How to Help a Drunk Friend: A Step-by-Step Guide

Your usual get-togethers have started to feel… different. You've noticed your friend gulping down drinks, and later, they don’t remember much of your conversation. It leaves you with a knot in your stomach, wondering if you’re overreacting. Handling a drunk friend is incredibly difficult, and the fear of saying the wrong thing can be paralyzing. You just want to help, but you don't know how. This guide will walk you through what to do, from managing the immediate situation to approaching a more serious conversation with care.

You’re starting to get concerned and want to be a good friend, but don’t know where or how to start. You don’t even know if you should start. Is this something they can manage on their own, or can you do something to help? 

In this post, we’ll explore how to talk to a friend about their drinking (and how to confront an alcoholic). We’ll also offer tips for what we can do to help an alcoholic friend. Let’s dive in!

Is Your Friend Drinking Too Much?

Sadly, for many people, drinking is an ordinary part of life. Alcohol’s effects vary widely from person to person, so it’s not always easy to tell if someone’s alcohol intake has crossed the line from responsible, social drinking to alcohol misuse. 

While there’s no specific amount of alcohol that indicates someone is struggling with alcohol, certain signs indicate that they might need help. Here are some of them: 

• Inability to control their drinking. Someone struggling with alcohol misuse is unable to control their drinking. Alcohol becomes the center of their world. If our friend can’t leave their drink unfinished, or if they seem unable to reduce their alcohol consumption, they most likely are misusing alcohol.
• Their drinking has increased. A telltale sign that someone is struggling with alcohol is an increase in the amount they’re consuming. For instance, maybe our friend started out having one drink a day, but now they’re drinking several glasses of wine a day. Or perhaps they’re drinking at odd times of the day. Changes in alcohol consumption patterns are also indicators of a larger problem.
  
  If our friend participates in binge drinking several times a month — defined as having four or more drinks for women or five or more drinks for men in one sitting — our friend likely is misusing alcohol. ‍
• Their personal and professional life is suffering. Heavy alcohol consumption can lead to an inability to focus or a loss of interest in activities we previously enjoyed. Our friend may be misusing alcohol if their drinking impedes their ability to fulfill daily responsibilities at home, work, or school, or if they’ve lost their motivation and productivity.
  
  Similarly, our friend might continue drinking even when it’s causing problems in their relationships with you or others. We may also notice changes in their behavior or personality, such as being more irritable, tired, secretive, restless, forgetful, or even aggressive.‍
• They deny or lie about how much they’re drinking. Oftentimes, friends and family members can recognize the signs of alcohol misuse before the person struggling does. If someone has already raised concerns about our friend’s drinking and they become defensive or deny they have a problem, this likely means they need help. 

The bottom line? Educating ourselves on the warning signs and symptoms of alcohol misuse is an important first step in helping our friend. The more we know, the easier it is to spot problematic behaviors or patterns.

Immediate Care for an Intoxicated Friend

While having a long-term conversation about your friend’s drinking is important, sometimes you need to act in the moment. If you find yourself with a friend who has had too much to drink, your immediate priority is their safety. Knowing how to respond can make a significant difference and prevent a dangerous situation from getting worse. It’s about staying calm, assessing the situation clearly, and taking simple, practical steps to keep them safe until they are sober. This isn’t the time for a heart-to-heart; it’s the time for responsible and supportive action.

Recognizing the Signs of Intoxication

First, you need to recognize when a friend has moved past tipsy and into a state of intoxication where they might need help. The signs can range from subtle to obvious, and how alcohol affects someone depends on many factors. Paying attention to their behavior and physical state is key to knowing when to step in. It’s not about judging them, but about being a good friend who can spot trouble before it escalates. Being aware of these signs allows you to act quickly and appropriately to ensure their well-being.

Common Physical and Behavioral Signs

Look for clear indicators that your friend is very drunk. You might notice their speech becoming slurred or that they’re having trouble walking straight and are stumbling. They may struggle to maintain eye contact, feel excessively hot or cold, or seem short of breath. Other common signs include nausea, vomiting, or acting in a way that’s out of character for them. In more serious cases, they might pass out. These are all signals that their body is struggling to process the amount of alcohol they’ve consumed and that they need your support.

Factors That Influence Intoxication Levels

It’s important to remember that alcohol affects everyone differently. How intoxicated someone becomes isn't just about the number of drinks they've had. Factors like their body size, how much they’ve eaten that day, and whether they drink alcohol regularly all play a role in their tolerance and how their body processes alcohol. Because of these variables, you can't assume your friend will be fine just because they drank the same amount as someone else. You can get a better idea of how these factors interact by using a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) calculator.

How to Provide Safe, Sobering-Up Support

Once you’ve identified that a friend needs help, your next steps are focused on creating a safe environment for them to sober up. This means removing potential hazards and making them as comfortable as possible while their body works to metabolize the alcohol. Your calm and steady presence can be incredibly reassuring. Remember, time is the only thing that truly sobers someone up, so your role is to manage their safety in the interim.

Creating a Safe Environment

Gently guide your friend to a quiet and comfortable place away from the noise and activity. A couch or a bed is ideal. The goal is to minimize their movement, as they are likely to be unsteady on their feet and could easily fall and injure themselves. Don’t try to make them walk it off. Just help them settle into a safe spot where you can keep an eye on them. Make sure they have a glass of water, but don’t force them to drink it.

The Importance of the Recovery Position

If your friend wants to lie down, it is crucial that you place them on their side with their top knee bent to keep them from rolling onto their stomach or back. This is known as the recovery position. The primary reason for this is to prevent them from choking if they vomit while lying down. If they are on their back, they could inhale their vomit, which can be fatal. This simple step is one of the most important things you can do to keep them safe.

Monitoring a Friend Who Has Passed Out

If your friend passes out or falls asleep, do not leave them alone. It’s a common misconception that someone can just "sleep it off." You need to monitor them closely. Check on them every 15 minutes or so. Pay attention to their breathing—is it very slow or irregular? Touch their skin—does it feel cold or clammy? Look at their lips and fingernails—are they turning blue? These are serious warning signs that they may need immediate medical attention.

What to Do If You've Also Been Drinking

It’s important to be honest with yourself about your own state. If you’ve also been drinking, your judgment may be impaired, and you might not be the best person to take charge of the situation. Your ability to assess the risks and make clear decisions could be compromised. In this case, the most responsible thing you can do is find another friend who is sober to help. If no one else is available, it’s better to call for professional medical help than to try to handle it on your own.

Recognizing and Responding to Alcohol Poisoning

Sometimes, a person drinks a dangerous amount of alcohol in a short period, leading to alcohol poisoning. This is a serious and potentially deadly medical emergency that occurs when the body can no longer handle the high concentration of alcohol in the bloodstream. It can affect breathing, heart rate, and body temperature. Knowing the signs of alcohol poisoning is critical because it requires immediate medical intervention. Hesitating to get help can have devastating consequences, so it’s vital to treat these symptoms with the urgency they demand.

Signs of a Medical Emergency

The symptoms of alcohol poisoning are severe and should never be ignored. Watch for persistent vomiting, extreme confusion, and severely slurred speech. A person may have irregular or very slow breathing (less than eight breaths per minute). They might also lose coordination completely, have pale or bluish skin due to low body temperature, or be conscious but completely unresponsive. If someone has passed out and you cannot wake them, you must treat it as a medical emergency. These are all signs that their body’s vital functions are shutting down.

When to Call 911

If you suspect someone has alcohol poisoning, call 911 immediately. Don’t wait to see if their symptoms improve on their own. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. You should especially call for help if you are worried about their breathing or if they have passed out and you can’t rouse them. When you call, be prepared to tell the dispatcher the person's symptoms and any information you have about how much they drank. Stay with your friend and follow any instructions the operator gives you until help arrives.

Understanding Good Samaritan Laws

Many people, especially if they are underage, hesitate to call 911 for fear of getting themselves or their friend into legal trouble. However, most states have Good Samaritan Laws designed to protect individuals who seek medical help during an emergency. These laws generally provide immunity from prosecution for minor offenses, like underage drinking, for the person who calls for help and the person who needs it. The purpose of these laws is to encourage people to act responsibly and save lives without fear of legal consequences.

How to Approach a Friend About Their Drinking

Talking to someone about their drinking is never easy. We might worry that bringing up our concerns will make our friend angry, defensive or lash out. What if they stop talking to us? These concerns are understandable and valid, as these are all common reactions. 

However, our friend’s drinking will likely get worse unless we speak up. No matter how hard it is, it’s worth having a conversation. It might be uncomfortable in the short-term, but in the long-run, they’ll probably thank us. Here are some tips for having that conversation: 

• Choose the right time and place. Pick a time when they’re not drinking and when you’re both calm and focused. Choose a quiet, private place, like their house, where you won’t be interrupted. Remove distractions by silencing your phone or other devices. 
• Express your concerns directly with love. Tell your friend about the worries you have regarding their drinking and the effects you see it having on their health, relationships, career, and/or family. Try to be as specific as possible, pointing to concrete examples, behaviors, or consequences. 
• Be mindful of your tone of voice. Try to remain gentle and compassionate, rather than accusatory or judgemental. Use direct, but empathic “I” statements. For instance, you might say, “I understand that you are struggling, and I am concerned about you.” 
• Invite them into a dialogue. Encourage your friend to open up about why they’re drinking. For instance, you might ask them if they’re stressed, bored, lonely, or anxious. Many different factors could be contributing to their drinking, some of which you might not even be aware of. 
  
  Listen to their thoughts and concerns without interrupting. Ask what you can do to help. And remind them that alcohol tends to mask symptoms and won’t help them get to the root of the issue.
• Consider staging a family meeting or intervention. We can also consider inviting close family members or other friends for an intervention if our friend is resistant to getting help. But this should really be a last resort, as research shows that confrontational interventions can actually make things worse. Instead, you can try to get your friend to talk to a doctor if they won’t talk to you. If you do choose to have an intervention, be careful to approach it from a place of care and concern and not use it as an opportunity to accuse, shame, or vent anger

               

What Not to Say About Their Drinking

In addition to knowing what to do and say, it can help to know things to avoid when having a conversation with our friend about their drinking. Here are some tips:

• Don’t take things personally. Depending on their personality and situation, your friend might get angry, deny, or push back at what you’re saying. Try not to get offended or take things personally. Keep the focus on them and remember they’re probably not their best self. You’re trying to help them, but they might need time and space to come to terms with what you’re saying and start to see the problem for themselves. 
• Don’t threaten, push, bribe, or preach. Avoid ultimatums or threats, which could increase frustration and lead them to drink more. Make sure not to lecture or criticize either, as this could cause your friend to become defensive and much less willing to hear what you’re saying. Avoid words like “addict” or “alcoholic,” as these are stigmatizing and can make your friend feel attacked. Again, focus on your concerns and express them with compassion and love. 
• Don’t cover up for their behavior. Try not to make excuses for your friend’s behavior or drinking. If you do, your friend may be less able to recognize the problem and less likely to seek help. Set boundaries by refusing to lie for them about their drinking, refusing to supply them with alcohol, and refusing to engage in arguments when they're drunk. Stick to these limits, even if your friend gets angry.
  
  It’s especially important not to do things for your friend that they should be handling themselves. For instance, if they ask you to call into work “sick,” don’t agree to do this. In general, if you’re saving your friend from the consequences of alcohol misuse, it could take them much longer to reach the point where they’re willing to seekhelp.
• Don’t blame yourself. Keep in mind that you’re not to blame for your friend’s drinking problem. You’re not responsible for their behavior, and you can’t make them change. As much as you may want to, and as hard as it is to watch, you can’t make them stop drinking. The choice is theirs and theirs alone. 

How to Support a Friend Who Wants to Quit

If our friend agrees that they’re struggling with alcohol, but is unsure how to stop drinking, we can help them by discussing potential solutions:

• Make a doctor’s appointment. Our friend’s primary care doctor or a general practitioner can evaluate their drinking patterns, assess their overall health and any co-occurring disorders, and provide treatment referrals. If appropriate, they may even prescribe medication approved to treat alcohol dependence. Depending on the severity of your friend’s condition, a doctor might be necessary to help manage withdrawal symptoms during detox.
• Attend a 12-step program or other support group. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is one of the most common treatment options for alcohol misuse. Support groups like these are beneficial because they’ll allow your friend to spend time with others facing similar problems. They also provide advice on staying sober and help reduce any sense of isolation they might be experiencing. Studies show that the social connections provided by these groups can help people build confidence in their own ability to avoid alcohol in social situations and maintain their sobriety.
• Behavioral treatments. Individual, group, and/or family therapy can help your friend identify the root cause of their alcohol misuse, repair damaged relationships, develop skills to stop or reduce their drinking, and learn to deal with the drinking triggers that might cause them to relapse. CBT is a particularly effective tool, and it’s one of the many types of therapy for alcohol misuse. 
• Residential treatment or “rehab” facilities. Both inpatient and outpatient treatment centers provide intensive treatment for alcohol misuse. Choosing which one largely depends on the severity of your friend’s condition. Inpatient facilities are more intensive, as they require people to stay at a special facility for 30 to 90 days to receive treatment such as detox, therapy, and medication. During outpatient treatment, your friend would attend set rehab appointments during the week but still reside at home. 

Whichever treatment option your friend chooses, it’s important to support and encourage them. This might involve driving them to a treatment center or AA meeting. It could also mean helping them with daily errands or tasks, taking their dog or cat, or looking after their house while they’re in rehab or getting help.

Plan for Safer Nights Out Together

Supporting your friend doesn’t mean you have to stop spending time together. It might just mean changing how you do it. Suggest activities that don’t revolve around alcohol, like going for a hike, seeing a movie, or trying a new coffee shop. When you are in situations with alcohol, you can be a powerful ally. Before you go out, you can agree on a limit for alcoholic drinks together. While you’re out, try alternating alcoholic drinks with water or soda. If you think your friend has had too much, it’s important to act quickly to help them. The most important thing is to stay with them and make sure they don’t go home alone. Your presence can make a huge difference in keeping them safe.

Share Helpful Resources

While your support is invaluable, you don’t have to be your friend’s only resource. In fact, one of the most helpful things you can do is connect them with tools and professional support systems designed to help. Sharing resources empowers your friend to take control of their own journey with guidance from experts. Think of it as giving them a toolkit they can use whenever they need it. Whether they need immediate help in a crisis or are looking for daily support to change their habits, there are incredible resources available that can provide the specific help they need. Presenting these options shows you care and have put thought into practical solutions.

National Helplines for Immediate Support

If you believe your friend is in immediate danger or experiencing a mental health crisis, it’s crucial to contact professionals. The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7, and you can reach them by calling or texting 988. This service is free, confidential, and connects you with a trained crisis counselor. For specific guidance on substance use, you can also contact the National Helpline from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). They provide referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Having these numbers saved in your phone can help you act quickly if a crisis arises.

Tools for Mindful Drinking

For friends who are ready to change their habits but aren’t sure where to start, tools focused on mindful drinking can be incredibly effective. This approach focuses on awareness and moderation rather than complete abstinence. For reference, low-risk drinking guidelines often suggest consuming no more than 14 units of alcohol per week, spread out over several days. Apps like Reframe are built to support this kind of change. Using a neuroscience-based approach, Reframe offers personalized drink tracking, educational courses, and access to a supportive community to help people reduce their alcohol consumption and build healthier habits. It gives your friend a daily, private tool to better understand their patterns and work toward their goals at their own pace.

Your Support Makes a Difference

Alcohol misuse is a serious problem that can significantly interfere with a loved one’s personal and professional life, health, and well-being. If we’re concerned about our friend’s drinking, the first thing we should do is educate ourselves on alcohol misuse and treatment options. Once we do this, we can have a discussion with them — at the right time and place — and express our concerns in a gentle, loving way. While we can’t make an alcoholic friend stop drinking, we can play a role in getting them the help they need.

If your friend or loved one is looking to cut back on their alcohol consumption, you can also encourage them to try Reframe. Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), our neuroscience-backed app has helped millions of people cut back on drinking gradually. 

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my friend gets angry or defensive when I try to talk to them about their drinking? This is a very common reaction, so try not to take it personally. Your friend might feel ashamed or attacked, even if you approach them with care. The best thing you can do is remain calm and reiterate that you're speaking up because you're concerned about their well-being. You can't force them to see your point of view, but planting the seed is an important first step. The goal isn't to win an argument, but to show you care.

How can I tell the difference between a friend who is dangerously drunk and one who just needs to sleep it off? It’s a myth that someone can always "sleep off" being very drunk. If your friend has passed out, you should never leave them alone. Check on them frequently. Key signs of a medical emergency, like alcohol poisoning, include very slow or irregular breathing, cold or clammy skin, a pale or bluish skin tone, and being completely unresponsive. If you can't wake them up, you need to call 911 immediately.

I'm worried about getting my friend in trouble if I call 911, especially if we're underage. What should I do? Your friend's life is the top priority. Most states have Good Samaritan Laws that offer legal protection to people who call for help in a medical emergency, even if there is underage drinking involved. These laws exist because authorities would rather you save a life than worry about minor legal consequences. Don't let fear stop you from making a call that could be life-saving.

My social life with this friend revolves around drinking. How can I support them without us drifting apart? This is a great opportunity to redefine your friendship beyond bars and parties. Suggest activities that don't involve alcohol, like trying a new restaurant, going for a hike, catching a movie, or picking up a new hobby together. When you do go out, you can be an ally by suggesting you both alternate alcoholic drinks with water. It shows you're committed to spending time with them, not just the activity of drinking.

I feel responsible for my friend's drinking. Is there more I should be doing to make them stop? It's natural to feel this way, but it's important to remember that you are not responsible for your friend's choices or their behavior. You cannot force them to change. Your role is to be a supportive friend by expressing your concern, offering help, and setting healthy boundaries for yourself, like not making excuses for them. Your support is incredibly valuable, but the decision to change is ultimately theirs to make.

Key Takeaways

• Prioritize their immediate safety over everything else: When a friend is heavily intoxicated, your only job is to keep them safe. This means getting them to a comfortable spot, using the recovery position to prevent choking, and calling 911 immediately if you see signs of alcohol poisoning.
• Approach the conversation with compassion, not criticism: Find a private, calm moment when your friend is sober to talk. Frame your concerns using "I" statements about specific behaviors you've noticed, which helps them hear your love and worry instead of feeling attacked.
• Offer support and resources, but don't try to fix them: You can be a powerful ally by suggesting tools like therapy, support groups, or the Reframe app. However, it's crucial to set boundaries and remember that you can't force them to change—that decision is ultimately theirs.

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