This blog post explores the complex relationship between love bombing — a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists and individuals with antisocial personality disorders — and alcohol, a common social lubricant. It discusses how love bombers use alcohol to lower their target's defenses and manipulate their feelings, leading to a cycle of dependency and mental health issues.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most advanced AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Emily was a vibrant, independent woman who loved exploring New York City’s hidden gems and meeting new people. After a fantastic evening of conversation at a bar, Emily started dating a charming man named Jake.
Jake was charismatic, attentive, and seemed to be everything Emily had been looking for. Over time, he showered her with affection, gifts, and compliments, making her feel like she was the only woman in the world. But little did Emily know, she was in a relationship that would dramatically change her life, and not for the better.
While there are plenty of people out there who are genuine and sincere in their intentions, the tale of Emily and Jake is one of love bombing, a manipulative tactic often used in romantic relationships. As we’ll see below, Emily and Jake’s story also features the misuse of alcohol — and when drinking intertwines with love bombing, the results can be disastrous.
The term "love bombing" has gained considerable attention in the realm of relationships. It refers to the act of showering someone with affection and attention to an excessive degree, often as a manipulative tactic.
Love bombing is often used by narcissists and individuals with antisocial personality disorders. The love bomber may appear to go the extra mile in a relationship, giving a false sense of being committed and unconditionally loving. Common behaviors include messaging the other person constantly, buying extravagant gifts, and making grand romantic gestures. Initially, love bombing can feel incredibly flattering and may create a whirlwind romance.
However, as the relationship progresses, this excessive affection often turns into control and manipulation.
In Emily's case, Jake's constant attention and affection made her feel special and loved. However, once they’d been in a relationship for a while, she began to notice that Jake's affection was not genuine, but a tool for control. He would shower her with flowers and compliments, only to use them as leverage in arguments or to manipulate her decisions.
Alcohol is often used as a tool in the love bombing process. The manipulator may use alcohol to lower the defenses of their target, making them more susceptible to their tactics. Alcohol can create a false sense of intimacy and trust, allowing the love bomber to accelerate the relationship at an unnatural pace.
Jake often encouraged Emily to drink, using alcohol to lower her inhibitions and make her more susceptible to his manipulative tactics. He created an illusion of being trustworthy, encouraging her to confide in him and express her own commitment. Moreover, he used alcohol as a form of control within their relationship, encouraging excessive drinking and using Emily's intoxicated state to manipulate her feelings and perceptions. This led to a cycle of dependency, where Emily began to associate the feeling of love and affection with alcohol.
The combination of love bombing and alcohol can have severe consequences on mental health. The person being love bombed may develop an unhealthy attachment to the manipulator, leading to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The excessive use of alcohol can also lead to misuse, further exacerbating these mental health issues.
Emily found herself spiraling into self-loathing and excessive anxiety. Moreover, she began to normalize Jake's manipulative behavior and excessive drinking, making it harder for her to recognize the signs of misuse and manipulation.
Emily's journey to break free from her toxic relationship with Jake and her alcohol misuse was a challenging one, but she proved that it was indeed possible with the right tools and support.
The first step for Emily was recognizing the problem, which was incredibly difficult. She had to confront the harsh reality of the unhealthy patterns in her relationship with Jake and her growing dependency on alcohol. This self-awareness was a painful process, but it was crucial as it marked the beginning of her journey towards change.
Once Emily acknowledged the issues, she sought help. She started attending therapy sessions, which provided a safe space for her to explore her feelings, understand the root of her problems, and develop coping strategies. Therapy helped Emily realize that Jake's constant attention and affection were manipulative tactics, not genuine love. It also helped her understand her relationship with alcohol and how Jake had used it as a tool for control.
In addition to therapy, Emily found support in a group of individuals who had experienced similar situations. This equipped her with strategies to overcome her dependency on alcohol and break free from Jake's manipulative patterns. Moreover, Emily realized the importance of a strong support network during this challenging time. She reached out to her friends and family, who provided understanding, encouragement, and reassurance. Their emotional support was invaluable, helping Emily navigate through her journey to recovery.
Emily's journey serves as a reminder that recognizing the problem is the first step towards recovery. It's also a testament that with the right support, it is possible to overcome the challenges of love bombing and alcohol misuse and move towards a healthier, happier future. Her story serves as a reminder that no one should have to endure such a toxic relationship.
Let Emily’s journey inspire you to seek help if you find yourself in a similar situation — and if you don’t know where to start, allow us to introduce the Reframe app.
Emily was a vibrant, independent woman who loved exploring New York City’s hidden gems and meeting new people. After a fantastic evening of conversation at a bar, Emily started dating a charming man named Jake.
Jake was charismatic, attentive, and seemed to be everything Emily had been looking for. Over time, he showered her with affection, gifts, and compliments, making her feel like she was the only woman in the world. But little did Emily know, she was in a relationship that would dramatically change her life, and not for the better.
While there are plenty of people out there who are genuine and sincere in their intentions, the tale of Emily and Jake is one of love bombing, a manipulative tactic often used in romantic relationships. As we’ll see below, Emily and Jake’s story also features the misuse of alcohol — and when drinking intertwines with love bombing, the results can be disastrous.
The term "love bombing" has gained considerable attention in the realm of relationships. It refers to the act of showering someone with affection and attention to an excessive degree, often as a manipulative tactic.
Love bombing is often used by narcissists and individuals with antisocial personality disorders. The love bomber may appear to go the extra mile in a relationship, giving a false sense of being committed and unconditionally loving. Common behaviors include messaging the other person constantly, buying extravagant gifts, and making grand romantic gestures. Initially, love bombing can feel incredibly flattering and may create a whirlwind romance.
However, as the relationship progresses, this excessive affection often turns into control and manipulation.
In Emily's case, Jake's constant attention and affection made her feel special and loved. However, once they’d been in a relationship for a while, she began to notice that Jake's affection was not genuine, but a tool for control. He would shower her with flowers and compliments, only to use them as leverage in arguments or to manipulate her decisions.
Alcohol is often used as a tool in the love bombing process. The manipulator may use alcohol to lower the defenses of their target, making them more susceptible to their tactics. Alcohol can create a false sense of intimacy and trust, allowing the love bomber to accelerate the relationship at an unnatural pace.
Jake often encouraged Emily to drink, using alcohol to lower her inhibitions and make her more susceptible to his manipulative tactics. He created an illusion of being trustworthy, encouraging her to confide in him and express her own commitment. Moreover, he used alcohol as a form of control within their relationship, encouraging excessive drinking and using Emily's intoxicated state to manipulate her feelings and perceptions. This led to a cycle of dependency, where Emily began to associate the feeling of love and affection with alcohol.
The combination of love bombing and alcohol can have severe consequences on mental health. The person being love bombed may develop an unhealthy attachment to the manipulator, leading to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The excessive use of alcohol can also lead to misuse, further exacerbating these mental health issues.
Emily found herself spiraling into self-loathing and excessive anxiety. Moreover, she began to normalize Jake's manipulative behavior and excessive drinking, making it harder for her to recognize the signs of misuse and manipulation.
Emily's journey to break free from her toxic relationship with Jake and her alcohol misuse was a challenging one, but she proved that it was indeed possible with the right tools and support.
The first step for Emily was recognizing the problem, which was incredibly difficult. She had to confront the harsh reality of the unhealthy patterns in her relationship with Jake and her growing dependency on alcohol. This self-awareness was a painful process, but it was crucial as it marked the beginning of her journey towards change.
Once Emily acknowledged the issues, she sought help. She started attending therapy sessions, which provided a safe space for her to explore her feelings, understand the root of her problems, and develop coping strategies. Therapy helped Emily realize that Jake's constant attention and affection were manipulative tactics, not genuine love. It also helped her understand her relationship with alcohol and how Jake had used it as a tool for control.
In addition to therapy, Emily found support in a group of individuals who had experienced similar situations. This equipped her with strategies to overcome her dependency on alcohol and break free from Jake's manipulative patterns. Moreover, Emily realized the importance of a strong support network during this challenging time. She reached out to her friends and family, who provided understanding, encouragement, and reassurance. Their emotional support was invaluable, helping Emily navigate through her journey to recovery.
Emily's journey serves as a reminder that recognizing the problem is the first step towards recovery. It's also a testament that with the right support, it is possible to overcome the challenges of love bombing and alcohol misuse and move towards a healthier, happier future. Her story serves as a reminder that no one should have to endure such a toxic relationship.
Let Emily’s journey inspire you to seek help if you find yourself in a similar situation — and if you don’t know where to start, allow us to introduce the Reframe app.
Ever found yourself transforming from your normal, happy personality to an irritable, snarling version of yourself after a few drinks? This "Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde" transformation isn't just you — many people report feeling more aggressive or angry after consuming alcohol. Discover the science behind why alcohol sometimes stokes the fires of anger and walk away with steps to ensure your next happy hour stays truly happy.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while doing so. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Why do I get angry when I drink? If you've ever wondered why a refreshing drink sometimes leads you down Anger Avenue, you're not alone. Despite enjoying alcohol's initial relaxing effects, many people experience a surge in agitation or even downright aggression. So, what's going on inside our brains when this happens? Let's find out the correlation between alcohol and anger.
Alcohol does some funny things to the brain. When it first hits, it often brings a wave of relaxation, as the brain goes into slow-motion mode. Two key neurotransmitters — glutamate and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) — are responsible for this effect. Glutamate (a neurotransmitter that increases brain activity and energy levels) gets suppressed, while GABA (which reduces energy levels and calms the brain) is enhanced by alcohol. Our reactions become sluggish, our speech may slur, and our inhibitions drop. After a few drinks, we might feel more relaxed or even sleepy.
But here’s the kicker: sluggishness is just one side of the alcohol coin. The other side involves the prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that's like the executive director of our actions. It helps us make decisions, judge situations, and — most importantly — control our impulses. With the prefrontal cortex impaired, we’re more likely to act without thinking, which can easily lead to aggressive behavior if we’re provoked or irritated.
As we continue to drink, the alcohol starts to affect different parts of the brain, especially those responsible for aggression and self-control. It’s like the brain is on a wild roller coaster ride — one minute we’re peacefully cruising along, and the next, we’re rocketing down a steep slope with the wind screaming in our ears.
Specifically, alcohol impacts the amygdala, the neurological security guard that stays on the lookout for danger and helps us react appropriately. But alcohol — sneaky culprit that it is — messes with the amygdala's communication channels, impairing its ability to interpret social cues. That innocent remark from a friend? It suddenly sounds like a jab.
Moreover, alcohol lowers the levels of serotonin — a neurotransmitter that helps regulate our mood. As serotonin dips, feelings of anger and aggression can surge. It’s like the brain’s peacekeeping force is suddenly MIA, allowing a mob of rowdy emotions to take over.
What’s worse is this can become a vicious cycle. Let’s say we’re already a bit stressed or irritable. We reach for a drink to take the edge off. While it might help momentarily, as we continue to drink, the alcohol disrupts our brain chemistry, increasing our chances of feeling angry. This anger then feeds into our stress, and what do we do to alleviate the stress? Reach for another drink. So it's not a matter of what specific drink makes you angry, but the nature of drinking itself that creates the cycle. And as the cycle continues, it becomes a never-ending episode of a drama series you can't switch off.
You might still be asking "Why do I get angry when I drink alcohol?” and wonder if there are any unique or personal factors that might make it more intense. Well, your genes may actually play a part in it. We're all different, and that holds true when it comes to the effects of alcohol. Some people might become more cheerful, while others turn into a simmering pot of anger. Why is that?
Research suggests that our genetic makeup plays a role in how we react to alcohol. Certain gene variants might make some of us more susceptible to alcohol-induced aggression. So, if we’re part of the "angry-when-drunk" or “angry alcoholic” group, we might have our genes to blame.
Our emotional state before drinking can also influence how we behave under alcohol's effect. If we’re already feeling angry, upset, or stressed out, alcohol can magnify these feelings. In this case, our angry outbursts might be more about what's going on inside us than the alcohol itself.
Finally, our past experiences with alcohol can shape our behavior. For instance, if we’ve previously used alcohol as a coping mechanism for anger or stress, we’re likely to associate drinking with anger. And since “neurons that fire together wire together,” the link can lead to more angry outbursts.
So, what can we do about this problem of anger and alcohol? Let's get down to some practical, scientifically grounded tips that can help you break free from the angry drinking cycle:
Remember, everyone is different: what works for one person may not work for another. Feel free to get inventive with these suggestions, molding them to fit your unique journey towards managing alcohol-induced anger. Above all, be patient and kind to yourself through this process! After a bit of exploration, you’re sure to find ways to stop being aggressive when you
Understanding the science behind your anger when drinking can empower you to make healthier choices and help you find ways to stop being aggressive when drunk. It's all about self-awareness, taking small but consistent steps, and seeking help when needed. Just like navigating any tough situation in life, it might not be easy, but it's definitely worth it.
Change doesn't happen overnight — and that's okay. Every step you take towards understanding and managing your anger when drinking is a step towards a healthier, happier life. Celebrate your small victories and keep going!
And if alcohol turns you into an anger machine more frequently than you’re able to keep up with, it might be time to rethink your relationship with it. Remember, it's all about knowing your limits and understanding what is right for your body!
Why do I get angry when I drink? If you've ever wondered why a refreshing drink sometimes leads you down Anger Avenue, you're not alone. Despite enjoying alcohol's initial relaxing effects, many people experience a surge in agitation or even downright aggression. So, what's going on inside our brains when this happens? Let's find out the correlation between alcohol and anger.
Alcohol does some funny things to the brain. When it first hits, it often brings a wave of relaxation, as the brain goes into slow-motion mode. Two key neurotransmitters — glutamate and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) — are responsible for this effect. Glutamate (a neurotransmitter that increases brain activity and energy levels) gets suppressed, while GABA (which reduces energy levels and calms the brain) is enhanced by alcohol. Our reactions become sluggish, our speech may slur, and our inhibitions drop. After a few drinks, we might feel more relaxed or even sleepy.
But here’s the kicker: sluggishness is just one side of the alcohol coin. The other side involves the prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that's like the executive director of our actions. It helps us make decisions, judge situations, and — most importantly — control our impulses. With the prefrontal cortex impaired, we’re more likely to act without thinking, which can easily lead to aggressive behavior if we’re provoked or irritated.
As we continue to drink, the alcohol starts to affect different parts of the brain, especially those responsible for aggression and self-control. It’s like the brain is on a wild roller coaster ride — one minute we’re peacefully cruising along, and the next, we’re rocketing down a steep slope with the wind screaming in our ears.
Specifically, alcohol impacts the amygdala, the neurological security guard that stays on the lookout for danger and helps us react appropriately. But alcohol — sneaky culprit that it is — messes with the amygdala's communication channels, impairing its ability to interpret social cues. That innocent remark from a friend? It suddenly sounds like a jab.
Moreover, alcohol lowers the levels of serotonin — a neurotransmitter that helps regulate our mood. As serotonin dips, feelings of anger and aggression can surge. It’s like the brain’s peacekeeping force is suddenly MIA, allowing a mob of rowdy emotions to take over.
What’s worse is this can become a vicious cycle. Let’s say we’re already a bit stressed or irritable. We reach for a drink to take the edge off. While it might help momentarily, as we continue to drink, the alcohol disrupts our brain chemistry, increasing our chances of feeling angry. This anger then feeds into our stress, and what do we do to alleviate the stress? Reach for another drink. So it's not a matter of what specific drink makes you angry, but the nature of drinking itself that creates the cycle. And as the cycle continues, it becomes a never-ending episode of a drama series you can't switch off.
You might still be asking "Why do I get angry when I drink alcohol?” and wonder if there are any unique or personal factors that might make it more intense. Well, your genes may actually play a part in it. We're all different, and that holds true when it comes to the effects of alcohol. Some people might become more cheerful, while others turn into a simmering pot of anger. Why is that?
Research suggests that our genetic makeup plays a role in how we react to alcohol. Certain gene variants might make some of us more susceptible to alcohol-induced aggression. So, if we’re part of the "angry-when-drunk" or “angry alcoholic” group, we might have our genes to blame.
Our emotional state before drinking can also influence how we behave under alcohol's effect. If we’re already feeling angry, upset, or stressed out, alcohol can magnify these feelings. In this case, our angry outbursts might be more about what's going on inside us than the alcohol itself.
Finally, our past experiences with alcohol can shape our behavior. For instance, if we’ve previously used alcohol as a coping mechanism for anger or stress, we’re likely to associate drinking with anger. And since “neurons that fire together wire together,” the link can lead to more angry outbursts.
So, what can we do about this problem of anger and alcohol? Let's get down to some practical, scientifically grounded tips that can help you break free from the angry drinking cycle:
Remember, everyone is different: what works for one person may not work for another. Feel free to get inventive with these suggestions, molding them to fit your unique journey towards managing alcohol-induced anger. Above all, be patient and kind to yourself through this process! After a bit of exploration, you’re sure to find ways to stop being aggressive when you
Understanding the science behind your anger when drinking can empower you to make healthier choices and help you find ways to stop being aggressive when drunk. It's all about self-awareness, taking small but consistent steps, and seeking help when needed. Just like navigating any tough situation in life, it might not be easy, but it's definitely worth it.
Change doesn't happen overnight — and that's okay. Every step you take towards understanding and managing your anger when drinking is a step towards a healthier, happier life. Celebrate your small victories and keep going!
And if alcohol turns you into an anger machine more frequently than you’re able to keep up with, it might be time to rethink your relationship with it. Remember, it's all about knowing your limits and understanding what is right for your body!
Struggling to forgive yourself? Practicing-self forgiveness can feel challenging and unnatural, especially on this journey of changing our drinking habits. However, this trait is absolutely essential. Here’s how to develop it.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet hundreds of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Life is an ever-evolving process. We will — all of us! — inevitably make mistakes, experience setbacks, and face hardships. But while we're quick to forgive others for their missteps, we often struggle to extend that same grace to ourselves. As we face the challenges of changing our relationship with alcohol, self-forgiveness becomes even more vital. It's the key to releasing guilt, embracing our human imperfection, and moving forward with hope. If you’re wondering how to be more forgiving and looking for ways to find forgiveness for yourself, you’ve come to the right place. Let's explore ten powerful ways we can use as self-forgiveness exercises on our journey towards healthier living.
Acknowledging our feelings is the first step towards finding forgiveness for yourself. It's okay to feel regret or guilt about our past drinking behavior. The unpleasant emotions are actually a good thing — they demonstrate our ability to express remorse and expect more from ourselves. However, it's crucial to recognize these emotions without letting them consume us. If we get caught up in them, we’ll be much less likely to move past them.
It's important to understand why we made the decisions we did in. Sometimes, we act the way we do because of unhealed trauma, fear, or a desire to be loved by others. Reframing our actions from a place of understanding can allow us to see the true motives behind them, which often aren’t bad. Knowing this can help us see our actions as part of a learning process, rather than failures.
Apologizing to those we may have hurt and making amends can be a powerful act of self-forgiveness. It shows we're ready to take responsibility and make things right. If you’re able, initiate a face-to-face conversation with the people deserving of an apology. We can’t always control how others will respond, but we can take the mature step and address our wrongdoings.
If you’re unable to apologize to the person — you’re no longer in touch, they’ve passed away — write an apology letter instead, as if you’ll be sending it. It can also help to read it out loud when you’ve finished writing. Releasing these feelings can be an important step in healing and moving forward.
We all make mistakes. Accepting our imperfections can help us move beyond self-judgment and towards self-acceptance. We place too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves when we expect ourselves to always have things figured out and make the right decisions. Even the seemingly “perfect” people we encounter in life have their own regrets, insecurities, and shortcomings. Acknowledging this can be very freeing.
Negative self-talk can keep us stuck in guilt and shame. Releasing this negative chatter and replacing it with positive affirmations can foster self-forgiveness. Pick affirmations that align with the message you want to get through to yourself. For example, you might say, “I’m human and make mistakes. I don’t need to be perfect.” Try saying your affirmations aloud (or writing them down and posting them where you can see them). Though their effect might not be immediately apparent, repeating them over time can help rewire your brain for more positive self-talk.
Being gentle and compassionate with ourselves, just as we would with a friend, can help us cultivate self-forgiveness. We wouldn’t be so hard on a friend in a similar situation, right? Let’s look at ourselves as if we’re one of our friends and consider how our thoughts and dialogue would change. We’d likely be much more encouraging and empathetic. Let’s extend this same level of loving kindness to ourselves.
We all have the power to reframe our narrative. Instead of seeing ourselves as "failures," we can view our experiences as valuable lessons learned on our journey. Every setback ultimately makes us stronger. A life without challenges would be boring, and we’d never learn and grow.
Sometimes, the weight of guilt and shame can be too heavy to bear alone. A mental health professional can provide support and guidance in our journey towards self-forgiveness. They’re trained in techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help us examine our thoughts and break free from those that don’t serve us.
It’s okay to need extra help. Speaking to a professional isn't a sign of weakness — it’s a testament to our willingness to improve.
Mindfulness practices can act as powerful self-forgiveness exercises that help us stay present and avoid getting caught up in regret about the past. This focus on the present moment can help in the process of self-forgiveness. Our app has over 20 guided meditations you can choose from when you need to reconnect with the here and now. By regularly practicing mindfulness, you can build on your emotional resilience and foster more self-compassion.
Every step we take towards self-forgiveness and healthier living is worth celebrating. Recognizing our progress helps build self-esteem and reinforces our commitment to change. You’re doing the hard work of changing! And truthfully, most people don’t get this far. Acknowledge your little wins, and be proud of how far you’ve come in your healing journey!
As we strive to cut back or quit drinking alcohol, practicing self-forgiveness can significantly aid in our journey. It can free us from the burdens of guilt and shame, empowering us to move forward with self-compassion and resilience. By following these steps, we can learn to forgive ourselves, embrace our humanity, and embark on a path towards healthier, more fulfilling living.
Let's also keep in mind that self-forgiveness isn't a destination — it's an ongoing process. So, as we journey on, let's be patient with ourselves, celebrating every step we take towards a healthier and more forgiving relationship with ourselves. After all, life is all about growth and learning, and each stumble is just another step forward.
Life is an ever-evolving process. We will — all of us! — inevitably make mistakes, experience setbacks, and face hardships. But while we're quick to forgive others for their missteps, we often struggle to extend that same grace to ourselves. As we face the challenges of changing our relationship with alcohol, self-forgiveness becomes even more vital. It's the key to releasing guilt, embracing our human imperfection, and moving forward with hope. If you’re wondering how to be more forgiving and looking for ways to find forgiveness for yourself, you’ve come to the right place. Let's explore ten powerful ways we can use as self-forgiveness exercises on our journey towards healthier living.
Acknowledging our feelings is the first step towards finding forgiveness for yourself. It's okay to feel regret or guilt about our past drinking behavior. The unpleasant emotions are actually a good thing — they demonstrate our ability to express remorse and expect more from ourselves. However, it's crucial to recognize these emotions without letting them consume us. If we get caught up in them, we’ll be much less likely to move past them.
It's important to understand why we made the decisions we did in. Sometimes, we act the way we do because of unhealed trauma, fear, or a desire to be loved by others. Reframing our actions from a place of understanding can allow us to see the true motives behind them, which often aren’t bad. Knowing this can help us see our actions as part of a learning process, rather than failures.
Apologizing to those we may have hurt and making amends can be a powerful act of self-forgiveness. It shows we're ready to take responsibility and make things right. If you’re able, initiate a face-to-face conversation with the people deserving of an apology. We can’t always control how others will respond, but we can take the mature step and address our wrongdoings.
If you’re unable to apologize to the person — you’re no longer in touch, they’ve passed away — write an apology letter instead, as if you’ll be sending it. It can also help to read it out loud when you’ve finished writing. Releasing these feelings can be an important step in healing and moving forward.
We all make mistakes. Accepting our imperfections can help us move beyond self-judgment and towards self-acceptance. We place too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves when we expect ourselves to always have things figured out and make the right decisions. Even the seemingly “perfect” people we encounter in life have their own regrets, insecurities, and shortcomings. Acknowledging this can be very freeing.
Negative self-talk can keep us stuck in guilt and shame. Releasing this negative chatter and replacing it with positive affirmations can foster self-forgiveness. Pick affirmations that align with the message you want to get through to yourself. For example, you might say, “I’m human and make mistakes. I don’t need to be perfect.” Try saying your affirmations aloud (or writing them down and posting them where you can see them). Though their effect might not be immediately apparent, repeating them over time can help rewire your brain for more positive self-talk.
Being gentle and compassionate with ourselves, just as we would with a friend, can help us cultivate self-forgiveness. We wouldn’t be so hard on a friend in a similar situation, right? Let’s look at ourselves as if we’re one of our friends and consider how our thoughts and dialogue would change. We’d likely be much more encouraging and empathetic. Let’s extend this same level of loving kindness to ourselves.
We all have the power to reframe our narrative. Instead of seeing ourselves as "failures," we can view our experiences as valuable lessons learned on our journey. Every setback ultimately makes us stronger. A life without challenges would be boring, and we’d never learn and grow.
Sometimes, the weight of guilt and shame can be too heavy to bear alone. A mental health professional can provide support and guidance in our journey towards self-forgiveness. They’re trained in techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help us examine our thoughts and break free from those that don’t serve us.
It’s okay to need extra help. Speaking to a professional isn't a sign of weakness — it’s a testament to our willingness to improve.
Mindfulness practices can act as powerful self-forgiveness exercises that help us stay present and avoid getting caught up in regret about the past. This focus on the present moment can help in the process of self-forgiveness. Our app has over 20 guided meditations you can choose from when you need to reconnect with the here and now. By regularly practicing mindfulness, you can build on your emotional resilience and foster more self-compassion.
Every step we take towards self-forgiveness and healthier living is worth celebrating. Recognizing our progress helps build self-esteem and reinforces our commitment to change. You’re doing the hard work of changing! And truthfully, most people don’t get this far. Acknowledge your little wins, and be proud of how far you’ve come in your healing journey!
As we strive to cut back or quit drinking alcohol, practicing self-forgiveness can significantly aid in our journey. It can free us from the burdens of guilt and shame, empowering us to move forward with self-compassion and resilience. By following these steps, we can learn to forgive ourselves, embrace our humanity, and embark on a path towards healthier, more fulfilling living.
Let's also keep in mind that self-forgiveness isn't a destination — it's an ongoing process. So, as we journey on, let's be patient with ourselves, celebrating every step we take towards a healthier and more forgiving relationship with ourselves. After all, life is all about growth and learning, and each stumble is just another step forward.
Is a codependent relationship dampening your joy and stressing you out? Here are five common codependency signs to look out for and ways to overcome them.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet hundreds of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
By now, we’re all well-acquainted with the saying that humans are social beings, creatures with a deep-seated need for connection and belonging. Interactions with others — from close, intimate relationships to friendly chats with the local barista — enrich our lives in countless ways. Sometimes, though, instead of adding value, these connections start to drain us.
Take a moment to consider this: have you ever felt a lingering anxiety before a meet-up with friends because you can't seem to be your authentic self around them? Or perhaps you felt overwhelmed by a barrage of intrusive, judgemental queries about your personal life? These could be indicators that your relationships are causing more stress than joy. Left unaddressed, this strain can negatively impact our overall well-being and contentment.
In the realm of relationships, one pattern that often lies at the heart of such stress is codependency. Codependency is a relationship dynamic in which one person sacrifices their needs and well-being to meet the needs of another. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of losing oneself.
Childhood experiences can play a significant role in codependent tendencies. Growing up in a family in which emotions were ignored or discouraged, or there was a lack of consistency and safety, can make us more prone to codependency. We might learn to associate love and care with self-sacrifice, leading us to neglect our needs in adulthood.
Another risk factor is having a close relationship with someone who struggles with substance misuse or a mental health disorder. In an attempt to support and help them, we might end up losing ourselves in their needs, giving rise to a codependent dynamic.
Additionally, societal and cultural norms often reinforce the idea that taking care of others at the expense of ourselves is virtuous. Self-care and boundary setting are considered selfish, which can lead us to compromise our own needs. This belief can make us more susceptible to codependency, as we strive to fulfill society’s expectations.
Finally, our personal characteristics can also increase the risk of a codependent relationship. If we struggle with low self-esteem or fear of abandonment, or if we have a strong desire to please others, we may find ourselves slipping into codependency in an attempt to secure love and approval.
But how do we recognize if we're caught in a codependent cycle? Let's explore ten common signs.
One of the earliest signs of codependency is an excessive need for approval from others. If we often find ourselves making decisions based on what others would think, or feeling distressed when we perceive disapproval, it's time to examine those tendencies. This constant striving to please others can erode our sense of self and lead to chronic stress.
Another hallmark of codependency is difficulty saying no to others. If we often find ourselves agreeing to things that we don't want to do, just to avoid conflict, that can be a sign. This lack of assertiveness can make us feel taken advantage of and further intensify feelings of resentment.
In a codependent relationship, we might find that our own needs always take a backseat to the other person’s needs. If we're constantly prioritizing others' needs over our own well-being, we could be nurturing a codependent pattern. Over time, this can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion, leaving us at a greater risk of substance misuse and physical health problems.
As we mentioned above, a deep-rooted fear of abandonment is another sign of codependency. If the thought of being alone or rejected makes us anxious, and we constantly cling to people to avoid feeling abandoned, we may be caught in a codependent cycle.
Finally, feeling overly responsible for others' feelings, actions, and well-being can indicate codependency. If we find ourselves constantly worrying about how others are doing, or blaming ourselves for their actions, it's a signal to reassess.
Codependent people might have trouble expressing their true emotions. This could manifest as bottling up anger, sadness, or frustration to avoid conflict or the fear of being judged. This emotional suppression can cause inner turmoil and distance in relationships.
Codependent people tend to become overly involved in other people’s issues, feeling the need to 'fix' or rescue them. This can lead to a constant state of worry and frustration when others don’t change or improve their situations.
Low self-esteem is both a cause and symptom of codependency. If we base our worth purely on whether or not others approve of us, we might start feeling insecure when we don’t receive validation or approval. This tendency can keep us trapped in the cycle of codependency, always seeking external validation.
Many codependent folks have an intense fear of conflict, often avoiding it at all costs. This behavior can result in passive-aggressive tendencies or a reluctance to voice our opinions and feelings, further eroding the foundation of healthy communication in relationships.
Finally, denial is a key sign of codependency. It can be hard to recognize that our need to help or please others has gotten out of hand and reached an unhealthy level. Often, codependent people will deny their behaviors, rationalizing them as simply being caring or loving, while ignoring the negative impact on their well-being.
Recognizing these signs is the first step. But how do we break free from codependency? Here are a few strategies:
While we are inherently social beings, it's essential that our relationships nurture and empower us, rather than leaving us feeling depleted and stressed. Codependency can subtly infiltrate our relationships, but by recognizing the signs and actively working towards overcoming them, we can reclaim our sense of self and build healthier, more balanced connections.
By now, we’re all well-acquainted with the saying that humans are social beings, creatures with a deep-seated need for connection and belonging. Interactions with others — from close, intimate relationships to friendly chats with the local barista — enrich our lives in countless ways. Sometimes, though, instead of adding value, these connections start to drain us.
Take a moment to consider this: have you ever felt a lingering anxiety before a meet-up with friends because you can't seem to be your authentic self around them? Or perhaps you felt overwhelmed by a barrage of intrusive, judgemental queries about your personal life? These could be indicators that your relationships are causing more stress than joy. Left unaddressed, this strain can negatively impact our overall well-being and contentment.
In the realm of relationships, one pattern that often lies at the heart of such stress is codependency. Codependency is a relationship dynamic in which one person sacrifices their needs and well-being to meet the needs of another. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of losing oneself.
Childhood experiences can play a significant role in codependent tendencies. Growing up in a family in which emotions were ignored or discouraged, or there was a lack of consistency and safety, can make us more prone to codependency. We might learn to associate love and care with self-sacrifice, leading us to neglect our needs in adulthood.
Another risk factor is having a close relationship with someone who struggles with substance misuse or a mental health disorder. In an attempt to support and help them, we might end up losing ourselves in their needs, giving rise to a codependent dynamic.
Additionally, societal and cultural norms often reinforce the idea that taking care of others at the expense of ourselves is virtuous. Self-care and boundary setting are considered selfish, which can lead us to compromise our own needs. This belief can make us more susceptible to codependency, as we strive to fulfill society’s expectations.
Finally, our personal characteristics can also increase the risk of a codependent relationship. If we struggle with low self-esteem or fear of abandonment, or if we have a strong desire to please others, we may find ourselves slipping into codependency in an attempt to secure love and approval.
But how do we recognize if we're caught in a codependent cycle? Let's explore ten common signs.
One of the earliest signs of codependency is an excessive need for approval from others. If we often find ourselves making decisions based on what others would think, or feeling distressed when we perceive disapproval, it's time to examine those tendencies. This constant striving to please others can erode our sense of self and lead to chronic stress.
Another hallmark of codependency is difficulty saying no to others. If we often find ourselves agreeing to things that we don't want to do, just to avoid conflict, that can be a sign. This lack of assertiveness can make us feel taken advantage of and further intensify feelings of resentment.
In a codependent relationship, we might find that our own needs always take a backseat to the other person’s needs. If we're constantly prioritizing others' needs over our own well-being, we could be nurturing a codependent pattern. Over time, this can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion, leaving us at a greater risk of substance misuse and physical health problems.
As we mentioned above, a deep-rooted fear of abandonment is another sign of codependency. If the thought of being alone or rejected makes us anxious, and we constantly cling to people to avoid feeling abandoned, we may be caught in a codependent cycle.
Finally, feeling overly responsible for others' feelings, actions, and well-being can indicate codependency. If we find ourselves constantly worrying about how others are doing, or blaming ourselves for their actions, it's a signal to reassess.
Codependent people might have trouble expressing their true emotions. This could manifest as bottling up anger, sadness, or frustration to avoid conflict or the fear of being judged. This emotional suppression can cause inner turmoil and distance in relationships.
Codependent people tend to become overly involved in other people’s issues, feeling the need to 'fix' or rescue them. This can lead to a constant state of worry and frustration when others don’t change or improve their situations.
Low self-esteem is both a cause and symptom of codependency. If we base our worth purely on whether or not others approve of us, we might start feeling insecure when we don’t receive validation or approval. This tendency can keep us trapped in the cycle of codependency, always seeking external validation.
Many codependent folks have an intense fear of conflict, often avoiding it at all costs. This behavior can result in passive-aggressive tendencies or a reluctance to voice our opinions and feelings, further eroding the foundation of healthy communication in relationships.
Finally, denial is a key sign of codependency. It can be hard to recognize that our need to help or please others has gotten out of hand and reached an unhealthy level. Often, codependent people will deny their behaviors, rationalizing them as simply being caring or loving, while ignoring the negative impact on their well-being.
Recognizing these signs is the first step. But how do we break free from codependency? Here are a few strategies:
While we are inherently social beings, it's essential that our relationships nurture and empower us, rather than leaving us feeling depleted and stressed. Codependency can subtly infiltrate our relationships, but by recognizing the signs and actively working towards overcoming them, we can reclaim our sense of self and build healthier, more balanced connections.
Alcohol has a depressive effect on the body's physiological processes. Dopamine release causes the initial energizing effects of alcohol, but the rebound effect leads to psychological depression.
We don't typically consider alcohol to be depressing because it makes us laugh, dance, and converse with strangers. But alcohol is also sometimes referred to as a depressant. What gives, then? Let's take a closer look at alcohol's cunning dual nature.
Alcohol, despite giving us a brief buzz, depresses the central nervous system, slowing down brain activity and interfering with brain cell communication.
At the same time, though, alcohol stimulates the release of dopamine in the reward centers of the brain. That's the component that makes us feel cozy, friendly, and at ease. Don't let this fool you. Alcohol tends to reveal its true colors as we drink more of it.
Alcohol begins to impede brain function as it moves through the bloodstream. Reaction times slow down, thinking becomes fuzzy, and remembering things becomes difficult. If you binge drink, you could possibly become unconscious. Alcohol is classified as a "depressant" because of these undesirable effects.
Alcohol can have a negative impact on your mental health in addition to slowing down your physical reactions and brain processes. You know those low moods and feelings of sadness that creep in after a night of heavy drinking? That's alcohol-induced depression kicking in.
The brain prefers to maintain balance, which is one of the reasons why this happens. After alcohol floods the system with dopamine, it releases the protein dynorphin to counteract and balance things out. Dynorphin binds to opioid receptors in the brain and is primarily linked with controlling pain responses and keeping the proper level of of excitement. In other words, it regulates how your body reacts to pain and how excited your brain becomes.
As it turns out, chronic alcohol consumption can actually increase the production of dynorphin, and excessive dynorphin can contribute to feelings of dysphoria and depression. Further, prolonged alcohol use raises dynorphin levels in the body, which can exacerbate negative emotional states, and high levels of dynorphin can lessen the effects of dopamine.
Regularly misusing alcohol can further disrupt the chemical equilibrium in the brain, altering mood, behavior, and emotions over the long run. It can even reduce our level of serotonin, the chemical that regulates our mood, resulting in increased feelings of depression and anxiety. Talk about a party pooper, right?
These unfavorable emotional states are exacerbated by the surge in dynorphin, which can lead to detrimental behaviors like drinking more alcohol to treat despair.
Ultimately, the only way to overcome alcohol's depressive effects is to reevaluate its role in our lives. Consider it an experiment: What would happen if you tried to limit your drinking to social occasions or give up alcohol for a few days each week? Don't keep it a secret, either. Tell your loved ones about your goals. They’ll support you every step of the way!
If you're used to using alcohol to relax or cope with stress, stopping or cutting back can leave a void. That's why it's a good idea to find alternative coping strategies.
Have you ever gone for a brisk walk or run in the park? Being active is a great way to improve your mood. Or how about some meditation or mindfulness? Both can lower your stress. A passion like reading, drawing, or even gardening might even become be your main focus.
Don't be too hard on yourself if giving up or cutting back is difficult for you. It's completely acceptable to have expert assistance. And don't forget about support groups; nothing beats getting to know others who are on a similar journey!
Despite being a common choice for unwinding and socializing, it’s clear that alcohol may have serious negative consequences on our bodies and minds. So the next time you go for a drink, keep in mind that it's acceptable to sip slowly or even to abstain — in a spirit of curiosity and expanding your options. After all, your well-being is worth it!
Looking to ditch the booze and the depression that comes with it? Well, you're in the right spot. At Reframe, we believe in kindness and helping folks like you unlock their true potential. As a member, you'll receive engaging daily readings and activities and gain access to a 24/7 anonymous chat forum.
Additionally, you’ll have access to a plethora of tools to help you along your growth and transformation journey. We even have monthly challenges to motivate you and foster more connection with other Reframe members. Our team is always here to help. We can even connect you with professional counselors on private Zoom sessions, if you wish.
Are you ready to take a giant leap toward a healthier, more resilient your? With 2.1 million downloads and counting, we're steadily redefining what it means to be alcohol-free or sober curious. Check out the Reframe app and sign up for a 7-day free trial today. We're eager for you to join our amazing community!
We don't typically consider alcohol to be depressing because it makes us laugh, dance, and converse with strangers. But alcohol is also sometimes referred to as a depressant. What gives, then? Let's take a closer look at alcohol's cunning dual nature.
Alcohol, despite giving us a brief buzz, depresses the central nervous system, slowing down brain activity and interfering with brain cell communication.
At the same time, though, alcohol stimulates the release of dopamine in the reward centers of the brain. That's the component that makes us feel cozy, friendly, and at ease. Don't let this fool you. Alcohol tends to reveal its true colors as we drink more of it.
Alcohol begins to impede brain function as it moves through the bloodstream. Reaction times slow down, thinking becomes fuzzy, and remembering things becomes difficult. If you binge drink, you could possibly become unconscious. Alcohol is classified as a "depressant" because of these undesirable effects.
Alcohol can have a negative impact on your mental health in addition to slowing down your physical reactions and brain processes. You know those low moods and feelings of sadness that creep in after a night of heavy drinking? That's alcohol-induced depression kicking in.
The brain prefers to maintain balance, which is one of the reasons why this happens. After alcohol floods the system with dopamine, it releases the protein dynorphin to counteract and balance things out. Dynorphin binds to opioid receptors in the brain and is primarily linked with controlling pain responses and keeping the proper level of of excitement. In other words, it regulates how your body reacts to pain and how excited your brain becomes.
As it turns out, chronic alcohol consumption can actually increase the production of dynorphin, and excessive dynorphin can contribute to feelings of dysphoria and depression. Further, prolonged alcohol use raises dynorphin levels in the body, which can exacerbate negative emotional states, and high levels of dynorphin can lessen the effects of dopamine.
Regularly misusing alcohol can further disrupt the chemical equilibrium in the brain, altering mood, behavior, and emotions over the long run. It can even reduce our level of serotonin, the chemical that regulates our mood, resulting in increased feelings of depression and anxiety. Talk about a party pooper, right?
These unfavorable emotional states are exacerbated by the surge in dynorphin, which can lead to detrimental behaviors like drinking more alcohol to treat despair.
Ultimately, the only way to overcome alcohol's depressive effects is to reevaluate its role in our lives. Consider it an experiment: What would happen if you tried to limit your drinking to social occasions or give up alcohol for a few days each week? Don't keep it a secret, either. Tell your loved ones about your goals. They’ll support you every step of the way!
If you're used to using alcohol to relax or cope with stress, stopping or cutting back can leave a void. That's why it's a good idea to find alternative coping strategies.
Have you ever gone for a brisk walk or run in the park? Being active is a great way to improve your mood. Or how about some meditation or mindfulness? Both can lower your stress. A passion like reading, drawing, or even gardening might even become be your main focus.
Don't be too hard on yourself if giving up or cutting back is difficult for you. It's completely acceptable to have expert assistance. And don't forget about support groups; nothing beats getting to know others who are on a similar journey!
Despite being a common choice for unwinding and socializing, it’s clear that alcohol may have serious negative consequences on our bodies and minds. So the next time you go for a drink, keep in mind that it's acceptable to sip slowly or even to abstain — in a spirit of curiosity and expanding your options. After all, your well-being is worth it!
Looking to ditch the booze and the depression that comes with it? Well, you're in the right spot. At Reframe, we believe in kindness and helping folks like you unlock their true potential. As a member, you'll receive engaging daily readings and activities and gain access to a 24/7 anonymous chat forum.
Additionally, you’ll have access to a plethora of tools to help you along your growth and transformation journey. We even have monthly challenges to motivate you and foster more connection with other Reframe members. Our team is always here to help. We can even connect you with professional counselors on private Zoom sessions, if you wish.
Are you ready to take a giant leap toward a healthier, more resilient your? With 2.1 million downloads and counting, we're steadily redefining what it means to be alcohol-free or sober curious. Check out the Reframe app and sign up for a 7-day free trial today. We're eager for you to join our amazing community!
Regret and shame don’t always have to be bad. In fact, we can use them as lessons for personal growth and transformation.
If you are ready to harness the power of regret and shame to make positive changes in your life and habits, the Reframe app is here to help! By using the tools and skills in this #1-rated app, you can re-examine the role of alcohol in your life and embark on a journey of change and growth based on the latest science.
Our app will give you access to daily readings to help you expand your toolbox when it comes to dealing with feelings of regret and shame in a positive and healthier way. In addition to getting a set of daily tasks to complete, you will receive journal prompts and other activities — guided meditations, motivational quotes, drink tracking – to guide and inspire you on your journey. You will also have access to a community of caring and compassionate people from around the world who are ready to help you and share their stories on our 24/7 Forum chat. If you wish, you can have access to licensed coaches for one-on-one counseling sessions and daily check-in calls via Zoom, as well.
The Reframe in-app Toolkit contains a collection of resources that will provide you with additional information about the way alcohol affects your body and mind. We’ve got tons of resources, such as meditations and craving timers, that can help you wherever you are in your path.
Finally, the Reframe app is free for 7 days — so you can try it today risk-free! We’re confident that we can help you make meaningful changes in your life in a positive way and would love to be a part of your journey. Can’t wait to see you in the app!
As Carl Jung succinctly put it, “Shame is a soul-eating emotion.” But while shame — as well as its cousin, regret — are often shrouded in negativity, these universal feelings do serve a purpose. Recent scientific studies suggest they play pivotal roles in shaping our decision-making processes and future actions. Instead of shying away from them, what if we could understand them, accept them, and even use them to fuel positive change? Let’s decipher these twin emotional states and explore the transformative power they can hold by exploring the difference between regret, guilt, and shame and looking at what shame and regret can teach us.
Regret is primarily associated with our past actions or inactions. It's the pang we feel when we look back and wish we had done things differently.
Recent research has shown that both regret, while initially uncomfortable, can be a powerful catalyst for change. It can provide an emotional kick that propels us to alter behaviors that aren't serving us. The fact that regret can be harnessed to aid in behavior modification makes it particularly valuable when trying to let go of a persistent habit.
Author Daniel Pink explores this idea in his bestselling book, The Power of Regret. He uses an enormous data set from a survey that included 16,000 people in 105 countries to identify basic types of regret, which he then reframes as four core values. As a result, regret becomes a useful way to pinpoint what’s important in someone’s life, like a spotlight illuminating areas that need attention.
Shame, on the other hand, is more about self-perception. It's how we feel when we believe we have failed or disappointed others — or ourselves — in some fundamental way. Shame often involves a sense of exposure, a feeling that our shortcomings have been laid bare for others to see.
In psychological research, shame is often associated with a host of negative outcomes, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and problematic behaviors. It can lead to avoidance or withdrawal, and at its extreme, it can result in feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing.
When managed well, however, shame can work as a social barometer, alerting us to actions that deviate from our personal or societal values. Feeling shame about excessive drinking, rather than being a negative emotion, could be an essential part of understanding the need to change.
One critical thing to remember when navigating shame is the power of self-compassion. Research has demonstrated that individuals practicing self-compassion tend to be more resilient to shame, leading to healthier coping mechanisms.
Another distinction that sometimes comes up is the difference between shame and guilt. While at first glance shame might seem similar to guilt — another self-conscious emotion — there’s a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt typically relates to specific actions that we perceive as wrong or harmful. Shame, on the other hand, tends to be more pervasive, relating to the self as a whole. For example, guilt might lead someone to think, "I did something bad," whereas shame might make them think, "I am bad."
This brings us to a key point: while regret and shame can be powerful motivators, they need to be balanced with positive emotions. The field of positive psychology has amassed a wealth of evidence demonstrating the importance of positive emotions for maintaining behavior change. Emotions like joy, gratitude, and hope can provide the stamina and resilience needed to persist with the changes you want to make, especially when the going gets tough.
The core principle of positive psychology is to focus on building what's good in life, rather than just fixing what's bad. The field has provided valuable insights, particularly in therapy, coaching, education, and organizational development.
When it comes to dealing with shame and regret, it’s all about having a “glass-half-full” perspective and looking at these emotions as evidence that while we might not be exactly where we want to be yet, we are on our way. It also means striking the balance between denial and despair: while we don’t want to stay in these emotions for too long, we also want to acknowledge them as a sign that something needs to change.
So how can you strike this balance? Here's a three-step approach.
Embarking on the journey of change can be challenging, and feelings of regret and shame are natural. Remember, these feelings are not indictments but tools for growth. By understanding, accepting, and leveraging them, you're on your way to a healthier, happier you. Here's to harnessing the power of regret and shame on your path!
As Carl Jung succinctly put it, “Shame is a soul-eating emotion.” But while shame — as well as its cousin, regret — are often shrouded in negativity, these universal feelings do serve a purpose. Recent scientific studies suggest they play pivotal roles in shaping our decision-making processes and future actions. Instead of shying away from them, what if we could understand them, accept them, and even use them to fuel positive change? Let’s decipher these twin emotional states and explore the transformative power they can hold by exploring the difference between regret, guilt, and shame and looking at what shame and regret can teach us.
Regret is primarily associated with our past actions or inactions. It's the pang we feel when we look back and wish we had done things differently.
Recent research has shown that both regret, while initially uncomfortable, can be a powerful catalyst for change. It can provide an emotional kick that propels us to alter behaviors that aren't serving us. The fact that regret can be harnessed to aid in behavior modification makes it particularly valuable when trying to let go of a persistent habit.
Author Daniel Pink explores this idea in his bestselling book, The Power of Regret. He uses an enormous data set from a survey that included 16,000 people in 105 countries to identify basic types of regret, which he then reframes as four core values. As a result, regret becomes a useful way to pinpoint what’s important in someone’s life, like a spotlight illuminating areas that need attention.
Shame, on the other hand, is more about self-perception. It's how we feel when we believe we have failed or disappointed others — or ourselves — in some fundamental way. Shame often involves a sense of exposure, a feeling that our shortcomings have been laid bare for others to see.
In psychological research, shame is often associated with a host of negative outcomes, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and problematic behaviors. It can lead to avoidance or withdrawal, and at its extreme, it can result in feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing.
When managed well, however, shame can work as a social barometer, alerting us to actions that deviate from our personal or societal values. Feeling shame about excessive drinking, rather than being a negative emotion, could be an essential part of understanding the need to change.
One critical thing to remember when navigating shame is the power of self-compassion. Research has demonstrated that individuals practicing self-compassion tend to be more resilient to shame, leading to healthier coping mechanisms.
Another distinction that sometimes comes up is the difference between shame and guilt. While at first glance shame might seem similar to guilt — another self-conscious emotion — there’s a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt typically relates to specific actions that we perceive as wrong or harmful. Shame, on the other hand, tends to be more pervasive, relating to the self as a whole. For example, guilt might lead someone to think, "I did something bad," whereas shame might make them think, "I am bad."
This brings us to a key point: while regret and shame can be powerful motivators, they need to be balanced with positive emotions. The field of positive psychology has amassed a wealth of evidence demonstrating the importance of positive emotions for maintaining behavior change. Emotions like joy, gratitude, and hope can provide the stamina and resilience needed to persist with the changes you want to make, especially when the going gets tough.
The core principle of positive psychology is to focus on building what's good in life, rather than just fixing what's bad. The field has provided valuable insights, particularly in therapy, coaching, education, and organizational development.
When it comes to dealing with shame and regret, it’s all about having a “glass-half-full” perspective and looking at these emotions as evidence that while we might not be exactly where we want to be yet, we are on our way. It also means striking the balance between denial and despair: while we don’t want to stay in these emotions for too long, we also want to acknowledge them as a sign that something needs to change.
So how can you strike this balance? Here's a three-step approach.
Embarking on the journey of change can be challenging, and feelings of regret and shame are natural. Remember, these feelings are not indictments but tools for growth. By understanding, accepting, and leveraging them, you're on your way to a healthier, happier you. Here's to harnessing the power of regret and shame on your path!
You might have heard of the term “hangxiety,” aka when hangovers and anxiety collide. To understand what it really means, let’s delve into the science.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
After spending the evening celebrating her friend's birthday, Hannah awakens with memories of jokes and toasts. She opens her eyes to find not only a pounding headache from the hangover, but also an unexpected feeling of dread and anxiety. Hannah is experiencing something known as "hangxiety" — a combination of hangover and anxiety.
Why exactly does hangxiety happen? And how can we prevent hangxiety in the first place? Let's explore the science underlying this less-discussed side effect of drinking alcohol.
As the name implies, "hangxiety" combines "hangover" and "anxiety." It basically refers to the uneasiness felt while suffering from an alcoholic hangover. This mood can range from a hazy sense of unease and nervousness to strong sentiments of dread and worry, depending on the individual. Hangxiety can happen even without any triggering circumstances, so it's not just about feeling ashamed or regretting events from the previous night.
Having a drink at the end of a long day to decrease anxiety may seem like the answer, but studies have shown alcohol can actually exacerbate symptoms of anxiety. Alcohol is categorized as a depressant, meaning it depresses our central nervous system, leaving us feeling calmer and more relaxed. Although this might seem like a quick fix, it can actually lead to a bigger problem: neurotransmitter imbalance and hangxiety.
What causes hangxiety? To understand why hangxiety happens, we need to learn what alcohol does to our brains. When we consume alcohol, it affects various neurotransmitters in our brain, including GABA and glutamate. Initially, alcohol enhances the effect of GABA, a neurotransmitter with inhibitory effects, leading to feelings of relaxation. Simultaneously, it inhibits the action of glutamate, an excitatory neurotransmitter, further contributing to the sedative effects of alcohol.
However, there is a rebound effect once alcohol's effects subside. In an effort to reestablish equilibrium, the brain overcompensates, which causes excitatory neurotransmitter activity to increase and inhibitory neurotransmitter activity to decrease. Feelings of agitation, anxiety, and restlessness — also known as hangxiety — can be brought on by this disturbance in equilibrium.
What else explains why hangxiety happens? We can look to dopamine for answers.
Our brains release dopamine when we engage in activities we find pleasurable, like eating chocolate or drinking alcohol. This dopamine release teaches our brain what actions to repeat and, eventually, develop cravings for. Repeating the habit of drinking alcohol weekly or even daily teaches the brain that it no longer needs to release dopamine, leading to a dependence on alcohol. All of a sudden we find ourselves depleted of dopamine and hankering for a drink. Why?
Think of our brain as a hamster wheel that is constantly producing dopamine and other happy hormones. The chemicals required to feel pleasure and happiness are produced by our brain on a daily basis. Then, we include alcohol in the mix. Alcohol approaches our brain and says, "Hey friend, I've got it from here. You can go take a break," causing our brain to get off the hamster wheel.
At first, our brains might think, “Wow! This is so nice, I get to take a break!” But as the frequency and amount of alcohol we drink increases, our brain gets lazy and relies on alcohol to run the hamster wheel. This is dopamine depletion from alcohol misuse. We begin to damage our brain and alter the thresholds required for dopamine cell activation and signaling, which leads to less dopamine being released naturally.
Here are some symptoms of dopamine depletion:
There's no surefire way to completely prevent hangxiety, meaning the best prevention method is to cut back on or quit drinking alcohol. It's crucial to keep in mind that each person's reaction to alcohol differs, so just because one person can consume a given amount of alcohol without developing hangxiety and other hangover symptoms doesn't mean everyone will. Finding what functions best for us is the goal.
To drink responsibly, we must be aware of our limitations and abide by them. This could entail rotating between alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages or setting a limit on the number of drinks one can have in one sitting. Hydrating adequately and eating enough before and while we drink can help minimize the after-effects of alcohol and prevent hangxiety.
We can take action to reduce hangxiety if we experience it. First and foremost, keep in mind that hangxiety and anxious feelings are fleeting, and they’ll disappear as our body processes the alcohol.
If it’s taken a hold of you, here are a few helpful coping strategies for how to stop hangxiety:
Remember, while these strategies can help manage hangxiety, the best way to prevent it is by being mindful of our alcohol intake.
Hangxiety is a real and sometimes distressing outcome of alcohol consumption. Though the symptoms can be bothersome and all-consuming, the good news is that the feelings will pass. By understanding what hangxiety is, we can take steps to prevent hangxiety and cope with its effects.
Although moderating alcohol intake is the most effective prevention strategy, other measures such staying hydrated, eating well, and practicing mindfulness can also manage hangxiety. If you’ve been experiencing hangxiety, it may be time to rethink your relationship with alcohol. Though cutting back or quitting may be difficult in the beginning, the long-term benefits are well worth it. Your body will thank you!
After spending the evening celebrating her friend's birthday, Hannah awakens with memories of jokes and toasts. She opens her eyes to find not only a pounding headache from the hangover, but also an unexpected feeling of dread and anxiety. Hannah is experiencing something known as "hangxiety" — a combination of hangover and anxiety.
Why exactly does hangxiety happen? And how can we prevent hangxiety in the first place? Let's explore the science underlying this less-discussed side effect of drinking alcohol.
As the name implies, "hangxiety" combines "hangover" and "anxiety." It basically refers to the uneasiness felt while suffering from an alcoholic hangover. This mood can range from a hazy sense of unease and nervousness to strong sentiments of dread and worry, depending on the individual. Hangxiety can happen even without any triggering circumstances, so it's not just about feeling ashamed or regretting events from the previous night.
Having a drink at the end of a long day to decrease anxiety may seem like the answer, but studies have shown alcohol can actually exacerbate symptoms of anxiety. Alcohol is categorized as a depressant, meaning it depresses our central nervous system, leaving us feeling calmer and more relaxed. Although this might seem like a quick fix, it can actually lead to a bigger problem: neurotransmitter imbalance and hangxiety.
What causes hangxiety? To understand why hangxiety happens, we need to learn what alcohol does to our brains. When we consume alcohol, it affects various neurotransmitters in our brain, including GABA and glutamate. Initially, alcohol enhances the effect of GABA, a neurotransmitter with inhibitory effects, leading to feelings of relaxation. Simultaneously, it inhibits the action of glutamate, an excitatory neurotransmitter, further contributing to the sedative effects of alcohol.
However, there is a rebound effect once alcohol's effects subside. In an effort to reestablish equilibrium, the brain overcompensates, which causes excitatory neurotransmitter activity to increase and inhibitory neurotransmitter activity to decrease. Feelings of agitation, anxiety, and restlessness — also known as hangxiety — can be brought on by this disturbance in equilibrium.
What else explains why hangxiety happens? We can look to dopamine for answers.
Our brains release dopamine when we engage in activities we find pleasurable, like eating chocolate or drinking alcohol. This dopamine release teaches our brain what actions to repeat and, eventually, develop cravings for. Repeating the habit of drinking alcohol weekly or even daily teaches the brain that it no longer needs to release dopamine, leading to a dependence on alcohol. All of a sudden we find ourselves depleted of dopamine and hankering for a drink. Why?
Think of our brain as a hamster wheel that is constantly producing dopamine and other happy hormones. The chemicals required to feel pleasure and happiness are produced by our brain on a daily basis. Then, we include alcohol in the mix. Alcohol approaches our brain and says, "Hey friend, I've got it from here. You can go take a break," causing our brain to get off the hamster wheel.
At first, our brains might think, “Wow! This is so nice, I get to take a break!” But as the frequency and amount of alcohol we drink increases, our brain gets lazy and relies on alcohol to run the hamster wheel. This is dopamine depletion from alcohol misuse. We begin to damage our brain and alter the thresholds required for dopamine cell activation and signaling, which leads to less dopamine being released naturally.
Here are some symptoms of dopamine depletion:
There's no surefire way to completely prevent hangxiety, meaning the best prevention method is to cut back on or quit drinking alcohol. It's crucial to keep in mind that each person's reaction to alcohol differs, so just because one person can consume a given amount of alcohol without developing hangxiety and other hangover symptoms doesn't mean everyone will. Finding what functions best for us is the goal.
To drink responsibly, we must be aware of our limitations and abide by them. This could entail rotating between alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages or setting a limit on the number of drinks one can have in one sitting. Hydrating adequately and eating enough before and while we drink can help minimize the after-effects of alcohol and prevent hangxiety.
We can take action to reduce hangxiety if we experience it. First and foremost, keep in mind that hangxiety and anxious feelings are fleeting, and they’ll disappear as our body processes the alcohol.
If it’s taken a hold of you, here are a few helpful coping strategies for how to stop hangxiety:
Remember, while these strategies can help manage hangxiety, the best way to prevent it is by being mindful of our alcohol intake.
Hangxiety is a real and sometimes distressing outcome of alcohol consumption. Though the symptoms can be bothersome and all-consuming, the good news is that the feelings will pass. By understanding what hangxiety is, we can take steps to prevent hangxiety and cope with its effects.
Although moderating alcohol intake is the most effective prevention strategy, other measures such staying hydrated, eating well, and practicing mindfulness can also manage hangxiety. If you’ve been experiencing hangxiety, it may be time to rethink your relationship with alcohol. Though cutting back or quitting may be difficult in the beginning, the long-term benefits are well worth it. Your body will thank you!
Does alcohol make you more confident? It might seem like it does, but it’s an illusion. Learn the science behind true confidence vs. the alcohol-fueled variety and pick up some great tips on how to have “drunk confidence” when sober.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet hundreds of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
It’s a common story, and maybe you can relate. A shy teenager throughout high school, you go to college and, after your first few drinks of that sketchy punch at a dorm party, you turn into a social butterfly. Dancing with strangers, playing beer pong in the basement, showing off your moves on the windowsill — the whole deal. You wake up next morning with a pounding headache, wishing your dorm suite had a bathroom so you wouldn’t risk locking yourself out every time you make the mid-morning trek to the bathroom. But hey, you were confident. Finally. Yay!
But does alcohol make you more confident, or is it an illusion? This so-called “liquid courage” — the stuff that makes you send embarrassing texts or tell your boss about that time you stole the basket of muffins at a company retreat — is unlikely to get us far in life in the long run. And yet, how can we be confident without booze, especially when we’ve come to rely on it? Here are some strategies to consider.
Before we get into strategies, though, let’s be clear about what we’re dealing with. What is confidence, and what does alcohol have to do with it? Why does alcohol make you confident? And does it actually deliver on its “promises”? In other words, does alcohol make you more confident, or does it just make you feel like you are?
You know that episode of Friends — the one where Rachel tells Ross that she’s been secretly in love with him but is now “over him”? While “closure,” as she calls it, is all well and good, the problem is, she leaves the message on a whim after getting plastered with a date (who is getting more and more horrified with the whole situation by the minute). Needless to say, this burst of “confidence” leads to next-day regret (and some laughs — it is a comedy, after all).
But while this story might be fictional, there’s real science behind the illusion of confidence we get under the influence. So if you’re wondering, why am I more “confident” when drunk? Here’s why.
As we can see, the neurotransmitter shifts triggered by alcohol create a powerful albeit short-lived and unsustainable illusion of confidence. We feel disinhibited and, well, “good” — maybe even euphoric. However, over time we need more and more of the substance to achieve the same effect. Worse still, that effect doesn’t represent authentic confidence: we may feel like we’re on top of the world, but it’s really just the booze talking.
Inevitably, the “confidence” dissipates, leaving us worse off than before. We may have done and said things we now regret. We might not even remember those “great” conversations we felt we were having under the influence. To make a long story short, does alcohol make you more confident? No, it really doesn’t. It just makes us feel as if we are.
The great news? If we understand how our brain works, then we can tap into its true powers to develop authentic confidence without alcohol. As Anne Lamott writes in Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy, “... being sober delivered almost everything drinking promised.” And it’s not an exaggeration!
“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” ― Santosh Kalwar
First order of business? Finding the “thought traps” that keep us stuck in the “I need booze to feel confident” trap and dismantling them. So let’s get our toolbox ready and get going!
What’s inside? A wealth of proven techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which works wonders when it comes to recognizing distortions — thoughts based on faulty logic that we’ve subconsciously internalized. Here are some common examples:
Tip: To really put this matter to rest, next time you’re in a situation requiring a level of confidence you would normally try to find in a drink, try something different. Approach it as an experiment: what’s the worst that could happen? So what if it feels awkward the first time? If in the end you end up proving to yourself that you can, indeed, dance or date without booze, it will be absolutely worth it.
“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself …” ― C.S. Lewis
Confidence is internal, but it’s also all about the people we surround ourselves with. If the “posse” we travel with through life (or through our weekend outings) makes us doubt ourselves or feel like we need to act a certain way to fit in, it will be that much harder to find our groove. And that’s when alcohol might seem like a solution.
Instead, if we surround ourselves with people who build up our inner strength and love us for who we are, self-confidence will be the natural result of our interactions. Science shows that positive social interactions enhance our health, provide emotional support, and help us feel validated in a way that’s more lasting and authentic than anything alcohol can provide.
Tip: Spend some time on your social network and think of ways to make it stronger. Do you feel comfortable sharing your goals around alcohol? If you’re having trouble finding support, check out Reframe’s 24/7 Forum where people just like you are eager to share their stories and advice. Also, take a look at “Types of Social Support and How They Work.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ― Albert Einstein
In The Little Book of Big Change, Amy Johnson talks about curiosity as a way out of our habits. In a blog post on the subject, she expands on this idea: “Curious means you don’t know. You’re as dumb as possible about what’s occurring. ‘What even is this?’, you wonder as you swim into the sensations you’re feeling. ‘What am I finding? What is here?’ You’re exploring it with curiosity, not to label or name it, but for the sake of exploring.”
What if we could get curious about our social anxiety (or lack of confidence) instead of reaching for alcohol as a “way out”? Getting curious about our perceived limitations or insecurities can sap them of their power in a way nothing else, including alcohol, ever can.
It’s also helpful to get curious about the immediate situation we’re in. Annie Grace suggests a helpful exercise in This Naked Mind. When going to a party, make it a mission to learn at least 10 things about every person you talk to. Ask questions — lots of them. If nothing else, it gives us something else to focus on instead of our confidence level!
Tip: Next time you find yourself worrying about a social situation, get curious about the details. How can you describe the feeling? What situation brought it on? When does the feeling seem to ease or disappear?
“Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” ― Rumi
Another great way to build confidence? Finding our passion. When we’re completely absorbed in an activity — in “the zone,” so to speak — thoughts about our perceived limitations tend to fall by the wayside. Whatever the activity is (writing, gardening, creating a photo collage, raising plants, or making a patchwork quilt) getting completely absorbed in it is the point. As we find our passion and practice our craft, we get more skilled at it. The natural fallout? Our confidence rises. Besides, “flow state” is a natural way to boost dopamine levels, keeping those alcohol cravings at bay.
Tip: Carve out a time during the day (or on the weekend) to devote to an activity that gets you in “the zone.” The key is to stick with it and make it a habit. It can be an old hobby that got sidelined when life and other responsibilities took over, or it can be something new. Then, share it with others (starting with close friends and family). After a while, you’ll build up a new dimension of your life that will naturally boost your confidence.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu
Many of us struggle with social anxiety, but what if it could be a source of strength rather than a weakness? If we lean into our perceived “weaknesses,” they can become a source of strength. If we explore what’s difficult for us and open ourselves up to honest conversations about self-confidence, we can find that others are in the same boat. And guess what? That natural camaraderie we tap into when we discuss our social anxiety can actually serve as a way out.
Talk therapy can also work wonders for many people, so it’s worth checking out. It’s a trial and error process, and like any relationship, it takes some time to find our groove with the right person. Don’t give up if the first one doesn’t work and keep an open mind!
Tip: Talk about the social anxiety you’re currently experiencing instead of “bottling it up.” Start with a trusted friend or family member, an online support group (like the Reframe forum!) or a therapist. Check out “The Relationship Between Social Anxiety and Alcohol Misuse” for more information and helpful tips!
All in all, being confident without alcohol is all about tapping into our natural strengths and passions. Let’s approach the process with curiosity — we’re on a journey of discovery, about to uncover the many facets of life that alcohol has been covering up. Soak in the range of emotions and experiences as you invite more rewards into your life than drinking could ever provide.
It’s a common story, and maybe you can relate. A shy teenager throughout high school, you go to college and, after your first few drinks of that sketchy punch at a dorm party, you turn into a social butterfly. Dancing with strangers, playing beer pong in the basement, showing off your moves on the windowsill — the whole deal. You wake up next morning with a pounding headache, wishing your dorm suite had a bathroom so you wouldn’t risk locking yourself out every time you make the mid-morning trek to the bathroom. But hey, you were confident. Finally. Yay!
But does alcohol make you more confident, or is it an illusion? This so-called “liquid courage” — the stuff that makes you send embarrassing texts or tell your boss about that time you stole the basket of muffins at a company retreat — is unlikely to get us far in life in the long run. And yet, how can we be confident without booze, especially when we’ve come to rely on it? Here are some strategies to consider.
Before we get into strategies, though, let’s be clear about what we’re dealing with. What is confidence, and what does alcohol have to do with it? Why does alcohol make you confident? And does it actually deliver on its “promises”? In other words, does alcohol make you more confident, or does it just make you feel like you are?
You know that episode of Friends — the one where Rachel tells Ross that she’s been secretly in love with him but is now “over him”? While “closure,” as she calls it, is all well and good, the problem is, she leaves the message on a whim after getting plastered with a date (who is getting more and more horrified with the whole situation by the minute). Needless to say, this burst of “confidence” leads to next-day regret (and some laughs — it is a comedy, after all).
But while this story might be fictional, there’s real science behind the illusion of confidence we get under the influence. So if you’re wondering, why am I more “confident” when drunk? Here’s why.
As we can see, the neurotransmitter shifts triggered by alcohol create a powerful albeit short-lived and unsustainable illusion of confidence. We feel disinhibited and, well, “good” — maybe even euphoric. However, over time we need more and more of the substance to achieve the same effect. Worse still, that effect doesn’t represent authentic confidence: we may feel like we’re on top of the world, but it’s really just the booze talking.
Inevitably, the “confidence” dissipates, leaving us worse off than before. We may have done and said things we now regret. We might not even remember those “great” conversations we felt we were having under the influence. To make a long story short, does alcohol make you more confident? No, it really doesn’t. It just makes us feel as if we are.
The great news? If we understand how our brain works, then we can tap into its true powers to develop authentic confidence without alcohol. As Anne Lamott writes in Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy, “... being sober delivered almost everything drinking promised.” And it’s not an exaggeration!
“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” ― Santosh Kalwar
First order of business? Finding the “thought traps” that keep us stuck in the “I need booze to feel confident” trap and dismantling them. So let’s get our toolbox ready and get going!
What’s inside? A wealth of proven techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which works wonders when it comes to recognizing distortions — thoughts based on faulty logic that we’ve subconsciously internalized. Here are some common examples:
Tip: To really put this matter to rest, next time you’re in a situation requiring a level of confidence you would normally try to find in a drink, try something different. Approach it as an experiment: what’s the worst that could happen? So what if it feels awkward the first time? If in the end you end up proving to yourself that you can, indeed, dance or date without booze, it will be absolutely worth it.
“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself …” ― C.S. Lewis
Confidence is internal, but it’s also all about the people we surround ourselves with. If the “posse” we travel with through life (or through our weekend outings) makes us doubt ourselves or feel like we need to act a certain way to fit in, it will be that much harder to find our groove. And that’s when alcohol might seem like a solution.
Instead, if we surround ourselves with people who build up our inner strength and love us for who we are, self-confidence will be the natural result of our interactions. Science shows that positive social interactions enhance our health, provide emotional support, and help us feel validated in a way that’s more lasting and authentic than anything alcohol can provide.
Tip: Spend some time on your social network and think of ways to make it stronger. Do you feel comfortable sharing your goals around alcohol? If you’re having trouble finding support, check out Reframe’s 24/7 Forum where people just like you are eager to share their stories and advice. Also, take a look at “Types of Social Support and How They Work.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ― Albert Einstein
In The Little Book of Big Change, Amy Johnson talks about curiosity as a way out of our habits. In a blog post on the subject, she expands on this idea: “Curious means you don’t know. You’re as dumb as possible about what’s occurring. ‘What even is this?’, you wonder as you swim into the sensations you’re feeling. ‘What am I finding? What is here?’ You’re exploring it with curiosity, not to label or name it, but for the sake of exploring.”
What if we could get curious about our social anxiety (or lack of confidence) instead of reaching for alcohol as a “way out”? Getting curious about our perceived limitations or insecurities can sap them of their power in a way nothing else, including alcohol, ever can.
It’s also helpful to get curious about the immediate situation we’re in. Annie Grace suggests a helpful exercise in This Naked Mind. When going to a party, make it a mission to learn at least 10 things about every person you talk to. Ask questions — lots of them. If nothing else, it gives us something else to focus on instead of our confidence level!
Tip: Next time you find yourself worrying about a social situation, get curious about the details. How can you describe the feeling? What situation brought it on? When does the feeling seem to ease or disappear?
“Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” ― Rumi
Another great way to build confidence? Finding our passion. When we’re completely absorbed in an activity — in “the zone,” so to speak — thoughts about our perceived limitations tend to fall by the wayside. Whatever the activity is (writing, gardening, creating a photo collage, raising plants, or making a patchwork quilt) getting completely absorbed in it is the point. As we find our passion and practice our craft, we get more skilled at it. The natural fallout? Our confidence rises. Besides, “flow state” is a natural way to boost dopamine levels, keeping those alcohol cravings at bay.
Tip: Carve out a time during the day (or on the weekend) to devote to an activity that gets you in “the zone.” The key is to stick with it and make it a habit. It can be an old hobby that got sidelined when life and other responsibilities took over, or it can be something new. Then, share it with others (starting with close friends and family). After a while, you’ll build up a new dimension of your life that will naturally boost your confidence.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu
Many of us struggle with social anxiety, but what if it could be a source of strength rather than a weakness? If we lean into our perceived “weaknesses,” they can become a source of strength. If we explore what’s difficult for us and open ourselves up to honest conversations about self-confidence, we can find that others are in the same boat. And guess what? That natural camaraderie we tap into when we discuss our social anxiety can actually serve as a way out.
Talk therapy can also work wonders for many people, so it’s worth checking out. It’s a trial and error process, and like any relationship, it takes some time to find our groove with the right person. Don’t give up if the first one doesn’t work and keep an open mind!
Tip: Talk about the social anxiety you’re currently experiencing instead of “bottling it up.” Start with a trusted friend or family member, an online support group (like the Reframe forum!) or a therapist. Check out “The Relationship Between Social Anxiety and Alcohol Misuse” for more information and helpful tips!
All in all, being confident without alcohol is all about tapping into our natural strengths and passions. Let’s approach the process with curiosity — we’re on a journey of discovery, about to uncover the many facets of life that alcohol has been covering up. Soak in the range of emotions and experiences as you invite more rewards into your life than drinking could ever provide.