Break free from self sabotage with practical tips to recognize patterns, understand your triggers, and build healthier habits for lasting personal growth.
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You’re on the verge of a huge breakthrough. Maybe it's landing that dream job or building a healthy, loving relationship. But then, almost unconsciously, you start doing things that push your goal further away. Sound familiar? This frustrating pattern is a classic case of self sabotage. It’s that internal tug-of-war where your best intentions get derailed by your own actions. But here's the thing: it's not a personal failing. It's a deeply human response we can understand and change. We'll explore exactly what self sabotage is and how to stop it.
Self-sabotage happens when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals. This behavior reflects our internal, often unconscious, fear of failure or success.
At its core, self-sabotage is when our own behavior gets in the way of what we truly want. It’s the frustrating gap between our intentions and our actions. You might set a goal to reduce your alcohol intake, but then find yourself in situations where you consistently drink more than you planned. This isn’t a failure of willpower; it’s often a sign of a deeper, subconscious conflict. Your conscious mind is aiming for a healthier lifestyle, but your subconscious mind might be driven by old beliefs, fears, or a desire for comfort, creating actions that contradict your goals. Recognizing this internal tug-of-war is the first step toward making a real change.
Self-sabotaging behaviors can be sneaky and show up in many forms. Procrastination is a classic example — putting off an important task until the last minute, which ensures the final result isn’t your best work. Perfectionism is another, where the fear of not doing something perfectly prevents you from even starting. For many, these patterns are closely tied to their drinking habits. You might over-drink the night before a big day, effectively sabotaging your performance. Or perhaps you use alcohol to numb uncomfortable emotions, which prevents you from addressing the root cause of your stress and ultimately hinders your personal growth and well-being.
So, why do we engage in these counterproductive behaviors? Often, self-sabotage is a misguided form of self-protection. These patterns are frequently rooted in past experiences and learned beliefs about our own worth. If you have a deep-seated fear of failure, not trying at all can feel safer than trying and falling short. Similarly, a fear of success can trigger feelings of inadequacy or the anxiety of new expectations. Your brain is trying to shield you from potential pain, but it’s using an outdated strategy that no longer serves you. Understanding that these behaviors come from a place of protection can help you approach them with compassion instead of criticism.
Self-sabotage is complex and multifaceted, with many psychological and neurological elements at play. The roots of self-sabotage lie in our brain's natural "fight or flight" response.
When confronted with a physical threat — a stranger in a dark alley, a poisonous snake on a hiking trail, a potted plant falling from a balcony above — our brain activates this response to protect us.
However, when faced with abstract threats — such as the fear of failure or of discomfort — our brains can misinterpret the feelings of danger and respond by getting our bodies ready for action even when there’s nothing to “fight” or “flee.” The result is counterproductive: fleeing from a job interview won’t get you any closer to landing the job, and snapping at a coworker who annoys you certainly won’t do you any favors.
According to psychologists, another factor at play is cognitive dissonance — that uncomfortable feeling when our actions don't align with our beliefs or values. For instance, if we see ourselves as introverts but our job requires networking, we may sabotage our own efforts to avoid that discomfort.
Self-sabotage isn't just a random impulse; it's a complex behavior that often serves as a misguided form of self-protection. It can stem from a variety of deep-seated beliefs and past experiences that shape how we view ourselves and the world. Understanding these underlying reasons is the first step toward recognizing the pattern and making a change. Whether it's a fear of repeating past mistakes or an attempt to control an unpredictable outcome, these behaviors are often our brain's clumsy way of trying to keep us safe from perceived harm, even when that "harm" is actually an opportunity for growth and success.
The tricky part is that self-sabotage often feels like the right decision in the moment. It provides a temporary sense of relief or safety, which reinforces the behavior. For example, turning down a promotion might feel like you're avoiding the stress of new responsibilities, but in the long run, it prevents you from achieving your career goals. By exploring the common triggers, like low self-esteem or a fear of the unknown, we can begin to untangle these self-defeating patterns and choose a different path for ourselves—one that aligns with our true aspirations.
Our past often has a bigger role in our present than we realize. If you grew up with criticism or experienced significant setbacks, you might have internalized a belief that you aren't worthy of success. This low self-esteem can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might unconsciously act in ways that confirm this negative self-view, like messing up a project right before the deadline. As noted by experts at Verywell Mind, self-sabotage often acts as a coping mechanism for past hurts. It’s a way of protecting yourself from potential disappointment by never letting yourself get too close to the finish line.
It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes we self-sabotage to feel more in control of a situation. If you're convinced you're going to fail at something, orchestrating that failure yourself can feel less painful than having it happen unexpectedly. For instance, if you're worried about being rejected after a second date, you might just stop replying to their texts. You've controlled the outcome—the connection ends, but it ends on your terms. This preemptive strike gives you a sense of agency, even though it ultimately prevents you from getting what you might actually want: a meaningful relationship.
Just as we can fear failure, we can also fear success. Achieving a major goal means stepping into the unknown. It brings new responsibilities, higher expectations, and more visibility—all of which can be incredibly intimidating. This fear can trigger self-sabotaging behaviors designed to keep you in your comfort zone. You might downplay your achievements or turn down opportunities that would lead to growth. It feels safer to stay where you are than to risk the potential pressures that come with success. This is your brain trying to protect you from a new, unfamiliar kind of stress.
At its core, a lot of self-sabotage is about avoidance. We do things to sidestep uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, stress, or emotional pain. Procrastinating on a big presentation helps you avoid the anxiety of public speaking, at least for a little while. Similarly, as Psychology Today points out, some people use substances to escape difficult feelings. This is a temporary fix that creates a much larger problem over time. The behavior provides immediate relief, but it prevents you from developing healthier coping skills and ultimately holds you back from living a fulfilling life.
Self-sabotage can be sneaky. It doesn't always show up as a dramatic, life-altering decision. More often, it's a series of small, seemingly harmless choices that accumulate over time, quietly steering you away from your goals. It can look like consistently hitting the snooze button when you promised yourself you'd start working out in the mornings, or picking a fight with your partner right after a really wonderful, intimate moment. These actions might seem unrelated, but they often share a common root: an unconscious effort to undermine your own happiness and progress. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to understanding your personal brand of self-sabotage.
The key is to look for patterns. Do you find yourself constantly missing deadlines, even when you have plenty of time? Do you tend to overspend right before you hit a savings goal? These are classic examples of self-sabotaging behaviors. They are the practical, everyday ways our deeper fears and insecurities manifest. By identifying what self-sabotage actually looks like in your day-to-day life, you can start to connect the dots between your actions and your underlying anxieties, giving you the power to intervene and make a different choice next time.
Self-sabotage wears many different masks, but some are more common than others. These behaviors often serve as coping mechanisms, providing a temporary escape from stress or discomfort while ultimately causing more harm. They can range from subtle habits, like negative self-talk, to more overt actions, such as substance use or picking fights in relationships. The common thread is that they all create obstacles on the path to your goals, whether those goals are related to your career, health, or personal relationships. Understanding these common forms can help you spot them in your own life.
Procrastination and perfectionism are two sides of the same coin. Perfectionism isn't about having high standards; it's about setting standards so impossibly high that you're too intimidated to even start. You might delay working on a project because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly, which leads to procrastination. This delay tactic protects you from the possibility of failure or criticism. If you never finish the project, no one can judge it. This cycle of inaction ensures you never have to face potential disappointment, but it also guarantees you'll never achieve your goal.
When difficult emotions surface, it's natural to want to numb them. For many, this takes the form of self-medication with alcohol or drugs, or turning to food for comfort. These behaviors offer a quick and easy escape from feelings like anxiety, loneliness, or stress. However, they are a temporary solution that often makes the underlying problem worse. Using alcohol to cope, for example, can become a destructive cycle that damages your physical and mental health. Learning about mindful drinking can be a powerful first step in breaking this pattern and finding healthier ways to manage your emotions without sabotaging your well-being.
While specific behaviors can vary, they often fall into one of four main patterns: fleeing, freezing, fighting, or folding. These categories describe our go-to reactions when we feel threatened by success, failure, or emotional discomfort. Think of them as your default settings for self-protection. Identifying which pattern you tend to fall into can be incredibly insightful. It helps you understand your typical response to stress and provides a roadmap for how to react differently in the future, allowing you to consciously choose a more constructive path.
Fleeing is all about avoidance. When a situation feels too difficult or emotionally charged, your instinct is to run. This doesn't necessarily mean physically running away; it can manifest as quitting a job right before a big promotion, ending a relationship when it starts to get serious, or using distractions like binge-watching TV to avoid your own feelings. Addictive behaviors are also a form of fleeing. You're essentially trying to escape discomfort, but in doing so, you're also running away from opportunities for growth and connection.
Freezing is the pattern of overthinking to the point of inaction. You get so caught up in analyzing every possible outcome and trying to make the "perfect" choice that you end up doing nothing at all. This is often driven by a deep-seated fear of making a mistake. You might spend weeks researching the best workout plan but never actually go to the gym, or endlessly edit a single email without ever hitting "send." By staying in the planning phase, you protect yourself from the risk of failure, but you also prevent yourself from making any progress.
The fighting pattern shows up as chronic anger, negativity, or a tendency to be argumentative. You might find fault in everything, complain constantly, or pick fights with others as a way to push them away. This behavior creates a barrier, keeping people and opportunities at a distance. While anger can sometimes be a motivating force, living in a constant state of conflict is a form of self-sabotage. It keeps you focused on external battles, so you don't have to face your internal fears or vulnerabilities, but it ultimately leaves you feeling isolated and unfulfilled.
Folding is characterized by a sense of hopelessness and resignation. You believe that nothing you do will make a difference, so you simply give up. This can look like apathy, passivity, or falling into a state of depression. You might stop trying at work, neglect your health, or tell yourself, "What's the point?" This pattern is particularly insidious because it drains you of the motivation needed to make positive changes. It’s a self-protective shutdown where you decide it's safer to expect nothing than to risk being disappointed yet again.
Self-sabotage often masquerades in different forms. Its favorite disguises? Procrastination, perfectionism, and the often-overlooked self-deprecation.
Before we track down self-sabotage, let's pause for a moment. While it's true that self-sabotage can hinder our progress, it also provides valuable insights into our hidden fears and insecurities.
Our self-sabotaging behaviors may be our brain's clumsy way of trying to protect us from perceived threats. Understanding this helps us change our perspective, transforming self-sabotage from an enemy to a quirky, well-meaning friend who just needs a little guidance. In other words, not every thought or automatic reaction we have has to be taken seriously — it’s okay to be picky about what thoughts we identify with.
Self-sabotage isn't a one-size-fits-all problem. It’s a sneaky chameleon, changing its colors to blend into different areas of our lives. Recognizing its patterns is the first step to breaking free. From our love lives to our career ambitions and health goals, these self-defeating behaviors often pop up where we least expect them, disguised as protection or comfort. Let's look at some of the most common places you might find self-sabotage at work.
Have you ever been in a relationship that felt almost too good to be true, only to find yourself picking fights or pulling away for no real reason? This is a classic example of self-sabotage. If you have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, you might push your partner away first. It’s a way to control the situation — if you end it, you can’t be the one who gets left. This behavior can also stem from low self-worth. When a kind and loving partner enters your life, their affection might clash with a negative inner belief that you aren’t good enough, creating that uncomfortable feeling of cognitive dissonance. To resolve it, you might unconsciously create conflict to prove to yourself that you were right all along.
Procrastinating on a major project, consistently showing up late, or staying quiet in meetings when you have valuable ideas are all ways self-sabotage can appear in your professional life. Often, this is tied to a fear of success or failure. If you get that promotion, the stakes are higher, and the fear of not meeting expectations can be paralyzing. It can feel safer to play small. On the flip side, you might put your work out there but secretly hope it fails. Why? Because if people don’t like it, it confirms that inner voice telling you that you aren’t good enough, which can feel strangely comforting in its familiarity. Sometimes, we even make a job we dislike worse on purpose, creating enough drama with coworkers or our boss to finally give us the "reason" we need to quit.
You start the week with great intentions: meal prepping, hitting the gym, and cutting back on alcohol. But by the weekend, you find yourself falling back into old habits, telling yourself you’ll start again on Monday. This cycle is incredibly common. Often, we use food and drink for emotional relief from stress, anxiety, or sadness. So while one part of you wants to build healthier habits, another part is still seeking comfort in the familiar. Success can also be intimidating. Reaching a health goal might mean receiving more attention or shifting your identity in a way that feels uncomfortable. This discomfort can be enough to send you right back to the patterns you know, even if they don't serve your long-term well-being. Learning to practice mindful drinking and eating can help you understand these triggers and respond to them in a new way.
If you're trying to drink less, first of all, hats off to you! It's a brave decision that requires courage and determination. But as you journey towards your goal, you might notice that self-sabotage creeps in to get you off track.
You might find yourself making excuses to drink, skipping your support group meetings, or neglecting to use the coping strategies you've learned. Why does this happen? Once again, there’s science behind it.
The human brain loves its comfort zone, and any change — including cutting back on alcohol — is perceived as a threat to the comfortable status quo. Your brain isn’t working against you: it's just sticking to its job of keeping things in balance and avoiding the unknown.
Additionally, neuroscientists have found that substances like alcohol can modify the brain's reward system. When you try to cut back, your brain may instigate self-sabotaging behaviors to seek the reward it's used to receiving from alcohol.
Identifying self-sabotage can be tricky: it's a master of disguise. It might come as procrastination ("I'll start cutting back tomorrow"), denial ("I don't have a problem with alcohol"), or even justification ("I've had a hard day, I deserve a drink”).
Remember, self-sabotage isn't the real enemy. It's just a sign of deeper issues like fear, guilt, or low self-esteem. Unpacking these underlying feelings can work wonders in getting past self-sabotage and progressing on your alcohol reduction journey!
Recognizing self-sabotage is the first step, but breaking the cycle for good requires conscious effort and the right strategies. It’s about replacing old, unhelpful habits with new, supportive ones. This process isn't about achieving perfection overnight; it's about making small, consistent changes that build momentum. By becoming more aware of your actions and the thoughts that drive them, you can start to dismantle the patterns that hold you back. The goal is to treat yourself with compassion and curiosity, turning self-sabotage into an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Let's explore some actionable ways to get started.
The first step to changing any behavior is awareness. You can't fix a problem you don't fully understand. Start by becoming a detective in your own life. Keep a journal or use an app to note when self-sabotaging behaviors pop up. What were you doing? Who were you with? What were you feeling right before it happened? This practice isn't about judging yourself; it's about collecting data. By tracking your actions, you’ll begin to see clear patterns and identify the specific situations, thoughts, or feelings that trigger your self-sabotaging responses. This awareness is your superpower, giving you the information you need to anticipate and interrupt the cycle before it starts.
Self-sabotage is often fueled by deep-seated negative beliefs about ourselves and what we deserve. Thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "I'll probably fail anyway" can become self-fulfilling prophecies. It's time to put these beliefs on trial. When a negative thought arises, question its validity. Is there concrete evidence that it's 100% true? Usually, there isn't. Practice reframing these thoughts with more balanced and compassionate self-talk. For example, instead of "I always mess things up," try "I'm learning and growing, and it's okay to make mistakes." This shift in mindset is a core part of building healthier habits and is central to neuroscience-based programs like Reframe, which help you rewire these thought patterns over time.
Sometimes, self-sabotage is too tangled to unravel on our own, especially if it leads to issues like substance misuse or self-harm. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the roots of your behavior and equip you with effective strategies to overcome it. Think of it as hiring a personal trainer for your mind. They have the expertise and tools to guide you through the process, helping you build resilience and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Reaching out is a sign of strength and a powerful commitment to your well-being.
When you look for a therapist, you might come across different approaches. Two common and highly effective types are Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). CBT focuses on helping you identify and change destructive thought patterns and behaviors, improving your overall well-being. It’s a practical approach that gives you tools to manage your thoughts in the moment. DBT is particularly helpful if you struggle with intense emotions and impulsive actions. It teaches skills in mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance, helping you manage difficult feelings without resorting to self-sabotaging behaviors.
In some cases, chronic self-sabotage can be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition, such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For individuals with BPD, intense emotions, a fear of abandonment, and a distorted sense of self can lead to self-destructive behaviors on emotional, physical, and social levels. This isn't to say that everyone who self-sabotages has BPD, but if your patterns are severe, persistent, and causing significant distress in your life and relationships, it may be worth exploring with a mental health professional. Understanding the deeper issues at play is crucial for finding the most effective path to healing and breaking the cycle for good.
If you're ready to make some changes, here are some practical steps to help you steer clear self-sabotage:
As for tackling self-sabotage in the context of alcohol, here are some things to try:
By understanding the science behind self-sabotage and employing practical steps to manage it, we can change our relationship with this pesky mental roommate. By integrating these steps into your journey, you can build a robust, comprehensive approach to managing self-sabotage while successfully reducing alcohol consumption. With some introspection and a dash of self-compassion, we might even come to appreciate the insight that self-sabotage can offer.
With every challenge you face, you're not just moving closer to your destination, you're also gaining strength, resilience, and a deeper understanding of yourself. So buckle up, keep an eye on the horizon, and embrace the journey with all its unique challenges and rewards.
How can I tell the difference between self-sabotage and just having a bad day? The key difference is the pattern. Having a bad day is usually a one-time event; you might oversleep or miss a workout because you genuinely feel unwell. Self-sabotage, on the other hand, is a recurring cycle of behavior that consistently gets in the way of a specific goal. If you notice you always seem to pick a fight with your partner right after a moment of closeness or procrastinate on projects just as you’re about to succeed, you’re likely looking at a pattern of self-sabotage rather than just an off day.
It feels like I only self-sabotage when things are going well. Why is that? This is incredibly common and often stems from a fear of success. When you achieve a goal, life changes. You might face new expectations, increased visibility, or responsibilities that feel intimidating. Your brain can interpret this unfamiliar territory as a threat and try to pull you back to what feels safe and known. So, you might unconsciously act in ways that undermine your success to avoid the discomfort of stepping into a new, more challenging role.
Is self-sabotage always a conscious choice? Most of the time, it’s not. Self-sabotaging behaviors are often driven by subconscious beliefs and fears that we’ve carried for a long time, sometimes since childhood. You might not consciously decide to ruin a good opportunity, but your ingrained habits and automatic responses can lead you there anyway. The work is in bringing these unconscious patterns into your conscious awareness so you can begin to understand them and make different choices.
What's the most important first step to take if I think I'm self-sabotaging? The most powerful first step is to simply become an observer of your own behavior, without any judgment. Start paying attention to when these patterns show up. Instead of criticizing yourself, get curious. Ask yourself, "What was I feeling right before I did that?" or "What situation triggered this response?" This simple act of noticing helps you gather the information you need to understand your triggers, which is the foundation for making any lasting change.
When should I consider getting professional help for these patterns? If your self-sabotaging behaviors are causing significant harm to your relationships, career, or overall well-being, seeking professional help is a great step. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the deep-rooted causes of these patterns and give you effective tools to manage them. It's especially important to reach out if your behaviors involve substance misuse or put your safety at risk. Think of it as getting an expert guide to help you navigate a tricky internal landscape.
You’re on the verge of a huge breakthrough. Maybe it's landing that dream job or building a healthy, loving relationship. But then, almost unconsciously, you start doing things that push your goal further away. Sound familiar? This frustrating pattern is a classic case of self sabotage. It’s that internal tug-of-war where your best intentions get derailed by your own actions. But here's the thing: it's not a personal failing. It's a deeply human response we can understand and change. We'll explore exactly what self sabotage is and how to stop it.
Self-sabotage happens when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals. This behavior reflects our internal, often unconscious, fear of failure or success.
At its core, self-sabotage is when our own behavior gets in the way of what we truly want. It’s the frustrating gap between our intentions and our actions. You might set a goal to reduce your alcohol intake, but then find yourself in situations where you consistently drink more than you planned. This isn’t a failure of willpower; it’s often a sign of a deeper, subconscious conflict. Your conscious mind is aiming for a healthier lifestyle, but your subconscious mind might be driven by old beliefs, fears, or a desire for comfort, creating actions that contradict your goals. Recognizing this internal tug-of-war is the first step toward making a real change.
Self-sabotaging behaviors can be sneaky and show up in many forms. Procrastination is a classic example — putting off an important task until the last minute, which ensures the final result isn’t your best work. Perfectionism is another, where the fear of not doing something perfectly prevents you from even starting. For many, these patterns are closely tied to their drinking habits. You might over-drink the night before a big day, effectively sabotaging your performance. Or perhaps you use alcohol to numb uncomfortable emotions, which prevents you from addressing the root cause of your stress and ultimately hinders your personal growth and well-being.
So, why do we engage in these counterproductive behaviors? Often, self-sabotage is a misguided form of self-protection. These patterns are frequently rooted in past experiences and learned beliefs about our own worth. If you have a deep-seated fear of failure, not trying at all can feel safer than trying and falling short. Similarly, a fear of success can trigger feelings of inadequacy or the anxiety of new expectations. Your brain is trying to shield you from potential pain, but it’s using an outdated strategy that no longer serves you. Understanding that these behaviors come from a place of protection can help you approach them with compassion instead of criticism.
Self-sabotage is complex and multifaceted, with many psychological and neurological elements at play. The roots of self-sabotage lie in our brain's natural "fight or flight" response.
When confronted with a physical threat — a stranger in a dark alley, a poisonous snake on a hiking trail, a potted plant falling from a balcony above — our brain activates this response to protect us.
However, when faced with abstract threats — such as the fear of failure or of discomfort — our brains can misinterpret the feelings of danger and respond by getting our bodies ready for action even when there’s nothing to “fight” or “flee.” The result is counterproductive: fleeing from a job interview won’t get you any closer to landing the job, and snapping at a coworker who annoys you certainly won’t do you any favors.
According to psychologists, another factor at play is cognitive dissonance — that uncomfortable feeling when our actions don't align with our beliefs or values. For instance, if we see ourselves as introverts but our job requires networking, we may sabotage our own efforts to avoid that discomfort.
Self-sabotage isn't just a random impulse; it's a complex behavior that often serves as a misguided form of self-protection. It can stem from a variety of deep-seated beliefs and past experiences that shape how we view ourselves and the world. Understanding these underlying reasons is the first step toward recognizing the pattern and making a change. Whether it's a fear of repeating past mistakes or an attempt to control an unpredictable outcome, these behaviors are often our brain's clumsy way of trying to keep us safe from perceived harm, even when that "harm" is actually an opportunity for growth and success.
The tricky part is that self-sabotage often feels like the right decision in the moment. It provides a temporary sense of relief or safety, which reinforces the behavior. For example, turning down a promotion might feel like you're avoiding the stress of new responsibilities, but in the long run, it prevents you from achieving your career goals. By exploring the common triggers, like low self-esteem or a fear of the unknown, we can begin to untangle these self-defeating patterns and choose a different path for ourselves—one that aligns with our true aspirations.
Our past often has a bigger role in our present than we realize. If you grew up with criticism or experienced significant setbacks, you might have internalized a belief that you aren't worthy of success. This low self-esteem can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might unconsciously act in ways that confirm this negative self-view, like messing up a project right before the deadline. As noted by experts at Verywell Mind, self-sabotage often acts as a coping mechanism for past hurts. It’s a way of protecting yourself from potential disappointment by never letting yourself get too close to the finish line.
It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes we self-sabotage to feel more in control of a situation. If you're convinced you're going to fail at something, orchestrating that failure yourself can feel less painful than having it happen unexpectedly. For instance, if you're worried about being rejected after a second date, you might just stop replying to their texts. You've controlled the outcome—the connection ends, but it ends on your terms. This preemptive strike gives you a sense of agency, even though it ultimately prevents you from getting what you might actually want: a meaningful relationship.
Just as we can fear failure, we can also fear success. Achieving a major goal means stepping into the unknown. It brings new responsibilities, higher expectations, and more visibility—all of which can be incredibly intimidating. This fear can trigger self-sabotaging behaviors designed to keep you in your comfort zone. You might downplay your achievements or turn down opportunities that would lead to growth. It feels safer to stay where you are than to risk the potential pressures that come with success. This is your brain trying to protect you from a new, unfamiliar kind of stress.
At its core, a lot of self-sabotage is about avoidance. We do things to sidestep uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, stress, or emotional pain. Procrastinating on a big presentation helps you avoid the anxiety of public speaking, at least for a little while. Similarly, as Psychology Today points out, some people use substances to escape difficult feelings. This is a temporary fix that creates a much larger problem over time. The behavior provides immediate relief, but it prevents you from developing healthier coping skills and ultimately holds you back from living a fulfilling life.
Self-sabotage can be sneaky. It doesn't always show up as a dramatic, life-altering decision. More often, it's a series of small, seemingly harmless choices that accumulate over time, quietly steering you away from your goals. It can look like consistently hitting the snooze button when you promised yourself you'd start working out in the mornings, or picking a fight with your partner right after a really wonderful, intimate moment. These actions might seem unrelated, but they often share a common root: an unconscious effort to undermine your own happiness and progress. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to understanding your personal brand of self-sabotage.
The key is to look for patterns. Do you find yourself constantly missing deadlines, even when you have plenty of time? Do you tend to overspend right before you hit a savings goal? These are classic examples of self-sabotaging behaviors. They are the practical, everyday ways our deeper fears and insecurities manifest. By identifying what self-sabotage actually looks like in your day-to-day life, you can start to connect the dots between your actions and your underlying anxieties, giving you the power to intervene and make a different choice next time.
Self-sabotage wears many different masks, but some are more common than others. These behaviors often serve as coping mechanisms, providing a temporary escape from stress or discomfort while ultimately causing more harm. They can range from subtle habits, like negative self-talk, to more overt actions, such as substance use or picking fights in relationships. The common thread is that they all create obstacles on the path to your goals, whether those goals are related to your career, health, or personal relationships. Understanding these common forms can help you spot them in your own life.
Procrastination and perfectionism are two sides of the same coin. Perfectionism isn't about having high standards; it's about setting standards so impossibly high that you're too intimidated to even start. You might delay working on a project because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly, which leads to procrastination. This delay tactic protects you from the possibility of failure or criticism. If you never finish the project, no one can judge it. This cycle of inaction ensures you never have to face potential disappointment, but it also guarantees you'll never achieve your goal.
When difficult emotions surface, it's natural to want to numb them. For many, this takes the form of self-medication with alcohol or drugs, or turning to food for comfort. These behaviors offer a quick and easy escape from feelings like anxiety, loneliness, or stress. However, they are a temporary solution that often makes the underlying problem worse. Using alcohol to cope, for example, can become a destructive cycle that damages your physical and mental health. Learning about mindful drinking can be a powerful first step in breaking this pattern and finding healthier ways to manage your emotions without sabotaging your well-being.
While specific behaviors can vary, they often fall into one of four main patterns: fleeing, freezing, fighting, or folding. These categories describe our go-to reactions when we feel threatened by success, failure, or emotional discomfort. Think of them as your default settings for self-protection. Identifying which pattern you tend to fall into can be incredibly insightful. It helps you understand your typical response to stress and provides a roadmap for how to react differently in the future, allowing you to consciously choose a more constructive path.
Fleeing is all about avoidance. When a situation feels too difficult or emotionally charged, your instinct is to run. This doesn't necessarily mean physically running away; it can manifest as quitting a job right before a big promotion, ending a relationship when it starts to get serious, or using distractions like binge-watching TV to avoid your own feelings. Addictive behaviors are also a form of fleeing. You're essentially trying to escape discomfort, but in doing so, you're also running away from opportunities for growth and connection.
Freezing is the pattern of overthinking to the point of inaction. You get so caught up in analyzing every possible outcome and trying to make the "perfect" choice that you end up doing nothing at all. This is often driven by a deep-seated fear of making a mistake. You might spend weeks researching the best workout plan but never actually go to the gym, or endlessly edit a single email without ever hitting "send." By staying in the planning phase, you protect yourself from the risk of failure, but you also prevent yourself from making any progress.
The fighting pattern shows up as chronic anger, negativity, or a tendency to be argumentative. You might find fault in everything, complain constantly, or pick fights with others as a way to push them away. This behavior creates a barrier, keeping people and opportunities at a distance. While anger can sometimes be a motivating force, living in a constant state of conflict is a form of self-sabotage. It keeps you focused on external battles, so you don't have to face your internal fears or vulnerabilities, but it ultimately leaves you feeling isolated and unfulfilled.
Folding is characterized by a sense of hopelessness and resignation. You believe that nothing you do will make a difference, so you simply give up. This can look like apathy, passivity, or falling into a state of depression. You might stop trying at work, neglect your health, or tell yourself, "What's the point?" This pattern is particularly insidious because it drains you of the motivation needed to make positive changes. It’s a self-protective shutdown where you decide it's safer to expect nothing than to risk being disappointed yet again.
Self-sabotage often masquerades in different forms. Its favorite disguises? Procrastination, perfectionism, and the often-overlooked self-deprecation.
Before we track down self-sabotage, let's pause for a moment. While it's true that self-sabotage can hinder our progress, it also provides valuable insights into our hidden fears and insecurities.
Our self-sabotaging behaviors may be our brain's clumsy way of trying to protect us from perceived threats. Understanding this helps us change our perspective, transforming self-sabotage from an enemy to a quirky, well-meaning friend who just needs a little guidance. In other words, not every thought or automatic reaction we have has to be taken seriously — it’s okay to be picky about what thoughts we identify with.
Self-sabotage isn't a one-size-fits-all problem. It’s a sneaky chameleon, changing its colors to blend into different areas of our lives. Recognizing its patterns is the first step to breaking free. From our love lives to our career ambitions and health goals, these self-defeating behaviors often pop up where we least expect them, disguised as protection or comfort. Let's look at some of the most common places you might find self-sabotage at work.
Have you ever been in a relationship that felt almost too good to be true, only to find yourself picking fights or pulling away for no real reason? This is a classic example of self-sabotage. If you have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, you might push your partner away first. It’s a way to control the situation — if you end it, you can’t be the one who gets left. This behavior can also stem from low self-worth. When a kind and loving partner enters your life, their affection might clash with a negative inner belief that you aren’t good enough, creating that uncomfortable feeling of cognitive dissonance. To resolve it, you might unconsciously create conflict to prove to yourself that you were right all along.
Procrastinating on a major project, consistently showing up late, or staying quiet in meetings when you have valuable ideas are all ways self-sabotage can appear in your professional life. Often, this is tied to a fear of success or failure. If you get that promotion, the stakes are higher, and the fear of not meeting expectations can be paralyzing. It can feel safer to play small. On the flip side, you might put your work out there but secretly hope it fails. Why? Because if people don’t like it, it confirms that inner voice telling you that you aren’t good enough, which can feel strangely comforting in its familiarity. Sometimes, we even make a job we dislike worse on purpose, creating enough drama with coworkers or our boss to finally give us the "reason" we need to quit.
You start the week with great intentions: meal prepping, hitting the gym, and cutting back on alcohol. But by the weekend, you find yourself falling back into old habits, telling yourself you’ll start again on Monday. This cycle is incredibly common. Often, we use food and drink for emotional relief from stress, anxiety, or sadness. So while one part of you wants to build healthier habits, another part is still seeking comfort in the familiar. Success can also be intimidating. Reaching a health goal might mean receiving more attention or shifting your identity in a way that feels uncomfortable. This discomfort can be enough to send you right back to the patterns you know, even if they don't serve your long-term well-being. Learning to practice mindful drinking and eating can help you understand these triggers and respond to them in a new way.
If you're trying to drink less, first of all, hats off to you! It's a brave decision that requires courage and determination. But as you journey towards your goal, you might notice that self-sabotage creeps in to get you off track.
You might find yourself making excuses to drink, skipping your support group meetings, or neglecting to use the coping strategies you've learned. Why does this happen? Once again, there’s science behind it.
The human brain loves its comfort zone, and any change — including cutting back on alcohol — is perceived as a threat to the comfortable status quo. Your brain isn’t working against you: it's just sticking to its job of keeping things in balance and avoiding the unknown.
Additionally, neuroscientists have found that substances like alcohol can modify the brain's reward system. When you try to cut back, your brain may instigate self-sabotaging behaviors to seek the reward it's used to receiving from alcohol.
Identifying self-sabotage can be tricky: it's a master of disguise. It might come as procrastination ("I'll start cutting back tomorrow"), denial ("I don't have a problem with alcohol"), or even justification ("I've had a hard day, I deserve a drink”).
Remember, self-sabotage isn't the real enemy. It's just a sign of deeper issues like fear, guilt, or low self-esteem. Unpacking these underlying feelings can work wonders in getting past self-sabotage and progressing on your alcohol reduction journey!
Recognizing self-sabotage is the first step, but breaking the cycle for good requires conscious effort and the right strategies. It’s about replacing old, unhelpful habits with new, supportive ones. This process isn't about achieving perfection overnight; it's about making small, consistent changes that build momentum. By becoming more aware of your actions and the thoughts that drive them, you can start to dismantle the patterns that hold you back. The goal is to treat yourself with compassion and curiosity, turning self-sabotage into an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Let's explore some actionable ways to get started.
The first step to changing any behavior is awareness. You can't fix a problem you don't fully understand. Start by becoming a detective in your own life. Keep a journal or use an app to note when self-sabotaging behaviors pop up. What were you doing? Who were you with? What were you feeling right before it happened? This practice isn't about judging yourself; it's about collecting data. By tracking your actions, you’ll begin to see clear patterns and identify the specific situations, thoughts, or feelings that trigger your self-sabotaging responses. This awareness is your superpower, giving you the information you need to anticipate and interrupt the cycle before it starts.
Self-sabotage is often fueled by deep-seated negative beliefs about ourselves and what we deserve. Thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "I'll probably fail anyway" can become self-fulfilling prophecies. It's time to put these beliefs on trial. When a negative thought arises, question its validity. Is there concrete evidence that it's 100% true? Usually, there isn't. Practice reframing these thoughts with more balanced and compassionate self-talk. For example, instead of "I always mess things up," try "I'm learning and growing, and it's okay to make mistakes." This shift in mindset is a core part of building healthier habits and is central to neuroscience-based programs like Reframe, which help you rewire these thought patterns over time.
Sometimes, self-sabotage is too tangled to unravel on our own, especially if it leads to issues like substance misuse or self-harm. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the roots of your behavior and equip you with effective strategies to overcome it. Think of it as hiring a personal trainer for your mind. They have the expertise and tools to guide you through the process, helping you build resilience and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Reaching out is a sign of strength and a powerful commitment to your well-being.
When you look for a therapist, you might come across different approaches. Two common and highly effective types are Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). CBT focuses on helping you identify and change destructive thought patterns and behaviors, improving your overall well-being. It’s a practical approach that gives you tools to manage your thoughts in the moment. DBT is particularly helpful if you struggle with intense emotions and impulsive actions. It teaches skills in mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance, helping you manage difficult feelings without resorting to self-sabotaging behaviors.
In some cases, chronic self-sabotage can be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition, such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For individuals with BPD, intense emotions, a fear of abandonment, and a distorted sense of self can lead to self-destructive behaviors on emotional, physical, and social levels. This isn't to say that everyone who self-sabotages has BPD, but if your patterns are severe, persistent, and causing significant distress in your life and relationships, it may be worth exploring with a mental health professional. Understanding the deeper issues at play is crucial for finding the most effective path to healing and breaking the cycle for good.
If you're ready to make some changes, here are some practical steps to help you steer clear self-sabotage:
As for tackling self-sabotage in the context of alcohol, here are some things to try:
By understanding the science behind self-sabotage and employing practical steps to manage it, we can change our relationship with this pesky mental roommate. By integrating these steps into your journey, you can build a robust, comprehensive approach to managing self-sabotage while successfully reducing alcohol consumption. With some introspection and a dash of self-compassion, we might even come to appreciate the insight that self-sabotage can offer.
With every challenge you face, you're not just moving closer to your destination, you're also gaining strength, resilience, and a deeper understanding of yourself. So buckle up, keep an eye on the horizon, and embrace the journey with all its unique challenges and rewards.
How can I tell the difference between self-sabotage and just having a bad day? The key difference is the pattern. Having a bad day is usually a one-time event; you might oversleep or miss a workout because you genuinely feel unwell. Self-sabotage, on the other hand, is a recurring cycle of behavior that consistently gets in the way of a specific goal. If you notice you always seem to pick a fight with your partner right after a moment of closeness or procrastinate on projects just as you’re about to succeed, you’re likely looking at a pattern of self-sabotage rather than just an off day.
It feels like I only self-sabotage when things are going well. Why is that? This is incredibly common and often stems from a fear of success. When you achieve a goal, life changes. You might face new expectations, increased visibility, or responsibilities that feel intimidating. Your brain can interpret this unfamiliar territory as a threat and try to pull you back to what feels safe and known. So, you might unconsciously act in ways that undermine your success to avoid the discomfort of stepping into a new, more challenging role.
Is self-sabotage always a conscious choice? Most of the time, it’s not. Self-sabotaging behaviors are often driven by subconscious beliefs and fears that we’ve carried for a long time, sometimes since childhood. You might not consciously decide to ruin a good opportunity, but your ingrained habits and automatic responses can lead you there anyway. The work is in bringing these unconscious patterns into your conscious awareness so you can begin to understand them and make different choices.
What's the most important first step to take if I think I'm self-sabotaging? The most powerful first step is to simply become an observer of your own behavior, without any judgment. Start paying attention to when these patterns show up. Instead of criticizing yourself, get curious. Ask yourself, "What was I feeling right before I did that?" or "What situation triggered this response?" This simple act of noticing helps you gather the information you need to understand your triggers, which is the foundation for making any lasting change.
When should I consider getting professional help for these patterns? If your self-sabotaging behaviors are causing significant harm to your relationships, career, or overall well-being, seeking professional help is a great step. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the deep-rooted causes of these patterns and give you effective tools to manage them. It's especially important to reach out if your behaviors involve substance misuse or put your safety at risk. Think of it as getting an expert guide to help you navigate a tricky internal landscape.
Cultivate mindfulness and curb your alcohol use. Explore our 11 effective exercises for a more present, peaceful life.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Quitting alcohol or cutting back can feel like we're on a boat in the middle of a turbulent sea, with the tempting bottle of alcohol appearing to be a life vest, promising instant calm. But in reality, alcohol’s an anchor that pulls us deeper into dependence and distress. Instead of reaching for this deceptive “life vest,” imagine if we had a genuine tool to calm the storm within us. That life vest is mindfulness — a beacon of light guiding us towards genuine calm and tranquility. Let’s take a look at some easy mindfulness activities we can do by ourselves, as well as explore fun mindfulness activities for groups. Ready to dig deeper into mindfulness for adults?
Mindfulness, a practice rooted in ancient Buddhist philosophy, has now found its place in modern psychological practices, thanks to its proven benefits. By promoting self-awareness and acceptance, mindfulness helps us recognize our triggers for drinking and lets us respond to them consciously rather than impulsively. Even more impressive, it’s shown to effectively reduce cravings, stress, anxiety, and even symptoms of depression associated with alcohol misuse.
Let's explore 11 easy mindfulness activities.
Walking meditation provides an opportunity to combine physical activity with mental tranquility. The focus isn't on the destination, but on each step we take. We feel the sensation of our feet touching the ground, the rhythm of our breath, and the movement of our body. Such an attentive stance towards the simple act of walking can significantly improve our mindfulness, keeping our mind anchored in the present moment. To practice walking meditation, block out 20-30 minutes each day to savor the outdoors. Turn off your phone and simply allow yourself to be in the here and now.
Multi-tasking has become an emblem of productivity, but it often leads to scatter-brained, anxious states. In contrast, single-tasking requires focusing on one activity at a time, helping us stay present and drastically improving the quality of our work. Try focusing on one task and finishing it before moving on to the next. Over time, notice how this single-tasking improves your productivity and also allows you to be more present in other areas of your life.
Driving often turns into a mechanical, mind-wandering exercise. But it can be transformed into a mindfulness practice by focusing on the feeling of the steering wheel in our hands, the rhythm of the car's engine, and the passing scenery. This promotes calmness and decreases the risk of stress-induced road rage or accidents.
Most of us tend to wolf down meals at our desk or in between errands. Instead of mindlessly munching in front of a screen or on the go, we can practice mindful eating. This involves paying full attention to the food, noticing its color, texture, aroma, and taste. This not only enhances our eating experience; it also aids in digestion and prevents overeating. To take this exercise a step further, we can even take a moment to appreciate where the food came from — reflecting on where it was grown and its journey from the fields to our plate.
Art can be therapeutic, especially when done mindfully. While coloring or crafting artwork, we observe each stroke and color choice, immersing ourselves fully in the creative process. This acts as an excellent exercise in focus and presence. Buy an adult coloring book or a paint-by-number kit if you’re new to artsy pursuits and want some guidance. These simple activities can give our minds a much-needed reset and bring us back to the present moment.
DIY crafts require focus and creativity. Whether we’re knitting, creating pottery, or woodworking, crafts demand our complete engagement, leading to an enhanced state of flow and mindfulness. Sign up for a local class or watch YouTube videos to sharpen your skills, and make the most of the DIY crafting experience.
Looking for fun mindfulness activities for groups? Laughter yoga is a unique mindfulness exercise that involves voluntary laughter and deep yogic breathing. This blend of fun and mindfulness promotes joy, reduces stress, and helps us stay rooted in the present. A simple Google search can lead you to laughter yoga videos so that you can truly savor this practice and experience all the benefits it has to offer. And while you can do it by yourself, laughter is even better when it’s shared with others!
Also known as belly breathing, diaphragmatic breathing encourages full oxygen exchange, which slows down the heartbeat and can lower or stabilize blood pressure, inducing a relaxation response. To try this practice, place one hand on your abdomen and one over your heart. Breathe in slowly through your nose as you feel your ribcage expand, hold your breath for two seconds, and then exhale gently through your mouth. Repeat this cycle for five minutes or until you feel a wave of relaxation wash over you.
This form of meditation involves silently repeating phrases of love and kindness towards oneself and others. It's a potent tool for fostering self-compassion, acceptance, and mindfulness of our emotional state. To practice it, check out the guide here. You can also try out the loving-kindness meditation on the Reframe app!
Sound healing involves focusing on different soothing sounds, such as gongs, singing bowls, or nature sounds. Concentrating on these sounds helps us stay in the present, fostering a deep sense of relaxation and mindfulness. A simple playlist on YouTube or Spotify can be a great way to tap into the powers of sound healing.
This sensory awareness exercise helps ground us in the present moment. It involves identifying five things we can see, four we can touch, three we can hear, two we can smell, and one we can taste. It serves as an excellent way to interrupt anxiety or stress spirals, redirecting our attention to the here and now.
It's worth noting that mindfulness for adults is not about reaching a state of perpetual happiness or suppressing negative feelings. It's about fully experiencing every moment — pleasant or unpleasant — with openness and curiosity. It encourages us to approach life as it is, instead of as we think it should be. Whether we're trying to quit or cut back on alcohol, or simply wish to cultivate a deeper sense of peace and equanimity, these mindfulness exercises offer a practical, accessible way to calm our inner storm. As we continue this practice, we'll likely find ourselves navigating life's waves with increased grace and resilience, fostering a deeper sense of peace and contentment in the process.
Quitting alcohol or cutting back can feel like we're on a boat in the middle of a turbulent sea, with the tempting bottle of alcohol appearing to be a life vest, promising instant calm. But in reality, alcohol’s an anchor that pulls us deeper into dependence and distress. Instead of reaching for this deceptive “life vest,” imagine if we had a genuine tool to calm the storm within us. That life vest is mindfulness — a beacon of light guiding us towards genuine calm and tranquility. Let’s take a look at some easy mindfulness activities we can do by ourselves, as well as explore fun mindfulness activities for groups. Ready to dig deeper into mindfulness for adults?
Mindfulness, a practice rooted in ancient Buddhist philosophy, has now found its place in modern psychological practices, thanks to its proven benefits. By promoting self-awareness and acceptance, mindfulness helps us recognize our triggers for drinking and lets us respond to them consciously rather than impulsively. Even more impressive, it’s shown to effectively reduce cravings, stress, anxiety, and even symptoms of depression associated with alcohol misuse.
Let's explore 11 easy mindfulness activities.
Walking meditation provides an opportunity to combine physical activity with mental tranquility. The focus isn't on the destination, but on each step we take. We feel the sensation of our feet touching the ground, the rhythm of our breath, and the movement of our body. Such an attentive stance towards the simple act of walking can significantly improve our mindfulness, keeping our mind anchored in the present moment. To practice walking meditation, block out 20-30 minutes each day to savor the outdoors. Turn off your phone and simply allow yourself to be in the here and now.
Multi-tasking has become an emblem of productivity, but it often leads to scatter-brained, anxious states. In contrast, single-tasking requires focusing on one activity at a time, helping us stay present and drastically improving the quality of our work. Try focusing on one task and finishing it before moving on to the next. Over time, notice how this single-tasking improves your productivity and also allows you to be more present in other areas of your life.
Driving often turns into a mechanical, mind-wandering exercise. But it can be transformed into a mindfulness practice by focusing on the feeling of the steering wheel in our hands, the rhythm of the car's engine, and the passing scenery. This promotes calmness and decreases the risk of stress-induced road rage or accidents.
Most of us tend to wolf down meals at our desk or in between errands. Instead of mindlessly munching in front of a screen or on the go, we can practice mindful eating. This involves paying full attention to the food, noticing its color, texture, aroma, and taste. This not only enhances our eating experience; it also aids in digestion and prevents overeating. To take this exercise a step further, we can even take a moment to appreciate where the food came from — reflecting on where it was grown and its journey from the fields to our plate.
Art can be therapeutic, especially when done mindfully. While coloring or crafting artwork, we observe each stroke and color choice, immersing ourselves fully in the creative process. This acts as an excellent exercise in focus and presence. Buy an adult coloring book or a paint-by-number kit if you’re new to artsy pursuits and want some guidance. These simple activities can give our minds a much-needed reset and bring us back to the present moment.
DIY crafts require focus and creativity. Whether we’re knitting, creating pottery, or woodworking, crafts demand our complete engagement, leading to an enhanced state of flow and mindfulness. Sign up for a local class or watch YouTube videos to sharpen your skills, and make the most of the DIY crafting experience.
Looking for fun mindfulness activities for groups? Laughter yoga is a unique mindfulness exercise that involves voluntary laughter and deep yogic breathing. This blend of fun and mindfulness promotes joy, reduces stress, and helps us stay rooted in the present. A simple Google search can lead you to laughter yoga videos so that you can truly savor this practice and experience all the benefits it has to offer. And while you can do it by yourself, laughter is even better when it’s shared with others!
Also known as belly breathing, diaphragmatic breathing encourages full oxygen exchange, which slows down the heartbeat and can lower or stabilize blood pressure, inducing a relaxation response. To try this practice, place one hand on your abdomen and one over your heart. Breathe in slowly through your nose as you feel your ribcage expand, hold your breath for two seconds, and then exhale gently through your mouth. Repeat this cycle for five minutes or until you feel a wave of relaxation wash over you.
This form of meditation involves silently repeating phrases of love and kindness towards oneself and others. It's a potent tool for fostering self-compassion, acceptance, and mindfulness of our emotional state. To practice it, check out the guide here. You can also try out the loving-kindness meditation on the Reframe app!
Sound healing involves focusing on different soothing sounds, such as gongs, singing bowls, or nature sounds. Concentrating on these sounds helps us stay in the present, fostering a deep sense of relaxation and mindfulness. A simple playlist on YouTube or Spotify can be a great way to tap into the powers of sound healing.
This sensory awareness exercise helps ground us in the present moment. It involves identifying five things we can see, four we can touch, three we can hear, two we can smell, and one we can taste. It serves as an excellent way to interrupt anxiety or stress spirals, redirecting our attention to the here and now.
It's worth noting that mindfulness for adults is not about reaching a state of perpetual happiness or suppressing negative feelings. It's about fully experiencing every moment — pleasant or unpleasant — with openness and curiosity. It encourages us to approach life as it is, instead of as we think it should be. Whether we're trying to quit or cut back on alcohol, or simply wish to cultivate a deeper sense of peace and equanimity, these mindfulness exercises offer a practical, accessible way to calm our inner storm. As we continue this practice, we'll likely find ourselves navigating life's waves with increased grace and resilience, fostering a deeper sense of peace and contentment in the process.
Ever wondered why some friendships seem more like emotional roller coasters than joyrides? Dive into our latest blog as we unravel the mysteries of trauma bonding.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You're on a road trip with your friends. Everyone's singing along to the same cheesy pop song on the radio, trail mix is being passed around, and there's a general sense of camaraderie and shared adventure. Every bump in the road or unexpected detour adds to the fun. This is what positive bonding looks like: creating connections through shared experiences and emotions.
Trauma bonding is more like getting stuck in a never-ending traffic jam with a hijacker who stole your car and won’t let you out. Like it or not, you’re stuck together on this crazy ride — and somehow, the experience brings you and your hijacker closer together, to the point that you decide to pull off at the next exit and grab a coffee together. The “relationship” is unhealthy, to say the least.
Think of trauma bonding as being stuck in a perpetual trap of emotional turmoil. It’s a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and their abuser, characterized by a continuous cycle of mistreatment and reconciliation.
Why would someone stay in the car? The answer lies in the complex interplay of fear, dependence, and intermittent kindness from the abuser, which slowly gets the abused person attached. There’s often a common goal that creates the illusion of closeness. There’s something at stake for both of you — and while it might not be the same thing, you are tangled up in the same mess.
Trauma bonding isn't a one-step process. It unfolds over time through the seven stages of trauma bonding:
Alcohol relates to trauma bonding in a couple of different ways. Here’s how it might factor into the seven stages of trauma bonding:
When it becomes part of the picture, alcohol tends to make unhealthy attachments even worse. However, it’s just a band-aid — there’s no way alcohol can repair the relationship. In fact, instead of healing the wound, it makes it worse.
And here's the tricky part: alcohol can cloud our judgment. This makes it harder for people to realize they're stuck in a trauma bond, and it becomes even tougher to break free.
The relationship with alcohol itself can become a bit like a trauma bond as well. Think about it — when we rely on alcohol to relax, socialize, or get a break from our own mind, we are forming an attachment to it. Yet, time and again it falls short of our expectations. The temporary relief makes way for longer hangovers, our relationships suffer, and we wake up the next day with more anxious thoughts than before. Yet we keep coming back, pulled by the invisible but powerful strings of the unhealthy attachment we have innocently programmed into our brain.
Now that we've learned the stages, let's look at specific steps you can take to break free from trauma bonding.
And, if you're trying to untangle yourself from a trauma bond — especially one in which alcohol has played a part — don't hesitate to ask for help. There's no shame in reaching out to professionals or joining support groups. You don't have to deal with this alone!
You're on a road trip with your friends. Everyone's singing along to the same cheesy pop song on the radio, trail mix is being passed around, and there's a general sense of camaraderie and shared adventure. Every bump in the road or unexpected detour adds to the fun. This is what positive bonding looks like: creating connections through shared experiences and emotions.
Trauma bonding is more like getting stuck in a never-ending traffic jam with a hijacker who stole your car and won’t let you out. Like it or not, you’re stuck together on this crazy ride — and somehow, the experience brings you and your hijacker closer together, to the point that you decide to pull off at the next exit and grab a coffee together. The “relationship” is unhealthy, to say the least.
Think of trauma bonding as being stuck in a perpetual trap of emotional turmoil. It’s a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and their abuser, characterized by a continuous cycle of mistreatment and reconciliation.
Why would someone stay in the car? The answer lies in the complex interplay of fear, dependence, and intermittent kindness from the abuser, which slowly gets the abused person attached. There’s often a common goal that creates the illusion of closeness. There’s something at stake for both of you — and while it might not be the same thing, you are tangled up in the same mess.
Trauma bonding isn't a one-step process. It unfolds over time through the seven stages of trauma bonding:
Alcohol relates to trauma bonding in a couple of different ways. Here’s how it might factor into the seven stages of trauma bonding:
When it becomes part of the picture, alcohol tends to make unhealthy attachments even worse. However, it’s just a band-aid — there’s no way alcohol can repair the relationship. In fact, instead of healing the wound, it makes it worse.
And here's the tricky part: alcohol can cloud our judgment. This makes it harder for people to realize they're stuck in a trauma bond, and it becomes even tougher to break free.
The relationship with alcohol itself can become a bit like a trauma bond as well. Think about it — when we rely on alcohol to relax, socialize, or get a break from our own mind, we are forming an attachment to it. Yet, time and again it falls short of our expectations. The temporary relief makes way for longer hangovers, our relationships suffer, and we wake up the next day with more anxious thoughts than before. Yet we keep coming back, pulled by the invisible but powerful strings of the unhealthy attachment we have innocently programmed into our brain.
Now that we've learned the stages, let's look at specific steps you can take to break free from trauma bonding.
And, if you're trying to untangle yourself from a trauma bond — especially one in which alcohol has played a part — don't hesitate to ask for help. There's no shame in reaching out to professionals or joining support groups. You don't have to deal with this alone!
This blog narrates Amanda's journey towards mindful eating, a practice that transformed her relationship with food and improved her health. It explains the principles of mindful eating, such as being present, listening to your body, and savoring your food, and offers tips on how to incorporate it into daily life.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you learn to drink more mindfully. We’ve helped millions of people cut back on drinking gradually, with neuroscience-backed knowledge to empower them 100% of the way. We want to help you join them in learning how to drink less and live more!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Amanda led a hectic life. As a full-time working mother, her days were filled with a whirlwind of tasks. She was constantly on the move, juggling her professional responsibilities, her children's needs, and the endless list of household chores. In the midst of this chaos, she often found herself eating mechanically, grabbing a quick bite while responding to emails or munching on snacks while driving her kids to their various activities.
Amanda soon realized that not only was she consuming unhealthy foods, but she was also eating more than her body required. This led to an unwelcome weight gain and a perpetual feeling of lethargy.
One day, while browsing the internet, Amanda came across an article on mindful eating. The concept intrigued her, and she decided to give it a try. This marked the beginning of her journey into the world of mindful eating, a practice that would eventually transform her relationship with food and significantly improve her overall health.
Mindful eating, an approach steeped in Buddhist teachings, is more than just a modern-day dietary fad; it's a transformative journey towards a heightened state of self-awareness and nutritional consciousness. At its core, mindful eating underscores the significance of immersing ourselves completely in the act of eating, turning it into a deliberate and attentive ritual.
Every time we eat, it presents an opportunity to connect with our food — its texture, flavor, aroma, and even its history. Mindful eating compels us to slow down and savor every bite. Instead of wolfing down a meal in front of the television or on-the-go, it encourages us to sit down, eliminate distractions, and focus solely on the plate in front of us. This practice involves observing the colors of the food, inhaling its aroma, chewing it slowly, and savoring it in its entirety. By doing so, we not only enhance our enjoyment of the meal but also forge a deeper understanding of what we put into our bodies.
Modern life, with its myriad distractions, often causes us to become detached from our bodies. We tend to eat when we're bored, stressed, or distracted, rather than when we're genuinely hungry. Mindful eating aims to undo this disconnect by urging us to attune to our body's natural signals. By truly listening, we can discern the subtle difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger. Moreover, it promotes recognition of satiety cues, preventing overeating. Instead of adhering to external diet rules, the practice empowers us to trust our body's innate wisdom.
Mindfulness, the foundation upon which mindful eating is built, is about heightened awareness. When applied to eating, it naturally leads to healthier food choices. When we eat mindfully, we are more likely to gravitate towards foods that are nourishing and beneficial for our bodies. The process encourages questioning the source of the food, its nutritional value, and how it will impact our well-being. Such contemplative eating often results in a preference for whole, unprocessed foods over junk or processed options.
Finally, food is not merely fuel. It's a source of pleasure, a means of connection, and a celebration of life's bounty. Mindful eating revives the joy of truly experiencing food. By immersing ourselves in the act, we transform eating from a mundane activity into a moment of gratitude and appreciation. It offers a momentary retreat from the hustle and bustle, creating a sanctuary where one can find solace in the simple act of eating.
Mindful eating, as a concept, might seem overwhelming to many. There's an inherent challenge in breaking free from years, if not decades, of entrenched habits. Recognizing this, Amanda decided to adopt a strategy of incremental change. Instead of overhauling her entire eating routine, she chose to start with the most neglected meal of her day: breakfast.
This approach, taking small steps, offered multiple advantages. First, it was less daunting. Committing to one meal a day felt achievable and less overwhelming than attempting to change every eating habit overnight. Also, by focusing her attention on a single meal, Amanda could truly immerse herself in the experience, refining her techniques and deepening her understanding of the practice.
As days turned into weeks, breakfast transformed from a rushed obligation to a cherished ritual for Amanda. She began experimenting with a variety of foods, discovering a newfound appreciation for flavors she had previously overlooked. The crunch of toasted bread, the subtle sweetness of fresh berries, the velvety texture of yogurt — every bite became a chance to savor the sensations of eating.
By dedicating time solely for her morning meal, Amanda also became more attuned to her body's signals. She noticed that certain foods made her feel energized, while others left her sluggish. This heightened awareness enabled her to make more informed food choices, gravitating towards nourishing options that set a positive tone for the rest of the day.
Amanda's small step towards mindful eating during breakfast soon began to have a cascading effect on the rest of her day. The act of starting her mornings with intention and presence spilled over into other areas of her life. She became more attentive in her interactions, more patient in her responses, and more appreciative of the little moments.
Emboldened by the positive changes she was witnessing, Amanda gradually incorporated mindful eating into her lunches and dinners. The practice, which had begun as an experiment, became an integral part of her daily routine
Many of us have become disengaged from our bodies, turning to external cues like meal timings or societal norms to dictate our eating habits. For Amanda, this was no different. Eating had often been a reactive act — a response to a clock's ticking hands or the lure of workplace snacks. However, her venture into mindful eating unearthed a desire for deeper connection — not just with the food on her plate but with her body's innate wisdom.
The first transformative step Amanda took was to cultivate a habit of self-questioning. Before each meal or snack, she paused and tuned into her body. This simple act, a momentary check-in, became her touchstone.
"Am I really hungry?" she would ask herself. Sometimes the answer was an evident growl or an empty feeling, signaling genuine physiological hunger. At other times, she realized she was seeking food for reasons other than hunger — perhaps as a temporary balm for stress or a distraction from boredom.
Emotional eating had always been a subtle undercurrent in Amanda's life, though she hadn't always recognized it as such. By consistently checking in with herself, she began to discern patterns. She noticed that she gravitated towards sugary snacks when she was anxious or overwhelmed with work. Conversely, periods of boredom often led her to indulge in crunchy, salty foods.
By identifying these patterns, Amanda was better equipped to address the root causes of her cravings. Instead of turning to food as a default coping mechanism, she explored other avenues to manage her emotions. On stressful days, she found solace in short meditation sessions or brisk walks around her neighborhood. When boredom struck, she delved into hobbies or connected with friends.
The more Amanda practiced this introspection, the more she became attuned to her body's natural signals. She started to recognize the initial pangs of hunger, distinguishing them from the mere desire to eat. Simultaneously, she grew more sensitive to signs of fullness, learning to stop eating when she felt comfortably satiated rather than stuffed.
This shift had profound implications. No longer did she find herself overindulging at meals or regretting compulsive snacking. Instead, she consumed just enough to nourish her body, leading to a more balanced relationship with food.
Historically, meals were community events, moments of bonding, and times of gratitude. They weren't simply about sustenance but about connection, both with others and with the food itself. However, as the world sped up, so did meal times. Amanda, like many others, had fallen into the rhythm of rushed eating — gobbling up meals without truly tasting them.
Her introduction to the concept that it takes roughly 20 minutes for the brain to recognize satiety became a turning point. With this knowledge in hand, she sought to reframe her dining experience.
Intentionally, Amanda began to stretch her meals, savoring each bite. She employed various techniques to prolong her eating. Placing her utensils down between bites, thoroughly chewing her food, and taking moments to appreciate its textures, flavors, and aromas all became essential parts of her meals.
She also cultivated a dining atmosphere conducive to unhurried eating. Turning off the TV, putting away her phone, and occasionally dining by candlelight transformed her meals from mere nutritional necessities to cherished rituals.
Eating slowly didn't just aid Amanda in recognizing when she was full; it offered a plethora of additional benefits. She found improved digestion as her body had ample time to process the food. This is because thoroughly chewing her food facilitated the release of digestive enzymes, further aiding the process.
Beyond the physical advantages, Amanda discovered psychological and emotional benefits. Meals became a time of relaxation, a break from the frenetic pace of her daily life. The act of eating slowly, being present in the moment, was meditative. It allowed her a period of introspection, grounding, and genuine connection with the act of nourishment.
Like many in the modern era, Amanda hadn’t realized the extent to which digital devices had hijacked her attention, especially during meals. The act of eating became mechanical, a task to be completed, rather than an experience to be savored. This mindless consumption led to overeating and a disconnection from the body's cues of hunger and fullness.
Determined to regain the joy and mindfulness in her meals, Amanda made the decision to unplug. The television was turned off, the phone placed in another room, and suddenly the sounds of dining became audible: the clink of cutlery, the chew of food, the pour of a drink.
In this newfound silence, Amanda began to truly see her food. She appreciated its colors, textures, and fragrances. Each bite became an event, a moment of connection to the ingredients and the culinary craft.
Without the digital distractions, Amanda became acutely aware of her portion sizes. Previously, she'd often finished large plates of food without truly noticing or enjoying them. Now, she took the time to serve herself thoughtfully, recognizing when she had had enough.
Amanda's mental well-being also flourished. Meals became a break, a time of genuine relaxation away from the digital chaos. She found herself feeling more grounded, more in tune with the present moment.
Amanda's decision to eat without distractions influenced other aspects of her life. She began to set aside dedicated times for screen-free activities, finding joy in activities such as reading, nature walks, and painting. Her relationships deepened as conversations during meals became richer, more focused, and genuinely engaging.
For Amanda, her transition into mindful eating was not just about the act of eating itself, but also about understanding and appreciating the broader context surrounding her food. The journey from farm to plate is often a long and intricate one, and by recognizing this, Amanda found a deeper connection and gratitude towards her meals.
Each grain of rice, every slice of fruit, and every leaf of greens on Amanda's plate told a story. Behind these foods were farmers — men and women who woke up at the break of dawn, tilled the earth, battled unpredictable weather patterns, and nurtured crops with dedication and care. By acknowledging their efforts, Amanda recognized that her meals were not just about sustenance but were also a culmination of hard work and resilience.
Beyond the farm, there's an art to turning raw ingredients into delightful dishes. Every time Amanda sat down to a meal, whether home-cooked or from a restaurant, she took a moment to think about the chefs and cooks involved. The precision in a julienne cut, the delicate balance of flavors in a sauce, or the perfect sear on a piece of meat — these are all testaments to the skills and passion of those in the kitchen. By appreciating their craftsmanship, Amanda added another layer to her mindful eating experience.
It wasn't just the farmers and chefs that Amanda thought of. She considered the truck drivers who transported her food, the grocery store clerks who stocked the shelves, and even the bees that pollinated the plants. She realized that her simple act of eating was supported by an intricate web of individuals and natural processes.
This practice of reflection instilled in Amanda a profound sense of gratitude. No longer were meals just about quelling hunger; they became moments of genuine thankfulness. By appreciating the efforts that went into her food, Amanda not only felt more connected to her meals but also recognized her privileged position in being able to access and enjoy such diverse foods.
Amanda's heightened appreciation extended beyond her meals. She became more conscious of reducing food waste, understanding that wasting food was also disregarding the hard work of countless individuals. She also became more inclined to support local farmers and artisans, knowing the direct impact of her choices.
Quick fixes and instantaneous solutions have become the sought-after norm. Be it diet fads or extreme workout regimes, people often search for immediate results. However, Amanda's exploration into mindful eating was a departure from this hurried approach. It was not an overnight solution, but rather a continuous journey that reshaped her relationship with food and herself.
At the onset, Amanda had to grapple with her own impatience. Accustomed to the world of rapid results, the initial phases of mindful eating were challenging. There weren't any dramatic health changes or instant boosts in vitality. Instead, she learned to tune into her body, understanding its cues and responding with care. This required time, patience, and unwavering commitment.
Though the transformation was gradual, Amanda began noticing subtle shifts in her behavior. Where she once mindlessly snacked, she now paused, assessing her hunger and making deliberate choices. The aisles of processed snacks in supermarkets, once tempting, lost some of their allure as she became more conscious of what she fed her body.
One significant realization for Amanda was that eating less didn't equate to depriving herself. Instead, by choosing quality ingredients and savoring each bite, she found greater satisfaction in smaller portions. This not only led to a reduction in her overall food intake but also heightened her enjoyment during meals.
Mindful eating wasn’t just a physical transformation for Amanda; it had profound mental and emotional implications as well. As she became more attuned to her body's needs, she also started recognizing the effect of food on her mood. Meals that were once sources of comfort or mechanisms to deal with stress took on a new meaning. She identified foods that genuinely uplifted her mood and energized her, differentiating them from those that offered momentary pleasure but left her feeling sluggish or irritable afterward.
Over time, the compounded effect of these small changes was monumental. Amanda started experiencing increased energy levels, which in turn influenced her productivity and enthusiasm for life. Her mood became more stable, with fewer fluctuations. The aches and discomforts, once dismissed as part and parcel of daily life, diminished. And while physical appearance was never her primary goal, she found herself in better shape, a testament to the power of mindful eating.
Mindful eating is a powerful practice that can transform your relationship with food. It's not about dieting or restricting certain foods. It's about being present, listening to your body, and enjoying your food.
If you're like Amanda, always on the go and eating on autopilot, consider giving mindful eating a try. Start with small steps, like choosing one meal a day to eat mindfully. Listen to your body's hunger and fullness cues, eat slowly, savor your food, minimize distractions, and appreciate your food. You’ll be amazed at how much more you enjoy each bite and cherish meals.
Remember, mindful eating is a journey, not a destination. Don't worry if you find it challenging at first. With practice, it can become a natural part of your daily life. So, next time you sit down for a meal, put away your phone, take a deep breath, and truly enjoy the experience. Your body and mind will thank you!
Amanda led a hectic life. As a full-time working mother, her days were filled with a whirlwind of tasks. She was constantly on the move, juggling her professional responsibilities, her children's needs, and the endless list of household chores. In the midst of this chaos, she often found herself eating mechanically, grabbing a quick bite while responding to emails or munching on snacks while driving her kids to their various activities.
Amanda soon realized that not only was she consuming unhealthy foods, but she was also eating more than her body required. This led to an unwelcome weight gain and a perpetual feeling of lethargy.
One day, while browsing the internet, Amanda came across an article on mindful eating. The concept intrigued her, and she decided to give it a try. This marked the beginning of her journey into the world of mindful eating, a practice that would eventually transform her relationship with food and significantly improve her overall health.
Mindful eating, an approach steeped in Buddhist teachings, is more than just a modern-day dietary fad; it's a transformative journey towards a heightened state of self-awareness and nutritional consciousness. At its core, mindful eating underscores the significance of immersing ourselves completely in the act of eating, turning it into a deliberate and attentive ritual.
Every time we eat, it presents an opportunity to connect with our food — its texture, flavor, aroma, and even its history. Mindful eating compels us to slow down and savor every bite. Instead of wolfing down a meal in front of the television or on-the-go, it encourages us to sit down, eliminate distractions, and focus solely on the plate in front of us. This practice involves observing the colors of the food, inhaling its aroma, chewing it slowly, and savoring it in its entirety. By doing so, we not only enhance our enjoyment of the meal but also forge a deeper understanding of what we put into our bodies.
Modern life, with its myriad distractions, often causes us to become detached from our bodies. We tend to eat when we're bored, stressed, or distracted, rather than when we're genuinely hungry. Mindful eating aims to undo this disconnect by urging us to attune to our body's natural signals. By truly listening, we can discern the subtle difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger. Moreover, it promotes recognition of satiety cues, preventing overeating. Instead of adhering to external diet rules, the practice empowers us to trust our body's innate wisdom.
Mindfulness, the foundation upon which mindful eating is built, is about heightened awareness. When applied to eating, it naturally leads to healthier food choices. When we eat mindfully, we are more likely to gravitate towards foods that are nourishing and beneficial for our bodies. The process encourages questioning the source of the food, its nutritional value, and how it will impact our well-being. Such contemplative eating often results in a preference for whole, unprocessed foods over junk or processed options.
Finally, food is not merely fuel. It's a source of pleasure, a means of connection, and a celebration of life's bounty. Mindful eating revives the joy of truly experiencing food. By immersing ourselves in the act, we transform eating from a mundane activity into a moment of gratitude and appreciation. It offers a momentary retreat from the hustle and bustle, creating a sanctuary where one can find solace in the simple act of eating.
Mindful eating, as a concept, might seem overwhelming to many. There's an inherent challenge in breaking free from years, if not decades, of entrenched habits. Recognizing this, Amanda decided to adopt a strategy of incremental change. Instead of overhauling her entire eating routine, she chose to start with the most neglected meal of her day: breakfast.
This approach, taking small steps, offered multiple advantages. First, it was less daunting. Committing to one meal a day felt achievable and less overwhelming than attempting to change every eating habit overnight. Also, by focusing her attention on a single meal, Amanda could truly immerse herself in the experience, refining her techniques and deepening her understanding of the practice.
As days turned into weeks, breakfast transformed from a rushed obligation to a cherished ritual for Amanda. She began experimenting with a variety of foods, discovering a newfound appreciation for flavors she had previously overlooked. The crunch of toasted bread, the subtle sweetness of fresh berries, the velvety texture of yogurt — every bite became a chance to savor the sensations of eating.
By dedicating time solely for her morning meal, Amanda also became more attuned to her body's signals. She noticed that certain foods made her feel energized, while others left her sluggish. This heightened awareness enabled her to make more informed food choices, gravitating towards nourishing options that set a positive tone for the rest of the day.
Amanda's small step towards mindful eating during breakfast soon began to have a cascading effect on the rest of her day. The act of starting her mornings with intention and presence spilled over into other areas of her life. She became more attentive in her interactions, more patient in her responses, and more appreciative of the little moments.
Emboldened by the positive changes she was witnessing, Amanda gradually incorporated mindful eating into her lunches and dinners. The practice, which had begun as an experiment, became an integral part of her daily routine
Many of us have become disengaged from our bodies, turning to external cues like meal timings or societal norms to dictate our eating habits. For Amanda, this was no different. Eating had often been a reactive act — a response to a clock's ticking hands or the lure of workplace snacks. However, her venture into mindful eating unearthed a desire for deeper connection — not just with the food on her plate but with her body's innate wisdom.
The first transformative step Amanda took was to cultivate a habit of self-questioning. Before each meal or snack, she paused and tuned into her body. This simple act, a momentary check-in, became her touchstone.
"Am I really hungry?" she would ask herself. Sometimes the answer was an evident growl or an empty feeling, signaling genuine physiological hunger. At other times, she realized she was seeking food for reasons other than hunger — perhaps as a temporary balm for stress or a distraction from boredom.
Emotional eating had always been a subtle undercurrent in Amanda's life, though she hadn't always recognized it as such. By consistently checking in with herself, she began to discern patterns. She noticed that she gravitated towards sugary snacks when she was anxious or overwhelmed with work. Conversely, periods of boredom often led her to indulge in crunchy, salty foods.
By identifying these patterns, Amanda was better equipped to address the root causes of her cravings. Instead of turning to food as a default coping mechanism, she explored other avenues to manage her emotions. On stressful days, she found solace in short meditation sessions or brisk walks around her neighborhood. When boredom struck, she delved into hobbies or connected with friends.
The more Amanda practiced this introspection, the more she became attuned to her body's natural signals. She started to recognize the initial pangs of hunger, distinguishing them from the mere desire to eat. Simultaneously, she grew more sensitive to signs of fullness, learning to stop eating when she felt comfortably satiated rather than stuffed.
This shift had profound implications. No longer did she find herself overindulging at meals or regretting compulsive snacking. Instead, she consumed just enough to nourish her body, leading to a more balanced relationship with food.
Historically, meals were community events, moments of bonding, and times of gratitude. They weren't simply about sustenance but about connection, both with others and with the food itself. However, as the world sped up, so did meal times. Amanda, like many others, had fallen into the rhythm of rushed eating — gobbling up meals without truly tasting them.
Her introduction to the concept that it takes roughly 20 minutes for the brain to recognize satiety became a turning point. With this knowledge in hand, she sought to reframe her dining experience.
Intentionally, Amanda began to stretch her meals, savoring each bite. She employed various techniques to prolong her eating. Placing her utensils down between bites, thoroughly chewing her food, and taking moments to appreciate its textures, flavors, and aromas all became essential parts of her meals.
She also cultivated a dining atmosphere conducive to unhurried eating. Turning off the TV, putting away her phone, and occasionally dining by candlelight transformed her meals from mere nutritional necessities to cherished rituals.
Eating slowly didn't just aid Amanda in recognizing when she was full; it offered a plethora of additional benefits. She found improved digestion as her body had ample time to process the food. This is because thoroughly chewing her food facilitated the release of digestive enzymes, further aiding the process.
Beyond the physical advantages, Amanda discovered psychological and emotional benefits. Meals became a time of relaxation, a break from the frenetic pace of her daily life. The act of eating slowly, being present in the moment, was meditative. It allowed her a period of introspection, grounding, and genuine connection with the act of nourishment.
Like many in the modern era, Amanda hadn’t realized the extent to which digital devices had hijacked her attention, especially during meals. The act of eating became mechanical, a task to be completed, rather than an experience to be savored. This mindless consumption led to overeating and a disconnection from the body's cues of hunger and fullness.
Determined to regain the joy and mindfulness in her meals, Amanda made the decision to unplug. The television was turned off, the phone placed in another room, and suddenly the sounds of dining became audible: the clink of cutlery, the chew of food, the pour of a drink.
In this newfound silence, Amanda began to truly see her food. She appreciated its colors, textures, and fragrances. Each bite became an event, a moment of connection to the ingredients and the culinary craft.
Without the digital distractions, Amanda became acutely aware of her portion sizes. Previously, she'd often finished large plates of food without truly noticing or enjoying them. Now, she took the time to serve herself thoughtfully, recognizing when she had had enough.
Amanda's mental well-being also flourished. Meals became a break, a time of genuine relaxation away from the digital chaos. She found herself feeling more grounded, more in tune with the present moment.
Amanda's decision to eat without distractions influenced other aspects of her life. She began to set aside dedicated times for screen-free activities, finding joy in activities such as reading, nature walks, and painting. Her relationships deepened as conversations during meals became richer, more focused, and genuinely engaging.
For Amanda, her transition into mindful eating was not just about the act of eating itself, but also about understanding and appreciating the broader context surrounding her food. The journey from farm to plate is often a long and intricate one, and by recognizing this, Amanda found a deeper connection and gratitude towards her meals.
Each grain of rice, every slice of fruit, and every leaf of greens on Amanda's plate told a story. Behind these foods were farmers — men and women who woke up at the break of dawn, tilled the earth, battled unpredictable weather patterns, and nurtured crops with dedication and care. By acknowledging their efforts, Amanda recognized that her meals were not just about sustenance but were also a culmination of hard work and resilience.
Beyond the farm, there's an art to turning raw ingredients into delightful dishes. Every time Amanda sat down to a meal, whether home-cooked or from a restaurant, she took a moment to think about the chefs and cooks involved. The precision in a julienne cut, the delicate balance of flavors in a sauce, or the perfect sear on a piece of meat — these are all testaments to the skills and passion of those in the kitchen. By appreciating their craftsmanship, Amanda added another layer to her mindful eating experience.
It wasn't just the farmers and chefs that Amanda thought of. She considered the truck drivers who transported her food, the grocery store clerks who stocked the shelves, and even the bees that pollinated the plants. She realized that her simple act of eating was supported by an intricate web of individuals and natural processes.
This practice of reflection instilled in Amanda a profound sense of gratitude. No longer were meals just about quelling hunger; they became moments of genuine thankfulness. By appreciating the efforts that went into her food, Amanda not only felt more connected to her meals but also recognized her privileged position in being able to access and enjoy such diverse foods.
Amanda's heightened appreciation extended beyond her meals. She became more conscious of reducing food waste, understanding that wasting food was also disregarding the hard work of countless individuals. She also became more inclined to support local farmers and artisans, knowing the direct impact of her choices.
Quick fixes and instantaneous solutions have become the sought-after norm. Be it diet fads or extreme workout regimes, people often search for immediate results. However, Amanda's exploration into mindful eating was a departure from this hurried approach. It was not an overnight solution, but rather a continuous journey that reshaped her relationship with food and herself.
At the onset, Amanda had to grapple with her own impatience. Accustomed to the world of rapid results, the initial phases of mindful eating were challenging. There weren't any dramatic health changes or instant boosts in vitality. Instead, she learned to tune into her body, understanding its cues and responding with care. This required time, patience, and unwavering commitment.
Though the transformation was gradual, Amanda began noticing subtle shifts in her behavior. Where she once mindlessly snacked, she now paused, assessing her hunger and making deliberate choices. The aisles of processed snacks in supermarkets, once tempting, lost some of their allure as she became more conscious of what she fed her body.
One significant realization for Amanda was that eating less didn't equate to depriving herself. Instead, by choosing quality ingredients and savoring each bite, she found greater satisfaction in smaller portions. This not only led to a reduction in her overall food intake but also heightened her enjoyment during meals.
Mindful eating wasn’t just a physical transformation for Amanda; it had profound mental and emotional implications as well. As she became more attuned to her body's needs, she also started recognizing the effect of food on her mood. Meals that were once sources of comfort or mechanisms to deal with stress took on a new meaning. She identified foods that genuinely uplifted her mood and energized her, differentiating them from those that offered momentary pleasure but left her feeling sluggish or irritable afterward.
Over time, the compounded effect of these small changes was monumental. Amanda started experiencing increased energy levels, which in turn influenced her productivity and enthusiasm for life. Her mood became more stable, with fewer fluctuations. The aches and discomforts, once dismissed as part and parcel of daily life, diminished. And while physical appearance was never her primary goal, she found herself in better shape, a testament to the power of mindful eating.
Mindful eating is a powerful practice that can transform your relationship with food. It's not about dieting or restricting certain foods. It's about being present, listening to your body, and enjoying your food.
If you're like Amanda, always on the go and eating on autopilot, consider giving mindful eating a try. Start with small steps, like choosing one meal a day to eat mindfully. Listen to your body's hunger and fullness cues, eat slowly, savor your food, minimize distractions, and appreciate your food. You’ll be amazed at how much more you enjoy each bite and cherish meals.
Remember, mindful eating is a journey, not a destination. Don't worry if you find it challenging at first. With practice, it can become a natural part of your daily life. So, next time you sit down for a meal, put away your phone, take a deep breath, and truly enjoy the experience. Your body and mind will thank you!
Ever found yourself deep in the maze of regret and remorse? Our latest blog post takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind these emotions — and how to turn them into personal growth.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
It’s just another regular Tuesday. You're having your third coffee of the day, silently judging the guy with socks and sandals at the other side of the café, when you suddenly recall that cringe-worthy moment from five years ago when you were overheard making fun of your roommate’s passion for animal print. Or that time you bought a pair of furry flip flops on impulse and found out you couldn’t return them.
Yikes, right? But here's the question: do you regret it, or do you feel remorse? These two emotions — often mistaken as twin siblings in our psychological family — are actually more like distant cousins. As it turns out, though, both serve a useful purpose.
Both remorse and regret make us feel like the villains in our own story because of something unfortunate that happened in the past — and they nag us with the reminder that we played a role in it. But while both deal with our past decisions, regret and remorse are quite different.
Regret focuses on the decision itself: it's about wishing we'd zigged instead of zagged, chosen another path, or hadn’t let an opportunity slip away. It’s the emotion associated with wishing things had been different — a painful realization that our actions or decisions led to undesirable outcomes.
Remorse, on the other hand, is less about the decision and more about the aftermath. Remorse doesn't just point out our missteps. It makes us feel the emotional implications of our actions, particularly if they've hurt others. It's concerned with our actions’ impact on others and our subsequent feelings of guilt. It includes a desire to fix or make amends for the wrongdoings that caused harm to others. Remorse, friends, is that heavy feeling in your gut after you've made a boo-boo.
Certain regions — such as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and the amygdala — work in harmony to generate feelings of regret and remorse.
In the brain, regret is mediated by an area called the orbitofrontal cortex — the same area that lights up when we’re expecting a reward. When we do something we later regret (for example, when we drink too much), the brain is flooded with neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. This cocktail of chemicals triggers feelings of guilt, creating that sensation we've come to know as regret.
On the contrary, remorse involves the amygdala — a small almond-shaped structure associated with emotions and, importantly, empathy. Remorse boosts activity in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, signaling a deeper understanding of our missteps and their impacts on others.
While regret and remorse are unpleasant, they can also be constructive. They’re our brain's way of saying, "Hey, you goofed up! Learn from this, will ya?"
Regret nudges us to rethink our decisions, whereas remorse encourages us to make amends and grow emotionally — both handy tools for self-improvement.
In fact, there's an evolutionary advantage to these feelings. In our ancient past, when we lived in small groups, actions that harmed the community could get us ostracized. A feeling of remorse after such actions could motivate us to make amends, helping us stay in the group's good graces.
So, in a way, remorse is like a social GPS, steering us towards actions that build trust and harmony in our relationships. It can help us recognize when we've overstepped a boundary or acted thoughtlessly, prompting us to make things right. Likewise, regret served as an important wake-up call in the days when missing an opportunity could be a matter of life and death.
But remember, too much of anything leads to trouble. Too much of either can tip into unhealthy guilt, so it's important to manage these emotions effectively.
Here are some actionable steps to manage and learn from regret and remorse, while still maintaining your sunny disposition.
So there you have it, a journey through the fascinating world of regret and remorse. So, next time you’re recalling an embarrassing moment or an error in judgment, remember it’s okay. Regret helps us learn from our past mistakes, while remorse pushes us towards making amends and behaving more considerately in the future. Uncomfortable as they might be, regret and remorse help shape us into better, more compassionate versions of ourselves.
It’s just another regular Tuesday. You're having your third coffee of the day, silently judging the guy with socks and sandals at the other side of the café, when you suddenly recall that cringe-worthy moment from five years ago when you were overheard making fun of your roommate’s passion for animal print. Or that time you bought a pair of furry flip flops on impulse and found out you couldn’t return them.
Yikes, right? But here's the question: do you regret it, or do you feel remorse? These two emotions — often mistaken as twin siblings in our psychological family — are actually more like distant cousins. As it turns out, though, both serve a useful purpose.
Both remorse and regret make us feel like the villains in our own story because of something unfortunate that happened in the past — and they nag us with the reminder that we played a role in it. But while both deal with our past decisions, regret and remorse are quite different.
Regret focuses on the decision itself: it's about wishing we'd zigged instead of zagged, chosen another path, or hadn’t let an opportunity slip away. It’s the emotion associated with wishing things had been different — a painful realization that our actions or decisions led to undesirable outcomes.
Remorse, on the other hand, is less about the decision and more about the aftermath. Remorse doesn't just point out our missteps. It makes us feel the emotional implications of our actions, particularly if they've hurt others. It's concerned with our actions’ impact on others and our subsequent feelings of guilt. It includes a desire to fix or make amends for the wrongdoings that caused harm to others. Remorse, friends, is that heavy feeling in your gut after you've made a boo-boo.
Certain regions — such as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and the amygdala — work in harmony to generate feelings of regret and remorse.
In the brain, regret is mediated by an area called the orbitofrontal cortex — the same area that lights up when we’re expecting a reward. When we do something we later regret (for example, when we drink too much), the brain is flooded with neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. This cocktail of chemicals triggers feelings of guilt, creating that sensation we've come to know as regret.
On the contrary, remorse involves the amygdala — a small almond-shaped structure associated with emotions and, importantly, empathy. Remorse boosts activity in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, signaling a deeper understanding of our missteps and their impacts on others.
While regret and remorse are unpleasant, they can also be constructive. They’re our brain's way of saying, "Hey, you goofed up! Learn from this, will ya?"
Regret nudges us to rethink our decisions, whereas remorse encourages us to make amends and grow emotionally — both handy tools for self-improvement.
In fact, there's an evolutionary advantage to these feelings. In our ancient past, when we lived in small groups, actions that harmed the community could get us ostracized. A feeling of remorse after such actions could motivate us to make amends, helping us stay in the group's good graces.
So, in a way, remorse is like a social GPS, steering us towards actions that build trust and harmony in our relationships. It can help us recognize when we've overstepped a boundary or acted thoughtlessly, prompting us to make things right. Likewise, regret served as an important wake-up call in the days when missing an opportunity could be a matter of life and death.
But remember, too much of anything leads to trouble. Too much of either can tip into unhealthy guilt, so it's important to manage these emotions effectively.
Here are some actionable steps to manage and learn from regret and remorse, while still maintaining your sunny disposition.
So there you have it, a journey through the fascinating world of regret and remorse. So, next time you’re recalling an embarrassing moment or an error in judgment, remember it’s okay. Regret helps us learn from our past mistakes, while remorse pushes us towards making amends and behaving more considerately in the future. Uncomfortable as they might be, regret and remorse help shape us into better, more compassionate versions of ourselves.
Emotional hide-and-seek, anyone? Uncover the secret role of avoidant attachment in your everyday stress management with our latest blog.
You know those days when stress is piling up, and somehow, the idea of re-watching The Office for the twentieth time feels more appealing than dealing with it all? If that rings a bell, buckle up — we're about to journey into the fascinating world of avoidant attachment and its sneaky triggers.
Here's a typical scene. You've just wrapped up an intense phone call with a friend, and you're left feeling emotionally drained. Suddenly, the siren call of your favorite sitcom becomes too hard to resist. What's going on here?
This is what attachment theory is all about. Defined by psychologists Bowlby and Ainsworth, this theory tells us that the ways we emotionally bond with others during our early years set the tone for how we manage stress and emotional discomfort in adulthood.
Among various attachment styles, the avoidant one is like that friend who always seems to have an “exit strategy” when things get emotional.
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might find yourself shying away from emotional closeness, valuing your independence to an extreme and retreating into comfortable distractions when things get heated. Basically, when emotions start to feel like a wild roller coaster, you'd much rather be safely on the ground, watching from a distance.
But how does an avoidant attachment style make us prefer a sitcom binge to dealing with uncomfortable emotions?
Research shows that avoidantly attached individuals tend to use distraction as their coping mechanism. Rather than grappling with their emotional discomfort, they steer their attention towards something less overwhelming.
Studies have revealed that avoidantly attached folks are more likely to shift their focus from negative emotions towards neutral or positive stimuli. This might manifest as immersing yourself in work, diving into hobbies, or turning to a comfort-inducing TV marathon.
Have you ever declared, "I need a drink"? If that rings a bell after a tough day or an emotionally charged situation, you might want to explore the connection between avoidant attachment triggers and alcohol use.
Attachment theory suggests that our early bonding experiences shape our adult relationships and how we respond to stress. Avoidant attachment — one of these styles — can be a bit sneaky. It makes us dodge emotional closeness, stress, and anxiety.
Research tells us that those with an avoidant attachment style might be more prone to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Alcohol can provide a temporary shield from uncomfortable feelings, offering the emotional distance that avoidantly attached folks often seek.
In other words, your Friday night glass of wine or whiskey might be your subconscious tactic to keep stress and emotional discomfort at bay. Remember, understanding this connection is the first step towards finding healthier coping mechanisms and building stronger emotional resilience.
Now that we've peeked behind the curtain of avoidant attachment style, here are some steps that can help us manage these triggers better:
So next time you feel the urge to retreat into your favorite sitcom or reach for a glass — or bottle — of wine instead of addressing the stress at hand, remember, it might just be your avoidant attachment style playing hide-and-seek. And with these steps in your toolkit, you'll be better prepared to join the game.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You know those days when stress is piling up, and somehow, the idea of re-watching The Office for the twentieth time feels more appealing than dealing with it all? If that rings a bell, buckle up — we're about to journey into the fascinating world of avoidant attachment and its sneaky triggers.
Here's a typical scene. You've just wrapped up an intense phone call with a friend, and you're left feeling emotionally drained. Suddenly, the siren call of your favorite sitcom becomes too hard to resist. What's going on here?
This is what attachment theory is all about. Defined by psychologists Bowlby and Ainsworth, this theory tells us that the ways we emotionally bond with others during our early years set the tone for how we manage stress and emotional discomfort in adulthood.
Among various attachment styles, the avoidant one is like that friend who always seems to have an “exit strategy” when things get emotional.
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might find yourself shying away from emotional closeness, valuing your independence to an extreme and retreating into comfortable distractions when things get heated. Basically, when emotions start to feel like a wild roller coaster, you'd much rather be safely on the ground, watching from a distance.
But how does an avoidant attachment style make us prefer a sitcom binge to dealing with uncomfortable emotions?
Research shows that avoidantly attached individuals tend to use distraction as their coping mechanism. Rather than grappling with their emotional discomfort, they steer their attention towards something less overwhelming.
Studies have revealed that avoidantly attached folks are more likely to shift their focus from negative emotions towards neutral or positive stimuli. This might manifest as immersing yourself in work, diving into hobbies, or turning to a comfort-inducing TV marathon.
Have you ever declared, "I need a drink"? If that rings a bell after a tough day or an emotionally charged situation, you might want to explore the connection between avoidant attachment triggers and alcohol use.
Attachment theory suggests that our early bonding experiences shape our adult relationships and how we respond to stress. Avoidant attachment — one of these styles — can be a bit sneaky. It makes us dodge emotional closeness, stress, and anxiety.
Research tells us that those with an avoidant attachment style might be more prone to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Alcohol can provide a temporary shield from uncomfortable feelings, offering the emotional distance that avoidantly attached folks often seek.
In other words, your Friday night glass of wine or whiskey might be your subconscious tactic to keep stress and emotional discomfort at bay. Remember, understanding this connection is the first step towards finding healthier coping mechanisms and building stronger emotional resilience.
Now that we've peeked behind the curtain of avoidant attachment style, here are some steps that can help us manage these triggers better:
So next time you feel the urge to retreat into your favorite sitcom or reach for a glass — or bottle — of wine instead of addressing the stress at hand, remember, it might just be your avoidant attachment style playing hide-and-seek. And with these steps in your toolkit, you'll be better prepared to join the game.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Shine the light on 12 inspirational celebrities — from 'The Rock' to Adele — who courageously battle mental illness and addiction. As we embark on our own wellness journeys, draw inspiration from these bright stars who shine a light on our own potential to be our best selves.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
When we think of celebrities, we often envision them as untouchable, superhuman entities living the dream. Yet behind the glitz and glamour lies the truth: they're just like us, with similar struggles, challenges, and emotions.
Mental health issues don't discriminate. Hollywood stars are also humans, grappling with mental health and substance abuse struggles as many of us do.
In this article, we spotlight 12 celebrities that struggle with anxiety who are courageously breaking the mental health stigma and inspiring us to embark on our own journey to well-being. Ready to learn more about celebrities who advocate for mental health? Let’s dive in!
Anxiety and depression are common yet often misunderstood conditions. Many celebrities that struggle with anxiety have used their platforms to openly discuss their experiences, providing comfort and solidarity for those grappling with similar issues:
Addiction is a pervasive challenge that affects people from all walks of life, including those in the spotlight. Here are some of the celebrities talking about mental health who have focused on their struggle with substance misuse:
Let these journeys inspire us all to strive for our better selves, no matter what adversities we face.
Some celebrities have shared their experiences with less discussed, yet equally significant mental health issues.
Inspired by these celebrities, we can bravely face our challenges and make impactful changes to boost our mental wellness:
Celebrities’ public battles with mental health and addiction are a poignant reminder that no one, regardless of fame or success, is immune to mental health challenges. It's a testament to the reality of mental health issues and the strength it takes to navigate them.
By sharing their journeys, these celebs are not just contributing to the conversation on mental health, they’re offering hope to those of us facing similar struggles.
Remember, we all struggle with something. Acknowledging this and seeking help when we need it makes us strong.
When we think of celebrities, we often envision them as untouchable, superhuman entities living the dream. Yet behind the glitz and glamour lies the truth: they're just like us, with similar struggles, challenges, and emotions.
Mental health issues don't discriminate. Hollywood stars are also humans, grappling with mental health and substance abuse struggles as many of us do.
In this article, we spotlight 12 celebrities that struggle with anxiety who are courageously breaking the mental health stigma and inspiring us to embark on our own journey to well-being. Ready to learn more about celebrities who advocate for mental health? Let’s dive in!
Anxiety and depression are common yet often misunderstood conditions. Many celebrities that struggle with anxiety have used their platforms to openly discuss their experiences, providing comfort and solidarity for those grappling with similar issues:
Addiction is a pervasive challenge that affects people from all walks of life, including those in the spotlight. Here are some of the celebrities talking about mental health who have focused on their struggle with substance misuse:
Let these journeys inspire us all to strive for our better selves, no matter what adversities we face.
Some celebrities have shared their experiences with less discussed, yet equally significant mental health issues.
Inspired by these celebrities, we can bravely face our challenges and make impactful changes to boost our mental wellness:
Celebrities’ public battles with mental health and addiction are a poignant reminder that no one, regardless of fame or success, is immune to mental health challenges. It's a testament to the reality of mental health issues and the strength it takes to navigate them.
By sharing their journeys, these celebs are not just contributing to the conversation on mental health, they’re offering hope to those of us facing similar struggles.
Remember, we all struggle with something. Acknowledging this and seeking help when we need it makes us strong.
Discover five simple ways to transform your mental health as you cut down on drinking — and gain a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Imagine a gardener pruning the branches of a tree to help it grow stronger. It’s necessary to cuT back those deadened branches prohibiting growth. Like the gardener and the tree, cutting back on drinking allows your mental well-being to flourish.
While it can be challenging, cutting down on drinking is a crucial step towards a healthier mind and body — and a more fulfilling life.
If you’re wondering how to improve mental health and well-being, you’re in the right place. In this article, we'll explore five empowering activities that can boost your mental health while you're cutting down.
Mindfulness isn't just a buzzword; it's a powerful tool for rewiring our brain's reward system, traditionally activated by alcohol. If you want to know how to fix mental health, mindfulness exercises, like deep yogic breathing and meditation, are some of the best tools that can help curb cravings and stress.
Mindful breathing is an effective tool to reduce stress and improve mental health. When we're stressed, our breath becomes shallow and rapid, signaling our brain that something is wrong. By consciously slowing down and deepening our breath, we activate the body's relaxation response, calming our nervous system and reducing anxiety.
To practice mindful breathing, take a few minutes each day to do the following:
As you do this, notice any sensations or thoughts that arise, and gently let them go. Regularly practicing mindful breathing can help us feel more centered and grounded, even during challenging times.
Gratitude is a powerful tool for boosting mental health and cultivating a healthier mindset. Research has shown that regularly expressing gratitude can increase happiness, reduce stress, and improve overall well-being.
Each day, take a moment to reflect on three things you're grateful for. They can be as simple as a warm cup of coffee in the morning or a kind gesture from a friend. By focusing on the positive aspects of your life, you shift your attention away from stressors and train your brain to seek out the good.
Consider keeping a gratitude journal to track your daily reflections and remind yourself of the abundance in your life — and all the successes you’re achieving, big and small!
Nature has a remarkable ability to calm our minds and reduce stress. Research has shown that spending time in nature can lower blood pressure, decrease anxiety, and improve mood.
Lace up your shoes and head outside. Take a leisurely stroll, breathe in the fresh air, and let the beauty of nature wash away your worries — while you’re soaking in the vitamin D. Whether it's a hike in the mountains, sitting by the ocean, or having a picnic in the park, connecting with nature can be a powerful tool in your mental health toolbox.
Odds are you’ll get a little exercise while you’re at it. This is another great tool — beneficial not only to our physical health but our mental well-being as well. When we engage in physical activity, our brain releases natural mood boosters called endorphins.
We are social creatures: meaningful connections with others are essential for our mental health. When we feel isolated or lonely, our stress levels increase, and our overall well-being suffers.
Alcohol often serves as a social lubricant, yet it's essential to remember that genuine connection and support come from people, not drinks. Reconnecting with friends, family, or joining new social groups — like those found by volunteering or joining a local book club — can provide us with the emotional support we need during this transition.
Make an effort to reach out to friends, family, or support groups, and engage in activities that foster connection. This could be as simple as having a phone call with a loved one, joining a community of like-minded people, or volunteering in your community. Nurturing relationships and building a support network not only reduces stress but also creates a sense of belonging and purpose.
From something as simple as a video call, to experimenting together with a new mocktail, getting a walk at a nearby park, or venturing out with a new crafting hobby — there are plenty of ways to have fun without alcohol.
Quality sleep is a cornerstone of mental health, helping to consolidate memory, regulate mood, and recharge our brain.
Some of us drink because we think it helps us sleep — although the research shows the opposite is true. Drinking actually disrupts our sleep quality.
Revamp your sleep routine. If your nighttime often includes a nightcap, try these adjustments to establish good sleep hygiene:
Imagine a gardener pruning the branches of a tree to help it grow stronger. It’s necessary to cuT back those deadened branches prohibiting growth. Like the gardener and the tree, cutting back on drinking allows your mental well-being to flourish.
While it can be challenging, cutting down on drinking is a crucial step towards a healthier mind and body — and a more fulfilling life.
If you’re wondering how to improve mental health and well-being, you’re in the right place. In this article, we'll explore five empowering activities that can boost your mental health while you're cutting down.
Mindfulness isn't just a buzzword; it's a powerful tool for rewiring our brain's reward system, traditionally activated by alcohol. If you want to know how to fix mental health, mindfulness exercises, like deep yogic breathing and meditation, are some of the best tools that can help curb cravings and stress.
Mindful breathing is an effective tool to reduce stress and improve mental health. When we're stressed, our breath becomes shallow and rapid, signaling our brain that something is wrong. By consciously slowing down and deepening our breath, we activate the body's relaxation response, calming our nervous system and reducing anxiety.
To practice mindful breathing, take a few minutes each day to do the following:
As you do this, notice any sensations or thoughts that arise, and gently let them go. Regularly practicing mindful breathing can help us feel more centered and grounded, even during challenging times.
Gratitude is a powerful tool for boosting mental health and cultivating a healthier mindset. Research has shown that regularly expressing gratitude can increase happiness, reduce stress, and improve overall well-being.
Each day, take a moment to reflect on three things you're grateful for. They can be as simple as a warm cup of coffee in the morning or a kind gesture from a friend. By focusing on the positive aspects of your life, you shift your attention away from stressors and train your brain to seek out the good.
Consider keeping a gratitude journal to track your daily reflections and remind yourself of the abundance in your life — and all the successes you’re achieving, big and small!
Nature has a remarkable ability to calm our minds and reduce stress. Research has shown that spending time in nature can lower blood pressure, decrease anxiety, and improve mood.
Lace up your shoes and head outside. Take a leisurely stroll, breathe in the fresh air, and let the beauty of nature wash away your worries — while you’re soaking in the vitamin D. Whether it's a hike in the mountains, sitting by the ocean, or having a picnic in the park, connecting with nature can be a powerful tool in your mental health toolbox.
Odds are you’ll get a little exercise while you’re at it. This is another great tool — beneficial not only to our physical health but our mental well-being as well. When we engage in physical activity, our brain releases natural mood boosters called endorphins.
We are social creatures: meaningful connections with others are essential for our mental health. When we feel isolated or lonely, our stress levels increase, and our overall well-being suffers.
Alcohol often serves as a social lubricant, yet it's essential to remember that genuine connection and support come from people, not drinks. Reconnecting with friends, family, or joining new social groups — like those found by volunteering or joining a local book club — can provide us with the emotional support we need during this transition.
Make an effort to reach out to friends, family, or support groups, and engage in activities that foster connection. This could be as simple as having a phone call with a loved one, joining a community of like-minded people, or volunteering in your community. Nurturing relationships and building a support network not only reduces stress but also creates a sense of belonging and purpose.
From something as simple as a video call, to experimenting together with a new mocktail, getting a walk at a nearby park, or venturing out with a new crafting hobby — there are plenty of ways to have fun without alcohol.
Quality sleep is a cornerstone of mental health, helping to consolidate memory, regulate mood, and recharge our brain.
Some of us drink because we think it helps us sleep — although the research shows the opposite is true. Drinking actually disrupts our sleep quality.
Revamp your sleep routine. If your nighttime often includes a nightcap, try these adjustments to establish good sleep hygiene:
This blog explores the harmful interplay of gaslighting and alcohol in relationships. It provides insights into recognizing and coping with gaslighting, particularly when alcohol is involved. The post emphasizes the importance of self-trust, seeking support, setting boundaries, and considering professional help for alcohol-related issues
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
The film Gaslight is a 1944 psychological thriller directed by George Cukor. The plot revolves around the beautiful Paula, who marries the charming Gregory. After moving into her late aunt's house, Paula starts to question her sanity as Gregory manipulates her into believing she's losing her mind. He subtly dims and brightens the gaslights, insists she's imagining things, and fabricates all sorts of deceptions so that he can search for hidden jewels in the house. The term "gaslighting" arose from this film and has since been adopted into psychology and popular culture, and it was even named Merriam-Webster’s 2022 “term of the year.”
How can we deal with gaslighting statements, and what about alcoholic gaslighting in particular? If you’re wondering how to deal with gaslighting and alcoholic manipulation, it’s time to look deeper.
At its core, gaslighting seeks to distort a person’s sense of reality. By making someone question their own memories, perceptions, or even sanity, the gaslighterassumes a dominant position in a relationship, often wielding power and control over the other person.
Imagine being told repeatedly that your memories are false, that events you clearly remember never happened, or that you are too emotional or irrational. Over time, the consistent denial and manipulation can cause us to doubt our own experiences, leading to confusion, anxiety, and a lost sense of self-worth. In essence, the gaslighter erases our reality and replaces it with a version that serves their own needs and agenda.
When we think of gaslighting vs. lying, they’re really very similar. Lying is saying something untrue with the intent to deceive. Gaslighting goes a step further: it’s lying, but it doesn’t stop with trying to make the other person believe something, it tries to make them doubt their own mental faculties and perception of the world too.
By understanding gaslighting through real-world scenarios, we can equip ourselves better to identify and counteract its effects. Let’s explore a few:
Maria and John have been dating for two years. One evening, Maria brings up a promise John had made about spending their anniversary together. John, however, tells her that he never made such a promise and that she must be misremembering. He goes on to say, “You've been so forgetful lately. Maybe you're too stressed or imagining things." As time progresses, John consistently denies promises or remarks he's made, making Maria doubt her memory and judgment. One night, after both had some drinks, Maria confronts John about a message she saw on his phone from another woman. John denies any wrongdoing and turns the table on Maria, claiming her perceptions are wrong because she had been drinking and is too paranoid.
Maria starts doubting herself over time, believing that maybe she's too emotional or forgetful. She becomes anxious about confronting John on any topic, fearing she might be "misremembering" again.
There’s also the common idea that people are more likely to cheat when they’ve been drinking, “drunk cheating.” Psychology suggests that alcohol lowers inhibitions and makes us more likely to do things we might not otherwise do while sober. This is absolutely true, and sometimes, the cheaters might try to gaslight their way out of responsibility for their actions.
Marissa and Allison have been best friends since college. Recently, whenever Marissa shares her achievements or good news, Allison downplays it or changes the subject. When Marissa finally musters up the courage to discuss this with Allison, Allison denies behaving this way and accuses Marissa of being "overly sensitive." She goes on to say, “Remember that party last week when you thought I was ignoring you? You were just overthinking because you had too much to drink.”
Marissa starts feeling isolated and thinks maybe she's expecting too much from her friend. The more she doubts her feelings, the more control Allison gains over their relationship.
Nathan works in a marketing firm and recently pitched an idea in a team meeting. A week later, his manager, Mr. Roberts, presents a strikingly similar idea as his own. When Nathan confronts him privately, Mr. Roberts denies it and suggests Nathan is being "too possessive" over ideas. He further implies that Nathan might be mistaken, saying, “I noticed you had a drink at lunch the other day. Maybe that’s clouding your memory. It’s just work, Nathan. Ideas come and go.”
Nathan starts second-guessing his contributions at work and becomes reluctant to share his ideas. He feels undermined and loses confidence in his abilities, while Mr. Roberts continues to exploit his subordinates without accountability. Gaslighting alcoholics became Mr. Roberts’s route to ill-gotten success.
As in the above examples, when alcohol is involved, the gaslighter may use it as a tool to further their strategy. They may claim that the victim was too drunk to understand or remember what happened as it was happening, or they may accuse the victim of being too drunk to remember correctly in the current moment. The gaslighter may also use alcohol as a way to lower the victim's defenses and make them more susceptible to manipulation.
There are several ways alcohol plays into the dynamics of gaslighting:
Each of these scenarios showcases the gaslighter's attempt to replace the victim's reality with their twisted version, using doubt as their primary weapon.
While gaslighting is harmful on its own, when combined with alcohol, it becomes an even more volatile mix. Alcohol, known to impair judgment, memory, and perception, offers a fertile ground for gaslighting to thrive. It can provide a gaslighter with ample opportunities to intensify their manipulative tactics.
Here's an essential consideration: self-reflection. It's easy to discuss gaslighting as a tactic employed by a distant outsider. Yet, each of us should introspect about our actions, especially when alcohol is involved. Under its influence, some may unintentionally exhibit gaslighting behaviors, insisting that events happened differently, or minimizing another’s feelings, suggesting they're overreacting.
Understanding this dynamic is the first defense. If you find yourself questioning your own or another’s reality repeatedly, especially after drinking events, it might be time to seek external perspectives. Talk to trusted individuals or professionals, as seeking help is the first major step in making effective changes and adopting healthier behaviors.
Remember, while alcohol may provide transient solace, it might deepen the wounds in the long run. Awareness, validation, and self-care are the pathways to recovery.
Breaking free from the shackles of gaslighting, especially when intertwined with alcohol, is challenging but not impossible. Recognizing the signs is the first step towards healing. Victims should trust their feelings and memories, and confiding in trusted friends or professionals can provide validation. For alcoholics, gaslighting is a very real threat. We can be vulnerable when we’re drinking, and some people may try to take advantage of that.
The perception that “alcoholics lie” runs counter to the classic expression, “in vino veritas” (Latin for “in wine, there is truth”). For some, drinking may devolve normally honest communication into gaslighting, or people may try to use gaslighting as a way to hide their alcohol use.
It's essential to understand the gravity of this toxic relationship between gaslighting and alcohol. While alcohol might offer temporary relief, in the long run, it compounds the problem. Seeking help, setting boundaries, or distancing ourselves from the gaslighter and the environment where alcohol is present might be necessary steps toward recovery.
The first significant step in dealing with gaslighting is recognizing its signs. Gaslighting can be subtle, and its effects are cumulative, which means that its impact builds over time, making it harder to spot in the early stages. Look for these signs:
Gaslighting can be isolating. It can make you feel trapped in a maze where every turn leads to more confusion. In such circumstances, external validation and support become crucial.
Sharing your experiences with close friends or family can offer much-needed perspective. They can validate your feelings, provide alternate viewpoints, and even share if they've noticed the same behaviors from the gaslighter.
Sometimes, the emotional turmoil caused by gaslighting might necessitate professional intervention. Mental health professionals, with their training and expertise, can provide tools and strategies to cope. They can also help in reaffirming your perceptions, ensuring you realize that you're not alone in your experiences.
Some areas might have support groups for individuals who have experienced gaslighting. Engaging in such groups can be enlightening — you can hear others' stories, learn from their coping strategies, and gain strength from the shared experiences.
It's essential to remember that your experiences, memories, and feelings are valid. They form the core of who you are, and no one, no matter how crafty or manipulative, should be allowed to take that away from you.
Once the recognition of gaslighting sets in, it’s imperative not just to identify but also combat it. Here are other steps you can take when dealing with gaslighting:
If you're dealing with the toxic combination of alcohol and gaslighting, it's important to take steps to protect yourself. This may involve setting boundaries around alcohol use, seeking professional help for alcohol misuse, or even removing yourself from the situation entirely.
Also, if you're the one who has been drinking, consider seeking help for your alcohol use. Alcohol can cloud your judgment and make it harder to recognize and deal with gaslighting. There are many resources available, including therapy, support groups, and apps like Reframe, which can help you change your relationship with alcohol.
If the gaslighter is the one with the alcohol problem, encourage them to seek help. However, remember that you can't force someone to change if they're not ready. It's important to prioritize your own safety and well-being.
Gaslighting and alcohol can create a toxic cocktail that can damage your mental and emotional health. Recognizing the signs of gaslighting, trusting your own perceptions, and seeking support are crucial steps in dealing with this form of manipulation. If alcohol is part of the situation, addressing this issue can also be incredibly beneficial. Remember, you're not alone, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenges!
The film Gaslight is a 1944 psychological thriller directed by George Cukor. The plot revolves around the beautiful Paula, who marries the charming Gregory. After moving into her late aunt's house, Paula starts to question her sanity as Gregory manipulates her into believing she's losing her mind. He subtly dims and brightens the gaslights, insists she's imagining things, and fabricates all sorts of deceptions so that he can search for hidden jewels in the house. The term "gaslighting" arose from this film and has since been adopted into psychology and popular culture, and it was even named Merriam-Webster’s 2022 “term of the year.”
How can we deal with gaslighting statements, and what about alcoholic gaslighting in particular? If you’re wondering how to deal with gaslighting and alcoholic manipulation, it’s time to look deeper.
At its core, gaslighting seeks to distort a person’s sense of reality. By making someone question their own memories, perceptions, or even sanity, the gaslighterassumes a dominant position in a relationship, often wielding power and control over the other person.
Imagine being told repeatedly that your memories are false, that events you clearly remember never happened, or that you are too emotional or irrational. Over time, the consistent denial and manipulation can cause us to doubt our own experiences, leading to confusion, anxiety, and a lost sense of self-worth. In essence, the gaslighter erases our reality and replaces it with a version that serves their own needs and agenda.
When we think of gaslighting vs. lying, they’re really very similar. Lying is saying something untrue with the intent to deceive. Gaslighting goes a step further: it’s lying, but it doesn’t stop with trying to make the other person believe something, it tries to make them doubt their own mental faculties and perception of the world too.
By understanding gaslighting through real-world scenarios, we can equip ourselves better to identify and counteract its effects. Let’s explore a few:
Maria and John have been dating for two years. One evening, Maria brings up a promise John had made about spending their anniversary together. John, however, tells her that he never made such a promise and that she must be misremembering. He goes on to say, “You've been so forgetful lately. Maybe you're too stressed or imagining things." As time progresses, John consistently denies promises or remarks he's made, making Maria doubt her memory and judgment. One night, after both had some drinks, Maria confronts John about a message she saw on his phone from another woman. John denies any wrongdoing and turns the table on Maria, claiming her perceptions are wrong because she had been drinking and is too paranoid.
Maria starts doubting herself over time, believing that maybe she's too emotional or forgetful. She becomes anxious about confronting John on any topic, fearing she might be "misremembering" again.
There’s also the common idea that people are more likely to cheat when they’ve been drinking, “drunk cheating.” Psychology suggests that alcohol lowers inhibitions and makes us more likely to do things we might not otherwise do while sober. This is absolutely true, and sometimes, the cheaters might try to gaslight their way out of responsibility for their actions.
Marissa and Allison have been best friends since college. Recently, whenever Marissa shares her achievements or good news, Allison downplays it or changes the subject. When Marissa finally musters up the courage to discuss this with Allison, Allison denies behaving this way and accuses Marissa of being "overly sensitive." She goes on to say, “Remember that party last week when you thought I was ignoring you? You were just overthinking because you had too much to drink.”
Marissa starts feeling isolated and thinks maybe she's expecting too much from her friend. The more she doubts her feelings, the more control Allison gains over their relationship.
Nathan works in a marketing firm and recently pitched an idea in a team meeting. A week later, his manager, Mr. Roberts, presents a strikingly similar idea as his own. When Nathan confronts him privately, Mr. Roberts denies it and suggests Nathan is being "too possessive" over ideas. He further implies that Nathan might be mistaken, saying, “I noticed you had a drink at lunch the other day. Maybe that’s clouding your memory. It’s just work, Nathan. Ideas come and go.”
Nathan starts second-guessing his contributions at work and becomes reluctant to share his ideas. He feels undermined and loses confidence in his abilities, while Mr. Roberts continues to exploit his subordinates without accountability. Gaslighting alcoholics became Mr. Roberts’s route to ill-gotten success.
As in the above examples, when alcohol is involved, the gaslighter may use it as a tool to further their strategy. They may claim that the victim was too drunk to understand or remember what happened as it was happening, or they may accuse the victim of being too drunk to remember correctly in the current moment. The gaslighter may also use alcohol as a way to lower the victim's defenses and make them more susceptible to manipulation.
There are several ways alcohol plays into the dynamics of gaslighting:
Each of these scenarios showcases the gaslighter's attempt to replace the victim's reality with their twisted version, using doubt as their primary weapon.
While gaslighting is harmful on its own, when combined with alcohol, it becomes an even more volatile mix. Alcohol, known to impair judgment, memory, and perception, offers a fertile ground for gaslighting to thrive. It can provide a gaslighter with ample opportunities to intensify their manipulative tactics.
Here's an essential consideration: self-reflection. It's easy to discuss gaslighting as a tactic employed by a distant outsider. Yet, each of us should introspect about our actions, especially when alcohol is involved. Under its influence, some may unintentionally exhibit gaslighting behaviors, insisting that events happened differently, or minimizing another’s feelings, suggesting they're overreacting.
Understanding this dynamic is the first defense. If you find yourself questioning your own or another’s reality repeatedly, especially after drinking events, it might be time to seek external perspectives. Talk to trusted individuals or professionals, as seeking help is the first major step in making effective changes and adopting healthier behaviors.
Remember, while alcohol may provide transient solace, it might deepen the wounds in the long run. Awareness, validation, and self-care are the pathways to recovery.
Breaking free from the shackles of gaslighting, especially when intertwined with alcohol, is challenging but not impossible. Recognizing the signs is the first step towards healing. Victims should trust their feelings and memories, and confiding in trusted friends or professionals can provide validation. For alcoholics, gaslighting is a very real threat. We can be vulnerable when we’re drinking, and some people may try to take advantage of that.
The perception that “alcoholics lie” runs counter to the classic expression, “in vino veritas” (Latin for “in wine, there is truth”). For some, drinking may devolve normally honest communication into gaslighting, or people may try to use gaslighting as a way to hide their alcohol use.
It's essential to understand the gravity of this toxic relationship between gaslighting and alcohol. While alcohol might offer temporary relief, in the long run, it compounds the problem. Seeking help, setting boundaries, or distancing ourselves from the gaslighter and the environment where alcohol is present might be necessary steps toward recovery.
The first significant step in dealing with gaslighting is recognizing its signs. Gaslighting can be subtle, and its effects are cumulative, which means that its impact builds over time, making it harder to spot in the early stages. Look for these signs:
Gaslighting can be isolating. It can make you feel trapped in a maze where every turn leads to more confusion. In such circumstances, external validation and support become crucial.
Sharing your experiences with close friends or family can offer much-needed perspective. They can validate your feelings, provide alternate viewpoints, and even share if they've noticed the same behaviors from the gaslighter.
Sometimes, the emotional turmoil caused by gaslighting might necessitate professional intervention. Mental health professionals, with their training and expertise, can provide tools and strategies to cope. They can also help in reaffirming your perceptions, ensuring you realize that you're not alone in your experiences.
Some areas might have support groups for individuals who have experienced gaslighting. Engaging in such groups can be enlightening — you can hear others' stories, learn from their coping strategies, and gain strength from the shared experiences.
It's essential to remember that your experiences, memories, and feelings are valid. They form the core of who you are, and no one, no matter how crafty or manipulative, should be allowed to take that away from you.
Once the recognition of gaslighting sets in, it’s imperative not just to identify but also combat it. Here are other steps you can take when dealing with gaslighting:
If you're dealing with the toxic combination of alcohol and gaslighting, it's important to take steps to protect yourself. This may involve setting boundaries around alcohol use, seeking professional help for alcohol misuse, or even removing yourself from the situation entirely.
Also, if you're the one who has been drinking, consider seeking help for your alcohol use. Alcohol can cloud your judgment and make it harder to recognize and deal with gaslighting. There are many resources available, including therapy, support groups, and apps like Reframe, which can help you change your relationship with alcohol.
If the gaslighter is the one with the alcohol problem, encourage them to seek help. However, remember that you can't force someone to change if they're not ready. It's important to prioritize your own safety and well-being.
Gaslighting and alcohol can create a toxic cocktail that can damage your mental and emotional health. Recognizing the signs of gaslighting, trusting your own perceptions, and seeking support are crucial steps in dealing with this form of manipulation. If alcohol is part of the situation, addressing this issue can also be incredibly beneficial. Remember, you're not alone, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenges!
