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Latest Articles
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
12 Ways To Boost Your Emotional Resilience
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Build emotional resilience without relying on alcohol. Dive into 12 research-backed strategies that equip you for life's challenges.

11 min read

Boost Your Emotional Resilience With Reframe

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Read Full Article  →

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns that jolt us from our comfort zones. This journey, as exciting as it may be, is also fraught with challenges. Our ability to bounce back from setbacks is rooted in our emotional resilience, a vital trait that buffers us against life’s blows. But, as we know, not all coping strategies are beneficial. Some, like reaching for the solace of alcohol, can undermine our emotional resilience, leaving us more vulnerable to stress. So what is emotional resilience exactly, and what stands in the way of becoming resilient? Are there ways of building emotional resilience? Let’s find out more.

What Is Emotional Resilience, and What Hinders It?

A woman seated on a rock, gazing at the majestic mountains

What is emotional resilience? Emotional resilience is our ability to cope with challenges and deal with setbacks. It’s the capacity to draw on inner reserves of strength to face whatever life gives us head-on and do our best to cope with it in spite of the emotional or physical discomfort we might experience.

Situations that can impede our emotional resilience range from personal life crises such as divorce, bereavement, or job loss to more ongoing issues like chronic stress, negative thinking patterns, or toxic relationships.

In trying times, the lure of alcohol can be strong. It promises a brief respite, a fleeting escape from reality. But “liquid courage” doesn't strengthen our resilience. Instead, it might fuel a host of issues from misuse to physical and mental health problems, ultimately weakening our emotional defenses.

So, how do we fortify our emotional resilience in a healthier and more sustainable way? Let's delve into twelve scientifically backed strategies.

1. Becoming Resilient by Embracing Positivity

Positivity isn't about ignoring life's difficulties; it's about maintaining a hopeful outlook in the face of adversity. Numerous studies attest to the power of positive emotions in enhancing resilience. They act as a buffer, shielding us from the ill-effects of stress and fostering mental well-being. We can train our minds to focus on the silver linings, even when the clouds seem unrelentingly dark. By focusing on what went well each day instead of dwelling on what went poorly, we start to shift our mindset from one that narrows in on what we lack to one of abundance.

2. Nurture Relationships To Boost Emotional Resilience

Strong, supportive relationships are the scaffolding upon which our resilience is built. They provide emotional succor, offering a listening ear, empathy, or even tangible help during tough times. Let's invest time and effort into building meaningful connections with family, friends, and communities. Reach out to loved ones daily, whether that’s for a quick phone catch-up or an in-person coffee date. Human connection is one of the most foundational pillars of life, so the time we invest in our relationships is time well spent.

3. Building Emotional Resilience by Taking Care of Physical Health

Physical health and emotional resilience are closely linked. Regular exercise not only keeps our bodies healthy but also has a profound impact on our mood, thanks to the release of endorphins. A balanced diet fuels our bodies with essential nutrients, keeping us energized and well-equipped to face life's challenges. Finally, adequate sleep refreshes and rejuvenates our minds, enabling clearer thinking and better emotional regulation. Making simple tweaks to each of these areas can have profound impacts on how we feel emotionally.

4. Practice Mindfulness for Emotional Resilience

Mindfulness anchors us in the present, steering us away from unproductive rumination about the past or anxiety about the future. It fosters a balanced mind, enhancing our capacity to handle stress. Simple mindfulness practices, like mindful breathing or mindful eating, can go a long way in bolstering our resilience. We have over a dozen guided mindfulness meditations to choose from in our app!

5. Set Realistic Goals To Avoid Setbacks

Having clear, attainable goals gives us a sense of purpose and direction. They provide a roadmap that guides us, especially when the journey gets tough. When setting goals, it's important to ensure they are realistic and manageable. Use the SMART framework to guide you and hold you accountable to your ambitions. Remember, every small step towards a goal reinforces our resilience and sense of efficacy.

12 Ways To Boost Your Emotional Resilience

6. Accept Change To Build Emotional Resilience

Life is a constant flux. Accepting this can equip us with the flexibility to adapt to new circumstances, making us more resilient. Whether it's a sudden job change, moving to a new city, or dealing with a personal loss, acknowledging the reality of change can help us navigate these situations with greater ease.

7. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence To Manage Emotions

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage our emotions effectively. It allows us to recognize our emotional triggers, control impulsive reactions, and navigate emotional difficulties with grace, significantly enhancing our resilience. We can cultivate emotional intelligence by putting ourselves in others’ shoes and thinking before we speak.

8. Develop Problem-Solving Skills

Problem-solving skills give us the confidence to tackle difficulties head-on. Instead of avoiding problems or letting them overwhelm us, we can learn to break them down into manageable parts, find practical solutions, and take action. For instance, if we have a massive project to take on at work, we can cut it down into small pieces and take it one step at a time. This proactive approach can considerably boost our resilience and prevent us from getting overwhelmed.

9. Practice Gratitude as a Way of Building Emotional Resilience

Gratitude is a potent resilience booster. By focusing on our blessings, we shift our attention from our problems, fostering positivity and resilience. A simple daily practice, like maintaining a gratitude journal, can have profound effects on our well-being.

10. Seek Help When Needed

Recognizing when we need help and seeking it is a sign of strength. Whether it's from a friend, family member, or a mental health professional, getting support and guidance can be crucial in navigating life's challenges and building resilience. Others’ feedback can give us the necessary perspective to see our situations more clearly and approach them from a place of empowerment.

11. Develop Emotional Resilience by Finding Purpose in Pain

This might seem challenging, but finding meaning in our struggles can transform them from burdens into opportunities for growth. It provides us with a new perspective and a sense of purpose, deepening our resilience. We might ask ourselves: What has this experience taught me? How has it made me a stronger person? How can I use it to help others?

12. Celebrate Small Wins To Support Emotional Growth

Every achievement, no matter how small, is a testament to our resilience. Celebrating these small victories can boost our self-esteem, reinforce our sense of efficacy, and motivate us to continue on our resilience-building journey.

Final Thoughts on Becoming Resilient

Navigating life’s intricate labyrinth requires more than just surviving; it calls for resilience, the ability to bounce back stronger from adversities. Alcohol, while seemingly offering an easy escape, is far from a real solution. Instead, equipping ourselves with the strategies mentioned above can help us foster a robust emotional resilience that serves us well.

Developing resilience is a journey, not a destination. It's an ongoing process that requires effort, patience, and self-compassion. With each step we take, each challenge we overcome, we are not just enduring; we are evolving, becoming stronger, more resilient versions of ourselves. Because, at the end of the day, we won’t just be people who weather the storm — we’ll be the ones who dance in the rain.

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns that jolt us from our comfort zones. This journey, as exciting as it may be, is also fraught with challenges. Our ability to bounce back from setbacks is rooted in our emotional resilience, a vital trait that buffers us against life’s blows. But, as we know, not all coping strategies are beneficial. Some, like reaching for the solace of alcohol, can undermine our emotional resilience, leaving us more vulnerable to stress. So what is emotional resilience exactly, and what stands in the way of becoming resilient? Are there ways of building emotional resilience? Let’s find out more.

What Is Emotional Resilience, and What Hinders It?

A woman seated on a rock, gazing at the majestic mountains

What is emotional resilience? Emotional resilience is our ability to cope with challenges and deal with setbacks. It’s the capacity to draw on inner reserves of strength to face whatever life gives us head-on and do our best to cope with it in spite of the emotional or physical discomfort we might experience.

Situations that can impede our emotional resilience range from personal life crises such as divorce, bereavement, or job loss to more ongoing issues like chronic stress, negative thinking patterns, or toxic relationships.

In trying times, the lure of alcohol can be strong. It promises a brief respite, a fleeting escape from reality. But “liquid courage” doesn't strengthen our resilience. Instead, it might fuel a host of issues from misuse to physical and mental health problems, ultimately weakening our emotional defenses.

So, how do we fortify our emotional resilience in a healthier and more sustainable way? Let's delve into twelve scientifically backed strategies.

1. Becoming Resilient by Embracing Positivity

Positivity isn't about ignoring life's difficulties; it's about maintaining a hopeful outlook in the face of adversity. Numerous studies attest to the power of positive emotions in enhancing resilience. They act as a buffer, shielding us from the ill-effects of stress and fostering mental well-being. We can train our minds to focus on the silver linings, even when the clouds seem unrelentingly dark. By focusing on what went well each day instead of dwelling on what went poorly, we start to shift our mindset from one that narrows in on what we lack to one of abundance.

2. Nurture Relationships To Boost Emotional Resilience

Strong, supportive relationships are the scaffolding upon which our resilience is built. They provide emotional succor, offering a listening ear, empathy, or even tangible help during tough times. Let's invest time and effort into building meaningful connections with family, friends, and communities. Reach out to loved ones daily, whether that’s for a quick phone catch-up or an in-person coffee date. Human connection is one of the most foundational pillars of life, so the time we invest in our relationships is time well spent.

3. Building Emotional Resilience by Taking Care of Physical Health

Physical health and emotional resilience are closely linked. Regular exercise not only keeps our bodies healthy but also has a profound impact on our mood, thanks to the release of endorphins. A balanced diet fuels our bodies with essential nutrients, keeping us energized and well-equipped to face life's challenges. Finally, adequate sleep refreshes and rejuvenates our minds, enabling clearer thinking and better emotional regulation. Making simple tweaks to each of these areas can have profound impacts on how we feel emotionally.

4. Practice Mindfulness for Emotional Resilience

Mindfulness anchors us in the present, steering us away from unproductive rumination about the past or anxiety about the future. It fosters a balanced mind, enhancing our capacity to handle stress. Simple mindfulness practices, like mindful breathing or mindful eating, can go a long way in bolstering our resilience. We have over a dozen guided mindfulness meditations to choose from in our app!

5. Set Realistic Goals To Avoid Setbacks

Having clear, attainable goals gives us a sense of purpose and direction. They provide a roadmap that guides us, especially when the journey gets tough. When setting goals, it's important to ensure they are realistic and manageable. Use the SMART framework to guide you and hold you accountable to your ambitions. Remember, every small step towards a goal reinforces our resilience and sense of efficacy.

12 Ways To Boost Your Emotional Resilience

6. Accept Change To Build Emotional Resilience

Life is a constant flux. Accepting this can equip us with the flexibility to adapt to new circumstances, making us more resilient. Whether it's a sudden job change, moving to a new city, or dealing with a personal loss, acknowledging the reality of change can help us navigate these situations with greater ease.

7. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence To Manage Emotions

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage our emotions effectively. It allows us to recognize our emotional triggers, control impulsive reactions, and navigate emotional difficulties with grace, significantly enhancing our resilience. We can cultivate emotional intelligence by putting ourselves in others’ shoes and thinking before we speak.

8. Develop Problem-Solving Skills

Problem-solving skills give us the confidence to tackle difficulties head-on. Instead of avoiding problems or letting them overwhelm us, we can learn to break them down into manageable parts, find practical solutions, and take action. For instance, if we have a massive project to take on at work, we can cut it down into small pieces and take it one step at a time. This proactive approach can considerably boost our resilience and prevent us from getting overwhelmed.

9. Practice Gratitude as a Way of Building Emotional Resilience

Gratitude is a potent resilience booster. By focusing on our blessings, we shift our attention from our problems, fostering positivity and resilience. A simple daily practice, like maintaining a gratitude journal, can have profound effects on our well-being.

10. Seek Help When Needed

Recognizing when we need help and seeking it is a sign of strength. Whether it's from a friend, family member, or a mental health professional, getting support and guidance can be crucial in navigating life's challenges and building resilience. Others’ feedback can give us the necessary perspective to see our situations more clearly and approach them from a place of empowerment.

11. Develop Emotional Resilience by Finding Purpose in Pain

This might seem challenging, but finding meaning in our struggles can transform them from burdens into opportunities for growth. It provides us with a new perspective and a sense of purpose, deepening our resilience. We might ask ourselves: What has this experience taught me? How has it made me a stronger person? How can I use it to help others?

12. Celebrate Small Wins To Support Emotional Growth

Every achievement, no matter how small, is a testament to our resilience. Celebrating these small victories can boost our self-esteem, reinforce our sense of efficacy, and motivate us to continue on our resilience-building journey.

Final Thoughts on Becoming Resilient

Navigating life’s intricate labyrinth requires more than just surviving; it calls for resilience, the ability to bounce back stronger from adversities. Alcohol, while seemingly offering an easy escape, is far from a real solution. Instead, equipping ourselves with the strategies mentioned above can help us foster a robust emotional resilience that serves us well.

Developing resilience is a journey, not a destination. It's an ongoing process that requires effort, patience, and self-compassion. With each step we take, each challenge we overcome, we are not just enduring; we are evolving, becoming stronger, more resilient versions of ourselves. Because, at the end of the day, we won’t just be people who weather the storm — we’ll be the ones who dance in the rain.

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Codependency Habits: Untangling the Knot
This is some text inside of a div block.

Dive into our latest blog to explore the dynamics of codependency. Learn how to identify the signs, break the cycle, and steer towards healthier relationships.

20 min read

Break Free From the Bonds of Codependency and Start Your Journey With Reframe!

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Read Full Article  →

It's a breezy Sunday afternoon, and you're lounging on your favorite bean bag, basking in the glow of the latest sci-fi thriller on your big-screen TV. Suddenly, your phone buzzes — a familiar name, one that instinctively makes you sigh. It's your friend Alex, who’s probably facing another crisis and needs your emotional support. Again. As you put your binge-watching plans on hold, you realize that this scenario is all too familiar. It's not a one-off — it happens all the time. 

Like all human behavior, interactions that leave us feeling drained or exploited are rooted in science. We are wired to interact with others; unfortunately, however, this natural urge to connect can lead us down an unhealthy path. Enter codependency — a behavioral phenomenon based on unhealthy relationship dynamics. Let’s unravel the science behind codependency habits and explore the experiences that can set the stage for them. 

Codependency in a Nutshell

At its core, codependency is a behavioral condition that happens when a person becomes excessively reliant on others to satisfy their emotional or psychological needs. Psychologists suggest that codependency habits may stem from past relational experiences, typically those rooted in childhood

While these experiences lead one person to be overly reliant on others, others are left feeling like it’s their job — like it or not — to fix other people’s problems. Imagine a kid whose emotional thermometer was constantly set to "ensure everyone is okay.” This habit, nurtured over time, might develop into a codependency habit later in life. 

Codependency in the Brain

At the neurological level, codependency has to do with the part of the brain that deals with reward and pleasure, the Ventral Tegmental Area. When we help others — and when we receive attention and care in return — our brain releases the feel-good hormone dopamine. In normal scenarios, this is good news: the neurological reward on both sides encourages empathy and bonding. 

However, in codependency, this response goes into overdrive. As a result, people stuck in codependent relationships continuously seek this dopamine high, making their giving and taking behavior a compulsion rather than a choice.

Two areas of the brain play starring roles here: the emotional control center, the amygdala, and the conflict resolution center, the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). In codependents, the amygdala often rings the alarm bells of fear, rejection, and loneliness excessively, while the ACC takes these false alarms at face value and rushes to avoid conflict at any cost. This neurobiological double whammy can lead to the self-sacrificing behavior we see in codependency.

But Isn’t Caring Good?

But wait, isn't empathy a good thing? Well, yes and no. Codependency takes the concept of empathy and adds a dose of obsession — it's empathy on steroids, if you will. You bend over backward to fulfill others' desires, ignoring your own wants and needs. This can lead to stress, burnout, and a severe case of "I forgot about me" syndrome.

The second part of codependency is guilt, which saps our energy and sucks the joy out of life. The “giver” feels guilty when they’re not catering to the other person's needs, even at the expense of a much-needed breather. At the same time, the “taker” might know that they’re making unfair demands at some level, but feels overpowered by the need for constant attention.

All of this results in serious boundary-setting problems. Everything becomes an emergency.  Respect for personal space, time, or values go out the window, leading to chronic stress.

Codependent “Archetypes”

While the term “codependency” might seem like it’s describing one specific type of interaction, it's actually a multifaceted condition that can manifest in various forms. Understanding these variations can help us recognize the symptoms and get to the root of the issue. Here are the main types of codependent personalities:

  • The Rescuer. Rescuers feel a compelling need to help others, often neglecting their own needs in the process. They believe that they are doing good, but their excessive need to save others can be draining. They often feel responsible for others and find it challenging to let people handle their problems. (Example: Jim Halpert from The Office. While Jim's intentions are often well-meaning, there are instances when he goes out of his way to "save" Dwight from himself, even if it’s done in a humorous or sarcastic manner).
  • The Martyr. Martyrs believe in sacrificing their needs and desires for the sake of others. They often feel unappreciated, believing that their sacrifices should be recognized. Their identity is deeply linked to how much they can give up for someone else. (Example: Marge Simpson from The Simpsons frequently sacrifices her own happiness and desires for the well-being and happiness of her famous cartoon family).
  • The Enabler. The Enabler prevents others from facing consequences by stepping in to fix situations. Enablers might cover up for someone's mistakes or wrongdoings, unintentionally promoting the harmful behavior they wish to prevent. (Example: Skyler White from Breaking Bad. In the beginning, Skyler often covers up for Walter's actions or makes excuses for his behavior, unintentionally enabling his drug trade).
  • The Controller. This type of codependent person feels the need to control others, often out of fear or a deep desire for security. By having control, Controllers feel they can prevent negative situations or outcomes. (Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones. Cersei often tries to control those around her, especially her children, to maintain power and security for herself).
  • The Victim. The Victim often feels persecuted and tends to blame others for their circumstances while seeking out partners who can provide constant support and validation. Often feeling powerless, the Victim relies on others to rescue or take care of them. (Example: George Costanza from Seinfeld. George often feels persecuted and blames others for the problems and circumstances in his life — all the while making his own situation worse).
  • The Denier. The Denier avoids confronting their codependent behavior, often neglecting their feelings and emotions. They might downplay problems or avoid situations that call for emotional involvement. (Example: Don Draper from Mad Men. Don often neglects his feelings, avoids confronting his past, and downplays the issues arising from his complicated personal relationships).
  • The People-Pleaser. This type always wants to be liked and will go to great lengths to avoid conflict. The People-Pleaser’s self-worth is tied to the validation from others. (Example: Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. Ted often goes to great lengths to be liked and avoid conflicts, especially in his romantic relationships).
  • The Obsessive. The Obsessive is constantly worried about their relationships and partners and may feel a constant need for reassurance and validation while obsessing over small issues or perceived slights. (Example: Helga Pataki from Hey Arnold! Helga is often obsessively concerned with her relationship with Arnold, bouncing back and forth between love and hate).
  • The Clinger. Out of fear of abandonment, the Clinger becomes overly attached and needy. They may display possessive behaviors, fearing that their partner or loved ones will leave them. (Example: Rose from Two and a Half Men. After a one-night stand with Charlie, Rose becomes overly attached to him, often to the point of being possessive).

Understanding that codependency isn't a one-size-fits-all condition is crucial. People may exhibit traits from multiple types or might oscillate between them depending on the situation or relationship. Knowing these types can aid in identifying patterns of behavior, helping in the journey of self-awareness and recovery.

Types of Codependency Habits

Just like there are different types of actors in codependent relationships, there are also different types of interpersonal dynamics that frequently show up. Of course, each one comes with its own shades and nuances, but certain patterns stand out:

  • Constant validation seeking. This habit revolves around the constant need for affirmation from another person. A codependent individual might repeatedly seek assurance that they're loved, valued, or needed.
  • Passive-aggressiveness. Avoiding direct communication and instead using indirect tactics to express discontent or resentment is common. This can manifest as sarcasm, silent treatments, or sulking.
  • Fear of abandonment. An intense fear of being left alone or rejected can lead to clingy behavior. It might result in always wanting to be around the significant other or an inability to spend time apart.
  • Overbearing caretaking. Going beyond the normal extent to care for someone, often at the expense of one's own needs. It's not just about helping — it's about feeling a compulsion to be the sole caregiver, even when it's not necessary.
  • Difficulty setting boundaries. A codependent person might find it challenging to set and maintain boundaries. This can be as simple as not being able to say "no" or as complex as always merging one's plans with someone else's.
  • Obsession with others' problems. This habit involves being constantly worried or preoccupied with other people's issues. You start seeing their problems as your own, to the point of neglecting your own needs.
  • Denial of one's own needs. Ignoring personal needs, desires, and feelings — or not even recognizing that they exist — is common in codependent relationships.
  • Dependency on others for self-worth. When people anchor their self-worth on the presence and opinions of others, their sense of self-value might fluctuate based on someone else's mood or viewpoint.
  • Reactivity. Being overly sensitive to everyone else's feelings and needs can lead to exaggerated emotional reactions. If the other person is sad, the codependent might feel devastated.
  • Controlling behaviors. A codependent might attempt to control situations, environments, or even people to ensure their needs are met or their fears are mitigated.
  • Problematic communication. Avoiding conflicts at any cost might lead to suppressing feelings, not expressing concerns, or agreeing even when in disagreement, resulting in pent-up emotions and resentment.

Recognizing these habits and dynamics is an essential step towards understanding and healing from codependency. By identifying which behaviors resonate, we can begin the process of addressing the root causes and setting healthier relationship patterns.

When Alcohol Is Part of the Picture

In many cases, alcohol can make the knot of codependency even harder to untangle. The codependent individual might feel the need to "save" the person with the AUD — making excuses for their struggling partner, taking over their responsibilities, or even enabling their alcohol consumption. All the while, their emotional well-being becomes intertwined with their partner’s continuing struggles.

But why does this happen? Some experts suggest that codependent people might be drawn towards those with alcohol misuse issues. It could be because it fuels their need to feel useful or needed. Or it might be a learned pattern, especially if they grew up in an environment where alcohol misuse was rampant.

In a similar way, for the person who is the one struggling with alcohol misuse, a codependent relationship can make it more difficult to see the problem clearly and realize the power that they actually have over the role that alcohol plays in their life.

Breaking Free

Ready to take action? Here are some science-backed ways to loosen the codependency grip and regain your individuality:

  • Self-awareness. As they say, the first step is admitting there's a problem. Do you find yourself overly concerned with others' feelings and neglecting your own? Are you too reliant on others? This awareness is crucial.
  • Educate yourself. The more you understand codependency, the better you'll be able to cope with it. Read books, listen to podcasts, watch TED talks about codependent relationships, or consult professionals to deepen your knowledge about codependency.
  • Set boundaries. It’s perfectly okay to say no. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time it will become your new normal. In a similar way, try to be aware of the boundaries of others.
  • Self-care rituals. Schedule "me" time into your daily routine. It's not selfish, it's essential — for “givers” and “takers” alike!
  • Positive affirmations. As cheesy as it sounds, positive self-talk can help reinforce your sense of self-worth. 
  • Support system. Surround yourself with people who understand your journey and can provide emotional support. 
  • Professional help. Sometimes, self-help isn't enough. Therapists are trained professionals who can guide you through the process of overcoming codependency. There's no shame in seeking help!
  • Mindfulness and meditation. Practicing mindfulness can help you focus on your feelings and needs, making it easier to recognize codependent behaviors.

Tuning Your Mind

Bidding goodbye to codependency isn't like flipping a switch — it's more like fine-tuning a radio dial (remember those?). It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of self-compassion. And remember, it's not about becoming self-centered, blaming ourselves, or feeling guilty — it’s about making conscious choices as we balance empathy and self-care.

The next time you get a call from that friend who always needs your help, you might decide to step back and let them fight their own battles. Or maybe you'll intervene, but this time, not because your happiness depends on being needed, but because you genuinely want to help.

And on the flip side, if you’re the one making that call, pause for a few minutes first. You might find that there’s another path you can take — one that will ultimately lead you to healthier relationships and a more balanced version of you!

It's a breezy Sunday afternoon, and you're lounging on your favorite bean bag, basking in the glow of the latest sci-fi thriller on your big-screen TV. Suddenly, your phone buzzes — a familiar name, one that instinctively makes you sigh. It's your friend Alex, who’s probably facing another crisis and needs your emotional support. Again. As you put your binge-watching plans on hold, you realize that this scenario is all too familiar. It's not a one-off — it happens all the time. 

Like all human behavior, interactions that leave us feeling drained or exploited are rooted in science. We are wired to interact with others; unfortunately, however, this natural urge to connect can lead us down an unhealthy path. Enter codependency — a behavioral phenomenon based on unhealthy relationship dynamics. Let’s unravel the science behind codependency habits and explore the experiences that can set the stage for them. 

Codependency in a Nutshell

At its core, codependency is a behavioral condition that happens when a person becomes excessively reliant on others to satisfy their emotional or psychological needs. Psychologists suggest that codependency habits may stem from past relational experiences, typically those rooted in childhood

While these experiences lead one person to be overly reliant on others, others are left feeling like it’s their job — like it or not — to fix other people’s problems. Imagine a kid whose emotional thermometer was constantly set to "ensure everyone is okay.” This habit, nurtured over time, might develop into a codependency habit later in life. 

Codependency in the Brain

At the neurological level, codependency has to do with the part of the brain that deals with reward and pleasure, the Ventral Tegmental Area. When we help others — and when we receive attention and care in return — our brain releases the feel-good hormone dopamine. In normal scenarios, this is good news: the neurological reward on both sides encourages empathy and bonding. 

However, in codependency, this response goes into overdrive. As a result, people stuck in codependent relationships continuously seek this dopamine high, making their giving and taking behavior a compulsion rather than a choice.

Two areas of the brain play starring roles here: the emotional control center, the amygdala, and the conflict resolution center, the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). In codependents, the amygdala often rings the alarm bells of fear, rejection, and loneliness excessively, while the ACC takes these false alarms at face value and rushes to avoid conflict at any cost. This neurobiological double whammy can lead to the self-sacrificing behavior we see in codependency.

But Isn’t Caring Good?

But wait, isn't empathy a good thing? Well, yes and no. Codependency takes the concept of empathy and adds a dose of obsession — it's empathy on steroids, if you will. You bend over backward to fulfill others' desires, ignoring your own wants and needs. This can lead to stress, burnout, and a severe case of "I forgot about me" syndrome.

The second part of codependency is guilt, which saps our energy and sucks the joy out of life. The “giver” feels guilty when they’re not catering to the other person's needs, even at the expense of a much-needed breather. At the same time, the “taker” might know that they’re making unfair demands at some level, but feels overpowered by the need for constant attention.

All of this results in serious boundary-setting problems. Everything becomes an emergency.  Respect for personal space, time, or values go out the window, leading to chronic stress.

Codependent “Archetypes”

While the term “codependency” might seem like it’s describing one specific type of interaction, it's actually a multifaceted condition that can manifest in various forms. Understanding these variations can help us recognize the symptoms and get to the root of the issue. Here are the main types of codependent personalities:

  • The Rescuer. Rescuers feel a compelling need to help others, often neglecting their own needs in the process. They believe that they are doing good, but their excessive need to save others can be draining. They often feel responsible for others and find it challenging to let people handle their problems. (Example: Jim Halpert from The Office. While Jim's intentions are often well-meaning, there are instances when he goes out of his way to "save" Dwight from himself, even if it’s done in a humorous or sarcastic manner).
  • The Martyr. Martyrs believe in sacrificing their needs and desires for the sake of others. They often feel unappreciated, believing that their sacrifices should be recognized. Their identity is deeply linked to how much they can give up for someone else. (Example: Marge Simpson from The Simpsons frequently sacrifices her own happiness and desires for the well-being and happiness of her famous cartoon family).
  • The Enabler. The Enabler prevents others from facing consequences by stepping in to fix situations. Enablers might cover up for someone's mistakes or wrongdoings, unintentionally promoting the harmful behavior they wish to prevent. (Example: Skyler White from Breaking Bad. In the beginning, Skyler often covers up for Walter's actions or makes excuses for his behavior, unintentionally enabling his drug trade).
  • The Controller. This type of codependent person feels the need to control others, often out of fear or a deep desire for security. By having control, Controllers feel they can prevent negative situations or outcomes. (Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones. Cersei often tries to control those around her, especially her children, to maintain power and security for herself).
  • The Victim. The Victim often feels persecuted and tends to blame others for their circumstances while seeking out partners who can provide constant support and validation. Often feeling powerless, the Victim relies on others to rescue or take care of them. (Example: George Costanza from Seinfeld. George often feels persecuted and blames others for the problems and circumstances in his life — all the while making his own situation worse).
  • The Denier. The Denier avoids confronting their codependent behavior, often neglecting their feelings and emotions. They might downplay problems or avoid situations that call for emotional involvement. (Example: Don Draper from Mad Men. Don often neglects his feelings, avoids confronting his past, and downplays the issues arising from his complicated personal relationships).
  • The People-Pleaser. This type always wants to be liked and will go to great lengths to avoid conflict. The People-Pleaser’s self-worth is tied to the validation from others. (Example: Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. Ted often goes to great lengths to be liked and avoid conflicts, especially in his romantic relationships).
  • The Obsessive. The Obsessive is constantly worried about their relationships and partners and may feel a constant need for reassurance and validation while obsessing over small issues or perceived slights. (Example: Helga Pataki from Hey Arnold! Helga is often obsessively concerned with her relationship with Arnold, bouncing back and forth between love and hate).
  • The Clinger. Out of fear of abandonment, the Clinger becomes overly attached and needy. They may display possessive behaviors, fearing that their partner or loved ones will leave them. (Example: Rose from Two and a Half Men. After a one-night stand with Charlie, Rose becomes overly attached to him, often to the point of being possessive).

Understanding that codependency isn't a one-size-fits-all condition is crucial. People may exhibit traits from multiple types or might oscillate between them depending on the situation or relationship. Knowing these types can aid in identifying patterns of behavior, helping in the journey of self-awareness and recovery.

Types of Codependency Habits

Just like there are different types of actors in codependent relationships, there are also different types of interpersonal dynamics that frequently show up. Of course, each one comes with its own shades and nuances, but certain patterns stand out:

  • Constant validation seeking. This habit revolves around the constant need for affirmation from another person. A codependent individual might repeatedly seek assurance that they're loved, valued, or needed.
  • Passive-aggressiveness. Avoiding direct communication and instead using indirect tactics to express discontent or resentment is common. This can manifest as sarcasm, silent treatments, or sulking.
  • Fear of abandonment. An intense fear of being left alone or rejected can lead to clingy behavior. It might result in always wanting to be around the significant other or an inability to spend time apart.
  • Overbearing caretaking. Going beyond the normal extent to care for someone, often at the expense of one's own needs. It's not just about helping — it's about feeling a compulsion to be the sole caregiver, even when it's not necessary.
  • Difficulty setting boundaries. A codependent person might find it challenging to set and maintain boundaries. This can be as simple as not being able to say "no" or as complex as always merging one's plans with someone else's.
  • Obsession with others' problems. This habit involves being constantly worried or preoccupied with other people's issues. You start seeing their problems as your own, to the point of neglecting your own needs.
  • Denial of one's own needs. Ignoring personal needs, desires, and feelings — or not even recognizing that they exist — is common in codependent relationships.
  • Dependency on others for self-worth. When people anchor their self-worth on the presence and opinions of others, their sense of self-value might fluctuate based on someone else's mood or viewpoint.
  • Reactivity. Being overly sensitive to everyone else's feelings and needs can lead to exaggerated emotional reactions. If the other person is sad, the codependent might feel devastated.
  • Controlling behaviors. A codependent might attempt to control situations, environments, or even people to ensure their needs are met or their fears are mitigated.
  • Problematic communication. Avoiding conflicts at any cost might lead to suppressing feelings, not expressing concerns, or agreeing even when in disagreement, resulting in pent-up emotions and resentment.

Recognizing these habits and dynamics is an essential step towards understanding and healing from codependency. By identifying which behaviors resonate, we can begin the process of addressing the root causes and setting healthier relationship patterns.

When Alcohol Is Part of the Picture

In many cases, alcohol can make the knot of codependency even harder to untangle. The codependent individual might feel the need to "save" the person with the AUD — making excuses for their struggling partner, taking over their responsibilities, or even enabling their alcohol consumption. All the while, their emotional well-being becomes intertwined with their partner’s continuing struggles.

But why does this happen? Some experts suggest that codependent people might be drawn towards those with alcohol misuse issues. It could be because it fuels their need to feel useful or needed. Or it might be a learned pattern, especially if they grew up in an environment where alcohol misuse was rampant.

In a similar way, for the person who is the one struggling with alcohol misuse, a codependent relationship can make it more difficult to see the problem clearly and realize the power that they actually have over the role that alcohol plays in their life.

Breaking Free

Ready to take action? Here are some science-backed ways to loosen the codependency grip and regain your individuality:

  • Self-awareness. As they say, the first step is admitting there's a problem. Do you find yourself overly concerned with others' feelings and neglecting your own? Are you too reliant on others? This awareness is crucial.
  • Educate yourself. The more you understand codependency, the better you'll be able to cope with it. Read books, listen to podcasts, watch TED talks about codependent relationships, or consult professionals to deepen your knowledge about codependency.
  • Set boundaries. It’s perfectly okay to say no. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time it will become your new normal. In a similar way, try to be aware of the boundaries of others.
  • Self-care rituals. Schedule "me" time into your daily routine. It's not selfish, it's essential — for “givers” and “takers” alike!
  • Positive affirmations. As cheesy as it sounds, positive self-talk can help reinforce your sense of self-worth. 
  • Support system. Surround yourself with people who understand your journey and can provide emotional support. 
  • Professional help. Sometimes, self-help isn't enough. Therapists are trained professionals who can guide you through the process of overcoming codependency. There's no shame in seeking help!
  • Mindfulness and meditation. Practicing mindfulness can help you focus on your feelings and needs, making it easier to recognize codependent behaviors.

Tuning Your Mind

Bidding goodbye to codependency isn't like flipping a switch — it's more like fine-tuning a radio dial (remember those?). It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of self-compassion. And remember, it's not about becoming self-centered, blaming ourselves, or feeling guilty — it’s about making conscious choices as we balance empathy and self-care.

The next time you get a call from that friend who always needs your help, you might decide to step back and let them fight their own battles. Or maybe you'll intervene, but this time, not because your happiness depends on being needed, but because you genuinely want to help.

And on the flip side, if you’re the one making that call, pause for a few minutes first. You might find that there’s another path you can take — one that will ultimately lead you to healthier relationships and a more balanced version of you!

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Abandonment Issues: Finding Your Way Back
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Are you craving emotional connection and tired of feeling left behind? Learn to navigate abandonment issues with our latest blog.

8 min read

Ready To Leave Abandonment Issues (and Alcohol) in the Past?

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Read Full Article  →

Picture this: You've met someone incredible. They're charming, funny, and they seem to get your quirky sense of humor. Your phone pings with their messages day and night. You feel seen, understood, connected. And then, one day … radio silence. You check your phone obsessively. One day turns into two, then a week, then a month. The text you've been waiting for never comes. You're left with unanswered questions and a sense of profound rejection, leading to long-term feelings of insecurity.

This constant feeling of chasing people or being left behind is the crux of abandonment issues. It's a persistent feeling of insecurity that can leave a subtle, nagging doubt in your mind or set off a loud alarm bell — whether or not it’s warranted.

The Science Behind Abandonment Issues

So what does science say about this? Abandonment issues aren't “just in your head” — they’re rooted in the brain.

Our brain’s emotional sentinel, the amygdala, stands guard for potential threats, including those scary feelings of insecurity and possible rejection. It's our ever-watchful guardian against what it perceives as possible harm heading our way.

Then we've got the hippocampus, our living memory bank that relates present experiences to past events. If we’ve faced abandonment in the past, the hippocampus revs up and says, "Wait a minute, I've seen this before!" at what seems like the slightest provocation — all in an effort to protect us from future abandonment.

Lastly, we have the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s center of rational thought. It tries to bring some reason into the emotional mix, but in cases of abandonment issues, the amygdala's emotional response is much louder.

Body Talk

The other key part of the abandonment trap is the body’s stress response. When we experience intense emotions such as fear, anxiety, or distress — all companions of abandonment — our body kicks into fight-or-flight mode. It starts releasing stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, getting us ready to either face the issue head-on or to make a quick exit.

Normally, this stress reaction dissipates once the threat has passed. But when we’re dealing with chronic abandonment issues, the brain and body are always on high alert. This constant stress mode can lead to a host of unpleasant physical symptoms, ranging from headaches and sleep troubles to more serious stuff such as heart disease. It's like asking the mind and body to run a marathon daily — it can cause quite a strain!

A Trip Down Memory Lane

While abandonment issues can start at any point in life — for example, after a bad breakup — they can be even more tricky to untangle when they take hold in childhood. Much like learning to ride a bike or hating broccoli, our experiences during these formative years often stick with us. In fact, long-term exposure to stress hormones can also modify the hippocampus, part of the brain involved in memory and emotion regulation.

If we went through neglect, separation, or loss in childhood, our stress response system gets hypersensitive, reacting more strongly to potential threats of abandonment later in life.

That's why understanding the science of abandonment issues is so vital — and why it can also be so empowering. It helps us realize that these feelings aren't random or unmanageable, but are linked to understandable — and modifiable! — biological processes. Sure, it's a challenging journey, but with this newfound knowledge, some self-care, and the right help, we're better equipped to navigate it. Let's embrace this adventure!

Tackle Abandonment Issues

  • Acknowledge your feelings. The first step is to acknowledge that you're dealing with abandonment issues. It's okay! This isn't a "blame the victim" situation. It's about understanding that these feelings come from a real place. Try to identify your triggers to reframe the situation. Are you triggered when someone cancels plans, or when you're not included in a decision? What makes you feel insecure?
  • Explore your history. Understanding the root causes of your abandonment issues can be really helpful. This could involve tracing back to a particular event in your past, or to a situation or environment that was ongoing.
  • Healthy connections. Isolation can fuel feelings of abandonment. Make sure to maintain connections with your loved ones, even if it's just a simple text or a phone call. At the same time, it's important to establish healthy boundaries in relationships. This doesn't mean building impenetrable walls — just setting clear expectations about what you need from others.
  • Practice mindfulness. When feelings of abandonment creep in, bring your mind to the present. Notice the world around you and the sensations in your body. Try some breathing exercises or meditative practices when feelings of abandonment arise. It's not just about “omming” your way out; it’s about grounding yourself in the present moment.
  • Note to self. Write affirmations or positive self-talk on post-it notes and place them where you'll see them daily. This could be your mirror, your laptop, or even your fridge. Constant positive reinforcement can help in rewiring those insecure thoughts.
  • Capture your thoughts. Use a journal to express your feelings. Give it a fun twist by sketching, doodling or painting your emotions. This isn't about creating a masterpiece but understanding your feelings better.
  • Playlists for the soul. Create playlists for different moods. Upbeat songs for when you're feeling down, calming ones for when you're anxious — or whatever works for you! Music can help you navigate through emotions.
  • The no-phone zone. Dedicate some time each day to disconnect from technology and engage in an activity you love. This could be anything from painting or playing a musical instrument, to taking a leisurely walk, reading a book, or doing a jigsaw puzzle.
  • Therapeutic gardening. Get your hands dirty! Gardening can be a grounding activity that connects you with nature and offers a sense of accomplishment.

Now, don't go thinking these steps will magically erase stubborn abandonment issues. But every small step brings you closer to understanding and, ultimately, healing. And remember, we're all in this together. So, keep that chin up and let's keep going.

Picture this: You've met someone incredible. They're charming, funny, and they seem to get your quirky sense of humor. Your phone pings with their messages day and night. You feel seen, understood, connected. And then, one day … radio silence. You check your phone obsessively. One day turns into two, then a week, then a month. The text you've been waiting for never comes. You're left with unanswered questions and a sense of profound rejection, leading to long-term feelings of insecurity.

This constant feeling of chasing people or being left behind is the crux of abandonment issues. It's a persistent feeling of insecurity that can leave a subtle, nagging doubt in your mind or set off a loud alarm bell — whether or not it’s warranted.

The Science Behind Abandonment Issues

So what does science say about this? Abandonment issues aren't “just in your head” — they’re rooted in the brain.

Our brain’s emotional sentinel, the amygdala, stands guard for potential threats, including those scary feelings of insecurity and possible rejection. It's our ever-watchful guardian against what it perceives as possible harm heading our way.

Then we've got the hippocampus, our living memory bank that relates present experiences to past events. If we’ve faced abandonment in the past, the hippocampus revs up and says, "Wait a minute, I've seen this before!" at what seems like the slightest provocation — all in an effort to protect us from future abandonment.

Lastly, we have the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s center of rational thought. It tries to bring some reason into the emotional mix, but in cases of abandonment issues, the amygdala's emotional response is much louder.

Body Talk

The other key part of the abandonment trap is the body’s stress response. When we experience intense emotions such as fear, anxiety, or distress — all companions of abandonment — our body kicks into fight-or-flight mode. It starts releasing stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, getting us ready to either face the issue head-on or to make a quick exit.

Normally, this stress reaction dissipates once the threat has passed. But when we’re dealing with chronic abandonment issues, the brain and body are always on high alert. This constant stress mode can lead to a host of unpleasant physical symptoms, ranging from headaches and sleep troubles to more serious stuff such as heart disease. It's like asking the mind and body to run a marathon daily — it can cause quite a strain!

A Trip Down Memory Lane

While abandonment issues can start at any point in life — for example, after a bad breakup — they can be even more tricky to untangle when they take hold in childhood. Much like learning to ride a bike or hating broccoli, our experiences during these formative years often stick with us. In fact, long-term exposure to stress hormones can also modify the hippocampus, part of the brain involved in memory and emotion regulation.

If we went through neglect, separation, or loss in childhood, our stress response system gets hypersensitive, reacting more strongly to potential threats of abandonment later in life.

That's why understanding the science of abandonment issues is so vital — and why it can also be so empowering. It helps us realize that these feelings aren't random or unmanageable, but are linked to understandable — and modifiable! — biological processes. Sure, it's a challenging journey, but with this newfound knowledge, some self-care, and the right help, we're better equipped to navigate it. Let's embrace this adventure!

Tackle Abandonment Issues

  • Acknowledge your feelings. The first step is to acknowledge that you're dealing with abandonment issues. It's okay! This isn't a "blame the victim" situation. It's about understanding that these feelings come from a real place. Try to identify your triggers to reframe the situation. Are you triggered when someone cancels plans, or when you're not included in a decision? What makes you feel insecure?
  • Explore your history. Understanding the root causes of your abandonment issues can be really helpful. This could involve tracing back to a particular event in your past, or to a situation or environment that was ongoing.
  • Healthy connections. Isolation can fuel feelings of abandonment. Make sure to maintain connections with your loved ones, even if it's just a simple text or a phone call. At the same time, it's important to establish healthy boundaries in relationships. This doesn't mean building impenetrable walls — just setting clear expectations about what you need from others.
  • Practice mindfulness. When feelings of abandonment creep in, bring your mind to the present. Notice the world around you and the sensations in your body. Try some breathing exercises or meditative practices when feelings of abandonment arise. It's not just about “omming” your way out; it’s about grounding yourself in the present moment.
  • Note to self. Write affirmations or positive self-talk on post-it notes and place them where you'll see them daily. This could be your mirror, your laptop, or even your fridge. Constant positive reinforcement can help in rewiring those insecure thoughts.
  • Capture your thoughts. Use a journal to express your feelings. Give it a fun twist by sketching, doodling or painting your emotions. This isn't about creating a masterpiece but understanding your feelings better.
  • Playlists for the soul. Create playlists for different moods. Upbeat songs for when you're feeling down, calming ones for when you're anxious — or whatever works for you! Music can help you navigate through emotions.
  • The no-phone zone. Dedicate some time each day to disconnect from technology and engage in an activity you love. This could be anything from painting or playing a musical instrument, to taking a leisurely walk, reading a book, or doing a jigsaw puzzle.
  • Therapeutic gardening. Get your hands dirty! Gardening can be a grounding activity that connects you with nature and offers a sense of accomplishment.

Now, don't go thinking these steps will magically erase stubborn abandonment issues. But every small step brings you closer to understanding and, ultimately, healing. And remember, we're all in this together. So, keep that chin up and let's keep going.

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Shadow Work: The Murky Parts of the Mind
This is some text inside of a div block.

Curious about the hidden parts of your personality? Dive into the fascinating world of shadow work with our latest blog post. Uncover unique and creative steps to explore, understand, and embrace your shadow.

8 min read

Start Your Journey With Reframe!

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Read Full Article  →

Shadow work — is this some New Age spiritual practice? Not exactly. Rooted in the theories of renowned Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the concept of the “Shadow” refers to the unseen facets of our personality that we prefer to keep hidden, the parts that don't often come out during our day-to-day interactions.

Your “shadow” can include a diverse range of traits — those pesky fears, the desire to procrastinate, that twinge of jealousy when a friend achieves something you’ve been striving for, and even the small guilty pleasures we all indulge in when no one is watching.

Meet Your Shadow

Despite the somewhat ominous name, the shadow isn't all bad. It's a complex mix of the less-than-ideal, the suppressed, and even the remarkable aspects of our personalities that we've been made to believe are unacceptable. The shadow isn't just the part of us that experiences anger or greed — it's also the part that feels joy, love, and courage, often at times and in ways we least expect.

So, how do we explore this shadow? Through the process of shadow work, which involves delving into and understanding these hidden elements of ourselves.

Shadows in the Bottle

When it comes to alcohol use, your shadows can play a significant role. For some, a glass of wine or a cold beer might serve as a momentary retreat, a detour from dealing with challenging feelings or unsolved matters. It can serve as a form of self-medication, numbing the anxiety, stress, or emotional pain that are part of our shadow selves.

Our shadows might also reflect feelings of guilt, regret, or concern related to our drinking. We might have butterflies in our stomach about the effects of drinking on our health, relationships, or job performance, or feel guilty about past incidents that happened when we overindulged. These worries often remain tucked away beneath the immediate joy that a drink can bring, making it tricky to break out of the cycle.

Most importantly, however, our booze-related shadow can also contain the seeds of a desire and potential for change! At some level, we recognize that our relationship with alcohol needs to shift — an inner knowledge that represents an as-yet unrealized capacity to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Embracing the Shadow

Shadow work is not about banishing the shadow or pretending it doesn't exist. It’s about understanding that our personalities are filled with a mix of good and bad, light and dark, joy and sorrow. The goal of shadow work is acceptance, integration, and balance — a recognition that our vulnerabilities and flaws make us human and unique.

Here are some ideas to start your exploration:

  • Shadow meditation. Establish a quiet, comfortable space where you can reflect and introspect without distractions. This is your mental “me-time,” so make it count. Design a guided meditation for your shadow. Imagine a safe space where your shadow can freely express itself. What does it say? What does it look like? How does it feel? Develop an open-minded, non-judgmental approach to your thoughts, emotions, and reactions and approach them with a spirit of curiosity.
  • Journal. Write about your thoughts and feelings as honestly as you can. A journal can be a safe, private space to express yourself freely.
  • Practice self-compassion. Be gentle and patient with yourself. This is not a race, and everyone has a shadow, so there's no shame in exploring yours.
  • Create a shadow board. Make a visual representation of your shadow traits. This can be a drawing, a collage, or even a digital art piece. It's a fun and creative way to understand yourself better.
  • Soundtrack of the shadow. Create a playlist that represents your shadow. Pick songs that resonate with your unexpressed feelings and hidden traits. Music often gives voice to our deepest emotions, and this playlist can become a melodic exploration of your shadow.
  • Inner dialogue. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and envision your shadow sitting across from you. Ask it questions, express your feelings, and listen to what it has to say. To avoid getting some odd looks, this one is probably best to do when you can have some privacy!
  • The shadow box. Find or make a box and fill it with objects that represent your shadow. This could include pictures, trinkets, letters, or anything else that symbolizes the traits of your shadow. This physical representation can help you understand and accept your shadow more tangibly.
  • Mask making. Create a mask that represents your shadow. Decorate it with colors, symbols, and words that resonate with your unexpressed traits. This is a creative way to give form to your shadow and understand its facets.

Books About Shadow Work

As we dive deeper into shadow work, having some trusted guides can make the journey more rewarding. Here are a few highly recommended reads:

  • Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, by Robert A. Johnson. This is a beautifully written, succinct introduction to shadow work. Johnson's insights guide readers in acknowledging and understanding their shadow aspects.
  • Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth, by Robert A. Johnson. Another gem by Johnson, this book delves into the techniques of interpreting dreams and engaging your imagination to reveal your shadow. It offers practical advice on integrating these hidden parts of yourself.
  • A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Robert Bly. This is an engaging, poetic exploration of the shadow concept. Bly uses a blend of story, poem, and commentary to illustrate the process of acknowledging and facing the shadow.
  • Romancing the Shadow, by Connie Zweig and Steve Wolf. The authors provide guidance on facing and embracing the dark side of our personality. They use compelling real-life stories and offer practical exercises.
  • Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature, edited by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams. This anthology compiles essays from renowned psychologists and thinkers — including Carl Jung himself! It's a comprehensive exploration of the shadow concept in various contexts.
  • Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford. Ford provides a roadmap to confront and integrate the Shadow. The book includes exercises and questions for reflection, helping readers to uncover their hidden aspects.
  • The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson. This collaborative book explores the idea of the shadow from three distinct perspectives, providing a well-rounded view of how we can harness the power of the shadow for personal growth.

Embrace the Shadow

Remember, the goal of shadow work isn't to become “perfect,” but to develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of ourselves. It's about recognizing that our personality is a blend of varied traits, and each one contributes to making us unique. It's also about embracing all aspects of ourselves, leading to inner balance.

Just as we take time to strengthen our bonds with our loved ones, let's take some time to strengthen our bond with ourselves. The path to shadow work is as unique as you are — so explore these steps and modify them in a way that suits you best. And remember, it's perfectly fine to get a little lost, to take your time, and to explore at your own pace — in this journey of shadow work, there are no wrong paths, only paths leading to a better understanding of ourselves. Have fun with it, and enjoy this one-of-a-kind journey of self-discovery.

Shadow work — is this some New Age spiritual practice? Not exactly. Rooted in the theories of renowned Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the concept of the “Shadow” refers to the unseen facets of our personality that we prefer to keep hidden, the parts that don't often come out during our day-to-day interactions.

Your “shadow” can include a diverse range of traits — those pesky fears, the desire to procrastinate, that twinge of jealousy when a friend achieves something you’ve been striving for, and even the small guilty pleasures we all indulge in when no one is watching.

Meet Your Shadow

Despite the somewhat ominous name, the shadow isn't all bad. It's a complex mix of the less-than-ideal, the suppressed, and even the remarkable aspects of our personalities that we've been made to believe are unacceptable. The shadow isn't just the part of us that experiences anger or greed — it's also the part that feels joy, love, and courage, often at times and in ways we least expect.

So, how do we explore this shadow? Through the process of shadow work, which involves delving into and understanding these hidden elements of ourselves.

Shadows in the Bottle

When it comes to alcohol use, your shadows can play a significant role. For some, a glass of wine or a cold beer might serve as a momentary retreat, a detour from dealing with challenging feelings or unsolved matters. It can serve as a form of self-medication, numbing the anxiety, stress, or emotional pain that are part of our shadow selves.

Our shadows might also reflect feelings of guilt, regret, or concern related to our drinking. We might have butterflies in our stomach about the effects of drinking on our health, relationships, or job performance, or feel guilty about past incidents that happened when we overindulged. These worries often remain tucked away beneath the immediate joy that a drink can bring, making it tricky to break out of the cycle.

Most importantly, however, our booze-related shadow can also contain the seeds of a desire and potential for change! At some level, we recognize that our relationship with alcohol needs to shift — an inner knowledge that represents an as-yet unrealized capacity to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Embracing the Shadow

Shadow work is not about banishing the shadow or pretending it doesn't exist. It’s about understanding that our personalities are filled with a mix of good and bad, light and dark, joy and sorrow. The goal of shadow work is acceptance, integration, and balance — a recognition that our vulnerabilities and flaws make us human and unique.

Here are some ideas to start your exploration:

  • Shadow meditation. Establish a quiet, comfortable space where you can reflect and introspect without distractions. This is your mental “me-time,” so make it count. Design a guided meditation for your shadow. Imagine a safe space where your shadow can freely express itself. What does it say? What does it look like? How does it feel? Develop an open-minded, non-judgmental approach to your thoughts, emotions, and reactions and approach them with a spirit of curiosity.
  • Journal. Write about your thoughts and feelings as honestly as you can. A journal can be a safe, private space to express yourself freely.
  • Practice self-compassion. Be gentle and patient with yourself. This is not a race, and everyone has a shadow, so there's no shame in exploring yours.
  • Create a shadow board. Make a visual representation of your shadow traits. This can be a drawing, a collage, or even a digital art piece. It's a fun and creative way to understand yourself better.
  • Soundtrack of the shadow. Create a playlist that represents your shadow. Pick songs that resonate with your unexpressed feelings and hidden traits. Music often gives voice to our deepest emotions, and this playlist can become a melodic exploration of your shadow.
  • Inner dialogue. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and envision your shadow sitting across from you. Ask it questions, express your feelings, and listen to what it has to say. To avoid getting some odd looks, this one is probably best to do when you can have some privacy!
  • The shadow box. Find or make a box and fill it with objects that represent your shadow. This could include pictures, trinkets, letters, or anything else that symbolizes the traits of your shadow. This physical representation can help you understand and accept your shadow more tangibly.
  • Mask making. Create a mask that represents your shadow. Decorate it with colors, symbols, and words that resonate with your unexpressed traits. This is a creative way to give form to your shadow and understand its facets.

Books About Shadow Work

As we dive deeper into shadow work, having some trusted guides can make the journey more rewarding. Here are a few highly recommended reads:

  • Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, by Robert A. Johnson. This is a beautifully written, succinct introduction to shadow work. Johnson's insights guide readers in acknowledging and understanding their shadow aspects.
  • Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth, by Robert A. Johnson. Another gem by Johnson, this book delves into the techniques of interpreting dreams and engaging your imagination to reveal your shadow. It offers practical advice on integrating these hidden parts of yourself.
  • A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Robert Bly. This is an engaging, poetic exploration of the shadow concept. Bly uses a blend of story, poem, and commentary to illustrate the process of acknowledging and facing the shadow.
  • Romancing the Shadow, by Connie Zweig and Steve Wolf. The authors provide guidance on facing and embracing the dark side of our personality. They use compelling real-life stories and offer practical exercises.
  • Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature, edited by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams. This anthology compiles essays from renowned psychologists and thinkers — including Carl Jung himself! It's a comprehensive exploration of the shadow concept in various contexts.
  • Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford. Ford provides a roadmap to confront and integrate the Shadow. The book includes exercises and questions for reflection, helping readers to uncover their hidden aspects.
  • The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson. This collaborative book explores the idea of the shadow from three distinct perspectives, providing a well-rounded view of how we can harness the power of the shadow for personal growth.

Embrace the Shadow

Remember, the goal of shadow work isn't to become “perfect,” but to develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of ourselves. It's about recognizing that our personality is a blend of varied traits, and each one contributes to making us unique. It's also about embracing all aspects of ourselves, leading to inner balance.

Just as we take time to strengthen our bonds with our loved ones, let's take some time to strengthen our bond with ourselves. The path to shadow work is as unique as you are — so explore these steps and modify them in a way that suits you best. And remember, it's perfectly fine to get a little lost, to take your time, and to explore at your own pace — in this journey of shadow work, there are no wrong paths, only paths leading to a better understanding of ourselves. Have fun with it, and enjoy this one-of-a-kind journey of self-discovery.

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Therapist-Approved Grounding Techniques for Anxiety
This is some text inside of a div block.

Is anxiety tossing you about like a ship in a storm? Discover your inner anchor with our science-backed, therapist-approved grounding techniques. Explore how your brain's superpower can calm the chaos, learn the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and navigate towards tranquility. Dive in and turn the tide on anxiety today!

8 min read

Reclaim Your Health With Reframe

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Read Full Article  →

Picture this: you're a ship in the midst of a tempest. Tumultuous waves of stress and worry crash against you. Chaotic and overwhelming, right?

What if we could be our own anchors, holding steady amidst the chaos? That's where grounding comes in. Grounding techniques are practical, straightforward tools that help us focus on the present moment.

These techniques, backed by science, can help us weather any storm by bringing us back to the calm and steady present.

So, let’s set our sights on tranquility. This article explores grounding techniques to help manage anxiety.

Grounding: Our Brain's Superpower

Grounding techniques tether our minds to reality, preventing them from spiraling into a vortex of distressing thoughts or emotions. It's like bringing a kite down from a gusty sky and steadying it in our hands.

Neuroscience has an explanation for this.

When anxiety hits, it triggers the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for fear and stress responses. This creates a wave of physiological changes — racing heart, rapid breathing, spiraling thoughts, and more.

Grounding techniques work by engaging the prefrontal cortex, the "thinking" part of our brain. This dampens the amygdala's overactivity, helping us to feel calm and centered.

In a practical sense, they help redirect our attention away from spiraling thoughts or traumatic memories and into the present moment.

Grounding in Action: The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

A well-known grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. This exercise keeps our minds occupied and provides a mental anchor, stopping us from drifting into the sea of anxiety.

It involves a specific number of items:

  • 5 things we can see
  • 4 things we can touch
  • 3 things we can hear
  • 2 things we can smell, and
  • 1 thing we can taste

Say we're at a party, for instance, feeling anxious about the number of people surrounding us. Using this technique, we might notice the vibrant colors on the walls, the cool glass in our hand, the laughter in the room, the aroma of the food, and the taste of our chosen beverage.

By focusing on these sensory experiences, we can remain present and grounded, reducing anxiety.

Here are other sensory grounding techniques to try:

  • Put your hands in water for a few seconds. Experiment with temperature as you see fit.
  • Pick up or touch items near you. What do you feel? What do you see?
  • Breathe deeply and focus on the sensation of your breath. How does your body expand or shrink with each inhale or exhale?
  • Savor a favorite food or alcohol-free drink, like a mocktail or botanical soda.
  • Take a short walk and pay attention to the sensations in your body.
  • Hold a piece of ice.
  • Touch or hold onto objects with different textures.
  • Try aromatherapy: calming scents, like lavender and chamomile, can help bring about feelings of relaxation.

Different techniques may work better during certain moments, so it’s good to give a few of these a go.

More Tried-and-True Grounding Techniques

Just as there are sensory-based grounding techniques — which engage the five senses — others engage the body or the mind more as a whole. Here are therapist-approved physical grounding techniques:

  • 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Do this a few times, then breathe normally.
  • 4-4-4, or "box" breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4.
  • Tense and relax your muscles.
  • Stretch your body.
  • Change positions.

Here are a few mental grounding techniques:

  • Name all the objects you see around you. This can be useful if the 5-4-3-2-1 technique feels too overwhelming or difficult at the moment.
  • Read something backwards, letter-by-letter.
  • Focus on the lyrics and melody of your favorite song as if you're hearing it for the first time.

Try a mix: some might work for you better than others. Some might be more appropriate given the situation or trigger. It’s good to have plenty in your toolbox.

Remember, grounding techniques are not a perfect solution. These techniques can provide temporary relief, but they don’t address the underlying causes of anxiety. For that, you’ll need professional help.

Key Takeaways

Grounding techniques include the classic 5-4-3-2-1 technique, or they can be sensory, mental, or physical in their nature.

When we're anxious, it's easy to turn to alcohol as a temporary solution. But with grounding, we can have a better — and healthier! — tool in our toolbox.

When cravings or anxiety come knocking, grounding techniques anchor us to the present. This is one way of practicing mindfulness, which can help us identify, even curb, thoughtless or impulsive drinking.

Picture this: you're a ship in the midst of a tempest. Tumultuous waves of stress and worry crash against you. Chaotic and overwhelming, right?

What if we could be our own anchors, holding steady amidst the chaos? That's where grounding comes in. Grounding techniques are practical, straightforward tools that help us focus on the present moment.

These techniques, backed by science, can help us weather any storm by bringing us back to the calm and steady present.

So, let’s set our sights on tranquility. This article explores grounding techniques to help manage anxiety.

Grounding: Our Brain's Superpower

Grounding techniques tether our minds to reality, preventing them from spiraling into a vortex of distressing thoughts or emotions. It's like bringing a kite down from a gusty sky and steadying it in our hands.

Neuroscience has an explanation for this.

When anxiety hits, it triggers the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for fear and stress responses. This creates a wave of physiological changes — racing heart, rapid breathing, spiraling thoughts, and more.

Grounding techniques work by engaging the prefrontal cortex, the "thinking" part of our brain. This dampens the amygdala's overactivity, helping us to feel calm and centered.

In a practical sense, they help redirect our attention away from spiraling thoughts or traumatic memories and into the present moment.

Grounding in Action: The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

A well-known grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. This exercise keeps our minds occupied and provides a mental anchor, stopping us from drifting into the sea of anxiety.

It involves a specific number of items:

  • 5 things we can see
  • 4 things we can touch
  • 3 things we can hear
  • 2 things we can smell, and
  • 1 thing we can taste

Say we're at a party, for instance, feeling anxious about the number of people surrounding us. Using this technique, we might notice the vibrant colors on the walls, the cool glass in our hand, the laughter in the room, the aroma of the food, and the taste of our chosen beverage.

By focusing on these sensory experiences, we can remain present and grounded, reducing anxiety.

Here are other sensory grounding techniques to try:

  • Put your hands in water for a few seconds. Experiment with temperature as you see fit.
  • Pick up or touch items near you. What do you feel? What do you see?
  • Breathe deeply and focus on the sensation of your breath. How does your body expand or shrink with each inhale or exhale?
  • Savor a favorite food or alcohol-free drink, like a mocktail or botanical soda.
  • Take a short walk and pay attention to the sensations in your body.
  • Hold a piece of ice.
  • Touch or hold onto objects with different textures.
  • Try aromatherapy: calming scents, like lavender and chamomile, can help bring about feelings of relaxation.

Different techniques may work better during certain moments, so it’s good to give a few of these a go.

More Tried-and-True Grounding Techniques

Just as there are sensory-based grounding techniques — which engage the five senses — others engage the body or the mind more as a whole. Here are therapist-approved physical grounding techniques:

  • 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Do this a few times, then breathe normally.
  • 4-4-4, or "box" breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4.
  • Tense and relax your muscles.
  • Stretch your body.
  • Change positions.

Here are a few mental grounding techniques:

  • Name all the objects you see around you. This can be useful if the 5-4-3-2-1 technique feels too overwhelming or difficult at the moment.
  • Read something backwards, letter-by-letter.
  • Focus on the lyrics and melody of your favorite song as if you're hearing it for the first time.

Try a mix: some might work for you better than others. Some might be more appropriate given the situation or trigger. It’s good to have plenty in your toolbox.

Remember, grounding techniques are not a perfect solution. These techniques can provide temporary relief, but they don’t address the underlying causes of anxiety. For that, you’ll need professional help.

Key Takeaways

Grounding techniques include the classic 5-4-3-2-1 technique, or they can be sensory, mental, or physical in their nature.

When we're anxious, it's easy to turn to alcohol as a temporary solution. But with grounding, we can have a better — and healthier! — tool in our toolbox.

When cravings or anxiety come knocking, grounding techniques anchor us to the present. This is one way of practicing mindfulness, which can help us identify, even curb, thoughtless or impulsive drinking.

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Cognitive Distortions: What Are They?
This is some text inside of a div block.

Unmask the mind tricks that could be keeping you stuck! Dive into our latest blog to explore common cognitive distortions, their impacts, and how to outsmart them.

8 min read
Read Full Article  →

Have you ever walked into a room to find people laughing and felt convinced they must have been talking about you? Or missed a meeting at work and just “knew” you would get fired the next day?

These are a few examples of so-called cognitive distortions, irrational thought patterns that warp your perception of reality.

How Do Cognitive Distortions Develop?

The roots of cognitive distortions lie in our past. They can emerge from past experiences, emotions, or deeply-held beliefs, arising when your brain tries to make sense of complex situations by oversimplifying them. For instance, when stress hits, you might reach for a drink, and your brain concludes, "Ah, alcohol equals stress relief!" Over time, this pattern can create some unwanted habits.

The Usual Suspects

We can fall prey to many, many cognitive distortions; here are just a few:

  • All-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is the mind's version of a high-contrast photo filter, viewing everything in stark black or white with no shades in between. This cognitive distortion paints a world of extremes, where everything is either perfect or disastrous, with no room for the subtle nuances in between.
  • In the context of cutting back on alcohol, all-or-nothing thinking might sound something like, "If I can't completely abstain from drinking, I might as well not try at all."
  • Overgeneralization. Overgeneralization is the mind's tendency to inflate a single event into a never-ending pattern of defeat based on one single outcome. It’s the cognitive equivalent of thinking that because it rained once during your vacation, every vacation you ever take will be a disaster. Or you might think that because you've slipped up and had a drink once, you're doomed to forever fail at sobriety.
  • The danger with overgeneralization is that it can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. If you continually tell yourself you're going to fail, your motivation to keep trying can wane. It can fuel feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and depression, which might even intensify the urge to drink as a way of coping.
  • Mental filter. The mental filter is the tendency to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation, filtering out any positive ones until they become almost invisible. Picture it like wearing glasses that only allow you to see the flaws, turning everything else blurry.
  • When you're working to reduce your alcohol consumption, a mental filter might have you focusing solely on the times you slipped up, while completely ignoring all the times you successfully abstained or moderated your drinking. This can leave you feeling hopeless and take a toll on your motivation, self-esteem, and overall mental health, making the goal of reducing alcohol intake seem even more challenging than it already is.
  • Catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is your brain moonlighting as a doomsday prophet, predicting the worst possible outcome in any situation. For those striving to reduce alcohol consumption, catastrophizing might look like this: "I had a drink today, so I'm definitely going to lose control, mess up everything in my life, and let everyone down."
  • Discounting the positive. Discounting the positive is your mind's pesky habit of shrugging off positive experiences as if they're insignificant or don't count.
  • For someone working on reducing their alcohol consumption, discounting the positive might sound like: "Sure, I abstained from drinking at the party, but that doesn't mean anything. It was just one time."
  • Should statements. Should statements involve dictating what we or others should or shouldn't do, setting up rigid rules for behavior. It's your brain playing judge and jury, declaring how things ought to be.
  • For someone reducing alcohol consumption, this might sound like, "I should be able to quit drinking instantly," or "I shouldn't struggle with this."
  • Jumping to conclusions: Mind Reading and Fortune Telling. Ever caught yourself assuming you know what others are thinking about you? Well, welcome to the imaginary psychic club of mind reading! It's our brain's little trick of believing it can decode other people's thoughts and intentions without any real evidence. For example, if you're reducing alcohol intake, you might think, "Everyone at the party will judge me if I'm not drinking."
  • Similar to mind reading, fortune telling is another misguided psychic act, in which we convince ourselves that we can predict the future, usually for the worse. For example, "I know I’ll fail at being sober at the social event tomorrow."

Now for the ripple effect: these distortions can contribute to stress, anxiety, depression, and — yes — that tricky relationship with alcohol. They can reinforce negative thinking and unhealthy behaviors, like reaching for the bottle when life gets tough. But there's hope! We can change this pattern.

Tackling Cognitive Distortions

The first step to managing cognitive distortions is identifying them. Pay attention to your internal chatter. Is it overreacting? Focusing only on negatives? The moment you can spot these distortions, you're on your way to managing them better.

Unfortunately, we can’t just wave a wand and banish our cognitive distortions. But we can use effective strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge irrational thoughts and promote healthier behaviors. CBT can help us rewrite the narrative, challenge irrational thoughts, and ultimately promote healthier behaviors (yes, healthier drinking habits too!).

Here are some practical steps to help you dispel these distortions:

  • Understand your distortions. Start a thought diary. Write down any irrational thoughts and identify which cognitive distortion they fall under.
  • Question your thoughts. Is the thought accurate? What's the evidence for it? Could there be another explanation?
  • Accept imperfections. Mistakes happen. Instead of beating yourself up, use these moments to learn and grow.
  • Seek support. You don't have to do this alone. Reach out to professionals or support groups to help manage cognitive distortions.
  • Self-care is key. Healthy habits (including good sleep, balanced nutrition, and regular exercise) can help manage stress and keep your mind in top shape.
  • Patience is a virtue. Changing thought patterns takes time. Keep at it ! And celebrate small victories along the way.

In the end, cognitive distortions are just brain glitches, not defining character traits. Once you learn to spot and manage them, you'll be on your way to a happier, healthier, and sober you.

If you're on a mission to change your relationship with alcohol, understanding these mental quirks might be just the ticket you need. Let's kick back, get comfortable, and ready ourselves for a brainy escapade!

Ready To Unpack Those Distortions and Change Your Life?

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Have you ever walked into a room to find people laughing and felt convinced they must have been talking about you? Or missed a meeting at work and just “knew” you would get fired the next day?

These are a few examples of so-called cognitive distortions, irrational thought patterns that warp your perception of reality.

How Do Cognitive Distortions Develop?

The roots of cognitive distortions lie in our past. They can emerge from past experiences, emotions, or deeply-held beliefs, arising when your brain tries to make sense of complex situations by oversimplifying them. For instance, when stress hits, you might reach for a drink, and your brain concludes, "Ah, alcohol equals stress relief!" Over time, this pattern can create some unwanted habits.

The Usual Suspects

We can fall prey to many, many cognitive distortions; here are just a few:

  • All-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is the mind's version of a high-contrast photo filter, viewing everything in stark black or white with no shades in between. This cognitive distortion paints a world of extremes, where everything is either perfect or disastrous, with no room for the subtle nuances in between.
  • In the context of cutting back on alcohol, all-or-nothing thinking might sound something like, "If I can't completely abstain from drinking, I might as well not try at all."
  • Overgeneralization. Overgeneralization is the mind's tendency to inflate a single event into a never-ending pattern of defeat based on one single outcome. It’s the cognitive equivalent of thinking that because it rained once during your vacation, every vacation you ever take will be a disaster. Or you might think that because you've slipped up and had a drink once, you're doomed to forever fail at sobriety.
  • The danger with overgeneralization is that it can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. If you continually tell yourself you're going to fail, your motivation to keep trying can wane. It can fuel feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and depression, which might even intensify the urge to drink as a way of coping.
  • Mental filter. The mental filter is the tendency to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation, filtering out any positive ones until they become almost invisible. Picture it like wearing glasses that only allow you to see the flaws, turning everything else blurry.
  • When you're working to reduce your alcohol consumption, a mental filter might have you focusing solely on the times you slipped up, while completely ignoring all the times you successfully abstained or moderated your drinking. This can leave you feeling hopeless and take a toll on your motivation, self-esteem, and overall mental health, making the goal of reducing alcohol intake seem even more challenging than it already is.
  • Catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is your brain moonlighting as a doomsday prophet, predicting the worst possible outcome in any situation. For those striving to reduce alcohol consumption, catastrophizing might look like this: "I had a drink today, so I'm definitely going to lose control, mess up everything in my life, and let everyone down."
  • Discounting the positive. Discounting the positive is your mind's pesky habit of shrugging off positive experiences as if they're insignificant or don't count.
  • For someone working on reducing their alcohol consumption, discounting the positive might sound like: "Sure, I abstained from drinking at the party, but that doesn't mean anything. It was just one time."
  • Should statements. Should statements involve dictating what we or others should or shouldn't do, setting up rigid rules for behavior. It's your brain playing judge and jury, declaring how things ought to be.
  • For someone reducing alcohol consumption, this might sound like, "I should be able to quit drinking instantly," or "I shouldn't struggle with this."
  • Jumping to conclusions: Mind Reading and Fortune Telling. Ever caught yourself assuming you know what others are thinking about you? Well, welcome to the imaginary psychic club of mind reading! It's our brain's little trick of believing it can decode other people's thoughts and intentions without any real evidence. For example, if you're reducing alcohol intake, you might think, "Everyone at the party will judge me if I'm not drinking."
  • Similar to mind reading, fortune telling is another misguided psychic act, in which we convince ourselves that we can predict the future, usually for the worse. For example, "I know I’ll fail at being sober at the social event tomorrow."

Now for the ripple effect: these distortions can contribute to stress, anxiety, depression, and — yes — that tricky relationship with alcohol. They can reinforce negative thinking and unhealthy behaviors, like reaching for the bottle when life gets tough. But there's hope! We can change this pattern.

Tackling Cognitive Distortions

The first step to managing cognitive distortions is identifying them. Pay attention to your internal chatter. Is it overreacting? Focusing only on negatives? The moment you can spot these distortions, you're on your way to managing them better.

Unfortunately, we can’t just wave a wand and banish our cognitive distortions. But we can use effective strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge irrational thoughts and promote healthier behaviors. CBT can help us rewrite the narrative, challenge irrational thoughts, and ultimately promote healthier behaviors (yes, healthier drinking habits too!).

Here are some practical steps to help you dispel these distortions:

  • Understand your distortions. Start a thought diary. Write down any irrational thoughts and identify which cognitive distortion they fall under.
  • Question your thoughts. Is the thought accurate? What's the evidence for it? Could there be another explanation?
  • Accept imperfections. Mistakes happen. Instead of beating yourself up, use these moments to learn and grow.
  • Seek support. You don't have to do this alone. Reach out to professionals or support groups to help manage cognitive distortions.
  • Self-care is key. Healthy habits (including good sleep, balanced nutrition, and regular exercise) can help manage stress and keep your mind in top shape.
  • Patience is a virtue. Changing thought patterns takes time. Keep at it ! And celebrate small victories along the way.

In the end, cognitive distortions are just brain glitches, not defining character traits. Once you learn to spot and manage them, you'll be on your way to a happier, healthier, and sober you.

If you're on a mission to change your relationship with alcohol, understanding these mental quirks might be just the ticket you need. Let's kick back, get comfortable, and ready ourselves for a brainy escapade!

Ready To Unpack Those Distortions and Change Your Life?

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Ghosting: Psychological Hide-and-Seek
This is some text inside of a div block.

Got ghosted and feeling lost? Unmask the science behind the “disappearing act” with our latest blog!

25 min read

Master the Art of Mindfulness With Reframe

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There’s an episode of Friends that shows “ghosting” in action: Monica and Phoebe try to steer clear of their irritating friend Amanda by dodging her calls — a plan that backfires when an unsuspecting Chandler picks up the phone and gives them away.

In real life, ghosting — which happens when someone abruptly cuts off all forms of personal communication without any explanation — is much less amusing and far more painful. The digital age seems to have provided fertile ground for ghosting to thrive. Unfortunately, it’s happened to many of us. You’re in touch with someone, maybe texting back and forth or saying hi on social media, and then — poof! — out of nowhere, the contact stops. It's as if they've slipped into a digital invisibility cloak and vanished into thin air!

But what happens in our brains when we're ghosted? And what's going on in the minds of those doing the ghosting? Let’s explore the psychology and neuroscience of ghosting and consider how to deal with the eerie silence that ghosting leaves in its wake. Ready to spot some ghosts?

The History of “Ghosts”

Although ghosting might feel like a fresh menace of the digital era, scientists who study human behavior have been familiar with this pattern for quite some time. Research by Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences, shows that social ostracism — including behaviors like ghosting — have been around for ages. We can’t blame the internet — ghosting is not as new-fangled as we thought!

The Neuroscience of Ghosting

It’s also important to note that ghosting has a basis in neuroscience — the behaviors, emotions, and reactions involved in ghosting can be traced back to specific neural mechanisms in the brain. 

When someone experiences ghosting, it often feels like a rejection, and rejection can hurt — literally. Studies have shown that the brain responds to social rejection in a way similar to physical pain. The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), a region of the brain involved in pain perception, activates when we feel socially rejected.

In ghosting, the lack of closure and the sudden disappearance of someone we are used to having in our lives can amplify this pain, as the brain struggles to make sense of what happened. The uncertainty and ambiguity can lead to continuous activation of this pain response, causing lingering discomfort.

On the other side of ghosting, the ghoster's brain is also at play. The decision to ghost may be influenced by several neural processes, including:

  • Avoidance of negative emotions. The amygdala, involved in processing emotions (including fear) might prompt a potential “ghost” to avoid confrontation or uncomfortable situations. Ghosting, in this sense, may be a way to avoid the anticipated anxiety or emotional discomfort of a face-to-face conversation.
  • Lack of empathy. A deficiency in empathy could also lead to ghosting. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others is largely governed by the mirror neuron system. If this system is faulty, a person may have difficulty recognizing the emotional impact of their actions, including ghosting.
  • Decision-making and impulsivity. The prefrontal cortex — responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and ethical reasoning — also plays a role. An impulsive decision to ghost might occur if there's an imbalance in this region of the brain. Likewise, the lack of ethical reasoning might cause someone to disregard social norms and the potential hurt that ghosting can cause.

Ghosting and Dopamine

In the context of romantic relationships, ghosting may also be linked to dopamine — the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. During the early stages of a relationship, dopamine levels are typically high, creating a feeling of excitement and pleasure. However, as the novelty wears off, the reduction in dopamine can lead to a lack of interest or desire to continue the relationship, leading some individuals to ghost. (Ever meet someone on Tinder, go out on a few dates, and suddenly get radio silence on the other end? It’s annoying, but unfortunately it happens — a lot).

Spot the Ghost

There are many types of “ghosts” out there, but psychologists have identified several common contexts for this behavior.

  • Dating ghosting. Perhaps the most common type, this one happens when someone we’ve been dating, either casually or seriously, suddenly disappears without explanation, leaving a vacuum of unanswered questions. We might be planning the next date or imagining a potential future when, unexpectedly, all communication ceases.
  • Friendship ghosting. Friends can ghost, too! While friendships are often seen as more stable, they are definitely not immune to this painful phenomenon. We might have shared countless memories, secrets, and moments of camaraderie, only to find that our friend has inexplicably gone silent, refusing to reply to messages, calls, or meet-ups. The deep bonds of friendship can make this form of ghosting especially painful.
  • Social media ghosting. These days, online platforms have become the primary mode of interaction for many. Imagine having regular conversations with someone on a social media platform, sharing comments, likes, and virtual laughter, only to have them vanish from your online circle without a hint. They might even block you or deactivate their account, leaving you pondering over what went wrong.
  • Professional ghosting. The workplace is not exempt from the ghosting phenomenon, which happens when a colleague, boss, or business associate suddenly goes silent. Emails go unanswered, project collaborations stall, and the typical office rapport disappears. While sometimes this can be attributed to changing job roles or tasks, it often leaves one feeling perplexed and uncertain about their professional standing.
  • Recruitment ghosting. Job hunting is stressful, and recruitment ghosting — a relatively new variety — only exacerbates the tension. We’ve had a promising interview or perhaps even received a verbal job offer and are mentally preparing for a new chapter when suddenly the prospective employer stops responding. The waiting game begins, with hopes fading as more and more days go by without an answer.
  • Ghosting after a serious relationship. Though this one is more rare (given the profound emotional connections involved) sometimes former partners disappear after years of a committed relationship. The depth and longevity of the relationship can make this ghosting variant particularly devastating, as it's not just the loss of communication but the abrupt end of shared dreams, plans, and deep emotional ties.
  • Casual acquaintance ghosting. Perhaps we’ve struck up a casual rapport with a neighbor, a gym buddy, or someone we met at a seminar. The interactions might have been light and non-committal, but consistent. Yet, one day, they suddenly stop reciprocating the friendly nods or casual chats, leaving us wondering about the change.
  • Family ghosting. Nothing quite compares to the anguish of family ghosting. Whether it's a sibling, a parent, or a close relative, when family ties are severed without explanation, we’re left with a gaping wound. The shared history, emotional ties, and intertwined lives make the silence and distance even more challenging to process.

All About That Ghost

So what should you do when you're faced with sudden radio silence? Experts in psychology suggest the best way forward is to respect the ghoster's decision while also taking care of yourself.

It's vital to be gentle with yourself in these situations. Think of it as a mystery you may never solve, and remind yourself that that's okay. It's not about you — it's about the ghoster's choice to disappear. Ghosting is more reflective of the ghoster than the ghosted. 

Psychologist Gwendolyn Seidman advises that ghosting can lead to self-doubt. But don't let someone else's actions dictate your self-worth. In the end, “it likely tells you something about them and their shortcomings, rather than indicating that the problem lies with you,” she explains.

The Other Side of the Story

Now let's flip the coin: What if you're the one doing the ghosting? And if so, what does that say about you? 

  • Aversion to confrontation. For starters, according to evolutionary psychologist Dr. Douglas T. Kenrick, ghosting often stems from an aversion to confrontation. So, if you've ghosted someone, it's not necessarily that you intended to cause pain — perhaps you were trying to avoid your own emotional discomfort.
  • Trouble with empathy. Moreover, a tendency to ghost might mean that you have trouble understanding or considering the effects of your actions on others — a lack of empathy. If you frequently ghost others, you might be having a hard time stepping into their shoes and understanding the potential pain your disappearing act could cause.
  • Commitment phobia. Commitment phobia can stem from past experiences or traumas, such as a painful breakup, an unhappy family environment, or witnessing problematic relationships. Fear of rejection or abandonment, fear of losing one's individuality, or fear of feeling trapped can also fuel commitment phobia. As a result, it might lead you to abruptly end a relationship rather than to communicate your fears or discomfort. 
  • Avoidant attachment style. Lastly, frequent ghosting might point to a pattern psychologists refer to as an avoidant attachment style. This can stem from various factors, such as past traumas or deeply ingrained beliefs about relationships.

As we've seen, ghosting can leave the other person feeling lost and confused. So, before you go invisible, take a moment to think about the potential fallout.

When Being the Ghost Is the Way to Go

That said, if the person in question has harmed you — or is overly intrusive and won’t take a more subtle hint — it’s a different ballgame. There are times when the no-contact route is not only okay but essential for your mental health — and maybe even your physical safety. In that case, ghost away — no regrets!

Ghosting and Alcohol

Another side to the dynamics of ghosting and its impact has to do with what happens when alcohol enters the picture.

The act of ghosting and the dynamics of alcohol consumption can, at times, become intertwined in a person’s life. Many aspects of our personal and social lives can be influenced by alcohol, including our communication habits and how we handle relationships:

  • Alcohol and impaired judgment. Alcohol is known to impair judgment. This alteration in decision-making can sometimes lead to hasty actions, including ghosting someone without fully realizing the consequences. A person under the influence may decide that avoiding a confrontation or conversation is the best course of action. However, when sobriety returns, the weight of such a decision might bring on feelings of guilt, shame, or regret.
  • Escapism and avoidance. For some, alcohol serves as an escape from the pressures and stresses of daily life. Similarly, ghosting can be an act of escapism — avoiding the emotional effort required in a confrontation or ending a relationship. Both behaviors might be used as coping mechanisms, but neither offers a long-term solution. Instead, they often introduce new complications and challenges.
  • Amplified emotions. Alcohol can amplify emotions. An person might feel slighted or hurt while drinking and decide to ghost as a knee-jerk reaction to these intensified feelings. Unfortunately, this doesn't allow for proper reflection on whether ghosting is the right course of action or if the emotions felt were a temporary booze-fueled spike.
  • The morning after. Alcohol might lead to ghosting, but it can also lead to "un-ghosting." After a few drinks, someone might decide to break their silence and re-initiate contact, driven by heightened emotions or feelings of guilt. This on-and-off communication can be confusing and hurtful to the other party.
  • Sobriety and reflection. For those trying to cut back or quit drinking, recognizing the impact alcohol has on relationships can be pivotal. Without the clouded judgment alcohol brings, we might find it easier to address issues head-on rather than resorting to ghosting. Quitting or cutting back can provide clarity, allowing for more open communication and better understanding of personal boundaries.

Your Ghost-Busting Guide

Here are some ways for dealing with ghosting:

  • Don't take it personally. Ghosting is more about the ghoster than you. Don't blame yourself for their disappearance. Instead, try to consider the ghoster's perspective — they might be dealing with their own struggles.
  • Heal your brain. Recovering from ghosting isn't just about time — it's about neural healing. Activities that promote positive feelings, such as spending time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies, or even seeking therapy, can activate the release of oxytocin and serotonin. These neurotransmitters are associated with feelings of love, happiness, and well-being and can help the brain recover from the neural distress caused by ghosting.
  • Self-care is key. Focus on your well-being. Eat your favorite food, enjoy a walk, or just revel in some alone time. If you’re ready, reach out to friends and family. They're your partners in this game of hide-and-seek.
  • Avoid becoming a ghost. If you're considering ghosting, try to communicate your feelings instead. It's always better to be visible than invisible.
  • Celebrate your resilience. Remember, someone else’s actions don’t define you — your resilience does. Every experience — including being ghosted — is a part of your life journey.
  • Digital detox. If the ghosting happened online, consider a digital detox to distance yourself from the incident. This break can give you some time and space to heal and allows for re-evaluation and a fresh start when you feel ready to reconnect.
  • Laugh it off. Humor can be a powerful coping mechanism, as many studies suggest. Watch a comedy show, share a joke with friends, or just reminisce about funny moments in your life.
  • Cognitive restructuring. This involves changing negative thought patterns — a technique known as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Recognize your negative thoughts, challenge them, and replace them with positive ones. 

Try Bibliotherapy

Finally, dive into books or literature on self-growth, relationships, or resilience. Why? Literature offers solace, guidance, and sometimes, the exact words or wisdom needed to navigate through challenging times. Here are a few examples that can help with the aftermath of ghosting:

1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

This book explores attachment theory, helping readers understand their own attachment styles and how they play out in relationships. It can offer insights into why some people ghost and how to deal with it based on your own attachment style.

2. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love by Helen Fisher

Fisher, an anthropologist, explores the biological basis of love and attachment. Understanding the science behind our feelings can sometimes alleviate the personal blame or confusion experienced after being ghosted.

3. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

While not strictly about ghosting or relationships, this book touches on self-worth, acceptance, and mindfulness. It can help readers cope with the feelings of rejection and abandonment that ghosting often induces.

4. Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships by Marni Feuerman

As the title suggests, this book delves specifically into the phenomenon of ghosting and breadcrumbing in relationships. Feuerman offers insights into why people engage in such behaviors and how to navigate them.

5. Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang

A different take on the concept of rejection, Jiang's experiments with seeking out rejection can be empowering for anyone struggling with the feelings of being ghosted.

Embrace the Journey

So, there you have it — the world of ghosting, its roots, impacts, and what it says about us. Let's face it: navigating the realm of relationships can sometimes feel like maneuvering through a maze with moving walls. Ghosting, with its lingering questions and lack of closure, can be one such unexpected twist. But here's the bright side: for every ghosting incident, there's a chance to grow, to understand, and most importantly, to connect more genuinely the next time around.

Instead of seeing ghosting as a dead-end, view it as a detour leading to newer, more vibrant paths of connection. Maybe it's an opportunity to rediscover old friendships, to indulge in that hobby you'd shelved, or simply to get to know yourself a bit better. Remember, it's not the ghosts of the past but the adventures of the present and future that define us!

There’s an episode of Friends that shows “ghosting” in action: Monica and Phoebe try to steer clear of their irritating friend Amanda by dodging her calls — a plan that backfires when an unsuspecting Chandler picks up the phone and gives them away.

In real life, ghosting — which happens when someone abruptly cuts off all forms of personal communication without any explanation — is much less amusing and far more painful. The digital age seems to have provided fertile ground for ghosting to thrive. Unfortunately, it’s happened to many of us. You’re in touch with someone, maybe texting back and forth or saying hi on social media, and then — poof! — out of nowhere, the contact stops. It's as if they've slipped into a digital invisibility cloak and vanished into thin air!

But what happens in our brains when we're ghosted? And what's going on in the minds of those doing the ghosting? Let’s explore the psychology and neuroscience of ghosting and consider how to deal with the eerie silence that ghosting leaves in its wake. Ready to spot some ghosts?

The History of “Ghosts”

Although ghosting might feel like a fresh menace of the digital era, scientists who study human behavior have been familiar with this pattern for quite some time. Research by Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences, shows that social ostracism — including behaviors like ghosting — have been around for ages. We can’t blame the internet — ghosting is not as new-fangled as we thought!

The Neuroscience of Ghosting

It’s also important to note that ghosting has a basis in neuroscience — the behaviors, emotions, and reactions involved in ghosting can be traced back to specific neural mechanisms in the brain. 

When someone experiences ghosting, it often feels like a rejection, and rejection can hurt — literally. Studies have shown that the brain responds to social rejection in a way similar to physical pain. The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), a region of the brain involved in pain perception, activates when we feel socially rejected.

In ghosting, the lack of closure and the sudden disappearance of someone we are used to having in our lives can amplify this pain, as the brain struggles to make sense of what happened. The uncertainty and ambiguity can lead to continuous activation of this pain response, causing lingering discomfort.

On the other side of ghosting, the ghoster's brain is also at play. The decision to ghost may be influenced by several neural processes, including:

  • Avoidance of negative emotions. The amygdala, involved in processing emotions (including fear) might prompt a potential “ghost” to avoid confrontation or uncomfortable situations. Ghosting, in this sense, may be a way to avoid the anticipated anxiety or emotional discomfort of a face-to-face conversation.
  • Lack of empathy. A deficiency in empathy could also lead to ghosting. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others is largely governed by the mirror neuron system. If this system is faulty, a person may have difficulty recognizing the emotional impact of their actions, including ghosting.
  • Decision-making and impulsivity. The prefrontal cortex — responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and ethical reasoning — also plays a role. An impulsive decision to ghost might occur if there's an imbalance in this region of the brain. Likewise, the lack of ethical reasoning might cause someone to disregard social norms and the potential hurt that ghosting can cause.

Ghosting and Dopamine

In the context of romantic relationships, ghosting may also be linked to dopamine — the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. During the early stages of a relationship, dopamine levels are typically high, creating a feeling of excitement and pleasure. However, as the novelty wears off, the reduction in dopamine can lead to a lack of interest or desire to continue the relationship, leading some individuals to ghost. (Ever meet someone on Tinder, go out on a few dates, and suddenly get radio silence on the other end? It’s annoying, but unfortunately it happens — a lot).

Spot the Ghost

There are many types of “ghosts” out there, but psychologists have identified several common contexts for this behavior.

  • Dating ghosting. Perhaps the most common type, this one happens when someone we’ve been dating, either casually or seriously, suddenly disappears without explanation, leaving a vacuum of unanswered questions. We might be planning the next date or imagining a potential future when, unexpectedly, all communication ceases.
  • Friendship ghosting. Friends can ghost, too! While friendships are often seen as more stable, they are definitely not immune to this painful phenomenon. We might have shared countless memories, secrets, and moments of camaraderie, only to find that our friend has inexplicably gone silent, refusing to reply to messages, calls, or meet-ups. The deep bonds of friendship can make this form of ghosting especially painful.
  • Social media ghosting. These days, online platforms have become the primary mode of interaction for many. Imagine having regular conversations with someone on a social media platform, sharing comments, likes, and virtual laughter, only to have them vanish from your online circle without a hint. They might even block you or deactivate their account, leaving you pondering over what went wrong.
  • Professional ghosting. The workplace is not exempt from the ghosting phenomenon, which happens when a colleague, boss, or business associate suddenly goes silent. Emails go unanswered, project collaborations stall, and the typical office rapport disappears. While sometimes this can be attributed to changing job roles or tasks, it often leaves one feeling perplexed and uncertain about their professional standing.
  • Recruitment ghosting. Job hunting is stressful, and recruitment ghosting — a relatively new variety — only exacerbates the tension. We’ve had a promising interview or perhaps even received a verbal job offer and are mentally preparing for a new chapter when suddenly the prospective employer stops responding. The waiting game begins, with hopes fading as more and more days go by without an answer.
  • Ghosting after a serious relationship. Though this one is more rare (given the profound emotional connections involved) sometimes former partners disappear after years of a committed relationship. The depth and longevity of the relationship can make this ghosting variant particularly devastating, as it's not just the loss of communication but the abrupt end of shared dreams, plans, and deep emotional ties.
  • Casual acquaintance ghosting. Perhaps we’ve struck up a casual rapport with a neighbor, a gym buddy, or someone we met at a seminar. The interactions might have been light and non-committal, but consistent. Yet, one day, they suddenly stop reciprocating the friendly nods or casual chats, leaving us wondering about the change.
  • Family ghosting. Nothing quite compares to the anguish of family ghosting. Whether it's a sibling, a parent, or a close relative, when family ties are severed without explanation, we’re left with a gaping wound. The shared history, emotional ties, and intertwined lives make the silence and distance even more challenging to process.

All About That Ghost

So what should you do when you're faced with sudden radio silence? Experts in psychology suggest the best way forward is to respect the ghoster's decision while also taking care of yourself.

It's vital to be gentle with yourself in these situations. Think of it as a mystery you may never solve, and remind yourself that that's okay. It's not about you — it's about the ghoster's choice to disappear. Ghosting is more reflective of the ghoster than the ghosted. 

Psychologist Gwendolyn Seidman advises that ghosting can lead to self-doubt. But don't let someone else's actions dictate your self-worth. In the end, “it likely tells you something about them and their shortcomings, rather than indicating that the problem lies with you,” she explains.

The Other Side of the Story

Now let's flip the coin: What if you're the one doing the ghosting? And if so, what does that say about you? 

  • Aversion to confrontation. For starters, according to evolutionary psychologist Dr. Douglas T. Kenrick, ghosting often stems from an aversion to confrontation. So, if you've ghosted someone, it's not necessarily that you intended to cause pain — perhaps you were trying to avoid your own emotional discomfort.
  • Trouble with empathy. Moreover, a tendency to ghost might mean that you have trouble understanding or considering the effects of your actions on others — a lack of empathy. If you frequently ghost others, you might be having a hard time stepping into their shoes and understanding the potential pain your disappearing act could cause.
  • Commitment phobia. Commitment phobia can stem from past experiences or traumas, such as a painful breakup, an unhappy family environment, or witnessing problematic relationships. Fear of rejection or abandonment, fear of losing one's individuality, or fear of feeling trapped can also fuel commitment phobia. As a result, it might lead you to abruptly end a relationship rather than to communicate your fears or discomfort. 
  • Avoidant attachment style. Lastly, frequent ghosting might point to a pattern psychologists refer to as an avoidant attachment style. This can stem from various factors, such as past traumas or deeply ingrained beliefs about relationships.

As we've seen, ghosting can leave the other person feeling lost and confused. So, before you go invisible, take a moment to think about the potential fallout.

When Being the Ghost Is the Way to Go

That said, if the person in question has harmed you — or is overly intrusive and won’t take a more subtle hint — it’s a different ballgame. There are times when the no-contact route is not only okay but essential for your mental health — and maybe even your physical safety. In that case, ghost away — no regrets!

Ghosting and Alcohol

Another side to the dynamics of ghosting and its impact has to do with what happens when alcohol enters the picture.

The act of ghosting and the dynamics of alcohol consumption can, at times, become intertwined in a person’s life. Many aspects of our personal and social lives can be influenced by alcohol, including our communication habits and how we handle relationships:

  • Alcohol and impaired judgment. Alcohol is known to impair judgment. This alteration in decision-making can sometimes lead to hasty actions, including ghosting someone without fully realizing the consequences. A person under the influence may decide that avoiding a confrontation or conversation is the best course of action. However, when sobriety returns, the weight of such a decision might bring on feelings of guilt, shame, or regret.
  • Escapism and avoidance. For some, alcohol serves as an escape from the pressures and stresses of daily life. Similarly, ghosting can be an act of escapism — avoiding the emotional effort required in a confrontation or ending a relationship. Both behaviors might be used as coping mechanisms, but neither offers a long-term solution. Instead, they often introduce new complications and challenges.
  • Amplified emotions. Alcohol can amplify emotions. An person might feel slighted or hurt while drinking and decide to ghost as a knee-jerk reaction to these intensified feelings. Unfortunately, this doesn't allow for proper reflection on whether ghosting is the right course of action or if the emotions felt were a temporary booze-fueled spike.
  • The morning after. Alcohol might lead to ghosting, but it can also lead to "un-ghosting." After a few drinks, someone might decide to break their silence and re-initiate contact, driven by heightened emotions or feelings of guilt. This on-and-off communication can be confusing and hurtful to the other party.
  • Sobriety and reflection. For those trying to cut back or quit drinking, recognizing the impact alcohol has on relationships can be pivotal. Without the clouded judgment alcohol brings, we might find it easier to address issues head-on rather than resorting to ghosting. Quitting or cutting back can provide clarity, allowing for more open communication and better understanding of personal boundaries.

Your Ghost-Busting Guide

Here are some ways for dealing with ghosting:

  • Don't take it personally. Ghosting is more about the ghoster than you. Don't blame yourself for their disappearance. Instead, try to consider the ghoster's perspective — they might be dealing with their own struggles.
  • Heal your brain. Recovering from ghosting isn't just about time — it's about neural healing. Activities that promote positive feelings, such as spending time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies, or even seeking therapy, can activate the release of oxytocin and serotonin. These neurotransmitters are associated with feelings of love, happiness, and well-being and can help the brain recover from the neural distress caused by ghosting.
  • Self-care is key. Focus on your well-being. Eat your favorite food, enjoy a walk, or just revel in some alone time. If you’re ready, reach out to friends and family. They're your partners in this game of hide-and-seek.
  • Avoid becoming a ghost. If you're considering ghosting, try to communicate your feelings instead. It's always better to be visible than invisible.
  • Celebrate your resilience. Remember, someone else’s actions don’t define you — your resilience does. Every experience — including being ghosted — is a part of your life journey.
  • Digital detox. If the ghosting happened online, consider a digital detox to distance yourself from the incident. This break can give you some time and space to heal and allows for re-evaluation and a fresh start when you feel ready to reconnect.
  • Laugh it off. Humor can be a powerful coping mechanism, as many studies suggest. Watch a comedy show, share a joke with friends, or just reminisce about funny moments in your life.
  • Cognitive restructuring. This involves changing negative thought patterns — a technique known as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Recognize your negative thoughts, challenge them, and replace them with positive ones. 

Try Bibliotherapy

Finally, dive into books or literature on self-growth, relationships, or resilience. Why? Literature offers solace, guidance, and sometimes, the exact words or wisdom needed to navigate through challenging times. Here are a few examples that can help with the aftermath of ghosting:

1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

This book explores attachment theory, helping readers understand their own attachment styles and how they play out in relationships. It can offer insights into why some people ghost and how to deal with it based on your own attachment style.

2. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love by Helen Fisher

Fisher, an anthropologist, explores the biological basis of love and attachment. Understanding the science behind our feelings can sometimes alleviate the personal blame or confusion experienced after being ghosted.

3. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

While not strictly about ghosting or relationships, this book touches on self-worth, acceptance, and mindfulness. It can help readers cope with the feelings of rejection and abandonment that ghosting often induces.

4. Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships by Marni Feuerman

As the title suggests, this book delves specifically into the phenomenon of ghosting and breadcrumbing in relationships. Feuerman offers insights into why people engage in such behaviors and how to navigate them.

5. Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang

A different take on the concept of rejection, Jiang's experiments with seeking out rejection can be empowering for anyone struggling with the feelings of being ghosted.

Embrace the Journey

So, there you have it — the world of ghosting, its roots, impacts, and what it says about us. Let's face it: navigating the realm of relationships can sometimes feel like maneuvering through a maze with moving walls. Ghosting, with its lingering questions and lack of closure, can be one such unexpected twist. But here's the bright side: for every ghosting incident, there's a chance to grow, to understand, and most importantly, to connect more genuinely the next time around.

Instead of seeing ghosting as a dead-end, view it as a detour leading to newer, more vibrant paths of connection. Maybe it's an opportunity to rediscover old friendships, to indulge in that hobby you'd shelved, or simply to get to know yourself a bit better. Remember, it's not the ghosts of the past but the adventures of the present and future that define us!

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Anxiety and ADHD: What's the Link (and How To Cope)
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Learn about the powerful link between anxiety and ADHD — how they intertwine, share symptoms, and impact brain chemistry. Don't get caught in the vicious cycle of using alcohol as a temporary escape. Instead, explore practical strategies to cope and break free. The time to reclaim control and create a healthier life is now!

8 min read
Read Full Article  →

Our mind is like a bustling train station during rush hour. Thoughts and worries zoom by like trains on their tracks, each one vying for our attention. Now try adding ADHD into the mix — that’s like having an extra set of tracks with trains moving at lightning speed. It can be incredibly challenging to focus on just one train of thought amid this chaos.

To make matters more complicated, anxiety often shows up at this overcrowded station. It's like a train conductor who constantly blows the whistle of worry and doubt, making peace harder to find.

In an attempt to find relief from this overwhelming mental traffic jam, some of us with ADHD turn to drinking as a coping mechanism. Sometimes it can feel like finding a secret tunnel that temporarily transports us away from the hustle and bustle of our racing thoughts.

By understanding the interconnections between anxiety, ADHD, and our drinking habits, we can break free from this cycle. Together, we'll explore effective coping strategies and actionable changes to reduce stress and cut back on drinking.

The Anxiety-ADHD Connection

The nature of ADHD often makes day-to-day life stressful, creating situations and environments fraught with uncertainty — anxiety’s primary fuel.

It’s no surprise, then, that anxiety and ADHD often go hand in hand. This could be due to the challenges we face in managing our symptoms — which can include inattentiveness, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.

ADHD and anxiety disorders frequently occur together — in fact, 50% of us with ADHD will also have one or more anxiety disorders. ADHD and anxiety are linked for several other reasons:

  • Similar symptoms. Several symptoms of ADHD and anxiety overlap, such as difficulty socializing, fidgeting, inattentiveness, and working slowly or failing to complete work on time. What’s more, anxiety is considered a symptom of ADHD — making it more difficult to determine which is which.
  • Brain chemistry. ADHD can worsen anxiety symptoms because of its impact on brain chemistry. In ADHD, the brain has trouble making dopamine and serotonin in a consistent manner, which can lead to anxiety.
  • Genetics. Research indicates that certain genes may explain the link between ADHD and anxiety, as well as the link between ADHD and depression.
  • Thought patterns. ADHD thought patterns, like those tied to perfectionism and self-regulation, can stoke feelings of anxiety and disrupt our lives.

It can be difficult to differentiate between anxiety and ADHD, as the two conditions can appear similar. It’s not uncommon for those who have anxiety to have an incorrect diagnosis around ADHD. If ADHD or anxiety are disrupting your life or relationships, it’s a good idea to talk to a healthcare professional or therapist about it.

The Vicious Cycle of Drinking

Just imagine trying to focus on a task while your mind is racing with anxious thoughts of what might go wrong. This constant mental strain can lead those of us with ADHD to seek short-lived relief in drinking.

Alcohol may provide temporary relief from anxiety symptoms for those of us with ADHD. It can help us relax and quiet our racing thoughts. However, relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism creates a vicious cycle that can become problematic.

Let's say you have an important presentation coming up that triggers your anxiety. You decide to have a few drinks the night before to calm your nerves. While it may temporarily alleviate your anxiety, it also impairs your cognitive abilities the next day. This makes it even harder for you to focus and manage your ADHD symptoms effectively.

What’s more, in the long run, alcohol makes anxiety worse.

Coping Strategies for Anxiety and ADHD

Anxiety and ADHD can influence our drinking habits. Here are some ways to cope with anxiety and ADHD, especially when you want to cut back on drinking:

  • Make space for you. Finding healthy outlets for managing stress and emotions — like exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness practices — can help.
  • Note your environment. Remove temptations in the household that might drive you to drink. Get rid of stimuli — sounds, clutter, and the like — that may distract you.
  • Behavior swap. Look for replacement behaviors: swap a drink for a nutritious snack, a mocktail, or tea; try mindful breathing or listen to calming music when you feel anxious; dance to a good beat; take your dog for a walk.
  • Observe your drinking. Notice patterns with your drinking. If you are concerned about your drinking, talk with your doctor. They may recommend a number of treatments to help you stop drinking while managing your ADHD symptoms.
  • Meditation. Engaging in mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce both anxiety symptoms and ADHD-related impairments. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment, helping us break free from the cycle of anxiety and alcohol.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is a powerful therapeutic approach that can help identify and challenge our negative thought patterns. Working with a therapist, we can learn new coping skills to manage anxiety and ADHD symptoms, reducing the need for alcohol as a crutch.
  • Exercise. Movement has been proven to reduce anxiety symptoms and improve attention in individuals with ADHD. Regular exercise releases endorphins, which boost our mood and help us feel more in control of our emotions.

It’s important to note that in the short term, alcohol may appear to be a solution to the restlessness and anxiety often associated with ADHD, but heavy alcohol consumption over a prolonged period of time can actually intensify symptoms of ADHD.

Building a Support Network

Remember, you don't have to face this journey alone! Building a support network can make all the difference when it comes to reducing stress and cutting back on drinking.

Reach out to friends or family members who understand your struggles, or consider joining support groups specifically tailored for individuals with ADHD or anxiety — like the community you’ll find at Reframe.

Sharing experiences, seeking advice, and receiving encouragement from others who have walked a similar path can be incredibly empowering.

Remember, it's okay to ask for help and lean on others for support. Together, we can break free from the cycle of anxiety and alcohol and create a happier, healthier life. You've got this!

Take Control and Reclaim Your Health With Reframe

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you have nothing to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Our mind is like a bustling train station during rush hour. Thoughts and worries zoom by like trains on their tracks, each one vying for our attention. Now try adding ADHD into the mix — that’s like having an extra set of tracks with trains moving at lightning speed. It can be incredibly challenging to focus on just one train of thought amid this chaos.

To make matters more complicated, anxiety often shows up at this overcrowded station. It's like a train conductor who constantly blows the whistle of worry and doubt, making peace harder to find.

In an attempt to find relief from this overwhelming mental traffic jam, some of us with ADHD turn to drinking as a coping mechanism. Sometimes it can feel like finding a secret tunnel that temporarily transports us away from the hustle and bustle of our racing thoughts.

By understanding the interconnections between anxiety, ADHD, and our drinking habits, we can break free from this cycle. Together, we'll explore effective coping strategies and actionable changes to reduce stress and cut back on drinking.

The Anxiety-ADHD Connection

The nature of ADHD often makes day-to-day life stressful, creating situations and environments fraught with uncertainty — anxiety’s primary fuel.

It’s no surprise, then, that anxiety and ADHD often go hand in hand. This could be due to the challenges we face in managing our symptoms — which can include inattentiveness, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.

ADHD and anxiety disorders frequently occur together — in fact, 50% of us with ADHD will also have one or more anxiety disorders. ADHD and anxiety are linked for several other reasons:

  • Similar symptoms. Several symptoms of ADHD and anxiety overlap, such as difficulty socializing, fidgeting, inattentiveness, and working slowly or failing to complete work on time. What’s more, anxiety is considered a symptom of ADHD — making it more difficult to determine which is which.
  • Brain chemistry. ADHD can worsen anxiety symptoms because of its impact on brain chemistry. In ADHD, the brain has trouble making dopamine and serotonin in a consistent manner, which can lead to anxiety.
  • Genetics. Research indicates that certain genes may explain the link between ADHD and anxiety, as well as the link between ADHD and depression.
  • Thought patterns. ADHD thought patterns, like those tied to perfectionism and self-regulation, can stoke feelings of anxiety and disrupt our lives.

It can be difficult to differentiate between anxiety and ADHD, as the two conditions can appear similar. It’s not uncommon for those who have anxiety to have an incorrect diagnosis around ADHD. If ADHD or anxiety are disrupting your life or relationships, it’s a good idea to talk to a healthcare professional or therapist about it.

The Vicious Cycle of Drinking

Just imagine trying to focus on a task while your mind is racing with anxious thoughts of what might go wrong. This constant mental strain can lead those of us with ADHD to seek short-lived relief in drinking.

Alcohol may provide temporary relief from anxiety symptoms for those of us with ADHD. It can help us relax and quiet our racing thoughts. However, relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism creates a vicious cycle that can become problematic.

Let's say you have an important presentation coming up that triggers your anxiety. You decide to have a few drinks the night before to calm your nerves. While it may temporarily alleviate your anxiety, it also impairs your cognitive abilities the next day. This makes it even harder for you to focus and manage your ADHD symptoms effectively.

What’s more, in the long run, alcohol makes anxiety worse.

Coping Strategies for Anxiety and ADHD

Anxiety and ADHD can influence our drinking habits. Here are some ways to cope with anxiety and ADHD, especially when you want to cut back on drinking:

  • Make space for you. Finding healthy outlets for managing stress and emotions — like exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness practices — can help.
  • Note your environment. Remove temptations in the household that might drive you to drink. Get rid of stimuli — sounds, clutter, and the like — that may distract you.
  • Behavior swap. Look for replacement behaviors: swap a drink for a nutritious snack, a mocktail, or tea; try mindful breathing or listen to calming music when you feel anxious; dance to a good beat; take your dog for a walk.
  • Observe your drinking. Notice patterns with your drinking. If you are concerned about your drinking, talk with your doctor. They may recommend a number of treatments to help you stop drinking while managing your ADHD symptoms.
  • Meditation. Engaging in mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce both anxiety symptoms and ADHD-related impairments. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment, helping us break free from the cycle of anxiety and alcohol.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is a powerful therapeutic approach that can help identify and challenge our negative thought patterns. Working with a therapist, we can learn new coping skills to manage anxiety and ADHD symptoms, reducing the need for alcohol as a crutch.
  • Exercise. Movement has been proven to reduce anxiety symptoms and improve attention in individuals with ADHD. Regular exercise releases endorphins, which boost our mood and help us feel more in control of our emotions.

It’s important to note that in the short term, alcohol may appear to be a solution to the restlessness and anxiety often associated with ADHD, but heavy alcohol consumption over a prolonged period of time can actually intensify symptoms of ADHD.

Building a Support Network

Remember, you don't have to face this journey alone! Building a support network can make all the difference when it comes to reducing stress and cutting back on drinking.

Reach out to friends or family members who understand your struggles, or consider joining support groups specifically tailored for individuals with ADHD or anxiety — like the community you’ll find at Reframe.

Sharing experiences, seeking advice, and receiving encouragement from others who have walked a similar path can be incredibly empowering.

Remember, it's okay to ask for help and lean on others for support. Together, we can break free from the cycle of anxiety and alcohol and create a happier, healthier life. You've got this!

Take Control and Reclaim Your Health With Reframe

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).

The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you have nothing to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Alcohol and Mental Health
2023-07-11 9:00
Alcohol and Mental Health
Anxiety Poops, Anyone? Here's Why They Happen and What To Do About Them
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Ever have to, ahem, run to the restroom before a big interview? Discover the brain-gut connection behind this natural response to anxiety. From mindful eating to meditation, our latest blog offers practical steps to manage stress and improve your overall well-being. Remember, taking care of our gut is taking care of our brain!

8 min read
Read Full Article  →

We've all been there: just before that big presentation, we’re hit by a sudden urge to run to the restroom.

It’s not just your imagination! It’s your gut — your “second brain” — reacting to your emotions.

Anxiety sometimes results in an urgent need for the bathroom, an effect colloquially known as "anxiety poops.” Understanding this response, as well as the brain-gut connection, can help us manage it and avoid discomfort or embarrassment.

The Brain-Gut Connection

We're all hosts to an incredibly complex ecosystem in our gut, our intestinal microbiome, which communicates with our brain constantly.

Anxiety or stress can impact our gut health, and conversely, problems in our gut can influence our mood or state of mind. When we're anxious, our brains go into fight-or-flight mode, triggering reactions in the gut. One reaction? Increased bowel movements.

The GI tract isn't just for digesting food. Our gut has its own nervous system, the enteric nervous system (ENS), and it produces about 95% of our serotonin. Serotonin is a crucial neurotransmitter and hormone that affects our mood.

Our bodies, in response to stress, produce serotonin and other hormones which speed up our heart rate, blood pressure, and digestion — all of which contribute to more frequent trips to the bathroom.

Further, this uptick of serotonin in our gut causes spasms throughout our entire colon, which can produce unexpected bowel movements.

When we’re anxious, our vagus nerve — a cranial nerve that carries extensive signals from the gut to the brain — is also activated. This could also contribute to increased activity in the bowels.

Turns out, needing the bathroom before a big stressor is perfectly natural. It’s our body's way of preparing for "danger"— even if that danger is merely a stressful situation.

Having to use the bathroom — or “anxiety poops” — are a physical symptom of anxiety that can cause diarrhea, constipation, abdominal pain, and nausea. When this response is chronic, anxiety poops can be a sign of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), which can be aggravated by periods of high stress and anxiety.

Harnessing the Power of the Gut-Brain Axis

Understanding the gut-brain axis helps us realize that its unwanted effects on our digestive system are normal.

If you experience these symptoms regularly, here are some steps to take to calm your gut, such as prioritizing calming or relaxing activities.

  1. Balanced eating. Pay attention to what and how you’re eating. Stress eating or consuming foods that irritate the gut can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Healthy diets, rich in fiber and probiotics, can contribute to a happier gut, which can in turn, help manage anxiety.
  2. Ample hydration. Drinking enough water, combined with a balanced diet, works to keep your gut healthy.
  3. Regular exercise: Exercise has been proven to help manage stress levels and improve gut health. It doesn't have to be intense — a simple walk in the park or 15-minute yoga can make a difference.
  4. Mindfulness practices. These practices can help us manage our stress response, reducing our anxiety levels. Mindfulness encourages us to stay present and can significantly improve our emotional well-being.
  5. Good sleep. Lack of sleep can contribute to stress and negatively affect our gut health. Prioritizing good sleep hygiene is essential for managing anxiety.
  6. Cut back on drinking. Alcohol disrupts the gut microbiome, increasing the number of harmful bacteria and decreasing the good. Over time, this can lead to inflammation and an altered immune response, increasing the risk of anxiety and depression.

If anxiety and its GI effects become overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. There are treatments out there — cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be incredibly effective in managing anxiety disorders.

It’s also important to speak with a healthcare professional to rule out any underlying medical conditions.

The Takeaway

Anxiety poops happen to the best of us. Remember that taking care of our gut is taking care of our brain! By harnessing the power of the gut-brain axis, we're taking a crucial step towards managing our anxiety and reducing its physical manifestations. Cheers to your health!

Take the Reins and Thrive With Reframe

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

We've all been there: just before that big presentation, we’re hit by a sudden urge to run to the restroom.

It’s not just your imagination! It’s your gut — your “second brain” — reacting to your emotions.

Anxiety sometimes results in an urgent need for the bathroom, an effect colloquially known as "anxiety poops.” Understanding this response, as well as the brain-gut connection, can help us manage it and avoid discomfort or embarrassment.

The Brain-Gut Connection

We're all hosts to an incredibly complex ecosystem in our gut, our intestinal microbiome, which communicates with our brain constantly.

Anxiety or stress can impact our gut health, and conversely, problems in our gut can influence our mood or state of mind. When we're anxious, our brains go into fight-or-flight mode, triggering reactions in the gut. One reaction? Increased bowel movements.

The GI tract isn't just for digesting food. Our gut has its own nervous system, the enteric nervous system (ENS), and it produces about 95% of our serotonin. Serotonin is a crucial neurotransmitter and hormone that affects our mood.

Our bodies, in response to stress, produce serotonin and other hormones which speed up our heart rate, blood pressure, and digestion — all of which contribute to more frequent trips to the bathroom.

Further, this uptick of serotonin in our gut causes spasms throughout our entire colon, which can produce unexpected bowel movements.

When we’re anxious, our vagus nerve — a cranial nerve that carries extensive signals from the gut to the brain — is also activated. This could also contribute to increased activity in the bowels.

Turns out, needing the bathroom before a big stressor is perfectly natural. It’s our body's way of preparing for "danger"— even if that danger is merely a stressful situation.

Having to use the bathroom — or “anxiety poops” — are a physical symptom of anxiety that can cause diarrhea, constipation, abdominal pain, and nausea. When this response is chronic, anxiety poops can be a sign of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), which can be aggravated by periods of high stress and anxiety.

Harnessing the Power of the Gut-Brain Axis

Understanding the gut-brain axis helps us realize that its unwanted effects on our digestive system are normal.

If you experience these symptoms regularly, here are some steps to take to calm your gut, such as prioritizing calming or relaxing activities.

  1. Balanced eating. Pay attention to what and how you’re eating. Stress eating or consuming foods that irritate the gut can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Healthy diets, rich in fiber and probiotics, can contribute to a happier gut, which can in turn, help manage anxiety.
  2. Ample hydration. Drinking enough water, combined with a balanced diet, works to keep your gut healthy.
  3. Regular exercise: Exercise has been proven to help manage stress levels and improve gut health. It doesn't have to be intense — a simple walk in the park or 15-minute yoga can make a difference.
  4. Mindfulness practices. These practices can help us manage our stress response, reducing our anxiety levels. Mindfulness encourages us to stay present and can significantly improve our emotional well-being.
  5. Good sleep. Lack of sleep can contribute to stress and negatively affect our gut health. Prioritizing good sleep hygiene is essential for managing anxiety.
  6. Cut back on drinking. Alcohol disrupts the gut microbiome, increasing the number of harmful bacteria and decreasing the good. Over time, this can lead to inflammation and an altered immune response, increasing the risk of anxiety and depression.

If anxiety and its GI effects become overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. There are treatments out there — cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be incredibly effective in managing anxiety disorders.

It’s also important to speak with a healthcare professional to rule out any underlying medical conditions.

The Takeaway

Anxiety poops happen to the best of us. Remember that taking care of our gut is taking care of our brain! By harnessing the power of the gut-brain axis, we're taking a crucial step towards managing our anxiety and reducing its physical manifestations. Cheers to your health!

Take the Reins and Thrive With Reframe

Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!

The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.

You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.

Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.

And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!

Alcohol and Mental Health