Gain insight into the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — along with common misconceptions about the grief process.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You just went through a breakup. You lost your job. You’re unable to attain the goal you’ve been working toward. Believe it or not, all of these are some form of grief — or the experience of coping with loss. As we work our way through experiences like these, we’re likely to go through different stages or emotions — from denial and anger to sadness and resentment.
In this post, we’ll explore the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We’ll also look at common misconceptions about grief and tips for managing loss. Let’s dive in.
Before we dive into the five stages of grief, it’s helpful to understand what grief is. Simply put, grief is the experience of coping with loss. And it’s experienced by each person in a uniquely personal way. While we often think about grief as mourning the loss of a loved one, grief can accompany any event that changes or challenges our sense of normalcy or ourselves. For instance, we might grieve the loss of a relationship, our job or career, a dream or goal, or our health. Grief can also come from any changes we experience in life, such as moving to a new city or school or transitioning into a new age group.
The truth is that we all experience a certain degree of grief throughout our lives. While some losses are more intense than others, they are no less real. And all forms of grief can be incredibly messy and complex, affecting every aspect of our being — mind, body, and spirit.
Many researchers have dedicated years to studying loss and the emotions that accompany it. One of these experts was Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist. She interviewed over 200 people with terminal illnesses and identified five common stages people experience as they grapple with the realities of their impending death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
She published her results in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy, and Their Own Families, which today remains the most well-known resource for understanding the grieving process. Although Kubler-Ross’s work focused on grief responses from people who are dying, many of these stages can be applied to grief across any type of loss.
It’s important to note that these stages are not linear, and they’re not a prescription. Not everyone experiences every stage, and that’s okay. We might not experience all of these stages in the order listed, and we could bounce back and forth from one stage to another multiple times. We might feel like we accept the loss at times and then move to another stage of grief again. This back and forth is natural and all part of the healing process.
Similarly, how much time we spend navigating these stages varies from person to person. It might take us hours, months, or longer to process and heal from a loss. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at each of the five stages of grief:
For many people, denial — or pretending the loss or change isn’t happening — is often the first response to loss. For instance, if we’re facing the death of a loved one, we might deny that they’re actually gone. Or if we’re dealing with a break up, we might convince ourselves that our partner will regret leaving and come back to us.
Denial is a common defense or coping mechanism that helps numb us to the reality of our new situation. We might even start to feel like nothing really matters anymore. By going numb, we’re giving ourselves more time to gradually absorb the loss and begin to process it. But denial is often a temporary response that serves as a buffer between us and the shock or pain of a loss or change. Eventually, when we’re grieving, we can start the healing process by allowing the feelings and emotions we’ve denied to resurface.
Many people will also experience anger as part of their grief. According to Kubler-Ross, pain from a loss is often redirected and expressed as anger. In other words, anger is a way to hide the many emotions and pain that we’re carrying as a result of the loss or change.
It’s not uncommon for people in this stage to ask questions: “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” We might become angry at the person we lost, resenting them for causing us pain or leaving us. Even though our rational brain understands they’re not to blame, our emotions are intense and can easily override rational thinking.
We also might lash out at inanimate objects, strangers, friends, or family members. We might feel angry at life itself. Even if we’re not exhibiting obvious displays of fury or rage, anger sometimes masks itself in feelings of bitterness, resentment, impatience, and irritability.
While we often think that anger is a negative emotion and something to be avoided at all costs, it actually serves a purpose and is a necessary part of healing. In fact, suppressing any feelings — including anger — is never healthy; we have to express our feelings in order to move past them.
Bargaining is a stage of grief that helps us hold onto hope during intense emotional pain. It’s an attempt to help us regain control of a situation that has made us feel incredibly vulnerable and helpless. It’s also another way to help us postpone having to deal directly with the sadness, confusion, or hurt.
People in this stage typically think in terms of “what if” or “if only” statements. For instance, someone grieving the loss of a loved one might think, “If only I had called her that night, she wouldn’t be gone.” Or someone grieving a divorce might believe, “If only I had spent more time with him, he would have stayed.” If we’re religious and believe in God, we might try to make a deal or promise to God in return for healing or relief from grief and pain.
Depression is often likened to the “quiet” stage of grief, as it’s not as active as the anger and bargaining stages. During this stage, we start facing our present reality and the inevitability of the loss we’ve experienced. This can lead to intense feelings of sadness, despair, and hopelessness.
Symptoms of depression can manifest themselves in different ways. For instance, we might feel foggy, heavy, fatigued, confused or distracted. We also might lose our appetite, isolate ourselves from others, or not enjoy any activities that we once did. In extreme cases, we might be unable or unwilling to get out of bed in the morning.
Just like the other stages of grief, depression is experienced in different ways. But it’s not an indication that something is wrong with us. Instead, it’s a natural and appropriate response to grief.
Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean that we are fully healed or have completely moved on from the loss or situation. Rather, acceptance means that we’ve acknowledged the loss we’ve experienced and are readjusting our lives accordingly. For instance, if we’re grieving the death of a loved one, we might be able to express our gratitude for all the wonderful times we spent with them. Or if we’re going through a breakup, we might say something like, “This really was the best thing for me.”
In this stage, we might become more comfortable reaching out to family and friends, and we might even make new relationships as time goes on. We understand that our loss was real, but we start growing and evolving into our new reality. This doesn’t mean we’ll never have another bad time. But because our emotions are more stable in this stage, we realize that we’re going to be ok in the good days and the bad.
Even though these five stages of grief can help us understand the grieving process, there’s no such thing as a right or wrong way of coping with loss. Sometimes people struggle because they feel that their grieving process isn’t “the norm,” but grief is a highly complex experience that varies from person to person. Everyone mourns differently and for different reasons.
Here are three common misconceptions about grieving that we might believe when we consider our own or someone else’s way of grieving:
1. “I’m doing it wrong.”
One of the most common misconceptions about grieving is that everyone goes through it in the same way. But as we’ve established, grieving is a unique journey that is different for everyone. It’s not as simple as following a set list of steps or checking off certain boxes. So if you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m doing it wrong,” try reminding yourself that “there’s no right or wrong way of grieving.”
Furthermore, there’s no specific order for the stages of grief. Our first emotional reaction to loss might be anger and depression. This doesn’t mean that we’re not grieving properly. Remember: our grieving journey is unique to us.
2. “I should be feeling ___.”
Similarly, not everyone experiences the stages of grief or even goes through emotions in the same way. For instance, maybe the depression stage feels more like irritability than sadness. Or maybe denial feels more like a sense of shock and disbelief. Regardless, there are no “should’s” when it comes to grieving; we don’t need to pressure ourselves to feel or not feel a certain way. Keep in mind that we might not even experience all the stages anyway — and that’s ok, too. And our emotions can come in waves of intensity. In the beginning, our emotions can be overwhelming. Over time, the intensity is likely to diminish — although there may be moments when it’s just as fresh and overpowering as it was at first.
3. “It’s taking too long…”
Many people get frustrated with themselves because they think they’re grieving too long. But again, coping with a loss is a deeply personal experience; some people navigate through grief in a few days, while others take months or years to process the loss. It depends on the person, and it depends on the loss. Try not to set any deadlines for yourself. And keep in mind that there’s never a time when we’re completely “done” with grief; we just learn how to make adjustments to the loss.
The grieving process can be incredibly challenging, but we don’t have to go through it alone. Counseling, along with medication, are typically the most common methods of treating grief. When we first experience a loss, our doctor might prescribe medications — such as sedatives, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meditations, or sleep aids — to help us function and get through the day.
Counseling can be particularly effective in helping us work through unresolved grief. While therapy doesn’t “cure” us of our loss, it can provide coping strategies to help us deal with grief in a healthy, effective manner. Many support groups or bereavement groups — online and in-person — can help offer support for our healing journey.
If our grief is creating obstacles in our everyday life or we’re having trouble functioning, it’s best to seek professional support.
Grief is a complicated process that varies from person to person. The five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are a helpful framework for thinking about grief, but it doesn’t mean we’ll go through every stage. Similarly, we can experience these aspects of grief at different times, and they don’t happen in one particular order. If we’re struggling to function or are having difficulty coping with loss, it’s important to reach out to a doctor or therapist for help.
If you find yourself turning to alcohol to cope with grief, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and process their emotions in healthier ways.
You just went through a breakup. You lost your job. You’re unable to attain the goal you’ve been working toward. Believe it or not, all of these are some form of grief — or the experience of coping with loss. As we work our way through experiences like these, we’re likely to go through different stages or emotions — from denial and anger to sadness and resentment.
In this post, we’ll explore the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We’ll also look at common misconceptions about grief and tips for managing loss. Let’s dive in.
Before we dive into the five stages of grief, it’s helpful to understand what grief is. Simply put, grief is the experience of coping with loss. And it’s experienced by each person in a uniquely personal way. While we often think about grief as mourning the loss of a loved one, grief can accompany any event that changes or challenges our sense of normalcy or ourselves. For instance, we might grieve the loss of a relationship, our job or career, a dream or goal, or our health. Grief can also come from any changes we experience in life, such as moving to a new city or school or transitioning into a new age group.
The truth is that we all experience a certain degree of grief throughout our lives. While some losses are more intense than others, they are no less real. And all forms of grief can be incredibly messy and complex, affecting every aspect of our being — mind, body, and spirit.
Many researchers have dedicated years to studying loss and the emotions that accompany it. One of these experts was Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist. She interviewed over 200 people with terminal illnesses and identified five common stages people experience as they grapple with the realities of their impending death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
She published her results in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy, and Their Own Families, which today remains the most well-known resource for understanding the grieving process. Although Kubler-Ross’s work focused on grief responses from people who are dying, many of these stages can be applied to grief across any type of loss.
It’s important to note that these stages are not linear, and they’re not a prescription. Not everyone experiences every stage, and that’s okay. We might not experience all of these stages in the order listed, and we could bounce back and forth from one stage to another multiple times. We might feel like we accept the loss at times and then move to another stage of grief again. This back and forth is natural and all part of the healing process.
Similarly, how much time we spend navigating these stages varies from person to person. It might take us hours, months, or longer to process and heal from a loss. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at each of the five stages of grief:
For many people, denial — or pretending the loss or change isn’t happening — is often the first response to loss. For instance, if we’re facing the death of a loved one, we might deny that they’re actually gone. Or if we’re dealing with a break up, we might convince ourselves that our partner will regret leaving and come back to us.
Denial is a common defense or coping mechanism that helps numb us to the reality of our new situation. We might even start to feel like nothing really matters anymore. By going numb, we’re giving ourselves more time to gradually absorb the loss and begin to process it. But denial is often a temporary response that serves as a buffer between us and the shock or pain of a loss or change. Eventually, when we’re grieving, we can start the healing process by allowing the feelings and emotions we’ve denied to resurface.
Many people will also experience anger as part of their grief. According to Kubler-Ross, pain from a loss is often redirected and expressed as anger. In other words, anger is a way to hide the many emotions and pain that we’re carrying as a result of the loss or change.
It’s not uncommon for people in this stage to ask questions: “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” We might become angry at the person we lost, resenting them for causing us pain or leaving us. Even though our rational brain understands they’re not to blame, our emotions are intense and can easily override rational thinking.
We also might lash out at inanimate objects, strangers, friends, or family members. We might feel angry at life itself. Even if we’re not exhibiting obvious displays of fury or rage, anger sometimes masks itself in feelings of bitterness, resentment, impatience, and irritability.
While we often think that anger is a negative emotion and something to be avoided at all costs, it actually serves a purpose and is a necessary part of healing. In fact, suppressing any feelings — including anger — is never healthy; we have to express our feelings in order to move past them.
Bargaining is a stage of grief that helps us hold onto hope during intense emotional pain. It’s an attempt to help us regain control of a situation that has made us feel incredibly vulnerable and helpless. It’s also another way to help us postpone having to deal directly with the sadness, confusion, or hurt.
People in this stage typically think in terms of “what if” or “if only” statements. For instance, someone grieving the loss of a loved one might think, “If only I had called her that night, she wouldn’t be gone.” Or someone grieving a divorce might believe, “If only I had spent more time with him, he would have stayed.” If we’re religious and believe in God, we might try to make a deal or promise to God in return for healing or relief from grief and pain.
Depression is often likened to the “quiet” stage of grief, as it’s not as active as the anger and bargaining stages. During this stage, we start facing our present reality and the inevitability of the loss we’ve experienced. This can lead to intense feelings of sadness, despair, and hopelessness.
Symptoms of depression can manifest themselves in different ways. For instance, we might feel foggy, heavy, fatigued, confused or distracted. We also might lose our appetite, isolate ourselves from others, or not enjoy any activities that we once did. In extreme cases, we might be unable or unwilling to get out of bed in the morning.
Just like the other stages of grief, depression is experienced in different ways. But it’s not an indication that something is wrong with us. Instead, it’s a natural and appropriate response to grief.
Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean that we are fully healed or have completely moved on from the loss or situation. Rather, acceptance means that we’ve acknowledged the loss we’ve experienced and are readjusting our lives accordingly. For instance, if we’re grieving the death of a loved one, we might be able to express our gratitude for all the wonderful times we spent with them. Or if we’re going through a breakup, we might say something like, “This really was the best thing for me.”
In this stage, we might become more comfortable reaching out to family and friends, and we might even make new relationships as time goes on. We understand that our loss was real, but we start growing and evolving into our new reality. This doesn’t mean we’ll never have another bad time. But because our emotions are more stable in this stage, we realize that we’re going to be ok in the good days and the bad.
Even though these five stages of grief can help us understand the grieving process, there’s no such thing as a right or wrong way of coping with loss. Sometimes people struggle because they feel that their grieving process isn’t “the norm,” but grief is a highly complex experience that varies from person to person. Everyone mourns differently and for different reasons.
Here are three common misconceptions about grieving that we might believe when we consider our own or someone else’s way of grieving:
1. “I’m doing it wrong.”
One of the most common misconceptions about grieving is that everyone goes through it in the same way. But as we’ve established, grieving is a unique journey that is different for everyone. It’s not as simple as following a set list of steps or checking off certain boxes. So if you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m doing it wrong,” try reminding yourself that “there’s no right or wrong way of grieving.”
Furthermore, there’s no specific order for the stages of grief. Our first emotional reaction to loss might be anger and depression. This doesn’t mean that we’re not grieving properly. Remember: our grieving journey is unique to us.
2. “I should be feeling ___.”
Similarly, not everyone experiences the stages of grief or even goes through emotions in the same way. For instance, maybe the depression stage feels more like irritability than sadness. Or maybe denial feels more like a sense of shock and disbelief. Regardless, there are no “should’s” when it comes to grieving; we don’t need to pressure ourselves to feel or not feel a certain way. Keep in mind that we might not even experience all the stages anyway — and that’s ok, too. And our emotions can come in waves of intensity. In the beginning, our emotions can be overwhelming. Over time, the intensity is likely to diminish — although there may be moments when it’s just as fresh and overpowering as it was at first.
3. “It’s taking too long…”
Many people get frustrated with themselves because they think they’re grieving too long. But again, coping with a loss is a deeply personal experience; some people navigate through grief in a few days, while others take months or years to process the loss. It depends on the person, and it depends on the loss. Try not to set any deadlines for yourself. And keep in mind that there’s never a time when we’re completely “done” with grief; we just learn how to make adjustments to the loss.
The grieving process can be incredibly challenging, but we don’t have to go through it alone. Counseling, along with medication, are typically the most common methods of treating grief. When we first experience a loss, our doctor might prescribe medications — such as sedatives, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meditations, or sleep aids — to help us function and get through the day.
Counseling can be particularly effective in helping us work through unresolved grief. While therapy doesn’t “cure” us of our loss, it can provide coping strategies to help us deal with grief in a healthy, effective manner. Many support groups or bereavement groups — online and in-person — can help offer support for our healing journey.
If our grief is creating obstacles in our everyday life or we’re having trouble functioning, it’s best to seek professional support.
Grief is a complicated process that varies from person to person. The five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are a helpful framework for thinking about grief, but it doesn’t mean we’ll go through every stage. Similarly, we can experience these aspects of grief at different times, and they don’t happen in one particular order. If we’re struggling to function or are having difficulty coping with loss, it’s important to reach out to a doctor or therapist for help.
If you find yourself turning to alcohol to cope with grief, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and process their emotions in healthier ways.
Holding onto hurt and resentment doesn’t harm the other person; it only harms us. Here are some tips for cultivating a forgiving mindset and practicing forgiveness.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You just can’t seem to move past it. You play it over and over in your mind: the words they said, the things they did, the pain they inflicted. And the more you think about it, the more enraged you become. You think to yourself, “There’s just no way I can forgive them. They’ve gone too far!”
Many of us struggle with forgiveness. We’ve all been hurt in one way or the other by the actions or words of another. But by holding onto that hurt, we actually end up hurting ourselves more.
In this post, we’ll explore the importance of forgiveness, and how forgiving others is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional health. We’ll also look at practical steps we can take to practice forgiveness. Let’s get started!
Contrary to what most people think, forgiveness is more about healing ourselves than another person. It’s a way to let go of grudges, hurt and bitterness so that we can live healthy, happy lives. After all, holding onto resentment doesn’t harm the other person, it only harms us.
Part of the trouble with forgiveness is that people think that they have to feel a certain way to forgive someone. But forgiveness is a choice — it’s a decision we can make regardless of our feelings and emotions. It’s very much an active process in which we consciously decide to let go of negative feelings, whether or not the person who hurt us “deserves” it.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we forget or excuse the harm that was done to us. It also doesn’t always mean that we make up with the person who caused us pain. Instead, it means that we choose to free ourselves from the pain the other person caused us. Doing so brings a certain kind of peace that allows us to focus on ourselves and move forward with our life.
As the author Lewis B. Smedes once wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Holding a grudge against someone who did us wrong can feel good. There’s often a feeling of strength and righteousness in remaining angry and not forgiving the person, especially if they’ve never apologized or acknowledged their wrongdoing in any way.
But when we hold a grudge and struggle to forgive, we actually do ourselves a disservice. There’s a reason for the saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It’s true.
In fact, people who struggle with forgiveness tend to bring anger and bitterness into new relationships and experiences. They also tend to become depressed, irritable and anxious, becoming so wrapped up in the wrong that they can’t enjoy the present.
Chronic anger puts us into a fight-or-flight mode, which creates numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes can lead to worsening physical health, such as heart disease and diabetes.
On the other hand, research shows that forgiveness lowers stress levels, improving physical health and increasing peace of mind. Among the documented benefits of forgiveness are healthier relationships, less anxiety and stress, fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, improved heart health, and improved self-esteem.
One study explored the relationship among stress, forgiveness, and well-being. Researchers expected that people with greater lifetime stress would have greater mental health difficulties. However, one subset of people with greater lifetime stress had no correlating mental health issues: people who exhibited greater levels of forgiveness. Surprisingly, their higher level of forgiveness seemed to completely negate their lifetime of high stress. Forgiveness made all the difference.
Here’s a closer look at some of the benefits of forgiveness:
Peace: Forgiveness can bring us peace by helping to heal deep wounds and release us from negative emotions and stress. When we forgive someone, it might feel like we’re doing it for their benefit, but we’re really doing it to help ourselves. Forgiveness allows us to invite peace into our heart, and shed unhelpful feelings of distress.
Power: Forgiveness allows us to reclaim our power. Sometimes hurtful events or trauma can cause patterns of self-destruction. When someone has wronged us, we might feel that there’s nothing we can do about it. This creates a “victim mentality” that leaves us powerless. When we choose forgiveness, we retake control of our life and give ourselves permission to move on.
Connection: Forgiveness can help improve connections with other people. Resentment and anger toward someone affect our relationship with that person, of course, but those feelings seep into our other relationships too. We might have a short temper or have difficulty trusting people. Forgiveness frees us to become more loving and compassionate in all our relationships.
Positivity: Forgiveness can help us ruminate less, which improves our psychological health. The act of not forgiving is typically characterized by rumination, in which we mentally replay events over and over. These repetitive thoughts can eventually lead to anxiety and depression, or psychosomatic disorders in which stress and anxiety cause physical ailments like stomach pain or migraines. When we forgive, we free up space in our mind to think positive, healthier thoughts.
Ok, forgiveness is important — so how does it work? First and foremost, we have to choose to forgive, recognizing that it’s something that we can do to help ourselves move forward and heal.
Forgiveness expert Dr. Robert D. Enright outlined 4 phases of the journey to forgiving a specific person:
So what about practical tips for forgiving others — what does that look like? If we’re not used to forgiving others, it can be challenging. But, as with most anything else, it gets easier with practice.
We can start by learning to become what Dr. Robert Enright calls “forgivingly fit.” Just as we would start slowly with a new physical exercise routine, it helps if we build up our forgiving heart “muscles” slowly, incorporating regular “workouts” into our everyday life. Here are 7 tips:
Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process. It may not be easy at first, but as we strengthen our forgiveness muscles, it will start to come more naturally.
Forgiveness is a choice we make to free us from the burden of having to carry something that only causes us more pain. Holding onto grudges doesn’t hurt the other person — it only hurts us. Even if we don’t feel like forgiving another person, we can make the choice to do so, knowing that it is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Practicing compassion and empathy are crucial to the forgiveness process once we process our emotions and make the decision to forgive.
If you’re using alcohol as a coping mechanism for painful emotions, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and experience emotional healing.
You just can’t seem to move past it. You play it over and over in your mind: the words they said, the things they did, the pain they inflicted. And the more you think about it, the more enraged you become. You think to yourself, “There’s just no way I can forgive them. They’ve gone too far!”
Many of us struggle with forgiveness. We’ve all been hurt in one way or the other by the actions or words of another. But by holding onto that hurt, we actually end up hurting ourselves more.
In this post, we’ll explore the importance of forgiveness, and how forgiving others is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional health. We’ll also look at practical steps we can take to practice forgiveness. Let’s get started!
Contrary to what most people think, forgiveness is more about healing ourselves than another person. It’s a way to let go of grudges, hurt and bitterness so that we can live healthy, happy lives. After all, holding onto resentment doesn’t harm the other person, it only harms us.
Part of the trouble with forgiveness is that people think that they have to feel a certain way to forgive someone. But forgiveness is a choice — it’s a decision we can make regardless of our feelings and emotions. It’s very much an active process in which we consciously decide to let go of negative feelings, whether or not the person who hurt us “deserves” it.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we forget or excuse the harm that was done to us. It also doesn’t always mean that we make up with the person who caused us pain. Instead, it means that we choose to free ourselves from the pain the other person caused us. Doing so brings a certain kind of peace that allows us to focus on ourselves and move forward with our life.
As the author Lewis B. Smedes once wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Holding a grudge against someone who did us wrong can feel good. There’s often a feeling of strength and righteousness in remaining angry and not forgiving the person, especially if they’ve never apologized or acknowledged their wrongdoing in any way.
But when we hold a grudge and struggle to forgive, we actually do ourselves a disservice. There’s a reason for the saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It’s true.
In fact, people who struggle with forgiveness tend to bring anger and bitterness into new relationships and experiences. They also tend to become depressed, irritable and anxious, becoming so wrapped up in the wrong that they can’t enjoy the present.
Chronic anger puts us into a fight-or-flight mode, which creates numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes can lead to worsening physical health, such as heart disease and diabetes.
On the other hand, research shows that forgiveness lowers stress levels, improving physical health and increasing peace of mind. Among the documented benefits of forgiveness are healthier relationships, less anxiety and stress, fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, improved heart health, and improved self-esteem.
One study explored the relationship among stress, forgiveness, and well-being. Researchers expected that people with greater lifetime stress would have greater mental health difficulties. However, one subset of people with greater lifetime stress had no correlating mental health issues: people who exhibited greater levels of forgiveness. Surprisingly, their higher level of forgiveness seemed to completely negate their lifetime of high stress. Forgiveness made all the difference.
Here’s a closer look at some of the benefits of forgiveness:
Peace: Forgiveness can bring us peace by helping to heal deep wounds and release us from negative emotions and stress. When we forgive someone, it might feel like we’re doing it for their benefit, but we’re really doing it to help ourselves. Forgiveness allows us to invite peace into our heart, and shed unhelpful feelings of distress.
Power: Forgiveness allows us to reclaim our power. Sometimes hurtful events or trauma can cause patterns of self-destruction. When someone has wronged us, we might feel that there’s nothing we can do about it. This creates a “victim mentality” that leaves us powerless. When we choose forgiveness, we retake control of our life and give ourselves permission to move on.
Connection: Forgiveness can help improve connections with other people. Resentment and anger toward someone affect our relationship with that person, of course, but those feelings seep into our other relationships too. We might have a short temper or have difficulty trusting people. Forgiveness frees us to become more loving and compassionate in all our relationships.
Positivity: Forgiveness can help us ruminate less, which improves our psychological health. The act of not forgiving is typically characterized by rumination, in which we mentally replay events over and over. These repetitive thoughts can eventually lead to anxiety and depression, or psychosomatic disorders in which stress and anxiety cause physical ailments like stomach pain or migraines. When we forgive, we free up space in our mind to think positive, healthier thoughts.
Ok, forgiveness is important — so how does it work? First and foremost, we have to choose to forgive, recognizing that it’s something that we can do to help ourselves move forward and heal.
Forgiveness expert Dr. Robert D. Enright outlined 4 phases of the journey to forgiving a specific person:
So what about practical tips for forgiving others — what does that look like? If we’re not used to forgiving others, it can be challenging. But, as with most anything else, it gets easier with practice.
We can start by learning to become what Dr. Robert Enright calls “forgivingly fit.” Just as we would start slowly with a new physical exercise routine, it helps if we build up our forgiving heart “muscles” slowly, incorporating regular “workouts” into our everyday life. Here are 7 tips:
Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process. It may not be easy at first, but as we strengthen our forgiveness muscles, it will start to come more naturally.
Forgiveness is a choice we make to free us from the burden of having to carry something that only causes us more pain. Holding onto grudges doesn’t hurt the other person — it only hurts us. Even if we don’t feel like forgiving another person, we can make the choice to do so, knowing that it is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Practicing compassion and empathy are crucial to the forgiveness process once we process our emotions and make the decision to forgive.
If you’re using alcohol as a coping mechanism for painful emotions, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and experience emotional healing.
Unlock the secrets of your brain with our latest blog on classical conditioning! Learn how this fascinating science shapes your daily behaviors, choices, and even your relationship with alcohol. Ready to rewrite old habits and master your mind?
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Ever wondered how our minds form associations between certain events? Why do we flinch when we see someone about to sneeze, or why do we feel a sudden rush of excitement when our phone dings with a new notification? Classical conditioning — a fundamental principle that drives many of our reactions and behaviors — holds the answers.
Classical conditioning, also known as Pavlovian or respondent conditioning, is a learning process through which a neutral stimulus becomes associated with one that is more significant. Over time, the brain links the two together, helping us adapt to our environment by streamlining our reactions to it.
What’s a good classical conditioning example? We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dogs — the trusty four-legged study subjects that famously salivated at the sound of a bell that the Russian scientist used to build an association with forthcoming food. But there’s a lot more to classical conditioning — and neuroscience research in the decades that followed the initial experiments filled in a lot of the missing pieces. Let’s find out more and learn how the ideas behind classical conditioning can help us develop healthier habits and make our journeys to cut back on or quit alcohol smoother.
Let’s hop in our mental time machine and travel back to see where this fascinating concept of classical conditioning originated and look at what’s arguably the most famous classical conditioning example.
While the observable behaviors in classical conditioning are intriguing, the underlying neuroscience is equally (if not more) captivating. Let’s delve into what’s happening inside our brain when we’re being classically conditioned.
At its core, classical conditioning involves the formation and strengthening of synaptic connections between neurons. When two stimuli are paired together repeatedly, the neural pathways representing those stimuli undergo changes, making the connection more robust. This process is often summarized by the catchy phrase, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
While the amygdala is a central player, other regions also pitch in:
Through a mix of strengthened neural connections, neurotransmitter releases, and the involvement of various brain regions, classical conditioning showcases the brain’s adaptability and the profound ways our experiences shape its structure and function. It's neuroplasticity in action!
Our brains are constantly making associations, whether we’re aware of it or not. Classical conditioning plays a role in our everyday lives. It affects our food preferences, fears, and even emotional responses. Ever heard a song on the radio that instantly transports you back to a summer vacation or a significant event? That’s the power of classical conditioning in action!
For many, alcohol holds a distinct place in social rituals, celebrations, and relaxation. But how does classical conditioning fit into our relationship with this beverage, especially when considering cutting back or quitting? Let's explore.
Here's how understanding classical conditioning can help:
Navigating the path of reducing or quitNavigating the path of reducing or quitting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.ting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.
Here are some additional tips to use classical conditioning to improve your life and achieve your goals:
Classical conditioning is more than just a fancy psychological term. It's a window into understanding how our brains work and how our experiences shape our reactions. By embracing its principles and taking actionable steps, we can not only gain insights into our behaviors but also mold them in ways that serve us best. So, the next time you feel a certain way because of a familiar scent or sound, give a nod to Mr. Pavlov and his dogs, and marvel at the wonders of your brain!
Understanding the intricacies of classical conditioning isn't just a fascinating exploration into the realms of psychology and neuroscience — it’s a tool that can guide us toward mastery over our choices and behaviors. Imagine the possibilities, the transformative changes you can usher into your life armed with this knowledge! Whether it's reshaping your relationship with alcohol, creating healthier habits, or simply understanding yourself better, the world of classical conditioning offers a world of potential. Let's embrace the incredible potential that lies within each one of us!
Ever wondered how our minds form associations between certain events? Why do we flinch when we see someone about to sneeze, or why do we feel a sudden rush of excitement when our phone dings with a new notification? Classical conditioning — a fundamental principle that drives many of our reactions and behaviors — holds the answers.
Classical conditioning, also known as Pavlovian or respondent conditioning, is a learning process through which a neutral stimulus becomes associated with one that is more significant. Over time, the brain links the two together, helping us adapt to our environment by streamlining our reactions to it.
What’s a good classical conditioning example? We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dogs — the trusty four-legged study subjects that famously salivated at the sound of a bell that the Russian scientist used to build an association with forthcoming food. But there’s a lot more to classical conditioning — and neuroscience research in the decades that followed the initial experiments filled in a lot of the missing pieces. Let’s find out more and learn how the ideas behind classical conditioning can help us develop healthier habits and make our journeys to cut back on or quit alcohol smoother.
Let’s hop in our mental time machine and travel back to see where this fascinating concept of classical conditioning originated and look at what’s arguably the most famous classical conditioning example.
While the observable behaviors in classical conditioning are intriguing, the underlying neuroscience is equally (if not more) captivating. Let’s delve into what’s happening inside our brain when we’re being classically conditioned.
At its core, classical conditioning involves the formation and strengthening of synaptic connections between neurons. When two stimuli are paired together repeatedly, the neural pathways representing those stimuli undergo changes, making the connection more robust. This process is often summarized by the catchy phrase, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
While the amygdala is a central player, other regions also pitch in:
Through a mix of strengthened neural connections, neurotransmitter releases, and the involvement of various brain regions, classical conditioning showcases the brain’s adaptability and the profound ways our experiences shape its structure and function. It's neuroplasticity in action!
Our brains are constantly making associations, whether we’re aware of it or not. Classical conditioning plays a role in our everyday lives. It affects our food preferences, fears, and even emotional responses. Ever heard a song on the radio that instantly transports you back to a summer vacation or a significant event? That’s the power of classical conditioning in action!
For many, alcohol holds a distinct place in social rituals, celebrations, and relaxation. But how does classical conditioning fit into our relationship with this beverage, especially when considering cutting back or quitting? Let's explore.
Here's how understanding classical conditioning can help:
Navigating the path of reducing or quitNavigating the path of reducing or quitting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.ting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.
Here are some additional tips to use classical conditioning to improve your life and achieve your goals:
Classical conditioning is more than just a fancy psychological term. It's a window into understanding how our brains work and how our experiences shape our reactions. By embracing its principles and taking actionable steps, we can not only gain insights into our behaviors but also mold them in ways that serve us best. So, the next time you feel a certain way because of a familiar scent or sound, give a nod to Mr. Pavlov and his dogs, and marvel at the wonders of your brain!
Understanding the intricacies of classical conditioning isn't just a fascinating exploration into the realms of psychology and neuroscience — it’s a tool that can guide us toward mastery over our choices and behaviors. Imagine the possibilities, the transformative changes you can usher into your life armed with this knowledge! Whether it's reshaping your relationship with alcohol, creating healthier habits, or simply understanding yourself better, the world of classical conditioning offers a world of potential. Let's embrace the incredible potential that lies within each one of us!
What is unsolicited advice? This blog explores the neuroscience and psychology of why people offer advice you didn't ask for, especially when you're cutting back on alcohol. Learn actionable steps to handle it gracefully.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Mary's wrapping up her workweek with a newfound resolve to curb her alcohol consumption. To get her weekend started on a healthy note, she heads to her local farmer's market Saturday morning with a neighbor. She's perusing bunches of vibrant kale and crates of shiny apples when her eyes fall upon a refreshing bottle of artisanal sparkling water. As she reaches to grab it, her neighbor says, "Oh, you’re buying that? You know, it's just a crutch for quitting alcohol; you should try herbal tea instead." Mary freezes. She didn't ask for this advice, yet here it is, dropped into her day like an unwelcome guest.
Just like Mary, many people encounter unwarranted advice on a regular basis, especially when they're in the midst of lifestyle changes. This is particularly true when that change involves cutting back on or quitting alcohol. What is unsolicited advice, and why do people give unsolicited advice? And what do we do when that unsolicited advice is criticism? Let's explore the psychology behind the ubiquitous nature of unsolicited advice and offer some tips on how to navigate this often-unwanted territory.
Unsolicited advice is guidance or recommendations provided without being expressly asked for by the recipient. It’s an ubiquitous social phenomenon that many encounter in various aspects of life, whether it's about career choices, relationships, or personal habits like quitting or cutting back on alcohol.
While the “unasked-for” advice may be offered with good intentions, it often becomes a source of stress or annoyance for the person receiving it.
Unwanted advice is a cultural mainstay, often becoming particularly pervasive when we make a lifestyle shift — like cutting back on alcohol or quitting altogether. But what are the psychological gears turning behind this behavior? Understanding the motivations and mechanisms can not only make the experience less frustrating but also inform strategies to navigate it more effectively.
The human brain has a built-in "reward system" that secretes dopamine, a neurotransmitter often associated with feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. This release happens in various situations, from eating a delicious meal to having a romantic encounter, and yes — even when giving advice.
A 2004 study by Decety and Jackson found that helping others triggers this dopamine release, lighting up the same areas of the brain that respond to physical rewards like food or money. This chemical kick might be one reason why people are so prone to offering unsolicited advice. When someone gives advice, they may subconsciously believe they are helping, which results in a feel-good dopamine surge. This internal reward system, honed by evolution to foster social cooperation, could be at least partly responsible for the pervasive phenomenon of unsolicited advice.
Another psychological principle at play is cognitive dissonance — a term coined by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Cognitive dissonance describes the mental discomfort that occurs when someone's actions or beliefs conflict with their existing perceptions. For instance, if a person has been drinking alcohol socially for years and suddenly a close friend decides to quit, this new behavior could induce cognitive dissonance.
The friend's decision to stop drinking might act as a mirror, causing the other person to reflect on their own alcohol consumption habits. If this reflection clashes with their self-perception — say, as someone who has their drinking "under control" — a sense of mental discomfort arises. One way to alleviate this discomfort is by justifying one's own behavior, and this is where unsolicited advice often comes into play. By advising the friend on why quitting might be unnecessary or suggesting alternative approaches, individuals not only attempt to affirm their own choices but also alleviate the cognitive dissonance they’re experiencing.
Further complicating the picture is the social fabric in which these interactions occur. Social norms and group identity play a significant role in influencing behavior, including the giving of advice. When someone decides to quit drinking or cut back, it might challenge the norms of their social circle, particularly if alcohol consumption is a significant group activity. This divergence can trigger a kind of “identity crisis” within the group, prompting advice as a way to preserve the status quo.
At times, unsolicited advice can act as a defense mechanism. Opening up about a personal decision to quit drinking or cut back can create a moment of vulnerability. For those not comfortable with such emotional openness, the default response may be to shield themselves by jumping into problem-solving mode — thus, the unsolicited advice. It allows the advice-giver to feel as though they're contributing without necessarily having to engage emotionally.
Psychology also talks about mechanisms like projection and transference, in which people unconsciously transfer their own beliefs or emotions onto someone else. When we choose to quit drinking or cut back, it might ignite unresolved issues or suppressed desires in those around us. Offering advice then becomes a way to address their own issues indirectly.
So what can be done when you find yourself on the receiving end of well-intentioned but ultimately unwarranted advice, especially when that unsolicited advice is criticism?
Crafting a prepared statement to respond to unsolicited advice can act like a shield, granting the freedom to navigate social situations more effortlessly. A well-phrased, polite response can serve multiple purposes. First, it can defuse a potentially tense moment, steering the conversation into neutral territory. Second, it sets a boundary, subtly conveying that while advice may be well-intended, it's not necessarily welcome in that context. Lastly, having a ready response alleviates the mental load of thinking on the spot, thus reducing stress.
While the phrasing can vary according to personal comfort levels and the nature of the relationship, something like, "I appreciate your thoughts, but I'm comfortable with my current approach," works well. It acknowledges the advice-giver's intention but also firmly states a personal stance, all without being confrontational.
Choosing to cut back on alcohol or quit altogether is a personal decision and sharing it broadly might open the floodgates of unsolicited advice. Therefore, it's prudent to be selective in whom we confide. This strategy might seem counterintuitive, especially in a society that often promotes openness as a virtue. However, during the initial stages of a lifestyle change, maintaining a close circle of confidants can offer a buffer against the external noise of too many opinions.
In essence, limiting disclosure helps control the narrative. The fewer people who know, the less we have to manage the influx of advice, leaving more mental energy to focus on the task at hand: changing our drinking habits. Over time, as confidence and self-assurance build, widening the circle of people in the know becomes easier and less fraught with potential complications.
Being on the receiving end of unsolicited advice often places us in a reactive position. However, flipping the script by asking a follow-up question can effectively turn the tables. A question like, "Oh, what makes you say that?" serves a dual purpose. On one hand, it requires the advice-giver to pause and consider the reasoning behind their counsel. This moment of reflection often leads people to scrutinize their own advice more critically, which might result in a more nuanced conversation or even retracting the advice altogether.
On the other hand, posing a question moves the focus away from defending personal choices, instead redirecting it toward the advice-giver's thought process. This can be an empowering shift, providing a sense of control over the conversation's direction.
Employing the "Question Master" strategy not only elevates the level of dialogue but also introduces a layer of accountability into the exchange. It's a gentle but effective way to reclaim conversational agency while encouraging others to think before they offer more unsolicited advice.
In an era where scrolling through social media feeds is part of the daily routine, digital spaces can become a breeding ground for unsolicited advice. People often feel emboldened behind a screen to offer opinions on matters ranging from diet to lifestyle changes, like cutting back on alcohol or quitting completely. Establishing digital boundaries is, therefore, not just a luxury but a necessity.
Customizing privacy settings to control who can see posts or updates is a proactive step in managing the digital environment. Even more direct is the action of muting or unfollowing individuals who persist in offering unsolicited advice. This decision need not be perceived as hostile but rather as an act of self-preservation. The social media experience is largely user-curated, so taking control of that environment is both empowering and mentally refreshing.
Support groups, either online or in-person, are invaluable resources for individuals navigating life changes. These groups function as safe havens, offering an escape from the constant bombardment of unsolicited advice. What's more, they provide pragmatic coping strategies and emotional support from peers undergoing similar experiences.
The unique benefit of a support group is that it combines shared experience with collective wisdom. The atmosphere is one of mutual respect, where advice is given only when sought, and individual choices are honored. In such an affirming space, the focus can remain where it should be — on personal progress and well-being. If you’re looking for support groups, check out the several that are currently available through the Reframe Forum!
In a world awash with information, equipping ourselves with verified, credible data is akin to carrying a shield in a battlefield of opinions. When the subject is something as personal and consequential as changing our drinking habits, the value of accurate information cannot be overstated.
Reading up on scientific studies, consulting healthcare professionals, or even using validated resources (like Reframe!) can provide the knowledge needed to discern between well-meaning but misguided advice and truly helpful guidance. When confronted with unsolicited advice, having a strong foundational knowledge allows for confident decision-making, essentially reinforcing that the chosen path is both informed and deliberate.
Navigating the complexities of lifestyle changes, particularly when it involves a sensitive topic like alcohol, can be overwhelming. However, taking a multi-pronged approach — digital boundaries, social comparison, support groups, and credible information — provides a robust toolkit for maneuvering through the landscape of unsolicited advice. With these strategies, the journey toward healthier habits can remain focused, empowered, and, most importantly, self-directed.
Mary, back at the farmer’s market, has a choice. She could heed the unsolicited advice or stick to her original plan. Similarly, when faced with unsolicited advice about alcohol, each of us holds the power to choose our response. And as it turns out, that response might just involve saying, “Thanks, but I’ve got it covered.”
Remember: unsolicited advice often comes from a place of care, even if it misses the mark. But armed with these actionable steps, navigating the world of unasked-for counsel becomes less of a minefield and more of an opportunity for growth.
Mary's wrapping up her workweek with a newfound resolve to curb her alcohol consumption. To get her weekend started on a healthy note, she heads to her local farmer's market Saturday morning with a neighbor. She's perusing bunches of vibrant kale and crates of shiny apples when her eyes fall upon a refreshing bottle of artisanal sparkling water. As she reaches to grab it, her neighbor says, "Oh, you’re buying that? You know, it's just a crutch for quitting alcohol; you should try herbal tea instead." Mary freezes. She didn't ask for this advice, yet here it is, dropped into her day like an unwelcome guest.
Just like Mary, many people encounter unwarranted advice on a regular basis, especially when they're in the midst of lifestyle changes. This is particularly true when that change involves cutting back on or quitting alcohol. What is unsolicited advice, and why do people give unsolicited advice? And what do we do when that unsolicited advice is criticism? Let's explore the psychology behind the ubiquitous nature of unsolicited advice and offer some tips on how to navigate this often-unwanted territory.
Unsolicited advice is guidance or recommendations provided without being expressly asked for by the recipient. It’s an ubiquitous social phenomenon that many encounter in various aspects of life, whether it's about career choices, relationships, or personal habits like quitting or cutting back on alcohol.
While the “unasked-for” advice may be offered with good intentions, it often becomes a source of stress or annoyance for the person receiving it.
Unwanted advice is a cultural mainstay, often becoming particularly pervasive when we make a lifestyle shift — like cutting back on alcohol or quitting altogether. But what are the psychological gears turning behind this behavior? Understanding the motivations and mechanisms can not only make the experience less frustrating but also inform strategies to navigate it more effectively.
The human brain has a built-in "reward system" that secretes dopamine, a neurotransmitter often associated with feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. This release happens in various situations, from eating a delicious meal to having a romantic encounter, and yes — even when giving advice.
A 2004 study by Decety and Jackson found that helping others triggers this dopamine release, lighting up the same areas of the brain that respond to physical rewards like food or money. This chemical kick might be one reason why people are so prone to offering unsolicited advice. When someone gives advice, they may subconsciously believe they are helping, which results in a feel-good dopamine surge. This internal reward system, honed by evolution to foster social cooperation, could be at least partly responsible for the pervasive phenomenon of unsolicited advice.
Another psychological principle at play is cognitive dissonance — a term coined by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Cognitive dissonance describes the mental discomfort that occurs when someone's actions or beliefs conflict with their existing perceptions. For instance, if a person has been drinking alcohol socially for years and suddenly a close friend decides to quit, this new behavior could induce cognitive dissonance.
The friend's decision to stop drinking might act as a mirror, causing the other person to reflect on their own alcohol consumption habits. If this reflection clashes with their self-perception — say, as someone who has their drinking "under control" — a sense of mental discomfort arises. One way to alleviate this discomfort is by justifying one's own behavior, and this is where unsolicited advice often comes into play. By advising the friend on why quitting might be unnecessary or suggesting alternative approaches, individuals not only attempt to affirm their own choices but also alleviate the cognitive dissonance they’re experiencing.
Further complicating the picture is the social fabric in which these interactions occur. Social norms and group identity play a significant role in influencing behavior, including the giving of advice. When someone decides to quit drinking or cut back, it might challenge the norms of their social circle, particularly if alcohol consumption is a significant group activity. This divergence can trigger a kind of “identity crisis” within the group, prompting advice as a way to preserve the status quo.
At times, unsolicited advice can act as a defense mechanism. Opening up about a personal decision to quit drinking or cut back can create a moment of vulnerability. For those not comfortable with such emotional openness, the default response may be to shield themselves by jumping into problem-solving mode — thus, the unsolicited advice. It allows the advice-giver to feel as though they're contributing without necessarily having to engage emotionally.
Psychology also talks about mechanisms like projection and transference, in which people unconsciously transfer their own beliefs or emotions onto someone else. When we choose to quit drinking or cut back, it might ignite unresolved issues or suppressed desires in those around us. Offering advice then becomes a way to address their own issues indirectly.
So what can be done when you find yourself on the receiving end of well-intentioned but ultimately unwarranted advice, especially when that unsolicited advice is criticism?
Crafting a prepared statement to respond to unsolicited advice can act like a shield, granting the freedom to navigate social situations more effortlessly. A well-phrased, polite response can serve multiple purposes. First, it can defuse a potentially tense moment, steering the conversation into neutral territory. Second, it sets a boundary, subtly conveying that while advice may be well-intended, it's not necessarily welcome in that context. Lastly, having a ready response alleviates the mental load of thinking on the spot, thus reducing stress.
While the phrasing can vary according to personal comfort levels and the nature of the relationship, something like, "I appreciate your thoughts, but I'm comfortable with my current approach," works well. It acknowledges the advice-giver's intention but also firmly states a personal stance, all without being confrontational.
Choosing to cut back on alcohol or quit altogether is a personal decision and sharing it broadly might open the floodgates of unsolicited advice. Therefore, it's prudent to be selective in whom we confide. This strategy might seem counterintuitive, especially in a society that often promotes openness as a virtue. However, during the initial stages of a lifestyle change, maintaining a close circle of confidants can offer a buffer against the external noise of too many opinions.
In essence, limiting disclosure helps control the narrative. The fewer people who know, the less we have to manage the influx of advice, leaving more mental energy to focus on the task at hand: changing our drinking habits. Over time, as confidence and self-assurance build, widening the circle of people in the know becomes easier and less fraught with potential complications.
Being on the receiving end of unsolicited advice often places us in a reactive position. However, flipping the script by asking a follow-up question can effectively turn the tables. A question like, "Oh, what makes you say that?" serves a dual purpose. On one hand, it requires the advice-giver to pause and consider the reasoning behind their counsel. This moment of reflection often leads people to scrutinize their own advice more critically, which might result in a more nuanced conversation or even retracting the advice altogether.
On the other hand, posing a question moves the focus away from defending personal choices, instead redirecting it toward the advice-giver's thought process. This can be an empowering shift, providing a sense of control over the conversation's direction.
Employing the "Question Master" strategy not only elevates the level of dialogue but also introduces a layer of accountability into the exchange. It's a gentle but effective way to reclaim conversational agency while encouraging others to think before they offer more unsolicited advice.
In an era where scrolling through social media feeds is part of the daily routine, digital spaces can become a breeding ground for unsolicited advice. People often feel emboldened behind a screen to offer opinions on matters ranging from diet to lifestyle changes, like cutting back on alcohol or quitting completely. Establishing digital boundaries is, therefore, not just a luxury but a necessity.
Customizing privacy settings to control who can see posts or updates is a proactive step in managing the digital environment. Even more direct is the action of muting or unfollowing individuals who persist in offering unsolicited advice. This decision need not be perceived as hostile but rather as an act of self-preservation. The social media experience is largely user-curated, so taking control of that environment is both empowering and mentally refreshing.
Support groups, either online or in-person, are invaluable resources for individuals navigating life changes. These groups function as safe havens, offering an escape from the constant bombardment of unsolicited advice. What's more, they provide pragmatic coping strategies and emotional support from peers undergoing similar experiences.
The unique benefit of a support group is that it combines shared experience with collective wisdom. The atmosphere is one of mutual respect, where advice is given only when sought, and individual choices are honored. In such an affirming space, the focus can remain where it should be — on personal progress and well-being. If you’re looking for support groups, check out the several that are currently available through the Reframe Forum!
In a world awash with information, equipping ourselves with verified, credible data is akin to carrying a shield in a battlefield of opinions. When the subject is something as personal and consequential as changing our drinking habits, the value of accurate information cannot be overstated.
Reading up on scientific studies, consulting healthcare professionals, or even using validated resources (like Reframe!) can provide the knowledge needed to discern between well-meaning but misguided advice and truly helpful guidance. When confronted with unsolicited advice, having a strong foundational knowledge allows for confident decision-making, essentially reinforcing that the chosen path is both informed and deliberate.
Navigating the complexities of lifestyle changes, particularly when it involves a sensitive topic like alcohol, can be overwhelming. However, taking a multi-pronged approach — digital boundaries, social comparison, support groups, and credible information — provides a robust toolkit for maneuvering through the landscape of unsolicited advice. With these strategies, the journey toward healthier habits can remain focused, empowered, and, most importantly, self-directed.
Mary, back at the farmer’s market, has a choice. She could heed the unsolicited advice or stick to her original plan. Similarly, when faced with unsolicited advice about alcohol, each of us holds the power to choose our response. And as it turns out, that response might just involve saying, “Thanks, but I’ve got it covered.”
Remember: unsolicited advice often comes from a place of care, even if it misses the mark. But armed with these actionable steps, navigating the world of unasked-for counsel becomes less of a minefield and more of an opportunity for growth.
Comparing yourself to others often leads to stress and unhappiness. Discover scientifically-backed methods to shift your focus towards self-improvement and personal growth.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Maria is scrolling through Instagram while waiting for her coffee to brew. One friend just ran a marathon, another is on a Caribbean holiday, and yet another got promoted — complete with a corner office. In what seems like a split second, Maria feels like she's failed at life. Sound familiar?
This urge to compare ourselves to others is as old as human interaction itself. You might find yourself wondering how to stop comparing yourself to others and find that self-comparison occupies too much space in your mind. The difference is that in the digital age, everyone's "highlight reel" is constantly on display. But let's get real for a minute — such comparisons rarely ever make anyone feel better. So how can you shift from this counterproductive mindset of comparing yourself to others to one that promotes genuine self-improvement?
Embarking on a journey to cut back on or quit alcohol is a commendable endeavor. Yet, this path often gets laden with an unexpected roadblock: the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Whether it's seeing a friend breeze through Dry January without a hiccup or reading about someone's seemingly insurmountable path to sobriety, the examples seem endless. This raises an intriguing question: Why, precisely when we are trying to improve, is there a compelling pull to juxtapose our progress with others? Let’s explore five common reasons why we compare ourselves to others.
When it comes to changing our habits, this is a deeply personal journey, but it also occurs within a broader social context. Many people seek external validation to confirm that they are on the right track. When this quest for assurance meets the complex realities of human behavior, the stage is set for comparison. "Am I doing as well as others? Is my progress fast enough?" These are questions fueled by the need to externally validate the internal changes we are trying to make. But it’s important to note that validation should come from within, not through comparison with others.
Humans are inherently social creatures, driven by millennia of evolution to rely on communal living for survival. Back in prehistoric times, comparing oneself to others served practical purposes, like assessing threats or social standing. In modern society, the threats have changed from predatory animals to fears of inadequacy and failure. The brain, however, still uses the same old mechanisms to gauge these modern “threats,” leading to the habitual act of comparison, even when it's counterproductive.
Confronting the need to change a habit often induces a psychological stress known as cognitive dissonance — in which our actions are not in harmony with our beliefs or aspirations. People are innately driven to resolve this uncomfortable state, and comparing ourselves to others can serve as a temporary coping mechanism. For instance, seeing someone struggle more with quitting or cutting back might provide momentary relief, reinforcing the thought, "Well, at least I'm not as bad as that person." Unfortunately, this type of comparison only offers a fleeting escape from the dissonance and can be detrimental in the long run.
When it comes to changing our drinking habits, everyone has a different timeline. Yet, it's easy to forget this, especially when constantly bombarded by success stories and highlight reels. Many of us fall into the trap of synchronizing our expectations with these showcased timelines, ignoring the fact that each person's journey is as unique as their DNA. Such comparison can result in demotivation and even derailment from our path.
In today's world of quick fixes and instant results, patience is often in short supply. Comparing offers an immediate, though flawed, sense of where we stand, providing instant gratification or instant despair. Either way, it's a rapid emotional response in a situation where slow, steady progress is generally the rule rather than the exception.
Understanding the deep-seated reasons behind the impulse to compare can be enlightening and liberating. When we become aware of why we are doing it, we gain the ability to catch ourselves in the act and redirect our focus to what truly matters: our unique journey towards a healthier, happier life.
Before delving into ways to steer clear of the comparison pitfall, let's explore why this behavior is so ingrained in the first place. Believe it or not, the compulsion to compare is not just a byproduct of modern society or cultural programming; it's far more primal and resides deep within the brain's wiring. That’s why simply telling ourselves, “don't compare your life to others” doesn’t always work.
When we scroll through a feed full of life milestones and enviable photos, the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) and the amygdala go into overdrive. The mPFC is a crucial hub for social cognition, which involves understanding social situations, perceiving others' intentions, and even self-referential thoughts. This area of the brain processes the complex social information presented during such comparisons.
The amygdala, on the other hand, is more associated with emotional responses. This almond-shaped cluster of nuclei handles emotions like fear, anxiety, and sadness. When one person's life appears better than ours, the amygdala is what generates those emotions of inferiority, envy, or even resentment.
The comparison game is also fueled by a cocktail of neurochemicals. Dopamine, the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, plays a role in reinforcing behavior. When we compare and feel superior, dopamine levels surge, offering a rewarding sensation. On the flip side, when the comparison feels unfavorable, cortisol, the stress hormone, spikes, putting the body in a state of heightened stress. Over time, these chemical fluctuations can take a toll on mental well-being, making us more susceptible to mood disorders like depression and anxiety.
Brains are not rigid; they are plastic, meaning they change and adapt. This characteristic is called neuroplasticity. Unfortunately, while neuroplasticity enables learning and adaptation, it can also reinforce detrimental habits like constant comparison. Every time these emotional and social cognition centers are activated by comparing ourselves to others, neural pathways strengthen, and the habit becomes more ingrained. Essentially, the brain is training itself to continue this pattern of thought, making it increasingly automatic and challenging to break. It’s important to identify and rewire these neural pathways for lasting change that supports our mental well-being.
The brain is also notorious for its cognitive biases, and two of these play into the comparison game heavily: the confirmation bias and the negativity bias. Confirmation bias causes us to seek out and remember information that confirms our preexisting beliefs, including our self-worth or lack thereof. Negativity bias is the human tendency to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. When comparing ourselves to others, we are more likely to remember instances in which we fell short, rather than the times we actually excelled or were on equal footing.
Continual activation of these neural pathways and constant flux in neurochemistry come at a cost. Long-term stress and feelings of inadequacy can negatively affect physical health, disrupt sleep patterns, and even dampen immune function. The mental health costs can include spiraling self-esteem and heightened risk for depressive disorders.
Understanding this neuroscience makes it clear why breaking free from the comparison cycle requires more than just "thinking positively." It demands a multi-pronged approach that addresses both the cognitive patterns and the underlying neural pathways. But the good news? Understanding the science also provides the foundation for effective strategies to escape this self-imposed mental trap.
So, how do we break free from the comparison trap? Thankfully, there are science-backed steps we can take to set ourselves free.
The first actionable step in this journey is understanding what sets off the comparison trap. Is it scrolling through Instagram posts of friends flaunting their new homes, jobs, or relationships? Or perhaps it's the family gatherings where Aunt Carol can't help but point out how Cousin Sally just got a big promotion. The trick is to get specific. Instead of saying social media is a problem, identify which platform, what kind of posts, or even which accounts trigger these feelings. Write them down, and notice the patterns.
Once these triggers are known, there are two ways to go about it. The first is to limit exposure. This could mean muting certain accounts, setting screen time limitations, or skipping some social events that are too emotionally taxing. The second is to prepare mentally for unavoidable triggers, maybe by setting an intention before an event or developing a positive mantra to repeat during these moments.
Role models can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they can inspire and motivate, serving as living proof of what's possible. On the other hand, they can intimidate and demoralize if they seem to represent unattainable success. So it's crucial to choose role models carefully. Ask whether these individuals spark genuine motivation or simply ignite feelings of inadequacy. Do their life paths seem interesting and exciting, or do they just seem better in a way that fosters envy?
Remember, it's fine to have role models in different aspects of life: a career role model, a fitness role model, even a "parenting style" role model. The key is that these individuals should inspire action and provide a roadmap for specific goals — not serve as benchmarks for self-worth.
One of the most effective ways to combat the comparison impulse is through mindfulness, a mental state achieved by focusing our awareness on the present moment. It's a skill that can be honed through practices like deep breathing, meditation, and even mindful eating. The Reframe app offers quick guided meditation sessions that can be easily incorporated into your daily routines.
The goal here isn’t to block thoughts of comparison or to scold ourselves for having them but to observe these thoughts non-judgmentally. For instance, during meditation, when a thought like "I'll never be as good as them" arises, acknowledge it, and then gently bring the focus back to the breath. With consistent practice, this technique helps in recognizing comparison thoughts as they arise and detaches emotional significance from them, making it easier to let them go.
The words we use have profound implications for our mental health. That's why changing just one word in our internal dialogue can have a transformative impact. Let's talk about the notorious "should," a word that often brings along feelings of inadequacy, obligation, and guilt. "I should have a better job by now," or "I should be as fit as my neighbor," are statements that weigh heavy on the mind.
Now, imagine replacing "should" with "could." This simple change transforms the narrative from one of obligation to one of possibility. "I could have a better job," implies a future filled with opportunities to improve career satisfaction. "I could be as fit as my neighbor," subtly implies choice and control over our actions. With this change in language, the burden of past mistakes or inadequacies shifts toward a more optimistic outlook on future possibilities. It's a mindset shift that has the potential to liberate emotional energy, which can then be channeled into constructive actions.
Sure, it might sound cliché, but the benefits of maintaining a gratitude journal are backed by numerous studies. The act of consistently acknowledging and writing down things to be thankful for shifts our focus away from what's lacking to what's abundant in life. It's the classic “glass half full” perspective, translated into a daily ritual. Head to the “Toolkit” tab of the Reframe app to write your thoughts into the Personal Journal. Within weeks, this simple practice can help reframe your mental orientation from one of scarcity to one of abundance.
Comparison often creeps in when there’s a feeling of stagnation or directionlessness. It’s essential to counteract this by regularly revisiting personal and professional goals. Monthly assessments can provide the necessary perspective on how far we have come and how much further there is to go. Reframe’s Drink Tracker or even old-fashioned sticky notes can be handy tools to track these goals. Seeing a visual representation of progress can be a potent antidote to the demoralizing act of comparing ourselves to others. It places the focus back where it truly belongs — on individual growth and fulfillment.
When the cycle of comparison becomes too overwhelming or paralyzing, seeking professional guidance is a wise step. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has proven to be particularly effective in dealing with issues related to self-esteem and comparison. These therapy sessions can provide personalized strategies to break the negative thought patterns and replace them with more constructive ones. Therapists can also offer different coping mechanisms that are tailored to individual needs, making the journey to self-acceptance smoother and more sustainable.
Everyone, at some point, gets entangled in the comparison web. But the good news is that we as humans are incredibly adaptive and resilient. The strategies mentioned above are more than a set of tasks to check off a list; they are a comprehensive roadmap to a more fulfilling life.
The malleability of the brain offers a beacon of hope, demonstrating that it's never too late to rewire neural pathways steering toward self-doubt and envy. With consistent application of these actionable steps, those pathways can be rerouted toward a destination of self-acceptance, contentment, and happiness. Each step taken on this path is a step away from the debilitating cycle of comparison and a step closer to a healthier, happier self.
Maria is scrolling through Instagram while waiting for her coffee to brew. One friend just ran a marathon, another is on a Caribbean holiday, and yet another got promoted — complete with a corner office. In what seems like a split second, Maria feels like she's failed at life. Sound familiar?
This urge to compare ourselves to others is as old as human interaction itself. You might find yourself wondering how to stop comparing yourself to others and find that self-comparison occupies too much space in your mind. The difference is that in the digital age, everyone's "highlight reel" is constantly on display. But let's get real for a minute — such comparisons rarely ever make anyone feel better. So how can you shift from this counterproductive mindset of comparing yourself to others to one that promotes genuine self-improvement?
Embarking on a journey to cut back on or quit alcohol is a commendable endeavor. Yet, this path often gets laden with an unexpected roadblock: the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Whether it's seeing a friend breeze through Dry January without a hiccup or reading about someone's seemingly insurmountable path to sobriety, the examples seem endless. This raises an intriguing question: Why, precisely when we are trying to improve, is there a compelling pull to juxtapose our progress with others? Let’s explore five common reasons why we compare ourselves to others.
When it comes to changing our habits, this is a deeply personal journey, but it also occurs within a broader social context. Many people seek external validation to confirm that they are on the right track. When this quest for assurance meets the complex realities of human behavior, the stage is set for comparison. "Am I doing as well as others? Is my progress fast enough?" These are questions fueled by the need to externally validate the internal changes we are trying to make. But it’s important to note that validation should come from within, not through comparison with others.
Humans are inherently social creatures, driven by millennia of evolution to rely on communal living for survival. Back in prehistoric times, comparing oneself to others served practical purposes, like assessing threats or social standing. In modern society, the threats have changed from predatory animals to fears of inadequacy and failure. The brain, however, still uses the same old mechanisms to gauge these modern “threats,” leading to the habitual act of comparison, even when it's counterproductive.
Confronting the need to change a habit often induces a psychological stress known as cognitive dissonance — in which our actions are not in harmony with our beliefs or aspirations. People are innately driven to resolve this uncomfortable state, and comparing ourselves to others can serve as a temporary coping mechanism. For instance, seeing someone struggle more with quitting or cutting back might provide momentary relief, reinforcing the thought, "Well, at least I'm not as bad as that person." Unfortunately, this type of comparison only offers a fleeting escape from the dissonance and can be detrimental in the long run.
When it comes to changing our drinking habits, everyone has a different timeline. Yet, it's easy to forget this, especially when constantly bombarded by success stories and highlight reels. Many of us fall into the trap of synchronizing our expectations with these showcased timelines, ignoring the fact that each person's journey is as unique as their DNA. Such comparison can result in demotivation and even derailment from our path.
In today's world of quick fixes and instant results, patience is often in short supply. Comparing offers an immediate, though flawed, sense of where we stand, providing instant gratification or instant despair. Either way, it's a rapid emotional response in a situation where slow, steady progress is generally the rule rather than the exception.
Understanding the deep-seated reasons behind the impulse to compare can be enlightening and liberating. When we become aware of why we are doing it, we gain the ability to catch ourselves in the act and redirect our focus to what truly matters: our unique journey towards a healthier, happier life.
Before delving into ways to steer clear of the comparison pitfall, let's explore why this behavior is so ingrained in the first place. Believe it or not, the compulsion to compare is not just a byproduct of modern society or cultural programming; it's far more primal and resides deep within the brain's wiring. That’s why simply telling ourselves, “don't compare your life to others” doesn’t always work.
When we scroll through a feed full of life milestones and enviable photos, the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) and the amygdala go into overdrive. The mPFC is a crucial hub for social cognition, which involves understanding social situations, perceiving others' intentions, and even self-referential thoughts. This area of the brain processes the complex social information presented during such comparisons.
The amygdala, on the other hand, is more associated with emotional responses. This almond-shaped cluster of nuclei handles emotions like fear, anxiety, and sadness. When one person's life appears better than ours, the amygdala is what generates those emotions of inferiority, envy, or even resentment.
The comparison game is also fueled by a cocktail of neurochemicals. Dopamine, the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, plays a role in reinforcing behavior. When we compare and feel superior, dopamine levels surge, offering a rewarding sensation. On the flip side, when the comparison feels unfavorable, cortisol, the stress hormone, spikes, putting the body in a state of heightened stress. Over time, these chemical fluctuations can take a toll on mental well-being, making us more susceptible to mood disorders like depression and anxiety.
Brains are not rigid; they are plastic, meaning they change and adapt. This characteristic is called neuroplasticity. Unfortunately, while neuroplasticity enables learning and adaptation, it can also reinforce detrimental habits like constant comparison. Every time these emotional and social cognition centers are activated by comparing ourselves to others, neural pathways strengthen, and the habit becomes more ingrained. Essentially, the brain is training itself to continue this pattern of thought, making it increasingly automatic and challenging to break. It’s important to identify and rewire these neural pathways for lasting change that supports our mental well-being.
The brain is also notorious for its cognitive biases, and two of these play into the comparison game heavily: the confirmation bias and the negativity bias. Confirmation bias causes us to seek out and remember information that confirms our preexisting beliefs, including our self-worth or lack thereof. Negativity bias is the human tendency to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. When comparing ourselves to others, we are more likely to remember instances in which we fell short, rather than the times we actually excelled or were on equal footing.
Continual activation of these neural pathways and constant flux in neurochemistry come at a cost. Long-term stress and feelings of inadequacy can negatively affect physical health, disrupt sleep patterns, and even dampen immune function. The mental health costs can include spiraling self-esteem and heightened risk for depressive disorders.
Understanding this neuroscience makes it clear why breaking free from the comparison cycle requires more than just "thinking positively." It demands a multi-pronged approach that addresses both the cognitive patterns and the underlying neural pathways. But the good news? Understanding the science also provides the foundation for effective strategies to escape this self-imposed mental trap.
So, how do we break free from the comparison trap? Thankfully, there are science-backed steps we can take to set ourselves free.
The first actionable step in this journey is understanding what sets off the comparison trap. Is it scrolling through Instagram posts of friends flaunting their new homes, jobs, or relationships? Or perhaps it's the family gatherings where Aunt Carol can't help but point out how Cousin Sally just got a big promotion. The trick is to get specific. Instead of saying social media is a problem, identify which platform, what kind of posts, or even which accounts trigger these feelings. Write them down, and notice the patterns.
Once these triggers are known, there are two ways to go about it. The first is to limit exposure. This could mean muting certain accounts, setting screen time limitations, or skipping some social events that are too emotionally taxing. The second is to prepare mentally for unavoidable triggers, maybe by setting an intention before an event or developing a positive mantra to repeat during these moments.
Role models can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they can inspire and motivate, serving as living proof of what's possible. On the other hand, they can intimidate and demoralize if they seem to represent unattainable success. So it's crucial to choose role models carefully. Ask whether these individuals spark genuine motivation or simply ignite feelings of inadequacy. Do their life paths seem interesting and exciting, or do they just seem better in a way that fosters envy?
Remember, it's fine to have role models in different aspects of life: a career role model, a fitness role model, even a "parenting style" role model. The key is that these individuals should inspire action and provide a roadmap for specific goals — not serve as benchmarks for self-worth.
One of the most effective ways to combat the comparison impulse is through mindfulness, a mental state achieved by focusing our awareness on the present moment. It's a skill that can be honed through practices like deep breathing, meditation, and even mindful eating. The Reframe app offers quick guided meditation sessions that can be easily incorporated into your daily routines.
The goal here isn’t to block thoughts of comparison or to scold ourselves for having them but to observe these thoughts non-judgmentally. For instance, during meditation, when a thought like "I'll never be as good as them" arises, acknowledge it, and then gently bring the focus back to the breath. With consistent practice, this technique helps in recognizing comparison thoughts as they arise and detaches emotional significance from them, making it easier to let them go.
The words we use have profound implications for our mental health. That's why changing just one word in our internal dialogue can have a transformative impact. Let's talk about the notorious "should," a word that often brings along feelings of inadequacy, obligation, and guilt. "I should have a better job by now," or "I should be as fit as my neighbor," are statements that weigh heavy on the mind.
Now, imagine replacing "should" with "could." This simple change transforms the narrative from one of obligation to one of possibility. "I could have a better job," implies a future filled with opportunities to improve career satisfaction. "I could be as fit as my neighbor," subtly implies choice and control over our actions. With this change in language, the burden of past mistakes or inadequacies shifts toward a more optimistic outlook on future possibilities. It's a mindset shift that has the potential to liberate emotional energy, which can then be channeled into constructive actions.
Sure, it might sound cliché, but the benefits of maintaining a gratitude journal are backed by numerous studies. The act of consistently acknowledging and writing down things to be thankful for shifts our focus away from what's lacking to what's abundant in life. It's the classic “glass half full” perspective, translated into a daily ritual. Head to the “Toolkit” tab of the Reframe app to write your thoughts into the Personal Journal. Within weeks, this simple practice can help reframe your mental orientation from one of scarcity to one of abundance.
Comparison often creeps in when there’s a feeling of stagnation or directionlessness. It’s essential to counteract this by regularly revisiting personal and professional goals. Monthly assessments can provide the necessary perspective on how far we have come and how much further there is to go. Reframe’s Drink Tracker or even old-fashioned sticky notes can be handy tools to track these goals. Seeing a visual representation of progress can be a potent antidote to the demoralizing act of comparing ourselves to others. It places the focus back where it truly belongs — on individual growth and fulfillment.
When the cycle of comparison becomes too overwhelming or paralyzing, seeking professional guidance is a wise step. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has proven to be particularly effective in dealing with issues related to self-esteem and comparison. These therapy sessions can provide personalized strategies to break the negative thought patterns and replace them with more constructive ones. Therapists can also offer different coping mechanisms that are tailored to individual needs, making the journey to self-acceptance smoother and more sustainable.
Everyone, at some point, gets entangled in the comparison web. But the good news is that we as humans are incredibly adaptive and resilient. The strategies mentioned above are more than a set of tasks to check off a list; they are a comprehensive roadmap to a more fulfilling life.
The malleability of the brain offers a beacon of hope, demonstrating that it's never too late to rewire neural pathways steering toward self-doubt and envy. With consistent application of these actionable steps, those pathways can be rerouted toward a destination of self-acceptance, contentment, and happiness. Each step taken on this path is a step away from the debilitating cycle of comparison and a step closer to a healthier, happier self.
Ready to unlock next-level focus and productivity? Our latest blog gives you the science-backed lowdown on achieving a flow state, making every task an adventure in excellence.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes “flow state” as the “way people describe their state of mind when consciousness is harmoniously ordered, and they want to pursue whatever they are doing for its own sake. In reviewing some of the activities that consistently produce flow — such as sports, games, art, and hobbies — it becomes easier to understand what makes people happy.”
Flow state is pretty amazing. And there are many ways to get in it. While it’s not a switch we can turn on and off, there are ways to invite flow state into your life. Let’s explore them in more detail!
Flow, as proposed by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is a psychological state where individuals are completely absorbed in an activity. This deep focus leads to enhanced performance and feelings of joy and fulfillment. It's that sweet spot where challenge meets skill, and we’re "in the groove."
Research has shown several benefits of entering a flow state:
There are a few characteristics usually present when we're in the flow:
And while we can’t induce flow on demand, the great news is that there are plenty of ways we can invite it into our lives! Let’s dive in and find out more.
“A great view does not act like a silver bullet, embedding a new idea in the mind. Rather, what seems to happen is that when persons with prepared minds find themselves in beautiful settings, they are more likely to find new connections among ideas, new perspectives on issues they are dealing with.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Before diving into our task, it’s crucial to set the stage right. An organized workspace isn’t just pleasing to the eyes—it’s conducive to the mind. A cluttered environment can be a significant source of distraction. Every misplaced item or pile of papers can pull our attention away from what we’re trying to accomplish!
Here are some tips for creating the right environment:
By decluttering and personalizing your workspace, we’re not just setting up a space. We’re creating the foundation of a mindset. We’re signaling to your brain, "It's time to focus, and it's time to flow!" So, before embarking on your next big task, take a few moments to set the stage. Your mind will thank you for it!
“Wake up in the morning with a specific goal to look forward to. Creative individuals don’t have to be dragged out of bed; they are eager to start the day. This is not because they are cheerful, enthusiastic types. Nor do they necessarily have something exciting to do. But they believe that there is something meaningful to accomplish each day, and they can’t wait to get started on it.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
One of the most profound driving forces behind entering a flow state is a clear sense of purpose. Knowing our “why” can anchor us in our activity and provide the motivation needed to immerse ourselves fully. Coupled with a natural sense of curiosity, we’ve got a winning combination! But there's a catch: it's essential to let this curiosity roam free without the burden of expectations.
Here are some ways to begin your exploration:
Reflect on your intentions. Ask yourself, why am I doing this? Whether it's a work project, a personal hobby, or even a daily chore, there's always a reason. Pinpointing it can provide clarity and provide motivation that propels you forward. Make sure that your “why” resonates with your core values and beliefs. This alignment creates a stronger bond with your task and amplifies the desire to engage deeply.
Be curious. The beauty of curiosity is that it fuels intrinsic motivation. It’s the natural desire to learn, to explore, to understand. Approach your task as if you’re seeing it for the first time. This fresh perspective can reveal nuances you might have previously overlooked. Dive deeper by continuously asking questions. Why is it done this way? Is there another method? What's the history or science behind it?
Let go of the outcome. While it's vital to have goals, it’s equally important to release any rigid expectations. Instead of being overly focused on the outcome, relish the process. Find joy in the small discoveries and the learning curve. Not everything will go according to plan. By acknowledging this, you free yourself from the stress of perfection and create room to be in the present moment.
When we merge a strong sense of “why” with uninhibited curiosity, we pave the way for genuine engagement. By doing so without the constraints of strict expectations, we allow ourselves the freedom to be fully immersed—to truly be in the flow.
“After curiosity, this quality of concentrated attention is what creative individuals mention most often as having set them apart … Without this quality, they could not have sustained the hard work, the ‘perspiration.’ Curiosity and drive are in many ways the yin and the yang that need to be combined in order to achieve something new.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Focused attention is the bridge between intention and execution: the catalyst that turns effort into artistry and lies at the heart of flow. Much like a magnifying glass concentrating the sun's rays to ignite a flame, honing our focus can help us capture the spark of inspiration and turn it into productivity.
Being focused isn’t just about the absence of distractions. It’s about the presence of absolute engagement. To make the most of your focus, consider implementing strategies that enhance this state of concentrated attention:
Focus, at the end of the day, is about enjoying the journey of the task at hand. With these techniques, you’re not just working, you’re creating an experience. Try them and watch the magic unfold!
“Personalizing patterns of action helps to free the mind from the expectations that make demands on attention and allows intense concentration on matters that count.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Rituals aren’t just reserved for grand ceremonies or age-old traditions. They can be delightful, personalized sequences that help set the mood for a focused, flow-filled session. Incorporating them into our routine can act like a switch, signaling to the brain, "Hey, it's go-time!"
Moreover, rituals act as anchors. They create consistency in a world of chaos and provide a sense of familiarity, which can be incredibly grounding. By adding these predictable sequences into our daily routine, we give our brain a heads-up that it's time to shift gears.
Ready to dabble in the art of ritual-making? Here are some ideas to inspire you:
Additionally, here are some ways to incorporate rituals into your specific workflow:
As you integrate these rituals into your flow activities, they'll soon meld seamlessly into the process, becoming almost indistinguishable from the task itself. The beauty lies in this integration, as the ritual becomes a rhythmic heartbeat, perpetuating and enhancing your flow state.
The key to making a ritual truly effective is repetition. Once you pick a ritual, consistency is key. Give it a few weeks. The more you integrate the ritual into your routine, the more potent its signaling power becomes.
But also remember, it's okay for rituals to evolve! As you grow and change, your doorway into the flow might shift as well. Be open to refining or even entirely transforming your rituals as needed.
“The more a job inherently resembles a game—with variety, appropriate and flexible challenges, clear goals, and immediate feedback—the more enjoyable it will be regardless of the worker’s level of development.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Remember the childhood joy of diving into a game? The way hours would pass, leaving you immersed, engaged, and sometimes even a tad bit sweaty? Now, what if we took that same thrill of gameplay and applied it to achieving a flow state in our adult lives? It's about reframing our perspective to see the pursuit of flow as less of a task and more of a game.
Approaching flow as a game isn't about trivializing your work or tasks. Instead, it's about injecting elements of playfulness, challenge, and reward into the process. When something is seen as a game, our mindset shifts, turning hurdles into challenges and the mundane into intriguing.
How to play the “Game of Flow”:
The true victory in the Game of Flow isn't just about productivity or completing tasks. It's about the joy of the process. By gamifying the pursuit of flow, you're prioritizing enjoyment and engagement, ensuring that the journey is just as rewarding as the destination.
So — are you ready to play?
“Consciousness cannot be expanded; all we can do is shuffle its content, which gives us the impression of having broadened it somehow. The price of most artificially induced alterations, however, is that we lose control over that very consciousness we were supposed to expand.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
We've all been there. It's crunch time, and you're searching for an instant boost to slide right into the zone. Suddenly, that energy drink, or maybe something a tad stronger, seems like the ticket to instant flow. But here's the real scoop: relying on substances for that “boost” isn't true flow. Let's chat about why:
True flow — the kind that gets us so engrossed in what we’re doing that everything else fades away — comes from within. It's nurtured by curiosity, passion, and the right practices, not by reaching for a quick fix. So next time you're tempted by that flashy energy drink or pill promising laser focus, remember: the most potent flow state brews naturally inside you.
As we wrap up, think of flow not just as a productivity tool but as a holistic wellness ally. Embracing flow in our daily activities can be our passport to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. It's not just about doing more; it's about feeling and living better.
Regular flow experiences can reduce chronic stress and its associated health risks. Over time, this can bolster our overall health and well-being. Cultivating flow state can also be a valuable ally in our journey to quitting or cutting back on alcohol (or any other habit, for that matter).
One of the challenges in recovery is the incessant pull of cravings. Flow, with its ability to consume one's attention fully, offers a diversion — a wholesome distraction that steers the mind away from the object of addiction. Moreover, it offers a genuine feel-good experience, substituting the artificial high of substances. The more we experience it, the more we want to return to this natural transcendent state!
In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes “flow state” as the “way people describe their state of mind when consciousness is harmoniously ordered, and they want to pursue whatever they are doing for its own sake. In reviewing some of the activities that consistently produce flow — such as sports, games, art, and hobbies — it becomes easier to understand what makes people happy.”
Flow state is pretty amazing. And there are many ways to get in it. While it’s not a switch we can turn on and off, there are ways to invite flow state into your life. Let’s explore them in more detail!
Flow, as proposed by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is a psychological state where individuals are completely absorbed in an activity. This deep focus leads to enhanced performance and feelings of joy and fulfillment. It's that sweet spot where challenge meets skill, and we’re "in the groove."
Research has shown several benefits of entering a flow state:
There are a few characteristics usually present when we're in the flow:
And while we can’t induce flow on demand, the great news is that there are plenty of ways we can invite it into our lives! Let’s dive in and find out more.
“A great view does not act like a silver bullet, embedding a new idea in the mind. Rather, what seems to happen is that when persons with prepared minds find themselves in beautiful settings, they are more likely to find new connections among ideas, new perspectives on issues they are dealing with.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Before diving into our task, it’s crucial to set the stage right. An organized workspace isn’t just pleasing to the eyes—it’s conducive to the mind. A cluttered environment can be a significant source of distraction. Every misplaced item or pile of papers can pull our attention away from what we’re trying to accomplish!
Here are some tips for creating the right environment:
By decluttering and personalizing your workspace, we’re not just setting up a space. We’re creating the foundation of a mindset. We’re signaling to your brain, "It's time to focus, and it's time to flow!" So, before embarking on your next big task, take a few moments to set the stage. Your mind will thank you for it!
“Wake up in the morning with a specific goal to look forward to. Creative individuals don’t have to be dragged out of bed; they are eager to start the day. This is not because they are cheerful, enthusiastic types. Nor do they necessarily have something exciting to do. But they believe that there is something meaningful to accomplish each day, and they can’t wait to get started on it.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
One of the most profound driving forces behind entering a flow state is a clear sense of purpose. Knowing our “why” can anchor us in our activity and provide the motivation needed to immerse ourselves fully. Coupled with a natural sense of curiosity, we’ve got a winning combination! But there's a catch: it's essential to let this curiosity roam free without the burden of expectations.
Here are some ways to begin your exploration:
Reflect on your intentions. Ask yourself, why am I doing this? Whether it's a work project, a personal hobby, or even a daily chore, there's always a reason. Pinpointing it can provide clarity and provide motivation that propels you forward. Make sure that your “why” resonates with your core values and beliefs. This alignment creates a stronger bond with your task and amplifies the desire to engage deeply.
Be curious. The beauty of curiosity is that it fuels intrinsic motivation. It’s the natural desire to learn, to explore, to understand. Approach your task as if you’re seeing it for the first time. This fresh perspective can reveal nuances you might have previously overlooked. Dive deeper by continuously asking questions. Why is it done this way? Is there another method? What's the history or science behind it?
Let go of the outcome. While it's vital to have goals, it’s equally important to release any rigid expectations. Instead of being overly focused on the outcome, relish the process. Find joy in the small discoveries and the learning curve. Not everything will go according to plan. By acknowledging this, you free yourself from the stress of perfection and create room to be in the present moment.
When we merge a strong sense of “why” with uninhibited curiosity, we pave the way for genuine engagement. By doing so without the constraints of strict expectations, we allow ourselves the freedom to be fully immersed—to truly be in the flow.
“After curiosity, this quality of concentrated attention is what creative individuals mention most often as having set them apart … Without this quality, they could not have sustained the hard work, the ‘perspiration.’ Curiosity and drive are in many ways the yin and the yang that need to be combined in order to achieve something new.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Focused attention is the bridge between intention and execution: the catalyst that turns effort into artistry and lies at the heart of flow. Much like a magnifying glass concentrating the sun's rays to ignite a flame, honing our focus can help us capture the spark of inspiration and turn it into productivity.
Being focused isn’t just about the absence of distractions. It’s about the presence of absolute engagement. To make the most of your focus, consider implementing strategies that enhance this state of concentrated attention:
Focus, at the end of the day, is about enjoying the journey of the task at hand. With these techniques, you’re not just working, you’re creating an experience. Try them and watch the magic unfold!
“Personalizing patterns of action helps to free the mind from the expectations that make demands on attention and allows intense concentration on matters that count.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Rituals aren’t just reserved for grand ceremonies or age-old traditions. They can be delightful, personalized sequences that help set the mood for a focused, flow-filled session. Incorporating them into our routine can act like a switch, signaling to the brain, "Hey, it's go-time!"
Moreover, rituals act as anchors. They create consistency in a world of chaos and provide a sense of familiarity, which can be incredibly grounding. By adding these predictable sequences into our daily routine, we give our brain a heads-up that it's time to shift gears.
Ready to dabble in the art of ritual-making? Here are some ideas to inspire you:
Additionally, here are some ways to incorporate rituals into your specific workflow:
As you integrate these rituals into your flow activities, they'll soon meld seamlessly into the process, becoming almost indistinguishable from the task itself. The beauty lies in this integration, as the ritual becomes a rhythmic heartbeat, perpetuating and enhancing your flow state.
The key to making a ritual truly effective is repetition. Once you pick a ritual, consistency is key. Give it a few weeks. The more you integrate the ritual into your routine, the more potent its signaling power becomes.
But also remember, it's okay for rituals to evolve! As you grow and change, your doorway into the flow might shift as well. Be open to refining or even entirely transforming your rituals as needed.
“The more a job inherently resembles a game—with variety, appropriate and flexible challenges, clear goals, and immediate feedback—the more enjoyable it will be regardless of the worker’s level of development.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Remember the childhood joy of diving into a game? The way hours would pass, leaving you immersed, engaged, and sometimes even a tad bit sweaty? Now, what if we took that same thrill of gameplay and applied it to achieving a flow state in our adult lives? It's about reframing our perspective to see the pursuit of flow as less of a task and more of a game.
Approaching flow as a game isn't about trivializing your work or tasks. Instead, it's about injecting elements of playfulness, challenge, and reward into the process. When something is seen as a game, our mindset shifts, turning hurdles into challenges and the mundane into intriguing.
How to play the “Game of Flow”:
The true victory in the Game of Flow isn't just about productivity or completing tasks. It's about the joy of the process. By gamifying the pursuit of flow, you're prioritizing enjoyment and engagement, ensuring that the journey is just as rewarding as the destination.
So — are you ready to play?
“Consciousness cannot be expanded; all we can do is shuffle its content, which gives us the impression of having broadened it somehow. The price of most artificially induced alterations, however, is that we lose control over that very consciousness we were supposed to expand.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
We've all been there. It's crunch time, and you're searching for an instant boost to slide right into the zone. Suddenly, that energy drink, or maybe something a tad stronger, seems like the ticket to instant flow. But here's the real scoop: relying on substances for that “boost” isn't true flow. Let's chat about why:
True flow — the kind that gets us so engrossed in what we’re doing that everything else fades away — comes from within. It's nurtured by curiosity, passion, and the right practices, not by reaching for a quick fix. So next time you're tempted by that flashy energy drink or pill promising laser focus, remember: the most potent flow state brews naturally inside you.
As we wrap up, think of flow not just as a productivity tool but as a holistic wellness ally. Embracing flow in our daily activities can be our passport to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. It's not just about doing more; it's about feeling and living better.
Regular flow experiences can reduce chronic stress and its associated health risks. Over time, this can bolster our overall health and well-being. Cultivating flow state can also be a valuable ally in our journey to quitting or cutting back on alcohol (or any other habit, for that matter).
One of the challenges in recovery is the incessant pull of cravings. Flow, with its ability to consume one's attention fully, offers a diversion — a wholesome distraction that steers the mind away from the object of addiction. Moreover, it offers a genuine feel-good experience, substituting the artificial high of substances. The more we experience it, the more we want to return to this natural transcendent state!
Ready to equip yourself with science-backed strategies for tackling alcohol misuse? Our latest blog uncovers how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be your ultimate too
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
In the words of Wayne Dyer, overcoming destructive patterns is all about finding balance: “The single most important tool to being in balance is knowing that you and you alone are responsible for the imbalance between what you dream your life is meant to be, and the daily habits that drain life from that dream.”
For many, habits around alcohol can become the biggest source of imbalance. However, our minds are incredibly flexible, and it’s always possible to find our way back!
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (or DBT for short) can be a real game-changer when it comes to understanding and addressing alcohol misuse and reestablishing balance in our lives. And while the term might sound like something out of a fancy science journal, it's a user-friendly, practical approach that anyone can learn.
DBT is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that emerged in the late 1980s. Designed initially to help people with borderline personality disorder, research soon revealed its efficacy in treating a broad range of mental health disorders, including those linked with substance misuse.
Founded by psychiatrist Marsha Linehan, DBT is a cognitive-behavioral approach that equips individuals with skills to manage emotions, navigate social interactions, and be present in their daily lives.
First, let's get to know the four modules that make up this toolkit:
Together, these modules offer a holistic approach, ensuring that we are well-equipped to handle life's obstacles with grace, understanding, and resilience. Whether it's a sudden surge of emotions, a challenging situation, or a tricky conversation, DBT has our back!
The main objective of DBT is to help us balance acceptance and change by learning to accept things as they are right now while also recognizing and working toward necessary shifts. For someone trying to reduce or quit alcohol, this dual approach is invaluable.
When we peel back the layers and peek into the realm of neuroscience, the synergy between DBT and tackling alcohol misuse becomes even clearer. The brain is an ever-evolving, intricate machine, and both alcohol and DBT have significant interactions with its wiring.
We’ll explore how each module is relevant to healing from alcohol misuse in more detail below.
Emotion regulation, an integral part of DBT, isn't about suppressing or ignoring feelings—quite the opposite! It’s all about recognizing, understanding, and managing intense emotions in order to harness their power without resorting to unhealthy behaviors and ensure they enhance rather than overshadow our lives. For those looking to cut back or quit alcohol, gaining mastery over emotions can be transformative.
Alcohol is often a go-to for many when emotions run high. Whether it's a drink to "calm the nerves" or "drown the sorrows," it can quickly become a crutch. However, relying on alcohol to cope often masks the real issues and can lead to increased dependence over time.
Learning emotion regulation provides an alternative path. It gives people tools to recognize emotional triggers, techniques to respond rather than react, and strategies to find relief without external aids like alcohol. By integrating emotion regulation skills into our lives, we’re not just decreasing reliance on alcohol. We’re crafting a richer, fuller emotional landscape. And the beauty of it? With practice, we become better equipped to handle life's ups and downs without the temporary solutions that alcohol might have once offered.
Here are a few DBT emotion regulation staples:
It’s no secret that life throws curveballs. DBT provides skills to cope with these unexpected challenges without reaching for a bottle.
Distress tolerance is all about managing painful situations without making them worse. It's not about dismissing uncomfortable feelings or waiting for them to pass. Instead, it's about actively navigating difficult moments without resorting to behaviors that might provide short-term relief but long-term complications.
For many, alcohol can feel like a quick escape hatch from distressing emotions or situations. But this "solution" often exacerbates the problem, leading to intensified emotions, regrets, and health risks. Distress tolerance techniques equip us with alternative coping mechanisms, allowing us to face challenges head-on and reducing the allure of alcohol as a temporary solution.
By mastering distress tolerance, we’re building resilience. Life's inevitable challenges become more manageable, and the siren song of alcohol as a quick-fix loses its appeal. With time, we find ourselves better equipped to face distress head-on, confident in our arsenal of tools and techniques. Here are a few golden nuggets:
Grounded in ancient Zen practices, DBT’s take on mindfulness is all about being in the moment. It teaches us to be fully present, making it easier to say no to that drink.
At its core, mindfulness is about being fully present, staying aware of where we are and what we're doing, and not being overly reactive or overwhelmed by our surroundings. It’s akin to having a mental flashlight that illuminates our current experience, thoughts, and feelings without judgment.
When battling with alcohol misuse, the mind can be a swirl of regrets, anxieties, and cravings. Mindfulness offers a respite, redirecting attention to the present. This shift helps us recognize triggers or cravings as they emerge, respond to them without impulsivity, gain clarity, and make better decisions. It can also reduce anxiety and rumination which might lead to drinking.
Engaging in regular mindfulness practices can open up a new world of awareness and calm. For those on a journey away from alcohol, it’s like having a trusty compass, always pointing towards the present moment, the place where real change happens. With every mindful breath and moment, the weight of past regrets and future anxieties lightens, making the path forward clearer and more manageable.
DBT weaves mindfulness into its fabric, emphasizing its role in improving emotional well-being. Here are some DBT-inspired mindfulness practices:
We’ve all been there: that moment when we wish we had said "no" to another drink at a social gathering or when we struggled to communicate our boundaries with friends who encourage “just one more.” Sometimes, the social pressures to drink can be overwhelming.
Enter interpersonal effectiveness—a cornerstone of DBT—which arms individuals with the skills to navigate these social intricacies, especially vital for those aiming to cut back or quit alcohol. DBT helps us communicate and assert our boundaries, ensuring we remain true to our goals.
Interpersonal effectiveness is about ensuring our interactions with others are productive, respectful, and assertive. It's the art of achieving our objectives in interactions, maintaining relationships while keeping self-respect intact. Imagine it as having a toolkit filled with communication skills that protect your boundaries while fostering understanding and harmony.
Social situations can be a minefield for those trying to reduce or quit alcohol. Peer pressure, societal norms, or even miscommunication can make it challenging to stick to our goals. Effective interpersonal skills help articulate personal boundaries clearly, foster understanding with friends and family about our journey, manage potential conflicts related to drinking decisions, and build supportive networks that respect and understand our choices.
DBT offers a set of strategies to enhance one's interpersonal skills, making social situations easier to navigate:
1. DEAR MAN. To express desires clearly,
2. GIVE. For when maintaining the relationship is a priority,
3. FAST. To maintain self-respect in interactions,
By harnessing these DBT-inspired interpersonal tools, we can engage in social situations with confidence, clarity, and composure. Gone are the days of feeling cornered into making choices that don’t align with our personal goals!
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) might be your current favorite, but it's not the only method out there. Several therapeutic approaches aim to help people navigate their emotions, behaviors, and relationships while healing from alcohol misuse. Let's pull back the curtains and see how DBT stands in comparison to some of its close relatives.
In a nutshell, while each therapeutic approach brings its unique flair to the stage, DBT offers a comprehensive, multifaceted approach. It's like a Swiss army knife, packed with tools and strategies for a wide range of situations. However, the best approach always depends on individual needs. It's essential to work with a professional to find the therapy tune that resonates best with your rhythm!
All in all, DBT can be a trusted ally in your journey away from alcohol misuse. While it might sound a bit technical at first, it's truly a hands-on approach filled with actionable steps and strategies. So, as you continue your journey, remember that you've got science on your side and practical tools to help you along the way.
In the words of Wayne Dyer, overcoming destructive patterns is all about finding balance: “The single most important tool to being in balance is knowing that you and you alone are responsible for the imbalance between what you dream your life is meant to be, and the daily habits that drain life from that dream.”
For many, habits around alcohol can become the biggest source of imbalance. However, our minds are incredibly flexible, and it’s always possible to find our way back!
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (or DBT for short) can be a real game-changer when it comes to understanding and addressing alcohol misuse and reestablishing balance in our lives. And while the term might sound like something out of a fancy science journal, it's a user-friendly, practical approach that anyone can learn.
DBT is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that emerged in the late 1980s. Designed initially to help people with borderline personality disorder, research soon revealed its efficacy in treating a broad range of mental health disorders, including those linked with substance misuse.
Founded by psychiatrist Marsha Linehan, DBT is a cognitive-behavioral approach that equips individuals with skills to manage emotions, navigate social interactions, and be present in their daily lives.
First, let's get to know the four modules that make up this toolkit:
Together, these modules offer a holistic approach, ensuring that we are well-equipped to handle life's obstacles with grace, understanding, and resilience. Whether it's a sudden surge of emotions, a challenging situation, or a tricky conversation, DBT has our back!
The main objective of DBT is to help us balance acceptance and change by learning to accept things as they are right now while also recognizing and working toward necessary shifts. For someone trying to reduce or quit alcohol, this dual approach is invaluable.
When we peel back the layers and peek into the realm of neuroscience, the synergy between DBT and tackling alcohol misuse becomes even clearer. The brain is an ever-evolving, intricate machine, and both alcohol and DBT have significant interactions with its wiring.
We’ll explore how each module is relevant to healing from alcohol misuse in more detail below.
Emotion regulation, an integral part of DBT, isn't about suppressing or ignoring feelings—quite the opposite! It’s all about recognizing, understanding, and managing intense emotions in order to harness their power without resorting to unhealthy behaviors and ensure they enhance rather than overshadow our lives. For those looking to cut back or quit alcohol, gaining mastery over emotions can be transformative.
Alcohol is often a go-to for many when emotions run high. Whether it's a drink to "calm the nerves" or "drown the sorrows," it can quickly become a crutch. However, relying on alcohol to cope often masks the real issues and can lead to increased dependence over time.
Learning emotion regulation provides an alternative path. It gives people tools to recognize emotional triggers, techniques to respond rather than react, and strategies to find relief without external aids like alcohol. By integrating emotion regulation skills into our lives, we’re not just decreasing reliance on alcohol. We’re crafting a richer, fuller emotional landscape. And the beauty of it? With practice, we become better equipped to handle life's ups and downs without the temporary solutions that alcohol might have once offered.
Here are a few DBT emotion regulation staples:
It’s no secret that life throws curveballs. DBT provides skills to cope with these unexpected challenges without reaching for a bottle.
Distress tolerance is all about managing painful situations without making them worse. It's not about dismissing uncomfortable feelings or waiting for them to pass. Instead, it's about actively navigating difficult moments without resorting to behaviors that might provide short-term relief but long-term complications.
For many, alcohol can feel like a quick escape hatch from distressing emotions or situations. But this "solution" often exacerbates the problem, leading to intensified emotions, regrets, and health risks. Distress tolerance techniques equip us with alternative coping mechanisms, allowing us to face challenges head-on and reducing the allure of alcohol as a temporary solution.
By mastering distress tolerance, we’re building resilience. Life's inevitable challenges become more manageable, and the siren song of alcohol as a quick-fix loses its appeal. With time, we find ourselves better equipped to face distress head-on, confident in our arsenal of tools and techniques. Here are a few golden nuggets:
Grounded in ancient Zen practices, DBT’s take on mindfulness is all about being in the moment. It teaches us to be fully present, making it easier to say no to that drink.
At its core, mindfulness is about being fully present, staying aware of where we are and what we're doing, and not being overly reactive or overwhelmed by our surroundings. It’s akin to having a mental flashlight that illuminates our current experience, thoughts, and feelings without judgment.
When battling with alcohol misuse, the mind can be a swirl of regrets, anxieties, and cravings. Mindfulness offers a respite, redirecting attention to the present. This shift helps us recognize triggers or cravings as they emerge, respond to them without impulsivity, gain clarity, and make better decisions. It can also reduce anxiety and rumination which might lead to drinking.
Engaging in regular mindfulness practices can open up a new world of awareness and calm. For those on a journey away from alcohol, it’s like having a trusty compass, always pointing towards the present moment, the place where real change happens. With every mindful breath and moment, the weight of past regrets and future anxieties lightens, making the path forward clearer and more manageable.
DBT weaves mindfulness into its fabric, emphasizing its role in improving emotional well-being. Here are some DBT-inspired mindfulness practices:
We’ve all been there: that moment when we wish we had said "no" to another drink at a social gathering or when we struggled to communicate our boundaries with friends who encourage “just one more.” Sometimes, the social pressures to drink can be overwhelming.
Enter interpersonal effectiveness—a cornerstone of DBT—which arms individuals with the skills to navigate these social intricacies, especially vital for those aiming to cut back or quit alcohol. DBT helps us communicate and assert our boundaries, ensuring we remain true to our goals.
Interpersonal effectiveness is about ensuring our interactions with others are productive, respectful, and assertive. It's the art of achieving our objectives in interactions, maintaining relationships while keeping self-respect intact. Imagine it as having a toolkit filled with communication skills that protect your boundaries while fostering understanding and harmony.
Social situations can be a minefield for those trying to reduce or quit alcohol. Peer pressure, societal norms, or even miscommunication can make it challenging to stick to our goals. Effective interpersonal skills help articulate personal boundaries clearly, foster understanding with friends and family about our journey, manage potential conflicts related to drinking decisions, and build supportive networks that respect and understand our choices.
DBT offers a set of strategies to enhance one's interpersonal skills, making social situations easier to navigate:
1. DEAR MAN. To express desires clearly,
2. GIVE. For when maintaining the relationship is a priority,
3. FAST. To maintain self-respect in interactions,
By harnessing these DBT-inspired interpersonal tools, we can engage in social situations with confidence, clarity, and composure. Gone are the days of feeling cornered into making choices that don’t align with our personal goals!
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) might be your current favorite, but it's not the only method out there. Several therapeutic approaches aim to help people navigate their emotions, behaviors, and relationships while healing from alcohol misuse. Let's pull back the curtains and see how DBT stands in comparison to some of its close relatives.
In a nutshell, while each therapeutic approach brings its unique flair to the stage, DBT offers a comprehensive, multifaceted approach. It's like a Swiss army knife, packed with tools and strategies for a wide range of situations. However, the best approach always depends on individual needs. It's essential to work with a professional to find the therapy tune that resonates best with your rhythm!
All in all, DBT can be a trusted ally in your journey away from alcohol misuse. While it might sound a bit technical at first, it's truly a hands-on approach filled with actionable steps and strategies. So, as you continue your journey, remember that you've got science on your side and practical tools to help you along the way.
Ready to turn vulnerability into your superpower? Our latest blog unpacks the science behind embracing your authentic self for deeper connections and personal growth.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Imagine standing in front of a room filled with people, gearing up to share a personal story. You feel your heart racing, palms sweaty, and that pit in your stomach feeling larger with every second. The thought of opening up, exposing your emotions, fears, and personal experiences to others feels daunting, right? But what if vulnerability is your superpower?
Understanding and embracing vulnerability can lead to authenticity, richer relationships, better self-awareness, and even more joy! Let's dive into what makes vulnerability so scary and how you can harness its power to enrich your life.
Our brain is wired for self-protection. From an evolutionary perspective, being part of a group was vital for our survival. Any act of vulnerability could lead to ostracization, and in turn, a greater chance of going without food, accidentally eating a poisonous plant we didn’t know about, or getting snatched up by a mountain lion on our way to find shelter.
As a result, when we're vulnerable, our brains naturally kick in with fear to "protect" us. The amygdala—our emotion center—gets alerted, sounding the alarms for potential danger in the form of the stress response. Cortisol rushes through our body as we find ourselves overcome by an urge to fight, flight, or freeze.
Today, with the immediate danger of mountain lions in the past and food delivery at our fingertips, the stakes have changed. Although we've come a long way since our hunter-gatherer days, remnants of this mindset persist: we’re still inclined to see vulnerability as a weakness and tend to be fearful of it. In reality, however, opening ourselves up to vulnerability is not only safe but beneficial, since it often leads to deeper connections, better understanding, and personal growth.
No discussion of vulnerability is complete without the mention of researcher and author Brené Brown, who has single-handedly transformed the way we look at vulnerability, courage, and belonging.
Brown has spent over two decades studying emotions and experiences that give meaning to our lives. And guess what? She found that vulnerability is NOT a weakness; it's actually a source of strength! By being vulnerable, we can form deeper connections, experience real joy, and live more authentic lives. Talk about turning things upside down!
For anyone who has ever felt the fear of being judged, the pain of not fitting in, or the desire to be more genuine in your relationships, Brené’s insights are pure gold. She has given one of the most-watched TED Talks ever (seriously, it’s that good). And if reading is more your thing, her books are like a warm blanket on a chilly night: comforting, enlightening, and filled with “Aha!” moments.
By pushing through the fear of being vulnerable, we can access a range of positive emotions and experiences that can enrich our lives. But how do we go about it?
1. Acknowledge Vulnerability and Reframe It as a Sign of Courage
Vulnerability can be mistaken for weakness because our ancient brain warns us against potential exclusion from the group. However, in the wise words of Brené Brown, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage."
Why is being genuine, with all our quirks, imperfections, and emotions, an act of bravery? It defies the unnecessary facades and protective walls we often put up. Each time we choose to be authentic, we’re saying, "This is me, in all my raw and unfiltered glory!" (well, maybe not in those words). And that takes guts!
So, the next time vulnerability knocks on your door, remember: it's not a sign of weakness but an invitation to showcase your bravest, most genuine self.
2. Get Excited About Vulnerability as a Path to Self-Discovery
Every time we confront our fear of vulnerability, we're also tapping into a deeper understanding of ourselves. It's like looking into a mirror that reflects who we truly are: our desires, our fears, and our dreams. Let’s explore the transformative power of vulnerability and how it promotes self-awareness.
In the end, vulnerability is not just an emotional state. It's a teacher, a guide, and a tool. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we don't just open ourselves up to potential pain, but to a treasure trove of self-awareness. So, get excited about the discoveries that await!
3. Focus on Vulnerability as a Gateway to Deeper Connections
Humans are inherently social creatures. Deep down, we crave connections, relationships, and understanding. When we shield ourselves from vulnerability, we're also distancing ourselves from the opportunity to connect deeply with others. By being vulnerable, we offer others a glimpse into our world, fostering understanding and empathy.
By seeing vulnerability as a gateway to meaningful relationships, we can start to overcome the fear associated with it. Here’s how:
Vulnerability and joy? They might seem like they're at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum.
Sure, vulnerability might bring up raw emotions, possible embarrassment, or even fear. But what if we approached vulnerability as a pathway straight to joy? After all, often our achievements are the result of facing and overcoming vulnerabilities. When we peel back the layers and stand authentically in our feelings, we open the door to rich, unguarded experiences that can fill us with joy!
In sum, vulnerability is like a prism, refracting life's experiences into vivid moments of joy. By embracing it, we're not just risking potential pain. We're also setting the stage for some of life's most treasured moments. It’s like turning up the volume on life; everything feels more intense, including joy.
Finally, let’s take a look at embracing vulnerability in a specific context of cutting back or quitting alcohol. For many, the choice to cut back or quit drinking is intertwined with personal vulnerabilities and the societal expectations that surround alcohol consumption.
For some, alcohol becomes a shield, a way to numb vulnerabilities or fit into certain social molds. It’s easy to reach for that glass of wine after a hard day, using it as an emotional crutch. Embracing vulnerability begins with recognizing these patterns. And here's the thing: acknowledging them is a part of the journey, and it pays off—big time.
Without alcohol as a buffer, we start rediscovering parts of ourselves that might have taken a backseat. This reconnection can be a beautiful, albeit sometimes overwhelming, process. It's the vulnerability in its purest form: meeting ourselves, with all our quirks and unmasked emotions.
As alcohol takes a lesser role, new rituals can make the road easier. Maybe it's a cup of herbal tea in the evening, a morning run, or journaling. These rituals, rooted in self-awareness and care, pave the way for a life where vulnerability is honored. And while it might seem like a challenging path, the rewards—clarity, better health, improved relationships, and a deeper understanding of ourselves—are profound and lasting.
Ready to embrace the power of vulnerability? Here are some ways to get started:
In the words of Brené Brown, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Embracing vulnerability might not be easy, but it sure is rewarding. Here's to deeper connections, more understanding, and living an authentic life, one vulnerable moment at a time!
Imagine standing in front of a room filled with people, gearing up to share a personal story. You feel your heart racing, palms sweaty, and that pit in your stomach feeling larger with every second. The thought of opening up, exposing your emotions, fears, and personal experiences to others feels daunting, right? But what if vulnerability is your superpower?
Understanding and embracing vulnerability can lead to authenticity, richer relationships, better self-awareness, and even more joy! Let's dive into what makes vulnerability so scary and how you can harness its power to enrich your life.
Our brain is wired for self-protection. From an evolutionary perspective, being part of a group was vital for our survival. Any act of vulnerability could lead to ostracization, and in turn, a greater chance of going without food, accidentally eating a poisonous plant we didn’t know about, or getting snatched up by a mountain lion on our way to find shelter.
As a result, when we're vulnerable, our brains naturally kick in with fear to "protect" us. The amygdala—our emotion center—gets alerted, sounding the alarms for potential danger in the form of the stress response. Cortisol rushes through our body as we find ourselves overcome by an urge to fight, flight, or freeze.
Today, with the immediate danger of mountain lions in the past and food delivery at our fingertips, the stakes have changed. Although we've come a long way since our hunter-gatherer days, remnants of this mindset persist: we’re still inclined to see vulnerability as a weakness and tend to be fearful of it. In reality, however, opening ourselves up to vulnerability is not only safe but beneficial, since it often leads to deeper connections, better understanding, and personal growth.
No discussion of vulnerability is complete without the mention of researcher and author Brené Brown, who has single-handedly transformed the way we look at vulnerability, courage, and belonging.
Brown has spent over two decades studying emotions and experiences that give meaning to our lives. And guess what? She found that vulnerability is NOT a weakness; it's actually a source of strength! By being vulnerable, we can form deeper connections, experience real joy, and live more authentic lives. Talk about turning things upside down!
For anyone who has ever felt the fear of being judged, the pain of not fitting in, or the desire to be more genuine in your relationships, Brené’s insights are pure gold. She has given one of the most-watched TED Talks ever (seriously, it’s that good). And if reading is more your thing, her books are like a warm blanket on a chilly night: comforting, enlightening, and filled with “Aha!” moments.
By pushing through the fear of being vulnerable, we can access a range of positive emotions and experiences that can enrich our lives. But how do we go about it?
1. Acknowledge Vulnerability and Reframe It as a Sign of Courage
Vulnerability can be mistaken for weakness because our ancient brain warns us against potential exclusion from the group. However, in the wise words of Brené Brown, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage."
Why is being genuine, with all our quirks, imperfections, and emotions, an act of bravery? It defies the unnecessary facades and protective walls we often put up. Each time we choose to be authentic, we’re saying, "This is me, in all my raw and unfiltered glory!" (well, maybe not in those words). And that takes guts!
So, the next time vulnerability knocks on your door, remember: it's not a sign of weakness but an invitation to showcase your bravest, most genuine self.
2. Get Excited About Vulnerability as a Path to Self-Discovery
Every time we confront our fear of vulnerability, we're also tapping into a deeper understanding of ourselves. It's like looking into a mirror that reflects who we truly are: our desires, our fears, and our dreams. Let’s explore the transformative power of vulnerability and how it promotes self-awareness.
In the end, vulnerability is not just an emotional state. It's a teacher, a guide, and a tool. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we don't just open ourselves up to potential pain, but to a treasure trove of self-awareness. So, get excited about the discoveries that await!
3. Focus on Vulnerability as a Gateway to Deeper Connections
Humans are inherently social creatures. Deep down, we crave connections, relationships, and understanding. When we shield ourselves from vulnerability, we're also distancing ourselves from the opportunity to connect deeply with others. By being vulnerable, we offer others a glimpse into our world, fostering understanding and empathy.
By seeing vulnerability as a gateway to meaningful relationships, we can start to overcome the fear associated with it. Here’s how:
Vulnerability and joy? They might seem like they're at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum.
Sure, vulnerability might bring up raw emotions, possible embarrassment, or even fear. But what if we approached vulnerability as a pathway straight to joy? After all, often our achievements are the result of facing and overcoming vulnerabilities. When we peel back the layers and stand authentically in our feelings, we open the door to rich, unguarded experiences that can fill us with joy!
In sum, vulnerability is like a prism, refracting life's experiences into vivid moments of joy. By embracing it, we're not just risking potential pain. We're also setting the stage for some of life's most treasured moments. It’s like turning up the volume on life; everything feels more intense, including joy.
Finally, let’s take a look at embracing vulnerability in a specific context of cutting back or quitting alcohol. For many, the choice to cut back or quit drinking is intertwined with personal vulnerabilities and the societal expectations that surround alcohol consumption.
For some, alcohol becomes a shield, a way to numb vulnerabilities or fit into certain social molds. It’s easy to reach for that glass of wine after a hard day, using it as an emotional crutch. Embracing vulnerability begins with recognizing these patterns. And here's the thing: acknowledging them is a part of the journey, and it pays off—big time.
Without alcohol as a buffer, we start rediscovering parts of ourselves that might have taken a backseat. This reconnection can be a beautiful, albeit sometimes overwhelming, process. It's the vulnerability in its purest form: meeting ourselves, with all our quirks and unmasked emotions.
As alcohol takes a lesser role, new rituals can make the road easier. Maybe it's a cup of herbal tea in the evening, a morning run, or journaling. These rituals, rooted in self-awareness and care, pave the way for a life where vulnerability is honored. And while it might seem like a challenging path, the rewards—clarity, better health, improved relationships, and a deeper understanding of ourselves—are profound and lasting.
Ready to embrace the power of vulnerability? Here are some ways to get started:
In the words of Brené Brown, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Embracing vulnerability might not be easy, but it sure is rewarding. Here's to deeper connections, more understanding, and living an authentic life, one vulnerable moment at a time!
DBT distress tolerance skills are game-changers in handling life's emotional waves. Dive into Emily's journey as she navigates social pressures and choices, using these skills to master her cravings.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
It's Friday evening, and Emily’s just showed up to her friend’s dinner party. As the bottle of Merlot makes its way around the table, Emily momentarily loses herself in thought. It's been a week since she committed to reducing her alcohol intake. Each passing day has tested her resolve, with cravings sneaking up on her in unexpected moments. Tonight, the challenge seems amplified by the need to fit in.
Yet, as the bottle approaches, Emily makes a conscious choice. She declines and instead pours herself a glass of sparkling water. While outwardly, it might seem like a simple gesture, Emily is internally navigating a sea of emotions and distressing thoughts. This is where her recently acquired DBT distress tolerance skills come into play. Relying on them, Emily manages to stay grounded, enjoying the evening while staying true to her commitment.
Understanding the complexities of human emotion and behavior has always been a central focus in psychology. Within this vast field, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) emerges as a pioneering therapeutic approach, shedding light on how we deal with distressing situations.
To comprehend distress tolerance, it's essential to recognize DBT's roots. Dr. Marsha Linehan, in the late 1980s, developed DBT to address the specific needs of individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) who often struggled with self-harm or suicidal tendencies. Her goal was to create a therapy that would enable these individuals to regulate their emotions, develop healthier relationships, and improve their overall quality of life.
However, as the efficacy of DBT became evident, therapists began to employ its techniques for a broader range of issues. Substance misuse, in particular, emerged as a field where DBT showed significant potential. The reason? Many parallels exist between the emotional turbulence often faced by those with BPD and the distressing triggers that can lead someone to misuse substances.
Distress tolerance, as a component of DBT, focuses primarily on building resilience and improving our capacity to withstand challenging situations without resorting to negative behaviors. Instead of trying to change or eliminate distressing feelings immediately, this approach emphasizes enduring them in a more adaptive and less destructive manner.
Let's consider the metaphor of an athlete training for a marathon. The runner doesn't begin by attempting the full 26.2 miles right away. Instead, they train incrementally, building stamina, muscle strength, and mental tenacity. Similarly, distress tolerance skills are like the "training regimen" for our emotional and psychological well-being, equipping us with tools to handle life's challenges.
Distress tolerance comes down to four things: distraction, self-soothing, improving the moment, and considering pros and cons. Let’s consider each of these factors:
In a world rife with unpredictable challenges, possessing the ability to tolerate distress is invaluable. Whether it’s dealing with the loss of a job, a breakup, or everyday stresses like traffic jams, these skills offer a framework to process emotions healthily.
For those of us changing our relationship with alcohol, the journey is often marred with triggers — social scenarios, personal setbacks, or even specific emotions. Each time we choose not to give in to the pull of the substance, we’re effectively flexing our "distress tolerance muscle." Over time, this repeated action strengthens our resilience, decreasing the alcohol’s allure.
The strength of distress tolerance skills lies not just in theory but in their palpable, transformative power. These skills aren’t just therapeutic techniques; they are tools of empowerment, transformation, and growth. Here are some of the biggest benefits.
Imagine resilience as a shield. The thicker and stronger this shield, the better we can deflect life’s challenges without crumbling. One of the most potent benefits of distress tolerance skills is the development of this emotional resilience.
For many of us struggling with our alcohol intake, there's a cyclic pattern: emotional distress leads to alcohol use as a coping mechanism, which results in short-term relief but long-term negative consequences, leading to more distress. Distress tolerance skills offer a way to break this harmful cycle. Here’s how:
When we consistently employ and succeed in using distress tolerance skills, there's a remarkable growth in self-confidence. This isn’t just anecdotal but rather is backed by countless research findings.
Alcohol, for many, is a double-edged sword. While it offers a temporary escape from distressing emotions or situations, its long-term implications on physical and mental health are undeniable. DBT's distress tolerance skills come to the forefront in this battle against alcohol reliance.
Navigating the stormy waters of distress can be challenging, but with the right techniques, it's possible to sail through with grace and fortitude. Here's a deeper dive into how we can hone these much-needed distress tolerance skills.
Putting pen to paper and visually seeing the repercussions of an impulsive decision can instill a pause, allowing time for reflection. This pause can be the critical difference between reacting impulsively and choosing a more balanced response.
Grab a pen and paper (or turn to the Notes section in your phone), and jot down a pros and cons list. This can steer you in the right direction and give you much-needed clarity in complex situations.
While life can present unpleasant situations, recognizing and accepting them without judgment can pave the way for more balanced reactions.
It’s crucial to differentiate between "acceptance" and "approval." Acceptance is about acknowledging the reality as it stands, even if it's not liked or approved. The less we fight against reality and instead focus on how we respond to the world around us, the more peace we will unlock.
In life, everyone encounters patches of distress and turmoil. But with tools like the DBT distress tolerance skills, navigating these patches becomes less about floundering and more about navigating with grace, understanding, and resilience. For every moment we seek solace in a glass of wine or a bottle of beer, imagine the transformative power of having an array of cognitive tools instead. A world where every challenge, every distressing moment, is met with strength, clarity, and hope. With DBT's techniques at our fingertips, not only is this possible, but it's a horizon gleaming with promise and potential.
It's Friday evening, and Emily’s just showed up to her friend’s dinner party. As the bottle of Merlot makes its way around the table, Emily momentarily loses herself in thought. It's been a week since she committed to reducing her alcohol intake. Each passing day has tested her resolve, with cravings sneaking up on her in unexpected moments. Tonight, the challenge seems amplified by the need to fit in.
Yet, as the bottle approaches, Emily makes a conscious choice. She declines and instead pours herself a glass of sparkling water. While outwardly, it might seem like a simple gesture, Emily is internally navigating a sea of emotions and distressing thoughts. This is where her recently acquired DBT distress tolerance skills come into play. Relying on them, Emily manages to stay grounded, enjoying the evening while staying true to her commitment.
Understanding the complexities of human emotion and behavior has always been a central focus in psychology. Within this vast field, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) emerges as a pioneering therapeutic approach, shedding light on how we deal with distressing situations.
To comprehend distress tolerance, it's essential to recognize DBT's roots. Dr. Marsha Linehan, in the late 1980s, developed DBT to address the specific needs of individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) who often struggled with self-harm or suicidal tendencies. Her goal was to create a therapy that would enable these individuals to regulate their emotions, develop healthier relationships, and improve their overall quality of life.
However, as the efficacy of DBT became evident, therapists began to employ its techniques for a broader range of issues. Substance misuse, in particular, emerged as a field where DBT showed significant potential. The reason? Many parallels exist between the emotional turbulence often faced by those with BPD and the distressing triggers that can lead someone to misuse substances.
Distress tolerance, as a component of DBT, focuses primarily on building resilience and improving our capacity to withstand challenging situations without resorting to negative behaviors. Instead of trying to change or eliminate distressing feelings immediately, this approach emphasizes enduring them in a more adaptive and less destructive manner.
Let's consider the metaphor of an athlete training for a marathon. The runner doesn't begin by attempting the full 26.2 miles right away. Instead, they train incrementally, building stamina, muscle strength, and mental tenacity. Similarly, distress tolerance skills are like the "training regimen" for our emotional and psychological well-being, equipping us with tools to handle life's challenges.
Distress tolerance comes down to four things: distraction, self-soothing, improving the moment, and considering pros and cons. Let’s consider each of these factors:
In a world rife with unpredictable challenges, possessing the ability to tolerate distress is invaluable. Whether it’s dealing with the loss of a job, a breakup, or everyday stresses like traffic jams, these skills offer a framework to process emotions healthily.
For those of us changing our relationship with alcohol, the journey is often marred with triggers — social scenarios, personal setbacks, or even specific emotions. Each time we choose not to give in to the pull of the substance, we’re effectively flexing our "distress tolerance muscle." Over time, this repeated action strengthens our resilience, decreasing the alcohol’s allure.
The strength of distress tolerance skills lies not just in theory but in their palpable, transformative power. These skills aren’t just therapeutic techniques; they are tools of empowerment, transformation, and growth. Here are some of the biggest benefits.
Imagine resilience as a shield. The thicker and stronger this shield, the better we can deflect life’s challenges without crumbling. One of the most potent benefits of distress tolerance skills is the development of this emotional resilience.
For many of us struggling with our alcohol intake, there's a cyclic pattern: emotional distress leads to alcohol use as a coping mechanism, which results in short-term relief but long-term negative consequences, leading to more distress. Distress tolerance skills offer a way to break this harmful cycle. Here’s how:
When we consistently employ and succeed in using distress tolerance skills, there's a remarkable growth in self-confidence. This isn’t just anecdotal but rather is backed by countless research findings.
Alcohol, for many, is a double-edged sword. While it offers a temporary escape from distressing emotions or situations, its long-term implications on physical and mental health are undeniable. DBT's distress tolerance skills come to the forefront in this battle against alcohol reliance.
Navigating the stormy waters of distress can be challenging, but with the right techniques, it's possible to sail through with grace and fortitude. Here's a deeper dive into how we can hone these much-needed distress tolerance skills.
Putting pen to paper and visually seeing the repercussions of an impulsive decision can instill a pause, allowing time for reflection. This pause can be the critical difference between reacting impulsively and choosing a more balanced response.
Grab a pen and paper (or turn to the Notes section in your phone), and jot down a pros and cons list. This can steer you in the right direction and give you much-needed clarity in complex situations.
While life can present unpleasant situations, recognizing and accepting them without judgment can pave the way for more balanced reactions.
It’s crucial to differentiate between "acceptance" and "approval." Acceptance is about acknowledging the reality as it stands, even if it's not liked or approved. The less we fight against reality and instead focus on how we respond to the world around us, the more peace we will unlock.
In life, everyone encounters patches of distress and turmoil. But with tools like the DBT distress tolerance skills, navigating these patches becomes less about floundering and more about navigating with grace, understanding, and resilience. For every moment we seek solace in a glass of wine or a bottle of beer, imagine the transformative power of having an array of cognitive tools instead. A world where every challenge, every distressing moment, is met with strength, clarity, and hope. With DBT's techniques at our fingertips, not only is this possible, but it's a horizon gleaming with promise and potential.
