The 4 Stages of Living Alcohol-Free
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Think about the last time you tried something new. Maybe you tried a new exercise class, sport or game, or decided to pick up an instrument or learn a new language. Whatever it was, we can probably all agree that learning a new skill takes time, patience, and practice. We’re bound to make mistakes as we go. But these mistakes ultimately help us get better.
Learning not to drink alcohol (and living an alcohol free life) after years of regular drinking is much like developing a new skill: it also takes time, patience, and practice. We’ll likely go through different phases and experience a wide range of emotions — from triumph and joy to frustration and disappointment.
This is completely normal! In fact, film theorist Nöel Burch proposed that to acquire any new skill, we go through four stages before we reach a place of “mastery.” These stages can also be applied to the process of learning to live an alcohol-free life: it might be full of ups and downs, and trials and errors, but we can master it. Let’s take a closer look at these stages below.
Any time we learn something new, it usually starts from a place of “I don’t know what I don’t know,” where we’re “asleep” without any conscious or unconscious awareness. This is especially true when it comes to cutting back on drinking alcohol. At this stage, we tend to live in a state of ignorant bliss, unaware of our need to cut back on our drinking.
We believe that alcohol provides us pleasure and comfort, and we drink as much and as often as we like. The idea of learning to live an alcohol-free life isn’t even on our radar.
The second stage starts with “I know what I don’t know,” where we become aware of the need to cut back on drinking alcohol. However, even though we realize that alcohol might be negatively affecting us, we usually subconsciously continue to believe that alcohol provides certain benefits. This can create a lot of inner turmoil and tension, as part of us thinks, “I need to make a change,” but another part of us just isn’t ready.
This can be a particularly difficult stage: we’re constantly being pulled in two different directions, which can cause frustration, discomfort, and agony. Furthermore, we might be overcome with shame and guilt when our efforts to cut back on alcohol don’t appear to be working. But, as with any new skill, the slip ups and setbacks are all part of the learning process.
This is the “I know what I know” stage, when we’re not only fully aware of the need to cut back on alcohol, but we become capable of doing so. The frustration and pain from the previous stage are slowly replaced by conscious effort and self-discipline, allowing us to take actionable steps toward reducing or stopping our alcohol consumption.
However, in this stage, we still might have the feeling that we’re missing out on something by not drinking alcohol. Although we’re consciously changing our behavior, we might still wrestle with underlying beliefs about alcohol, which can lead to feelings of deprivation that require conscious effort to manage. In fact, this stage often requires significant mental effort and willpower due to the misalignment between conscious and subconscious desires. It wouldn’t be unusual for us to feel exhausted or drained from the energy we’re putting towards not drinking.
The fourth and final stage is the “I can forget what I know,” when not-drinking requires little to no conscious mental effort. In other words, we have mastered the skill of living an alcohol-free life.
In this stage, our old beliefs about alcohol have been replaced by a new set of beliefs rooted in the detrimental effects of alcohol. In other words, on both the conscious and subconscious level, we no longer believe that alcohol has much to offer us. The inner tension we used to experience has dissolved, and abstaining has become second nature: there’s no questioning whether we should drink or not.
While we go through these four stages of learning, try to remember that setbacks are normal — and trial and error is inevitable. If we’ve grown accustomed to drinking on a regular basis, we can’t expect to become alcohol-free overnight. But there are certain things we can do to help ourselves through this process. Here are some tips:
Finally, consider joining Reframe. We’ve helped millions of people change their relationship with alcohol and lead healthier lives. Plus we connect with you other like-minded individuals who are on a similar journey toward better health and wellness. You don’t have to go through this process alone!
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Reframe supports you in reducing alcohol consumption and enhancing your well-being.