this initial phase as a recalibration period. It’s an opportunity to rediscover what genuinely brings you joy, separate from alcohol. As you build new routines and find hobbies that truly fulfill you, you'll build a life that is interesting and rewarding on its own terms.
Key Takeaways
Adopt an identity that supports your goals: Instead of focusing on the struggle of not drinking, see yourself as a person who is healthy and values their well-being. Your choices will naturally begin to align with this new self-perception, making the process feel more authentic.
Make your environment do the work for you: Willpower is a finite resource, so redesign your surroundings to make good choices the easiest option. This means removing temptations from your home and curating a social circle and media feed that champion your new lifestyle.
Treat change as a skill you practice, not a switch you flip: Progress isn't a straight line, and that's okay. View setbacks as learning opportunities and remember that each time you make a healthier choice, you're strengthening a new skill that gets easier over time.
At Reframe, we do science, not stigma. We base our articles on the latest peer-reviewed research in psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral science. We follow the Reframe Content Creation Guidelines, to ensure that we share accurate and actionable information with our readers. This aids them in making informed decisions on their wellness journey. Learn more
Updated Regularly
Our articles undergo frequent updates to present the newest scientific research and changes in expert consensus in an easily understandable and implementable manner.